Enough Time
by Crengels
Summary: Eilis was all about her family, her books, and her Potions cauldron, until two men began to take an interest in her. One was Sirius Black. The other was Lord Voldemort. Marauders Era.
1. Chapter 1: OWLS

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

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Eilis yawned as she pushed her unruly golden curls out of her hair for the eleventy-seventh time that night. Well, morning, she supposed, glancing out the window to see the sky beginning to lighten.

She turned to the potion that slowly simmered in the cauldron at the center of her workroom, which had kept her up all night. She had obtained special permission from the Ministry of Magic, through letters of reference from her parents, Professor Slughorn, and Headmaster Dumbledore, to practice magic during the summer holidays despite the fact that she was underage. Dumbledore had personally assured the Improper Use of Magic Office that she would not abuse this grant, using her magic solely for the summer tasks set to her by Professor Slughorn.

Too young to secure that most sought-after of internships in the Department of Mysteries, prized by whichever two students entering seventh year were lucky enough to get it and cause of severely heightened tensions among all top students towards the end of sixth year, Eilis was instead spending her summer working on several very tricky potions for Slughorn. Celebrated Slug Club member and center of a five-year long rivalry with her best friend Lily Evans and their classmate Severus Snape for the spot of top Potions student, Eilis hoped to gain an edge this year by working hard throughout the summer.

Potions very simply made sense to Eilis. She was lucky Severus and Lily understood. There was a great deal of respect between the three of them for their shared work ethic and passions for the art of brewing so under-favored by the rest of their year. Lily and Severus currently were not speaking as a result of a rather unfortunate incident at the end of their fifth year of school when, humiliated by James Potter and his gang, Severus had rather unforgivably called Lily a "mudblood." Eilis had sent a few owls off to Severus so far this summer but so far had received no answers back. Lily refused to speak to him and grew exceptionally angry whenever Eilis suggested giving him a second chance. Eilis knew her anger was born out of a very deep hurt, however, as she had heard Lily cry herself to sleep the night it happened.

As things currently stood, however, Eilis knew this year was going to be very different and thus exponentially more difficult if she did not have Lily and Severus together to lean on when the workload grew to be too much. They were entering their first year of N.E.W.T. studies and it promised to be very hard indeed. With extra Potions, Quidditch practices, and the knowledge that no point was too soon to begin attempting to secure the Department of Mysteries internship, Eilis felt weary just thinking about the year ahead.

She was just adding the last seven remaining drops of honeysuckle to her potion—Amortentia, the best batch she'd brewed yet this summer—when a hooting from beyond the window told Eilis that her O.W.L. results had arrived. She hurried over to the window and opened it, allowing the large barn owl employed by Hogwarts to swoop in and drop the slim envelope on her workbench, before joining Eilis's own tawny owl, Francisco, at a small bronze water dish in the corner of the room. Eilis lingered for a moment by the windowsill before hurrying over to the letter and ripping it from its outer shell. Her eyes quickly scanned the page, reading:

_Charms….._Outstanding

_Transfiguration…_Exceeds Expectations

_History of Magic…._Exceeds Expectations

_Potions….._Outstanding

_Divination…_Acceptable

_Defense Against the Dark Arts…._Exceeds Expectations

_Astronomy…._Exceeds Expectations

_Arithmancy…..._Outstanding

_Herbology…._Outstanding

_Care of Magical Creatures…_Acceptable

_Ancient Runes….._Outstanding

Her heart leapt. Five O's! Divination and Care of Magical Creatures were rubbish, anyway, she'd been planning on dropping them this year. Relief flooded through her. Of course she'd known she could get those Potions and Charms grades, but now she knew she'd scored highly enough to pursue any of the career choices she'd been considering. A Healer, perhaps, or an Auror—or what she really wanted, a spot as an Unspeakable.

Knowing Lily would berate her if she didn't hear from her immediately, Eilis scribbled down her scores on a spare bit of parchment and added a note before tying the parchment to Francisco's leg.

"Take this to Lily, eh, Frisco? She'll have my head if she doesn't know she's beaten me in at least three subjects." She patted his beak once and watched as he took off out the open window. The Hogwarts owl finished drinking and Eilis gave it a treat. She addressed it quickly, "hold on a minute, there's a good boy, just need to stopper this up."

Eilis pulled a clean vial from a shelf above the sink in her workroom and filled it with the Amortentia she'd just finished brewing, which was now sending curling waves of intoxicating fumes towards her that smelled faintly of spring rain, pumpkin bread, and something dark and cool she thought she might have scented around the Quidditch pitch or maybe the common room. She attached the vial to the barn owl's out stuck leg along with a note to Professor Slughorn, and watched the owl swoop out into the now considerably lighter morning air. Eilis gazed out as the owl disappeared from her sight before casting a quick but sure _Stasis _spell over her still-simmering cauldron, so that the potion would keep in its current condition until she returned to it later that day.

She bounded down the stairs of her comfortable home and into the kitchen where her mother sat in her Ministry robes reading the _Daily Prophet, _and a stack of toast sat waiting for Eilis.

"Morning Mum!" she said brightly, pecking her mother on the cheek before stuffing a piece of toast into her mouth, halting at the sight of her mother's reproving glare over the top of her paper. Eilis sat down and after hastily swallowing her too-large mouthful, she grinned over at her mother.

"And what time did you get to bed last night, hmm?"

"Oh, well, it was pretty late, y'know, don't really remember, caught up in work and all that…" Eilis had been expecting this and hoped her response sounded nonchalant.

No such luck.

"You didn't sleep, did you?"

"Well…no. But I _did_ finish that batch of Amortentia, you know, the one I've been working on all week? And let me tell you, Mum, it's a real beauty, perfect steam spirals, clock-wise and all, and just the right shade of pink, too, the one Slughorn is always describing in class, somewhere between dusty rose and light rose but not too far either way, and…" Eilis fell silent, sensing that she had fallen into the state properly dubbed by her elder brother as "Potions Freak Psycho-Babble That No One Cares to Hear Nor Ever _Will _Care to Hear So You Really Ought to Shut Up Before I Hex You" and that her mother was not particularly impressed.

"Eilis, honey, when your father and I agreed to this Potions Study thing and signed those letters we were under the impression that it wouldn't be keeping you up at all hours of the night, preventing you from having a normal summer. You should be out with the other kids your age, dear. I've always admired your work ethic Eil, but I fear one day you'll wake up and find that you spent your whole youth with your nose in a book and in the meantime all your peers are off getting married and having children and you'll come home to only your more-than-stellar reputation as an Unspeakable."

Her mother saw Eilis opening her mouth to speak and went on. "And before you go interrupting me, I _know_ that's your dream, honey, but I just want to know that you understand that success at the office doesn't keep you warm at night. You'll be seventeen this year! Don't you want to be out enjoying yourself?"

"Oh, Mum, can't you see that I _am_ enjoying myself? I'm not worried about it, and if I'm not, you shouldn't be, either," said Eilis, trying to get her mother away from the ever-popular Don't Waste That Youth of Yours, Eilis Kathryn Cartwright speech, a favorite in their household.

Maeve Cartwright looked at her daughter and sighed, because she knew it was true, and that part of the reason Eilis was so content was because of the willingness with which she threw herself into her studies.

"Oh, I know you're right, dear, it's just…you know how very worried your father and I are about You-Know-Who and I just…I don't want you to find too late that you've grown up too fast."

Eilis could hardly argue when her mother put it like that.

"It'll be fine, Mum, I've already sent Lily an owl this morning with my O.W.—oh! My O.W.L. scores came today, I got eleven! Here, I'll go get them—anyway, when she responds I'll owl her back asking if she'd like to go into London for a bit tonight or even just floo over here and we can do something later." Eilis bounded back upstairs to her workroom, glancing regretfully over at her finished potion but knowing that in order to appease her mother, it was time to lay down the books and let her summer begin properly.

A few minutes later her brother, Patrick, stuck his head in her door and grinned at her. "Heard you and the old lady," he said. "Getting a bit old, if you ask me."

Eilis nodded in agreement, letting out an exasperated sigh. "It's not _my_ fault that I like books better than I like most people."

"Right," her brother said. "Remind me again how we're related? Glad I didn't inherit that trait," he teased.

"Oh, stuff it, Patrick."

"Want me to go tell Mum she should be proud to have Brainy McNerd for a daughter?"

Eilis rolled her eyes at him. "Not one of your better jokes."

"I know," Patrick sighed. "Ah, well. Can't be the life of the party all the time. How'd you do on your O.W.L.s?"

"Better than you," she retorted, ducking from the Tickling Charm he tried to hit her with.

"You know, you'll be sorry, Eil, when I'm the most famous Auror alive someday. They'll interview me and say, 'Oh, Mr. Cartwright, Protector of the Small and Weak, however did you manage growing up with that twitchy little sister with the big brain? It must have been so hard for you!'" He laid a hand on his chest dramatically. "And of course I'll be the bigger wizard and say 'Well, we can't all be as perfect as I,' and they'll trip over their robes trying to get my autograph."

"I'll believe it when I see it," said Eilis, throwing a pillow at her face. "More like, 'Oh, Mr. Cartwright, how did you overcome that ghastly disfigurement? I never would have thought a ginger would be any good with a wand!'"

Patrick pretended to be offended as she pushed him out of her room. She went over to her window where Frisco already hovered with a note from Lily clutched in his talons—_that was quick, _Eilis thought—and let him in, scanning the response. She rolled her eyes as she saw that Lily had gotten Eight 'Outstandings'—she'd be insufferable when they met. Nevertheless she hastily wrote back inviting Lily over for tea, excited to see her best friend once again.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! This chapter is mostly just setting up Eilis's character (Ay-lish), so I apologize if it seemed a bit slow. Things pick up a bit in the next chapter and familiar faces begin to appear, so please read on! And please review!


	2. Chapter 2: Diagon Alley

Eilis spent the next few weeks of summer in limbo between her house and Lily's, though the two girls often went out of their way to avoid Petunia's jealous glares and insulting mutters. Occasionally they went out but more often they spent time together in Eilis's workroom, working their way through the hefty list of advanced potions Slughorn had left to Eilis to work on over the summer. Sensing that it was somewhat dangerous ground, Eilis was sure to include all of Lily's help in her progress reports to Slughorn. The Potions Master had selected her only to aid him in replenishing his much-depleted store of draughts, but Lily was more than capable of the work as well.

With the Dark Lord's power ever increasing, Slughorn asked the two girls to focus their brewing skills on several highly sought after, difficult-to-make potions such as Veritaserum and Polyjuice Potion to build up both his own supply and that of the Aurors Office at the Ministry.

"Hand me those lacewing flies, could you Lil? Think this one needs another few days and then it should be ready."

"Eilis?" inquired the tenacious redhead with the emerald eyes.

"Mmm?" Eilis continued stirring the potion.

"Who do you think—who do you think is the better hand at Potions between us?

Eilis was surprised, and glanced up to meet Lily's wide and hesitant eyes with her own midnight blue ones. The two of them had always avoided this particular conversation. "Dunno, Lil, I'd say we're about the same, wouldn't you?"

"Then…why did Slughorn only ask you to help him this summer?" Lily sat down at one of Eilis's workbenches looking thoroughly confused and upset as though someone else had alerted her to a rather severe disfigurement she'd never noticed.

"Well, probly knew I hadn't anything else to do this summer, didn't he? C'mon, Lil, he sees James Potter mooning over you every class; he probably thought you'd be out every night this holiday with never a thought to his dingy old dungeon. As for me, well, Slughorn knows you're about my only friend, doesn't he? What else have I got to fill my hours with? Plus he knows I wanted that Department of Mysteries internship, I asked him to write me a reference, so he knew I had been planning on spending the hols' constructively anyway. I shouldn't worry about it, you know old Slughorn thinks you're the best thing that ever happened to him.

Lily smiled. "You're probably right," she said. "I'm being silly." She changed pace. "Do you think James has finally given up? Last summer I'd already received seven owls from him by now but not a word yet." Eilis didn't miss the small but present anxious tone to her lovely friend's words.

"You'd better not get your hopes up, Lily. Chances are he doesn't want to risk your wrath—even he can't be thick enough to dismiss what you said to him at the end of term. Remus owled me and said it was quite a blow to his confidence, hearing you'd rather date the giant squid than James Potter, Gryffindor Chaser and star of the Quidditch team, its future captain, someday to save the world with his quick wit and cool intellect, all in time to be home to his darling Lily flower for tea. Oh, be still, my racing heart!" Eilis pretended to swoon and lost her balance, falling into one of her worktables and knocking a flask of Essence of Murtlap to the ground where it smashed loudly, sending broken glass and yellow liquid everywhere. "Whoops." Eilis grinned. "You see how he effects us womenfolk. Palpitations of the heart, and all."

"Palpitations, my arse," Lily said, but she was smiling as she lazily waved her wand. "_Scourgeo."_

The remainder of the summer passed in much the same vein, as the two girls worked their way side by side through Slughorn's list of potions and were just finishing its final draught the day their Hogwarts owls came with their school lists and an extra letter from Lily informing her she'd been made Prefect once again.

"No surprises there," muttered Eilis darkly.

"Oh, shut it. Are you going out for seeker again?"

"'Course I am, how can you even ask a thing like that?" Eilis was scandalized by Lily's stubborn inability to behave like a normal person and acknowledge that Quidditch was the most marvelous sport in the wizarding world.

"It's the only sport in the wizarding world…" Lily never failed to mention the inconsequential fact.

"Never mind. Shall we go into Diagon Alley next week, then? I think Patrick mentioned something about having to visit Gringotts," said Eilis, remembering something that her older brother had said. "We could go with him, then Mum wouldn't pitch a fit about two young girls just waiting to be taken advantage of by passing Death Eaters. Marlene said she wanted to meet up with us at the end of the holidays, too, shall I owl her?"

"Yes, do, let's go in with Patrick. We can go on Wednesday and meet Marlene." Lily sounded a little _too_ eager, and Eilis remembered the deep crush Lily had harbored for Patrick since she'd introduced them in their first year, when Patrick had been a fourth year. Patrick was nineteen now, and he was in Auror training at the Ministry of Magic. Eilis loved her older brother; he was so easy-going and hilarious to grow up with. She'd molded her personality to suit his as they'd both grown, resulting in her own dry, sarcastic sense of humor to compliment his steady stream of snarky comments.

Eilis sent Marlene a note and after much convincing, Patrick agreed to go with them to Diagon Alley. He was tall, it ran in their family—Eilis remained a more medium height, just bordering on the tall side—and his curly hair was slightly more red than Eilis's. The two both sported a great deal of freckles when they had the chance to go out in the sun. The following Wednesday saw the siblings flooing into the Leaky Cauldron, where, stumbling out of the fireplace, Eilis saw Lily waiting for them—looking like she'd put a bit more effort into her appearance than usual, no less. Marlene was standing next to her.

"Bout time, eh?" Lily smiled up at Patrick, who grinned down at her.

"Merlin, Eil, when did your friends get hot?"

Eilis shoved Patrick's arm and went over to hug Marlene. Tall and stately, Marlene McKinnon had beautiful curly brown hair and round, warm chocolate eyes. Her beautiful golden skin was always glowing and Lily and Eilis had spent many a conversation groaning that they were unable to achieve that perfectly toned and ever-so-slightly-sun-baked effect.

"Lils, Eil, it's so good to see you! And Patrick, how's it been as an Auror?" Marlene was expert at small talk.

"Not an Auror yet, sorry love. Another two years for me. Ol' Mad-Eye Moody says I'd end up hexing half my own team and get us all killed by the dear old Death Eaters soon as I was loose." Patrick looked serious for a minute as if he was thinking hard. "I'm okay with that."

"C'mon, let's go to Gringotts."

The group made their way through Diagon Alley, seeing a few school friends but mostly just families hurrying to finish the day's shopping. Voldemort's growing significance in the wizarding world had everyone on alert, and there was no eye contact between strangers or friendly exchanges between acquaintances anymore. Safer to keep your head down and your mouth closed, that's what they said. Eilis didn't much see the point in that. Were they not just admitting Voldemort was winning, acting like scared little mice? Still, she didn't fight the urge to hurry up and floo home that Lily and Marlene seemed to feel. They got all their books and Lily and Eilis got new robes from Madam Malkin's before stopping by Eeylops Owl Emporium so Eilis could pick up some treats for Francisco.

"You guys go on to the Apothecary, I'll catch up with you," said Eilis, knowing her friends would take advantage of the time they could spend with her older brother. She bought Francisco's treats and was walking out of Eeylops when she bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going, Cartwright." A thick, sharp voice sounded out and Eilis looked up, flinching at the glare Rodolphus Lestrange was sending her way. His brother, Rabastan, stood behind him with an expression of equal loathing. "Filthy little blood traitor," he muttered, sending one last hate-filled scowl towards her before the two Slytherins continued on their way.

"Lovely to see you, too," called Eilis, standing on her tip-toes and waving after them.

"Always is, innit? 'Course, it's not everyday I hear those words from Cartwright's mouth, eh Peter?" Eilis rolled her eyes and turned around to see her housemates Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin standing there.

"Hey, guys. Where's James?"

"Dunno. Where's Lily?" Sirius responded.

"Therein lies the answer," added Remus solemnly.

Eilis grinned. "How've your summers been, then?"

"Nothing to complain about. A conspicuous lack of female nether regions, but I suppose even the best of us must face these kinds of trials from time to time," Sirius responded, earning a laugh from Peter.

"Mmm, I know what you mean," responded Eilis seriously. "Very hard, that must have been. What about you, Remus? And Peter? How were your summers?

"Excellent. James has been teaching me the Wronskei Feint!" Exclaimed Peter.

"_Trying_ to teach, is more like. Trying and _failing _to teach," Sirius muttered, earning him a dark glare from Eilis, who nodded excitedly at Peter. She turned to Lupin, questioning him with her expression.

"Oh, it's been alright. Never a dull moment, though—I've been staying at James's house in Godric's Hollow. His folks are really great."

"Never a truer word spoken," added Sirius. "I'm going to marry Mrs. Potter one day."

"Right," said Eilis, ignoring Sirius. "That's real cool. Lily's been visiting me a lot, I'm here with her and Marlene. They're waiting for me at the Apothecary. Do you guys want to come?"

"Nah, we've already restocked on potions. We're making a trip to Zonko's. Got to stock up before the year starts, and all," said Sirius. "If you see James, send him over, will you?"

Eilis nodded before running off to meet her brother and friends. She didn't want them to worry. "Sorry," she gasped, "ran into Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew." Lily and Marlene didn't seem to mind, both trying to catch Patrick's eye, though he was staring very determinedly at a set of gold scales in the corner of the store, watching as they tipped back and forth of their own accord. Eilis smiled, knowing her brother was loving the attention her friends were lavishing upon him and that he was fighting to hide the smirk on his face.


	3. Chapter 3: Hogwarts Express

Eilis finished waving goodbye to her brother, Patrick, who had seen her off to the train station before turning and sitting down in the compartment Lily had found for them on the Hogwarts Express. Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald, a short blonde with a perpetual smile on her curved lips, soon joined them.

"Lily, Eilis, it's so wonderful to see you! How were your holidays?" Mary sat down by the compartment door while Marlene struggled to put her trunk in the overhead luggage rack.

"They were great, Mary," responded Lily. "Eilis has been helping Slughorn out with building up the Ministry's store of potions so I've been working with her. We spent most of the summer brewing them."

"Oh! That sounds…really great, guys." Mary did not look entirely convincing on this matter. More like she couldn't possibly fathom who would want to spend a vacation doing _schoolwork._ "My family and I spent a month in France, it was beautiful! The food, the air, the language…the men!" Mary dramatically laid the back of her hand on her forehead.

"No way! Did you visit the Catacombs of Paris?" Eilis looked positively green with envy. "I've always wanted to see them."

"Er…yeah, for a bit, but I had to hurry because I was meeting some French boys for a party they'd invited me to. They don't care about _anything_ over there! It's _so_ romantic! It was like You-Know-Who doesn't even exist." Mary looked serious for a minute. "The security at the Portkey we took back to Britain, however, proved otherwise. But it was splendid, really splendid, you'd all have loved it."

"Oi! Cartwright! You going out for—oh, hey Lily," James Potter stood at their compartment door.

"Potter," said Lily coolly.

"Did you have a good holiday? What did you do?" James eagerly began hounding Lily with questions.

"She helped me out a great deal with some of the potions I was working on," said Eilis, knowing Lily wouldn't gratify James with a response of her own.

"Ew, you spent the summer _brewing potions? _Come on, Cartwright, thought you were more fun than that." Sirius Black had now appeared behind James. "Don't know if you were aware of this, but school ended in June." Mary and Marlene both giggled and Sirius grinned down at them.

"Thank you, Sirius. I'm glad I always have you to set me on the right track. Lucky girl, aren't I?" Eilis rolled her eyes. "What were you saying, James?"

"Oh, right. You're going out for seeker, right?"

"Of course. Why, not planning on letting me back on the team?"

James looked sheepish. "No way, just want to make sure I let everyone who's going to try out know that the only spots we need filled are keeper and chaser."

"Right. Oh, I heard Elphias Doge wants to go out for chaser. You know, the seventh year? I've never seen him play but I hear he's a good flier."

"Yeah he already talked to me. Seems a bit overenthusiastic, but if he's good, he's good. Anyway. Got to find Remus, see you at the feast. Bye girls. See you, Lily." James smiled one more time at Lily who sat in the corner of the compartment, an emotionless expression on her face. She turned to the window and James looked crestfallen before he himself turned and left. Sirius shot an annoyed look at Lily before grinning cheekily once more at Mary and Marlene and following James down the train corridor.

Eilis listened as the girls she sat with excitedly chattered about school and gossiped about summer. She wasn't much interested in which boys and girls had gotten together and was unable to join Lily and Marlene in gasping with horror and dismay when Mary informed them that Dorcas Meadows and Fabian Prewett had broken up.

"But they were my rock…" Marlene whispered.

In no time at all the trolley witch arrived and Eilis bought several cauldron cakes, chocolate frogs, and licorice wands, which she munched as she thought about the year ahead. There would be no time for distractions for her, and she'd have to make absolutely sure that Quidditch didn't get in the way of her studies. Using it as an excuse not to finish assignments was something people like James and Sirius did, and try as she might she always felt too guilty to take advantage of McGonagall's love of the Gryffindor team to skimp on a Transfiguration essay.

She spent the rest of the train ride absentmindedly practicing charms on the inanimate objects in her sight after Lily had left for the Prefect's compartment. Much as she loved Mary and Marlene, she had never really been able to relate to them on their giggling, squealing, girly level. Alone with either of them, she was fine and had plenty of things to talk about, but Eilis always cowered when faced with multiple members of her own sex. She just wasn't very good at dealing with people. She got too fed up at the little insecurities and trivial things they let dictate their every action. Oh well, she supposed. She'd never understand the mystery that is the adolescent girl.

Wordlessly Eilis stood up, smiled at her companions, and got her robes out of her trunk before leaving the compartment to find a bathroom to change in. She walked slowly down the corridor, taking in the excited tones of her fellow students as they reminisced over their summers and caught up. The start of term was one of Eilis's very favorite periods of the year. Beginning classes, getting into the flow of school, she couldn't help it…she just loved learning.

She grinned at a fair number of acquaintances and stopped to say a quick hello whenever she heard an "Oi! Eilis! Over here!" Finally she found a quiet bathroom and quickly pulled on her robes, stopped as she came out of the stall at the sight of Dorcas Meadows standing in front of one of the mirrors gripping the sink very hard.

"Dory? Are you—are you alright?" Eilis cursed herself for not being more tactful, as Dorcas was very obviously _not_ alright.

"What? Oh—hey, Eilis, I didn't notice that you came in." Dorcas put a very forced smile on. "How were your holidays?"

"They were fine…oh, Dory, what's wrong?" Eilis was very concerned. She'd never exactly been close with Dorcas Meadows, but she looked up to the older Ravenclaw witch who was renowned for her skills in Transfiguration.

"It's nothing." Dorcas smiled bitterly. "I'm fine."

Eilis remembered what Mary had said earlier that day. "Is this…are you upset because of Fabian?"

"Fabian?" Dorcas looked confused. "No. Because we broke up, you mean? No, that's fine." She looked Eilis up and down appraisingly. "Eilis, over the summer my little sister was killed by a Death Eater." Dorcas appeared to go hollow as she uttered the words, staring past Eilis as if she was not there.

"Oh!" Eilis gasped. She hadn't heard anything about that, nor seen it in the _Daily Prophet_. "Oh, Merlin, Dory…I'm so, so sorry." She was at a loss for words. Never much good at comforting others, Eilis usually let Lily do the soothing when someone was upset. "How did it happen?"

"My parents and I were out one night and we left her with the neighbors. We got home and…and…the Mark was there, above the house…oh, Eilis, why wasn't I there to protect her? She was only ten. How can I have let this happen?" Dorcas's knees seemed to collapse of their own accord and she slid down the wall to sit upon the bathroom floor. Eilis grimly hoped no one else would come in and she put her arms around Dorcas and tried to soothe her.

"Shhhh, it wasn't your fault. Come on, this isn't a good place to be, come back to my compartment." Eilis helped Dory up and led her down the train, knowing whoever saw the ashen, horrified look on Dorcas's face would just assume she was taking the break-up hard. When she got to her own compartment she shook her head at Marlene and Mary's questioning glances and helped Dorcas sit down before going to her trunk and digging through it as she found the item she was looking for. "Here, drink this," she said, thrusting a vial of Calming Draught into Dorcas's hands. Dorcas drained the vial without question, an action which itself was enough to raise Eilis's eyebrows. What had Dorcas turned to, in her grief over her sister's death? Obviously not Fabian. She only hoped the normally composed older witch had retained her level head.

Marlene and Mary seemed to understand that this went further than some teenage heartbreak. For one thing, Eilis was not the type to comfort a girl in this way when she'd been through a nasty break-up. More the type to slap some sense into you and tell you to snap out of it. For another, they'd never seen the seventh year Ravenclaw this upset, and knew her well enough to suspect something more was going on. Eilis held Dorcas against her as the train made its way through increasingly wild landscapes and as night fell, stroking the girl's dark brown hair as her breathing grew steadier. She wondered how many more students at Hogwarts she would see during the welcome feast with this empty, sorrowful look about them.

"We'll be at Hogwarts soon," said Mary.

Eilis looked up at her and Marlene. "Marlene, could you go find Caradoc and bring him here?" She named who she knew to be Dorcas's closest friend. Marlene nodded and left without a word. She returned a few moments later with a tall, good-looking Ravenclaw boy. Caradoc Dearborn was a seventh year, with curly black hair and kind green eyes.

Caradoc took in the situation before him. He nodded his gratitude at Eilis before scooping Dorcas up and helping her out. "Come on, love, let's go get your things. We're nearly to school. Thanks, Eilis, I owe you one." Dorcas complied and the two left together.

"So," began Mary hesitantly.

"What was that about?" Marlene asked.

"Eilis grimaced. "I found her in the bathroom," she said. "Her sister was killed by Death Eaters over the summer. She was only ten."

Marlene and Mary both gasped and Mary looked on the verge of tears.

"Poor thing," said Marlene. "How can this be happening?" she demanded. "How can You-Know-Who have such power? These things can't just…just _happen_ without someone being punished. Ten-year-old kids don't deserve to die. Why hasn't this stopped yet?"

"I don't know." Eilis frowned. The news about Marlene's sister had upset her more than she thought. Briefly she thought of her own parents, her mother working at the Ministry, her father developing racing brooms. Her brother, training to go out and perform the very work Marlene was so passionately demanding. Eilis couldn't bear it if anything happened to them.

They spent the remainder of the train ride in silence and upon arriving at Hogwarts, waited behind on the train a moment for Lily who quickly found them.

"You'll never believe what I just heard," she said. "Fabian Prewett's been made Head Boy, and I spoke with him at the Prefect meeting. Dorcas Meadows's sister—"

"Was murdered, yeah," finished Eilis for her. "We've heard. I found her in the bathroom. She looks…broken."

"Oh," said Lily, finally noticing the weary looks on their faces. "That's not all, though. Edgar Bones—his parents were killed. And I heard Hunter Jones's sister has gone missing."

"Hestia's gone missing?" Eilis was surprised. Hestia Jones was one of Patrick's good friends. "Patrick never mentioned anything."

"Yeah, two weeks ago. They're looking for her, but it isn't looking good," answered Lily seriously.

"Guess this year is going to be more different than we thought," muttered Eilis. "Oh, joy."

They quickly made their way to the platform and boarded the last of the horseless carriages, sharing it with a few other stragglers. The ride up to the castle was one made in silence, and it was only after filing in to the Great Hall that Eilis felt the tension she'd been carrying ever since she found Dorcas began to release a little. She'd missed Hogwarts dearly. Taking her place at the end of the table with Lily, Marlene, and Mary, she waved down at Remus Lupin who smiled up at her. True, the start of the year was not what she had anticipated, but she was back and ready for the school year to begin. She looked up and around at the other three tables. She'd been right in expecting to see shadows on many students' faces. But it also looked like there were a few empty spots. She wondered whether some students' parents hadn't allowed them to return for school. Eilis thought this, above all, was a ridiculous action—where was safer than Hogwarts, with the professors and Dumbledore looking after them?

She listened attentively to Dumbledore's start of term speech—about unity, and being brave in the face of a growing danger—and tucked into her food with relish when the golden plates of the tables filled suddenly with delicious-looking and smelling food.

Eilis caught Caradoc Dearborn's eye once during the feast and nodded at him, raising her eyebrow and glancing at Dorcas, who sat next to him, pushing her mashed potatoes around her plate disinterestedly. He, too, looked at Dorcas and then back at Eilis, shrugging as if to say, "What more can we do?' He smiled weakly and Eilis tried to return the gesture, feeling the knot in her stomach.

Feeling thoroughly in need of cheering up as the feast drew to a close, not to mention drowsy with the food she'd eaten, Eilis made her way up to the common room with Lily. She'd already decided to sit by James and his friends for a while before going to bed. Hopefully either their easy stream of jokes or talk of Quidditch could distract her from the sense of doom and gloom that had resolutely settled itself over her as the day wore on, so that she'd be able to sleep tonight.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! I've decided to continue, thanks to the review I got. This is my third chapter in three days but I won't usually be updating this much, I just didn't have to work today and only a half shift yesterday...though I don't have to work tomorrow, either, so there'll probably be one then...anyway, thank you!


	4. Chapter 4: Classes Begin

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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Eilis walked quickly back to the common room, glad Lily had given her the password. "Alfalfa," she muttered wearily to the Fat Lady, who then swung open for her. She was among the first to get to Gryffindor Tower, and was able to score one of the squashy armchairs by the fire, where the Marauders sat.

"'Lo James, Remus. Good time at the feast?" Eilis settled herself in her chair and looked over at the boys, whose heads were bent over a piece of parchment.

Sirius quickly picked it up, tapped it with his wand and muttered something, before stuffing it into his shirt and saying, "what are Peter and I, then, chopped liver?"

"Nah. Bubotuber pus, maybe, but my mother happens to have a surprisingly good recipe for chopped liver that I would place above you on the list of things I enjoy the taste of," said Eilis.

"Thinking about how I taste, eh Cartwright?"

"You know me, Sirius. I burn, I yearn, I die fo—" Eilis's next words were cut off as a huge yawn erupted out of her.

"Clearly, Padfoot, Eilis finds the thought of you positively scintillating. See how you affect her body. Now that's what I call leaving a girl wanting more," quipped Remus.

"Shut it, Moony," snapped Sirius. "I happen to be very comfortable with my ability to please women."

"Oh, he's pleasing _women_ now, is he? Tell me, Pads, since when have all the pre-pubescent second years that salivate after you been classified as _women_?" James grinned over at Eilis as he tried to get a rise out of Sirius, who merely scowled and took a Fanged Frisbee out of his robes, throwing it around the common room and catching it when it zoomed back. "Say, Eil," James continued, "Lily didn't er…mention me at all, when she was with you this summer, did she?"

Eilis couldn't help yawning again. "Dunno, why don't you ask her yourself?" She waved a hand at the portrait hole that Lily Evans had indeed just stepped through.

"Ask me what?"

"Oh—just—want to know—" James stammered at the sight of her and was saved by the ever-tactful Remus Lupin.

"James was wondering whether you could make an announcement to the whole house about the upcoming Quidditch trials. When are they again, James?"

"Oh, right, Quidditch…er…I was thinking maybe this Saturday? Would that be alright, Evans? It's not a Hogsmeade weekend, is it?"

"No, the first one's not til September 15th," said Lily, uncommonly civil. "That'll be fine, I'll tell everyone tomorrow during breakfast. Congrats on getting Captain, by the way. Personally I was hoping it'd be Eil," she paused as Eilis snorted, "but I suppose you'll do alright.

"Lily just doesn't want James walking in on her taking a bath in the Prefect's bathroom," said Eilis conspiratorially to Sirius, who laughed at her. James looked positively aglow at the thought.

"That's not true!" Lily shrieked. "I couldn't care less if Potter was there! Although he had been keep his eyes to himself if he doesn't want them _hexed out of his skull_." James laughed nervously.

"Geez, Lily, you sure are scary when you're threatening someone…I'd watch out if I were you, mate," Peter warned James.

"Nonsense, Pete, we all know that beneath the…calm and collected exterior Lily is just burning for Jamesie here. Am I right or am I right, Evans?" Sirius looked at the redhead mischievously.

"I—I—what—you—you can't just—ohhh!" Lily turned on her heel and stormed up to the dormitory she shared with Eilis, Marlene, Mary, and Reagan Johnson.

Eilis and Sirius burst out laughing, soon joined by Remus and Peter. James blushed and looked engrossed in the cuff on his sleeve. The rest of the evening passed in similar fashion, with Eilis listening to the easy banter between the four boys and occasionally joining, before finally standing up, and, with a final great yawn, bidding them all goodnight. She dragged herself up to her dormitory and collapsed into bed, not even bothering to change.

The next morning Eilis felt that despite the rocky train ride and taxing encounter with Dorcas, she was more than ready for classes to begin. The anticipation she always felt at the beginning of a new year outweighed any worries she may have been feeling and her heart felt considerably lighter as she made her way down to breakfast with Lily.

Professor McGonagall was going up and down the Gryffindor table handing out class schedules, and when she got to the sixth years Eilis hurried to compare hers with Lily's.

"What's first today? Transfiguration? Then Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. No Potions til Thursday. Charms, Ancient Runes, Arithmancy…double Defense Friday with Ravenclaw! That'll be good...who's the new Defense professor? I wasn't paying attention to Dumbledore last night."

"Professor Quinn, I think her name was," said Lily as she put marmalade on her toast.

"Well, hope she's good."

"Mmmm," sounded Lily, munching on her breakfast. The two girls ate and left after Eilis finished her last bite of cinnamon roll, licking the frosting off of her fingers as they gathered up their books and traipsed out of the hall, not wanting to be late for Transfiguration. They were among the first to arrive and once everyone was settled, McGonagall informed the students that they would be practicing using nonverbal spells to turn newts into necklaces. She praised Lily, Eilis, and Remus for their quick acclimation to silently working magic and pursed her lips at James and Sirius, who were modeling their necklaces for each other, which upon closer look appeared to be composed of newt tails with the hands and feet hanging off as if large jewels.

In Herbology Eilis had a chance to talk to her Hufflepuff friend Sturgis Podmore as they wrestled with the Venemous Tentaculas they were repotting.

"How's your summer been, eh Sturg?" Eilis fought with the Tentacula as it tried to wind its way tightly around her slim arm.

"It was really great," said Sturgis, looking amused as Eilis waged war against her finicky plant. "Spent some time at Dedalus Diggle's, you know him?"

"Diggle? Think so," Eilis gasped as the plant snapped at her fingers, hastily putting her gloves on while trying to maintain a grip on it. "He's the short one? Bit odd?"

"That's him," Sturgis smiled. "He's a good guy. Lives in Ireland, we had a bit of fun. They're serious about their Quidditch there, they are."

"'Course they are," panted Eilis. "Why wouldn't they be?"

Sturgis laughed at her. "Sorry, Eil," he said, "forgot you played seeker. When's the first match?"

"Not til November. Against you Hufflepuffs, I think. Prepare to be slaughtered."

"Right."

They joked together for the rest of the lesson, which mainly consisted of Eilis doing the work and Sturgis watching her with a huge grin on his face as Tentacula leaves fluttered to the ground and Eilis's curly, honey-colored hair grew increasingly frizzy. At the end of the lesson, Professor Figwort stopped at their tray table, looking on in dismay at the much-abused Tentacula plant and Eilis, who was covered in scratches, nips, and strange red stripes where the plant had attempted to strangle her.

"Oh, dear, Miss Cartwright, usually your work is far better than this," said the short, bumbling wizard, going over to the plant and whispering soothing words to it. "You've nearly killed one of my Tentaculas!"

"_I _didn't try to kill it, _it _nearly killed _me!" _Eilis grumbled as she gathered up her things and left with Sturgis, who was barely containing his laughter. She shot him a look. "Oh, shut it, Podmore."

They left the greenhouse together and separated, Sturgis heading off to join the Hufflepuffs and Eilis catching up with the Gryffindors. She soon found herself walking beside Marlene and Sirius, listening to their flirtatious conversation. Eilis smiled to herself. Girls were so funny when they were trying to get a guy's attention. Of course, she understood why everyone was made half-mental by their adoration of Sirius Black. He was certainly the most handsome boy she'd ever seen at Hogwarts. Tall, with straight black waves of hair that fell around his head and in his eyes with a casual elegance other boys could only hope to achieve. Eilis had never herself gotten lost in his grey eyes, but she'd heard it was quite the heart-stopping experience. She was grateful to be friendly with him, hoping that it kept her from making a fool of herself in his presence.

She'd never really dated at Hogwarts. Now, though—she'd be seventeen in a couple weeks, October 16th, and that seemed like the proper age to her. It didn't hurt that she'd grown a bit taller over the summer, her hair a bit longer so that the red-gold curls fell tumbling past her shoulders to her natural waist. Mary had told her that the color of her eyes was very nice—a deep, dark blue, like blueberries or the midnight sky, and that they stood out beautifully against her pale skin and the spattering of freckles on her cheeks and nose.

She'd had crushes before, of course—she'd been mad over James second and third year, constantly hurt by the attention he showered upon Lily, but she'd outgrown that once she understood that Lily Evans truly was the only girl James had ever looked twice at. And then Remus, during fifth year…she'd be kidding herself if she said she wasn't still attracted to him. So strong, and silent, a bookworm just like herself. And then there was Sirius. Eilis hated to be just like all of the other girls at Hogwarts, but there was just no denying that Sirius Black was, well, _gorgeous. _And he knew it, which was the problem. The charming, cheeky grin and dangerous personality just heightened his attractiveness, especially when paired with the arrogant way he held himself and spoke of himself—clearly, he thought he was quite a catch. Eilis didn't think so. No, he was too much of a playboy for her. She needed someone quiet and sensitive, like Remus, she told herself.

Or perhaps a boy from a different house. Gryffindors weren't the only ones there, after all, and she'd always nursed a bit of a crush for Caradoc Dearborn, with his beautiful shining black curls and bright green eyes. They were friendly, and his grateful tone yesterday when he came to pick up Dorcas—perhaps he thought well of her? A girl could dream, anyway.

But what was she even thinking? N.E.W.T.s were this year, and Eilis would barely have time to study and practice Quidditch, let alone allow a boy into her life. No, she thought, she may be old enough, but it wasn't time yet for that.

"Hey, Eil, you alright?"

"I—what?" Eilis looked around. She had fallen behind Sirius and Marlene, and Remus stood in front of her, looking concerned.

"You looked in a bit of a daze. Everything okay?" He smiled kindly and Eilis felt very foolish indeed—losing herself in daydreams about boys, and the term hardly begun!

"Yes, I'm quite fine, just got…lost in thought, I guess."

"Ah, easy to do." Remus changed the subject. "I saw you tackling that Tentacula plant back there, it looked a bit worse for the wear after you were through with it."

Eilis scowled. "_I'm _the one worse for the wear, that's for sure. Evil plant. It tried to strangle me, look!" She showed him the marks around her neck.

Remus sucked in his breath. "What? Are you alright? Podmore just—he just let it do that to you?"

Eilis laughed. "Rem, relax, it's fine. You were right, I probably did more harm to it than it did to me. Sturgis didn't do anything wrong—he was just laughing too hard to intervene."

Remus smiled. "If you say so. Shall we head up to lunch, then?"

"Yes, let's," said Eilis, walking with him the remainder of the way to the castle, where they joined the others for lunch and ignored comments from James, Sirius, and Peter about the two of them arriving late together.


	5. Chapter 5: Defense and Quidditch Trials

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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Eilis's first week of classes passed by in a blur; she was wading her way steadily through the mountain of homework she'd already been given and hastily trying to become familiar with nonverbal spells. Her Potions class on Thursday was the only one so far in which she'd felt on top of things. She had gone early to speak with Professor Slughorn, who'd wasted no time telling her that she'd done very well over the summer with his work. Eilis allowed herself to feel proud and was smiling to herself as the other students filed in. She had been looking forward to this class, not only because it gave her a chance to shine, but because it was the first time she'd see Severus this year. True, he hadn't answered her owls over the summer, but Eilis knew that his home life was far from perfect and didn't begrudge him for it.

As the Slytherins arrived, Eilis moved her things to the table that Snape sat at alone, smiling over at him when he scowled at her.

"Oh, Severus, come on, you didn't think you could shake me that easily, did you?"

His only response was to shuffle through the pages of his copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ before arriving at the instructions for the Draught of Living Death, frowning as he squinted down at the page. Eilis spent the lesson having an animated one-sided discussion with her Slytherin tablemate, ignoring the betrayed looks Lily kept sending her and the disgusted looks on James and Sirius's faces. She observed how Severus would furiously scribble out the instructions in the text and rewrite his own in, laughing silently to herself. Severus Snape was one of a kind. If she were being truthful with herself, she'd say that their talent in Potions was about equal, and both could make a more than adequate brew without any help from a professor. Lily often joined their friendly competition, but excelling in every subject was more important to her. Eilis was happy just to be the best at Potions, a slot she shared with Severus and which everyone in their year was aware of.

That Severus was trying his hardest to ignore her attempts at rekindling their friendship didn't faze Eilis. She had anticipated that it would be difficult, and didn't particularly mind the challenge he was presenting her with. How best to disarm the defenses he'd placed against her was the issue on her mind that night at dinner as she read her way through a chapter in her Charms spellbook. The next day was Friday, and Eilis was looking forward to having her first Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Professor Quinn. She'd heard mixed reviews from the other students about the new teacher's style.

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When she entered the Defense classroom the next day, Eilis found half of her class already sitting quietly in their seats. Not all of the reviews of Professor Quinn had been favorable, but they _had _all agreed upon one thing: she demanded respect and good behavior and was not hesitant to hand out punishments where they were deserved. Eilis hastily sat down at the desk she usually occupied with Lily and Marlene and took out her copy of _Confronting the Faceless_, like the other students had. The rest of the class trickled in and the room began to buzz apprehensively with murmurs as to what sort of teacher the woman they awaited would be.

A hush fell over the room and Eilis looked up. At the doorway stood a tall, stately, middle-aged witch with long dark hair that fell around her in lustrous curls. She had a distinctly Italian look about her, and her deep purple robes revealed a very regal physique. Professor Quinn strode into the room and stood behind the mahogany desk at the head of the room, staring out over the class.

"Welcome to N.E.W.T. level Defense Against the Dark Arts. You must all have gained at least an "E" to make it into this class, so I expect only the best from you. I will have you know ahead of time that I do not accept sub-level work. Laziness and incompetence will not be known in this room. I am Professor Quinn, and I look forward to giving you all the highest defensive skills I can while I am your teacher." Her dark brown eyes looked severely down her nose at every student in the classroom. Eilis felt a chill run down her spine when the Professor's eyes locked with her own, but she kept her head up until Quinn moved onto Lily.

"Please put your books away. We will begin by running through a couple of basic defensive spells so that I may assess your current skill levels. Take out your wands and find a partner, please, and begin casting the Disarming Spell." The class begin to split off into pairs, and Lily and Eilis headed toward the corner that Peter and Remus occupied while Mary and Marlene scooted closer to James and Sirius. Lily rolled her eyes at Eilis before rolling up the sleeves of her robes and casting "Expelliarmus!" which Eilis deftly blocked with a Shield Charm. Professor Quinn nodded at her. "Nicely done, miss…?"

"Cartwright. Eilis Cartwright."

"Miss Cartwright. And your partner is?"

"Lily Evans, Professor," chimed in Lily.

"Well done, ladies, five points to Gryffindor. Now try it nonverbally, please," Professor Quinn said before she strode off to watch Peter attempt to deflect Remus's spell and to try and learn the names of the other students.

From Disarming they moved on to minor hexes and basic dueling techniques. For a while Lily and Eilis were distracted by watching the performance that was James and Sirius's practice. Both used not only Shield Charms but the furniture around the room to dodge spells, resulting in a great deal of hexes ricocheting around the room. At the end of the lesson, Professor Quinn addressed them all.

"Well, your skills in dueling are fair, but by next class I want you all to be able to cast a Shield Charm perfectly without speaking. Please take notes on the first two chapters of your book. Remember that there is no falling behind here."

The class filed out and Eilis joined Lily and Remus who were speaking about the lesson.

"I thought she had a good point," Lily was saying, "seeing where we were at. Now next class she can start really teaching us defense."

"Yes, but that means we'll have to wait a whole 'nother week to find out what kind of teacher she really is," Remus countered. "I for one think it was a bit of a cop out, she took a pretty easy road by making us show her what we already know. She has our O.W.L. results, couldn't she use those to see what level we're at?"

"Maybe she just wanted to get to know us and our different styles, so she could teach us in the most effective manner possible," Lily stuck to her defense of the new professor.

"Whatever, Lils, I'm just saying I thought the class was a bit of a letdown," finished Remus.

"Letdown? Did you see how hot she was?" Sirius had entered the group. "Love those Italian women. Where's the name Quinn from, d'you think?"

"Probably the wizard she married," said Lily, annoyed.

Sirius sighed. "Ah, well, I can still charm her." He looked dreamy for a moment. "I liked it when she was bossing me around." He made his voice an imitation of Professor Quinn's. "'You there! Stop using that chair as a shield!' Merlin, I love a woman in power."

"I'm sure she loves you, too, Pads," said James. "'Specially when your Jelly-Legs Jinx bounced off the wall and only just missed her ear.

"Besides the point, Prongs," said Sirius. "I like her class. Do you think it'll always be this hands on?"

"Dunno," said James. "Hope so. What'd you think, Eil?"

Eilis shrugged. "It was alright. Didn't really tell me anything about her, though. I'll have to wait til next week to decide."

"Fair enough," said Sirius. "Say, James, what time are tryouts tomorrow?"

"Be at the Quidditch pitch at ten. You too, Eilis. Can you tell Reagan?"

"Sure thing," said Eilis, walking off to find her roommate before heading off to her Ancient Runes class.

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The next day Eilis went down into the common room with her broom at nine, wearing her practice Quidditch robes. There she found Sirius, and they walked down to breakfast together, sleepily discussing which of their fellow students were trying out for the team.

"Think Doge'll work well with Reagan and James as Chaser?" Eilis asked.

"Eh, I dunno…we'll have to see how good of a flier he is. My bet's on Durden for Keeper, though…that kid's got the fastest reflexes I've ever seen. Did you see him try out last year?"

"Nah, too busy focusing on my own tryout last year."

"Oh yeah. Merlin, Eil, forgot you'd only been on the team for a year. You're a really good Seeker, did I ever tell you that? Much better than old Minton."

"Thanks, Sirius." Eilis was really touched. She and Sirius had been playing together for a year but he'd never complimented her before. Cheered for her when she caught the snitch, yes, but never off the pitch.

They made their way down to the Quidditch pitch where James stood, pacing, and joined Reagan Johnson and Skip Mulroney, the other Beater, on the side of the field.

"Hello, Skip," said Eilis. "How's it been?"

"James is nervous about having to assert his authority," Skip grinned at her. He was a short, stocky fourth year with sandy hair and brown eyes. "He's been pacing since we got here."

On Skip's other side stood Reagan, a tall black girl who was Eilis's dormmate. She smiled at Eilis and Sirius when they arrived.

There was a good turn out, with about six or seven students turning up for both spots, and a few simpering girls making googly eyes at Sirius and James. Eilis and the rest of the team sat off to the side, observing as James put the Gryffindors through excercises and then began pairing them off to practice scoring and blocking goals. Every so often he would head over to confer with his team before turning back to the kids trying out. After about an hour and a half it was down to four players, Jack Durden and Roger Mellon for Keeper and Elphias Doge and Samson Archer for Chaser. After a final trial, James called the team to him to talk about the four boys.

"I'm thinking Durden's a steal for Keeper, we won't find anyone better than him, and I think he can block Slytherin's offense just fine…he's a seventh so he'll only be with us for a year, which is a downside, but he's good and his laid-back attitude will work well for us…Mellon's a bit too keen. Same with Doge, I'd say, too over-eager. Sirius, what do you think?

"Durden, for sure, and I'd go with Archer. He's young but he's fast, and Doge gets on my nerves to tell the truth."

The rest of their team nodded their heads at Sirius's assessment, and James straightened up and strode over to where the boys were waiting.

"Alright, I've decided, and the new Keeper will be Jack Durden, and our new Chaser is Samson Archer. First practice is Tuesday night, seven o'clock, and thank you to everyone who didn't make it."

Eilis watched as Roger Mellon kicked the ground and turned to head back up to the castle, while Elphias Doge stood uncomprehendingly. She walked over to him. "Head up, Elphie, come on now, no one likes a sore loser." She then walked to join Samson who was positively dancing around the pitch. "Oi, Archer," she said. "I'm Eilis. Welcome to the team." She offered him her hand, which the third year gripped and shook profusely.

"Nice to meet you," he said excitedly. "I'm so glad to be on the team, thought Doge had it in the bag. I love Quidditch. You're seeker, right? You're good, I've watched you play. Man, this is so cool! I need to go owl mum. See you at practice!" The slight boy took off out of the pitch and towards the direction of the Owlery.

Eilis smiled and began the trek back to the castle herself. She ambled slowly over the grounds, taking her time and thinking about her first week at Hogwarts and how it had been. Her smile lessened slightly as she remembered the way Severus had reacted towards her attempts to bridge the gap that had come between them since last spring. That would definitely require more work. But for now she was happy with the way things were, especially since Quidditch trials had gone so well. Durden would be an excellent Keeper and little Samson Archer seemed like a good choice. She looked forward to practicing with them and seeing how the team moved with the new dynamic. Gripping her broom, Eilis altered her course to head down towards the lake. It was a beautiful, warm day and she didn't want to go indoors just yet. At the edge of the lake she saw Dorcas Meadows and Caradoc Dearborn sitting on some rocks throwing stones into the water, and she waved at them as she passed. She should've stopped to see how Dory was doing. It was selfish, really, but she was just in too good of a mood to let thoughts of Death Eaters and murder enter her head at the moment.

The sun was warm on her face as Eilis shrugged out of her Quidditch kit and slung it over her arm, walking toward the far side of the lake. She could almost feel the freckles coming out on her cheeks to greet the sun's rays. She continued on and eventually settled on the sunny side of a beech tree, looking out over the water. She would write a letter to Patrick when she went back up to the school, telling him about Quidditch and Dory and the new professor. And she should probably write one to her parents, as well, letting them know that her lack of activities over the summer hadn't harmed her ability to get along with her peers. They shouldn't have worried.

A harsh voice from behind her snapped Eilis out of her reverie.

"Well, if it isn't the little blood traitor, Cartwright," sneered Rodolphus Lestrange. The Seventh Year Slytherin had his girlfriend, Bellatrix Black on his arm, and she wore an expression of equal loathing as she glared down at Eilis.

"Black, Lestrange," said Eilis carefully. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Awfully far away from the school, aren't you, Cartwright?" said Bella, fingering her wand. Eilis mentally kicked herself for not bothering to bring hers to Quidditch. "Where's the little mudblood, eh?"

"_Lily_ is up at the school. I was just about to go join her, actually," said Eilis, quickly getting up. She wasn't afraid of the Slytherins, but they did make her uncomfortable, and she didn't at all relish the idea of being alone, wandless, with two of the house's most sinister members.

"Off so fast? Don't want to try for a bit of fun? Bella and I were thinking we'd all go for a nice swim—but oh, you've forgotten your suit," said Rodolphus. "And your wand, it seems."

Eilis started backing away in the direction of the castle. "Lily will be looking for me. I had better run. Enjoy your swim!" She turned and took off at a full sprint, praising herself for having kept in shape over the holidays as Bella and Rodolphus became specks in the distance. Eilis didn't stop running until she reached the school, skidding past students on her way up to the library, where she found Lily bent over her Charms homework.

"Where've you been? Why were you running?" Lily looked suspicious.

"Fancied a jog. What's that you're working on, eh? Charms essay? Better go grab mine. See you in a few!" Eilis took off again up to her dormitory, resolving to never again walk around Hogwarts or the grounds without her wand. One heard rumors, and the Slytherins were not exactly known for their kindness. She didn't want to find herself in another situation like the one she'd been in a few minutes earlier.

She cursed them for ruining her afternoon. It had been so lovely outside! Ah, well. Her spirits were still high as she bounded up Gryffindor Tower, nearly taking out several first years along the way.


	6. Chapter 6: An Unexpected Acquaintance

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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The next week flew by, with Eilis and her friends getting used to the levels of homework they would be dealing with throughout the year. The second Defense class put an end to any skepticism of the new professor, who impressed them all with both her knowledge of the Dark Arts and how to fight them, and her ability to treat teenage wizards as equals. Their entire class, the Ravenclaws and the Gryffindors, both feared and revered Professor Quinn.

That weekend was September 15th, and so Eilis and Lily readied themselves for the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Summer only having just drawn to a close, the weather was still quite warm, and the two girls were looking forward to unwinding while walking the streets of the village. They went to the quill shop and secondhand bookstore together, before splitting up so Eilis could look at Quidditch gloves and Lily could meet Mary for a butterbeer.

Eilis studied the brooms in the window of the shop before walking in and looking around. She'd been there many times before, usually with James or Reagan. She entered the store and headed straight for the gloves section, fingering a few pairs as she ran her hands over them, before spotting a lovely pair of golden colored ones on a display table. She picked them up and tried them on. They fit perfectly. She checked the price tag and hastily began to strip them off. Fifty galleons, for a pair of gloves! Ridiculous.

Eilis came from a pureblood family, but her parents didn't flaunt their wealth like the Blacks or Malfoys. She spent the money she earned, not theirs. Eilis had been bitter about it when she was younger, but now she thought of her parents gratefully for the way they'd brought her up. She thought for a moment. Maybe her father could pull a few strings at work and get her a better price for the gloves? He did work developing racing brooms, after all. But no, she didn't particularly feel like putting in the effort that would take. She finished taking the gloves off and laid them back on the table, smoothing them down.

"No go? Thought they looked like they fit pretty well on you." A voice came from behind Eilis. She turned around, not quite recognizing it, and found herself staring into a pair of familiar grey eyes—but something was wrong.

She stepped back to get a fuller picture, and sucked in her breath. Regulus Black, a fifth year Slytherin. She'd never actually interacted with Sirius's brother before, but knew he hung with a crowd of people she despised, like the Lestrange brothers and the Black sisters. Then again, she also knew he was good friends with Severus, so perhaps he wasn't all bad. He looked quite like Sirius, same eyes and hair, though Regulus's was a bit longer, same aristocratic elegance.

"They're nice, yes, but not worth the price tag, for something that'll get as sweaty and dirty as a pair of Quidditch gloves will. Think I'll just stick with my usual style." She held out her hand. "Eilis Cartwright. You're Regulus Black." It was a statement, not a question. Eilis had no opinion of this younger Black brother yet, and she didn't believe in burning bridges with someone because of the house he or she was in.

"Yes. I believe you know my older brother." Regulus smiled tightly. "Sirius, the renegade youth." He was waving his hands in the air majestically. "Or whatever that means. Keep wondering when he'll just show up one day before our parents and yell, 'Surprise!' and drop the whole Gryffindor thing." Regulus shook his head. "Doubt that'll happen, really. It's been too long for that. But anyway. You're Gryffindor's seeker? Then I guess we have a bit of a rivalry going. Fancy a bet on which of us'll take the Snitch first in the Slytherin/Gryffindor game?"

Eilis looked at him doubtfully. "That game's not until January," she said. "Besides, I don't gamble, sorry. What's the deal with you and Sirius, anyway? He never talks about you."

"I expect he's jealous of my good looks, intelligence, and complete confidence in myself." Regulus grinned. "Though I suppose those might just be contributing factors."

"Fine, don't answer my question. May I ask why you approached me, anyway?" Eilis was quite curious as to what motive the Slytherin might have to want to seek her out.

"Just wanted to talk to the prettiest girl at Hogwarts," said Regulus, still smiling charmingly.

Eilis scoffed and began walking away.

"Fine, fine! I was wondering if you'd help me out in Potions, a bit. I'm falling dreadfully behind and everyone knows how good you are. Slughorn's given me the chance to find my own tutor before he starts private lessons." The young Black looked at Eilis with mock apprehension. "Eilis, please, don't make me meet with him one on one."

"Oh, what a load of tosh. You're just taking the mick out of me, aren't you?. Slughorn's not even that bad. And why don't you just ask Severus to help you, anyway? It would certainly be easier than seeking out some Gryffindor."

"Think hard about that question, Miss Cartwright. Would Snape ever agree to 'help out a friend'? Merlin, the thought of him as a study buddy…" Regulus turned to look Eilis straight in the eye, smirking. "I must say, the thought of working with you late into the night sounds considerably more appealing," he said suggestively.

Eilis blushed. "That's enough of that. Fine, I'll help you with Potions, but only once a week and only for two hours after dinner. I have Quidditch practice Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. I am not giving you my Friday nights. So if Wednesday or Monday doesn't work for you, then you're out of luck."

"Must have quite a lot of it, then, as I will be seeing you this Wednesday in the library. Thanks, Eilis, I owe you one." He turned around and left the shop, leaving Eilis gazing after him, completely unsure what had just transpired. She left the shop and met up with Lily, who she quickly told about what had happened.

"Regulus _Black? _As in, Sirius's _brother? _That he _hates?_ Eilis, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I _wasn't _thinking, Lil, I just—he just—I don't know, who am I to refuse someone help when they ask me?" Eilis looked at her friend. "I know this sounds strange, but just—don't tell Sirius or James or the others about this, please? I don't want to have to explain myself to them."

"Whatever, Eil, if you think it's a good idea, then by all means, go for it. But I don't really foresee this ending well."

"Duly noted," said Eilis, and the two headed off to Honeydukes before returning to the castle.

* * *

The next few days went by rather quickly, and all too soon it was dinner on Wednesday night and Eilis sat in the Great Hall, pushing her food around her plate in apprehension, wondering what her study session with Regulus would be like. They had gained Slughorn's permission to use the Potions classroom, and Eilis would be brewing a simple Calming Draught with him, trying to go over basic theory. It was truly important to learn the theory behind brewing Potions, otherwise ingredients and why one needed to add them never made sense and one was merely going through the motions, less likely to catch a mistake or understand why it happened in the first place.

Eilis walked down to the dungeons, extra mindful of the Slytherins milling about around her. She had her wand tucked up the sleeve of her robe, and was not above defending herself through the use of minor hexes on other students.

She got to the classroom and found Regulus already there, bent over a book, his wavy, dark brown hair falling down in front of his eyes.

"Hello, Regulus," Eilis called out from the doorway, unsure how to act around the strange fifth year.

He looked up, and a brief expression of surprise ran across his face before he got up and went over to meet her by the door. "Eilis! I'm glad you came. What did you have in mind to start with?"

"Just a Calming Draught, nothing difficult, but I thought it best if you understood the _why_ behind Potions brewing so that you can perfect the _how._" Eilis unslung her bookbag and walked with Regulus over to a lab table and the cauldron he had already set up. He was nodding at her words.

"That seems like a good way to go about it. Do you have the directions?"

"Yes, they're here somewhere," said Eilis, rummaging through her bag until she found the elusive sheet they would be referring to. "Aha! Okay, I will go gather the ingredients from the store cupboard. Can you start the water simmering?"

They worked together quite well, and Eilis found she was not quite as miserable at tutoring as she'd expected she'd be. Regulus joked with her the whole time, and although she refused to let down her guard around him, she was surprised to find that she enjoyed his company as much as that of James or Sirius.

She stared at him for a few moments as he concentrated hard on the essence of lavender he was adding to the potion. Suddenly Regulus glanced up, to find Eilis's eyes locked squarely on his own.

"What?" He asked apprehensively. "Too much lavender?"

Eilis blushed. "No, not at all, it's just—why are you in Slytherin? You don't seem much like the others in your house."

Regulus shrugged. "Dunno," he said, seeming as if the subject was not high on his list of desirable conversation topics. "My whole family have been in Slytherin—save Sirius, of course. Never really questioned it. I just figure, the Sorting Hat put me here for a reason, and whether it's because of my family or because of me is pretty hard to say at this point."

Eilis nodded, and took over the stirring of the potion. She completed the final step and cast her wand over the cauldron, sending its contents flowing up into the air and into a set of vials she'd set out.

"Well, Madame Pomfrey will be happy to have these. That went really well, Black. You're not nearly as dreadful as I was expecting."

"Thank you, I think," said Regulus. "Again next Wednesday? We can try something a bit harder."

Eilis smiled at him. "Sure thing. Well, I'll just head back up to Gryffindor Tower now."

"Here—I'll walk you. The dungeons aren't exactly the best place to be alone at night."

Eilis was touched by the gesture. "Thank you, really," she said sincerely. Regulus walked her up to the Great Hall where Eilis convinced him she could carry on alone, and then turned around with a wave.

Eilis walked up to the common room, thinking a great deal about the Brothers Black. They were very different, yes, but also so similar. She never saw them interact, and from the offhand comments Sirius had made, she knew that he disapproved of the company his brother kept. She couldn't say she disagreed with that. Still, Regulus himself didn't seem so bad at all. She hadn't the courage to do it anytime soon, but maybe someday she'd speak to Sirius and try and get him to give his brother a second chance. It probably wasn't her place to do so, though. Maybe she'd just better keep silent and carry on with the tutoring in secret.

* * *

As Eilis journeyed higher into the castle, Regulus began to amble back into the dungeons, and on to the Slytherin common room. He greeted several of his friends that he saw milling about, nodding at Snape and his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa. Once he reached the stone wall that stood as the entrance to his common room, he spoke the password, "Salazar", and entered, settling himself into a regal-looking armchair. No sooner had he sat down than the Lestrange brothers swooped down on him like two overgrown bats.

"Black." Rodolphus looked menacingly down at him.

"Rodolphus, Rabastan," Regulus drawled. "I trust your evenings were good?"

"How did it go with Cartwright?"

"Oh, Rodolphus, I had no idea you were so concerned for my academic wellbeing—thanks to that witch I can now brew a Calming Draught perfectly! It was ever so fun, and she promised me we'd have an even bigger challenge next week!"

"What the hell are you on about? Shut your mouth, Black. So she's agreed to meet with you again?"

"As I _did _just say that, yes, well done, Rudy, your deductive prowess is far beyond us normal Slytherins, eh Rab?"

Rabastan just glared at him.

Regulus grinned. "Someone's touchy. Why does poor Rudy here always need to talk for you?" He molded his face into a look of concerned sympathy. "Mmm, forgot how? That's quite a shame, I always did love your singing voice."

Rodolphus rounded back down on him, gripping Regulus's right forearm and twisting it. "_Enough_ of the chitchat, Black. Thinking you're being cute? Do you really think either of us gives a shit about you? Watch your back, because we really couldn't care less if you got what's coming to you one night in some dark corner of the dungeons. Now I will ask you once more: _how did it go with Cartwright? Will she see you again? Does she trust you?_"

Regulus swallowed nervously. "It went very well, she doesn't understand why I'm in _evil old Slytherin _when I'm so much like my _darling older brother_ and we're to continue our lessons once a week from now on. She doesn't trust me. She's not stupid." At this Rodolphus twisted his arm futher, and Regulus hastily added, "Yet! She doesn't trust me, yet, but you've got to give me more time than just two hours, alright? She's very intelligent, we already knew that, right? Don't worry about it, I've got it under control."

Rodolphus seemed satisfied by this and released Regulus's arm. The two brothers began to leave, but Rabastan rounded back on Regulus.

"I'm warning you, Black," he hissed, "do _not_ mess this up."


	7. Chapter 7: Outbursts

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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* * *

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The rest of September continued on and soon enough Eilis found herself in the second week of October. With Quidditch practices well underway, mountains of N.E.W.T. work, tutoring Regulus, and extra Potions work for Slughorn, Eilis found herself struggling to keep up with everything. This concerned her, as she didn't usually feel so overwhelmed so early in the year.

The new additions to the Gryffindor team were working out quite well. Jack Durden was a marvelous Keeper, able to clock the three hoops skillfully without seeming to exert any kind of effort. Samson Archer was thoroughly excited to be on the team, and went out of his way each practice to show that despite the fact that he was younger, he belonged with James and Reagan as Chaser and could work smoothly and efficiently with them. Eilis liked them both very much, and the team wholeheartedly welcomed them in. She knew that Reagan had a bit of a thing for Durden, and watched their interactions with amusement each practice.

When she wasn't at Quidditch, Eilis was usually either in the library or the common room, bent over some piece of Transfiguration homework or a Potions essay, trying to keep the ever-growing workload under some semblance of control. Wednesday nights she still met with Regulus, and she was continually surprised by her growing fondness for the unorthodox Slytherin. Their conversations ranged through everything from school and Quidditch to blood purity and the validity of love. She found him both an engaging and interested conversational partner, and found herself looking forward to their weekly sessions. His Potions work was also noticeably improving, which Eilis highly prided herself on.

She spent a great deal of time studying with Remus and Lily, both of whom she could count on to take their studies seriously. Eilis dearly loved to unwind at the end of a long day in front of the fireplace, listening to Sirius, James, and Peter plan their next prank, but she never allowed herself to do this until her work was completely finished.

Eilis was getting tired. She had sent Frisco off to Patrick a few days ago, asking him for both news of the Wizarding world and his Auror studies in addition to the cheerful moral support only he could provide her:

_Patrick,_

_How's Auror training? Mad-Eye letting you go out to fight at all yet? Let me know what's going on at the Ministry. Lily gets the _Daily Prophet _but you know how they censor the hell out of it. What's old Milicent Bagnold up to these days? Bout time she resigned as Minister, I'd say, old geezer's losing her touch._

_School is very, very busy. I barely have time to keep up with Quidditch practice and schoolwork and on top of that the extra work I'm doing for Slughorn, and I've just begun tutoring Regulus Black in Potions. Dunno if you ever knew him, he's a year younger than me. He's catching on quite well, I'm actually really pleased with the results._

_Any news yet of Hestia Jones? I heard a rumor she was missing (her brother Hunter's still at school here) and I know you two are friends. I'm sorry, Pat, I really hope she's okay._

_How're Mum and Dad? Do you see them much? I can't believe I've only been here a month, it already feels like ages. I'll see you all at Christmas, I can't wait._

_Love always,_

_Eilis_

She hadn't heard back yet, and that was making her anxious. The _Daily Prophet _had been riddled with disappearances and murders of muggleborn witches and wizards lately. Although Eilis was pureblood, she knew that her family's decidedly anti-Dark wizard stance and friendliness with Headmaster Dumbledore made them less than favorable among the Dark Lord's followers.

Not only that, but she kept seeing the Lestrange brothers or the horrible cousin of Sirius's, Bella Black, wherever she went, and had the sneaking suspicion they were watching her. It was foolish, of course, but Eilis could be very superstitious sometimes.

* * *

One busy Sunday found Eilis in the library, revising a Charms essay for the second time. She was deep in concentration and didn't notice as a body sat down beside her. Eilis bit down on her lip, staring at the parchment in front of her, then hastily scratched out a line and wrote a new sentence in above it.

"Well, I have to say," came a smooth voice from her right, "it isn't often girls give their Charms homework more attention than me." Sirius Black sat next to her, one eyebrow raised at the slight gasp of surprise that had left Eilis's mouth when he spoke. "'Course, you're probably just pretending to be interested to make me work, eh? Didn't have you pegged for that type of girl, Cartwright."

Sirius smirked at the confused look on her face and patted her on the head. "Don't hurt yourself, Eil, I only came over to ask you about your birthday."

"My—my birthday? Sorry, Black, it's just—you've come out of nowhere and my brain hasn't quite switched tracks."

"Clearly. Anyway, your birthday. It's on Wednesday, right? That's what Moony said."

"Yeah, it is, why?" Eilis was completely befuddled.

"Oh, just curious." Sirius adopted a breezy, why-are-you-looking-at-me-like-I-have-something-shady-planned? look. "Nothing for you to worry your pretty little Irish head about. Anyway, better be off, Cartwright. Broom cupboards to visit, girls to snog, and all. You know how it is."

"Very difficult, I'm sure," said Eilis, regaining her composure. "Run off, Black, I've got to finish this tonight."

"Already finished, by the looks of it," came Remus Lupin's voice from over her left shoulder. He nodded at Sirius. "Pads, done terrorizing Eilis? I think Olivia Bent was looking for you."

Sirius sighed dramatically. "Ahhh, it never ends! I'm only one man! Can't these girls ever understand that?"

"Thinking a bit out of the box, Pads, I'd say the answer is no when you happen to be snogging four of them at once." Remus winked at Eilis, who was rolling her eyes, as Sirius sighed even more dramatically and heaved his arms up in the air before turning around and exiting the library.

"'Lo, Eil. What draft are you on?"

Eilis looked down at her heavily marked parchment. "Three," she muttered. "Still complete rubbish, though."

"I doubt that. Come on, Eil, you write at least two drafts of every essay we ever have to do. Don't you ever consider cutting down a bit and saving yourself some time? I'm sure you'd still be far ahead of most of the class even when you're cutting yourself some slack."

Eilis looked scandalized. "Cut myself some _slack?_ Seriously, Remus? Never thought I'd hear that from you. You know how important doing well is to me. It's not like I'm even doing as well as I could be, taking so much time out for Quidditch practice and Slughorn's lessons and—and—and everything else. Cut myself some slack!" Eilis started to laugh, as if she thought the idea was hysterically funny. Remus looked a bit unnerved. "Good one, Remus."

"Whatever, Eil, just don't try telling me you're fine because I can see how worn out you are. Your seventeenth birthday is in two days! C'mon, you should be having fun, if only just for this week."

"I look worn out? Oh, that's rich, Remus," she lowered her voice to a savage whisper. "You're one to talk. How many days is it til the full moon, eh, _Moony?_" Eilis gathered up her books and stood up, shoving them into her bookbag. She looked at Remus's dumbstruck expression once before leaving the table and storming out of the library angrily, walking right into a group of giggling third years. She untangled herself from them and kept on walking without bothering to apologize.

Eilis knew she was being completely ridiculous, and she would curse herself for telling Lupin she knew his secret later, but right now she truly just could not handle any kind of criticism, even in the kind way Remus had given it. She sped up, walking and walking without quite knowing where she was going. Finally, utterly exhausted, and in a completely unfamiliar part of the castle, Eilis collapsed at the end of a corridor and put her head in her hands, trying to breathe deeply.

She was a horrible, horrible person. How could she have treated Remus like that? He was only trying to help. And Sirius—ohhhh, the thought of him made her so angry, rubbing it in her face that he had any number of girls to choose from when no one, _no one_ was showing any kind of interest in her. Lily was probably off basking somewhere in the glow of James's devotion, and Marlene and Mary were probably gossiping in the dorm about some trivial issue…who was she supposed to talk to?

Her breathing finally calmed down but Eilis stayed the way she was, her head and arms resting on the tops of her knees as she looked down, shutting out the corridor around her. She hadn't the slightest idea where she was, but it was quiet here, and no one would disturb her.

* * *

Finally, after Eilis had been sitting and thinking everything over for at least a few hours, she picked herself up and brushed off her robes, heading back in the direction she came from. Or at least, the direction she thought she came from. It was fifteen minutes before she recognized a suit of armor and realized she was somewhere on the fourth floor, on the opposite side of the castle from Gryffindor Tower. It was probably after curfew, so she quickened her pace. Not long after, she spotted a tall figure at the end of the hallway looking around, and realized it was James. He saw her and ran over to where she was walking.

"Merlin, Eilis, where have you been?" James sounded both concerned and demanding. "Lily and I have been out looking for you for two hours."

Eilis was embarrassed. "I got lost, and then I just wanted to be alone for a bit. I'm sorry, James, but it's not really any of your business."

"Lost? Wait, really? Geez, Eil, how long have you lived in this castle? Anyway, that's not the point," he rounded down on her, his voice suddenly angry. "_What did you say to Remus? _ He won't talk to us, he just looks stricken, and Padfoot said he saw the two of you talking. I swear, Eil, you'd better have a good excuse for whatever you did."

Eilis had to concentrate to keep herself from getting angry and hurtful again. "I just—I was in a bit of a strop and he said something to me about how I looked really tired and I sort of—well, I sort of…let it slip I knew he was a werewolf."

James looked dumbfounded. "You know…about Moony?" he whispered. "How long?"

Eilis shrugged. "Since third year. Bit obvious, really, if you know him and you know what to look for." She got thoughtful for a minute. "Dunno if Lily knows, I never asked her in case she didn't." She caught sight of James again. "Oh, James, I was just so angry and I lashed out…is he really that bad? I feel absolutely horrible, but he's being quite thick if he thinks this means I don't want to be his friend anymore."

"Not to burst your bubble, or anything, Eil, but I have a feeling that's exactly what he thinks…especially if you just left after telling him you knew without giving some kind of explanation. You really hurt him, Eilis. Remus cares about you," said James, "a lot."

"I know," Eilis sighed. "And I doubt he even knows how much he means to me." She groaned. "I'm so stupid! How could I have said those things? I had absolutely no reason to be that cruel. Where is he, James? I really need to fix this. I'm so sorry."

"I know you are, Eil," James said. "And I'm sure Moony will forgive you. He's up in our dorm, I think he was just sitting there staring at the wall when I left…we were going to give him a bit of space, so you can go up there and talk to him, Sirius and Peter'll be down with me in the common room."

They reached the portrait of the Fat Lady at last. "Mandrake root," said Eilis, and the painting swung open. "Thanks for finding me, James."

"Sure thing, Cartwright, just fix whatever this is and we'll be square."

Eilis faltered for a moment at the base of the staircase up to the boy's dormitory, unsure how exactly to speak to Remus. Better to just go and do it, she thought, and resolutely began to climb the stairs. She reached the 6th year boys' room and knocked tentatively on the door. There was no response so she twisted the knob and entered, to find a messy room covered in Quidditch posters and with clothes strewn about the floor. Remus sat against the headboard of the bed opposite her, and he looked up as she came into the room. A series of expressions flit across his face: surprise, anger, confusion, before his features settled into a mask of hurt.

"What are you doing here?" His voice sounded thick with some emotion. Loathing, Eilis decided, though she was unsure whether it was directed at her or at himself.

"Oh, Remus," she said, going over to sit on the edge of his bed. "I'm so, so sorry that I spoke so carelessly. I was just upset for no real reason and I lashed out at you, and now I've hurt you terribly, and I'm just—I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

Remus let out a humorless chuckle. "Apologizing to a werewolf? What in the world would possess you?"

"Remus, I don't know if this will help or hurt, but I've known you were a werewolf since about third year and it's never made a bit of difference to me, truly."

"That's because you don't understand! You're too trusting, too good—Eilis, I could _kill _you."

"I refuse to accept that, Remus. I know you and the wolf that you become for one night out of every month is nothing when I think of the kind, caring boy I'm friends with. Don't try to make it seem like I don't know fully well what a werewolf is capable. I'm smarter than that, Remus, and you know it—you're just insulting my intelligence. Are you even following me here? I. Don't. Care. I don't care that you're a werewolf, you're still my friend and I refuse to let you…use this as an excuse to avoid me. It's not as if I have plans to go cavorting around the grounds on the full moon!"

Eilis looked Remus in the eye and observed how he was killing himself over his hatred of the wolf he had to live with.

She softened her tone. "Rem," she said, taking his hands in hers, "I am really, truly sorry for what I said and how I've upset you. I was being selfish and spiteful and I hope to never hurt you like this again. But," she went on, "you _can't_ beat yourself up over this so much. It's nothing you can control, and since it's out of your hands, you need to learn to just accept this about yourself. I know that I can't really understand what you go through, and maybe you're thinking about what I'm saying and thinking how ridiculous and foolish it is in your head, but honestly, Rem, I hope you take what I'm saying to heart."

Eilis looked again into the eyes of the boy who used to make her heart flutter and cursed whatever divine being had forced him to walk this course of life. Remus Lupin was truly one of the sweetest, most genuine people she had ever met, and there was just no way that he would ever deserve this hell that had been thrust upon him.

Remus looked back at her, seeming to absorb what she said. He signed resignedly. "Oh, Eil, I'm sorry, it's just that it gets so hard to live with myself sometimes, and I'm constantly afraid that if anyone was to find out they would utterly reject me." He rubbed his face wearily with his hands and sat up straighter against the headboard. "Third year? And you…you still wanted to know me?"

Eilis smiled to quell the vulnerable look on his face. "I did, I still do, and I expect I always will, Remus. C'mon, let's go get a snack in the kitchens or something before those oafs you call your friends barge up here."

Remus smiled slightly. "They're your friends too, Eil."

"What? Were you saying something? My hearing must've gone out," said Eilis, hitting her ear as she walked out of the room, with Lupin trailing behind her. They entered the common room chuckling slightly and headed for the portrait hole when Sirius called over to them, "Oi! Moony!" Remus looked apologetically at Eilis and went over to where the Marauders sat.

"Everything okay, Moony?" James said to his friend.

"Yeah, Eilis and I talked, and I think it's all okay," responded Lupin.

"Er—what happened, anyway? You looked pretty upset," said Peter, causing Sirius to smack him upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Cartwright let slip she knew about his furry little problem," cut in James. "Said she was upset and just lost it."

"Yeah, she did, a bit," said Remus, "but it's fine now, we've talked it over and she understands and she—" he stopped talking for a minute, a look of wonder spreading over his face. "—she still wants to be my friend. Can you believe it?"

"Erm…well as it didn't deter us, why would it make Eilis hate you? She's not stupid, Moony," said Sirius, fed up with Remus's inability to believe that people actually wanted to be around him. "Girl was making googly eyes at you all last year, why wouldn't she want to be around you?"

"I guess I just assumed—wait, what? Eilis? At _me? _Last year?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Merlin, Moony, you _are _thick. Better not leave Cartwright waiting, looks like she's getting impatient." He turned back to the game of Exploding Snap he'd been playing with Peter.

Remus rejoined Eilis and they left the tower together, laughing quietly as they snuck down to the kitchens, ever mindful of Filch on the prowl. He looked at the slight girl he was with in a new light, taking in her mop full of reddish-gold curls and the dark blue eyes that lit up when she laughed. Had she really fancied him? When she knew he was a werewolf? What a ridiculous notion—Sirius must be having him on yet again. He was getting sick of Padfoot's pranks.

* * *

The night of her birthday, Eilis walked down to the dungeons after dinner for her weekly meeting with Regulus, as it was a Wednesday. He wasn't aware of her birthday and she didn't mind at all, having no intention of forgoing their arrangement just to spend a little extra time in the common room giggling with Lily.

The day had been really lovely. Lily had given her a gift this morning before classes, a beautiful necklace: a long, fine, thin chain of antique gold on which hung four small pearls.

"Oh, Lily!" She had gasped upon opening the small box and pulling out the strand. "It's so beautiful…Lily, this must've cost a fortune, you really shouldn't have."

"Nonsense," Lily had said. "I saw it and thought of you immediately, it's perfect for you. And I got it at that secondhand store in Hogsmeade, so you can't complain about it costing too much."

Eilis lifted the necklace reverently over her head, pushing her hair out of the way, loving the way it hung down to her waist. "Thank you so much, Lily. Really, it's perfect."

Classes had been surprisingly pleasant and Eil had received birthday wishes from nearly everyone she knew. At dinner Remus had given her a cupcake and the Marauders had arranged with the elves in the kitchens for all of her favorite foods to be served.

So as she entered the Potions classroom where Regulus sat waiting like he always did, she was in a wonderful mood, and greeted the younger Black cheerfully.

"What's got you looking like Christmas morning, then?"

"Nothing," said Eilis innocently, "just having a really good day. Shall we get to work, then? I thought we'd work on a Shrinking Solution this week." Regulus lit a fire under the cauldron as she gathered up the ingredients they'd need.

"You know, you're improving really well," Eilis began, sitting down on a stool and handing the instructions to Regulus. "We probably won't need to keep up these lessons for much longer."

Regulus looked up at her sharply. "That's ridiculous," he said quickly, taking Eilis aback with his harsh tone. "We've been working on potions a third year could brew. I'm still loads behind in class, and my grades haven't gone up at all." He glared slightly at Eilis. "What, so ready to be done with me? Hate having to venture down to the Slytherins' lair to visit poor, stupid, Regulus?"

"I—that's not it, at all." Eilis swallowed nervously. "I like meeting with you, Regulus, really. You just…you seemed to be improving, and I figured you didn't want to be saddled to me for the rest of the year."

He seemed to find this an adequate response before turning away and proceeding to ignore her, adding ingredients messily and stirring the cauldron viciously. She hadn't meant to upset him so thoroughly—she'd only said he was improving.

As the second hour was drawing to a close, Eilis frowned into the cauldron. "Well," she began, "I _thought_ you were getting better…you did really well with all those healing potions, but…I guess you do need more help." She stared down at the chunky, mold-green colored mess in the cauldron. "A lot more help."

"Whatever," said Regulus, taking out his wand. "Evanesco!" he said, and the frothing contents of the pot disappeared, after which he began to busy himself packing up the supplies they'd been using.

Just then, someone entered the classroom, and a voice began talking, "Merlin, Eilis, where've you been? James said you were down here, can't imagine why, but the whole party's been waiting for you back in the common room—" the voice stopped short as Sirius Black stared at Eilis and his younger brother. His tone changed from annoyed to furious. "What are _you _doing here? Why are you with Cartwright?"

Regulus glared back at him. "Getting extra help with Potions. Everyone in the school knows what a wiz she is at the class and I was falling behind. Got a problem, brother? Don't like me getting my Slytherin claws in your precious little Gryffindor's hide?"

"No," said Sirius slowly, "I don't. Come on, Eilis, everyone's waiting for you. Let's get out of here." He made a motion indicating he was waiting for Eilis to exit the classroom. She knew it was not a good idea to argue at the moment, as she didn't want to get between the two brothers right now, so she went out into the hall and waited for Sirius.

The elder Black took a few steps towards his brother and looked him straight in the eye. "Stay away from her, Regulus. I mean it. Find another tutor. Just not her."

"Why, Sirius, I had no idea you cared so much," spat Regulus. "And it isn't up to you, is it? It's up to Eilis. And I have a feeling she'll want to keep meeting me," he smirked. "Being the good-hearted little witch she is. So I would appreciate it if you kept out of what's no concern of yours."

Sirius clenched his jaw and made as if to hit his brother but checked himself, seeming to decide against it. He turned and left the room, barging past Eilis, who hurried to catch up with him and match his furious pace.

"Sirius?" She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, I was only tutoring him—"

"Stay away from him, Eil. I'm serious." He cursed himself at the unintentional pun. "Regulus…isn't the type of person you want to know. Stay clear of him, and stay clear of his friends."

"I can't do that, Sirius. He needs my help. And he's not as bad as you think, I know, I've been meeting him for weeks and he's really quite sweet, if you'd only give him a chance—"

Sirius rounded back on her, his grey eyes ablaze with some emotion she did not recognize and could not understand. "You don't get it, Cartwright," he said savagely, a muscle twitching in his jaw. "My brother is _not_ _a good person_. If you don't want to get hurt, I suggest that you stay away from him. You cannot know what you're dealing with here."

"I…" Eilis was at a loss of how to respond to Sirius, whose eyes searched her face once more before he started striding off toward Gryffindor Tower again. She continued after him, maintaining a distance, which wasn't hard because of the speed with which he walked. When she reached the portrait hold he was nowhere in sight, and after she entered she scanned the common room, which was hung with banners that read "Happy Birthday, Eilis!" and the scene of many laughing fifth years and above, snacking on the piles of food one of the Marauders must've nicked from the kitchen. It appeared that they had somehow got a hold of a number of butterbeers, as well. As Eilis was swarmed with people giving her birthday wishes, she looked around frantically, but there was no sign of Sirius. James, Remus, and Peter were all here, but the older Black had either gone up to bed or not returned at all, and she didn't feel like asking James which.

She resigned herself to the fact that there was nothing she could do now, and tried her best to enjoy the rest of her birthday and the party being held for her.


	8. Chapter 8: Glares

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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Sirius didn't go back to the common room until very late that night. Instead he made his way to the statue of the hump-backed witch on the fourth floor, muttered "Dissendium", and began the underground walk into Hogsmeade.

He was furious at his brother. Why was it that his family always crept in on places he thought were safe, things he thought were his and only his? Eilis was _his_ friend, not Regulus's, and he would be damned if he allowed the two of them to keep meeting.

He thought of Eilis's face when he had challenged Regulus in the Potions classroom. She had been shocked, and upset, and…he tried to remember. She's almost looked resigned, as if she had been expecting something like this to happen. Was that why she hadn't mentioned it at all? She knew how angry Sirius would be? He supposed it was possible.

He thought of Cartwright. They weren't particularly close, but he considered her a friend, which was much more than most girls were to him. She was very smart, yes, and a real asset to the Quidditch team…but she also had real qualities, like how kind she was, and sarcastic, and genuine. She was funny, for a girl. She saw through his pigheadedness.

And hadn't she been head over heels for Moony last year? He and James had talked about it, wondering when Remus would make a move. Sirius had to say he was surprised when nothing happened. But from what Moony had said earlier…maybe he really had had no idea Eilis had felt that way. Moony would probably get up one day and go through his normal routine, not realizing that the world had ended, he could be so thick.

Sirius remembered the way that earlier that week, Eilis had revealed she knew Moony's secret…that had been a tense few hours. But she'd marched right up to their dorm and straightened it all out, so she must be more than just kind, she must be understanding, and willing to take risks.

He supposed the conclusion he was forced to come to was that Eilis was really great. Not that that particularly did her justice, but Moony definitely deserved someone like her. Pretty, too, he thought, thinking of her porcelain skin and the way her hair hung in her face and down her back, like brandished gold, and the way her wide midnight eyes stared out of her face, surrounded by those lovely lashes…where was he going with this?

_Regulus_. Sirius felt another surge of hatred for his foolish brother, too weak to leave their family behind like he had, following around scum like the Lestranges and Bellatrix, friends with Slytherins like Evan Rosier and Severus Snape. He remembered the way his brother had spoken of Eilis earlier…"_Don't like me getting my Slytherin claws in your precious little Gryffindor's hide?...it isn't up to you, is it? It's up to Eilis. And I have a feeling she'll want to keep meeting me…"_

Sirius fumed. Cartwright was not some…some _plaything _for Regulus to manhandle and discard after use. He had no idea what his brother's intentions were for the witch, but he knew if Eilis came to trust the Slytherin there was no way she would see whatever he had planned for her. He had to keep that from happening.

* * *

Eilis was very uneasy for the next week, for all during classes she could feel Sirius's eyes on her, boring into her from whichever direction he was sitting while she tried to take notes and perform spells accurately. At meals in the Great Hall she would be sitting beside Lily and Marlene, laughing about something, and suddenly look up to find Black's gaze locked on her, a challenge and a question in his eyes…_What now, Eilis? _It was like he was daring her to keep meeting with his brother.

As to that matter, she hadn't the slightest idea what to do. Regulus really needed her help, and she didn't want to just leave him in a lurch. Then again, she didn't want to anger Sirius. She decided that she would wait until Regulus approached her, but would not reach out to him. If he came to her, though, she would most certainly agree to keep meeting with him.

Luckily she was kept quite busy, so Eilis didn't have as much time to dwell on her situation as she might normally have had. The annual cold season had infiltrated Hogwarts, and Eilis was busy in her free periods and hours between classes and dinner making Pepper-Up Potions for Madame Pomfrey, along with several other healing draughts.

With the first match against Hufflepuff only a month away, James began keeping them later at Quidditch practices, meaning it was quite late by the time Eilis made her way up to the common room at night. One of the boys would usually wait around for her and Reagan, or the team would walk back up to the castle together.

Classes were continuing to increase in difficulty, though Eilis and Lily were very happy with the way that their Defense Against the Dark Arts class was turning out. Professor Quinn was, as they'd expected, quite strict, but her knowledge more than made up for that fact. At the moment, they were tackling the Patronus Charm, which several students were having a very difficult time of. Eilis had been able to produce a silvery owl for a few moments in class on Monday on the third day that they attempted the charm, and had watched, enraptured, as her magical protector soared around the classroom. An _owl_, she thought. _How perfect. Didn't Patrick always call me "Little Owl" when I was younger?_ Her heart began to thump and her Patronus flickered and disappeared. _Patrick._ He still hadn't written her back. She wasn't even sure he'd gotten her letter, for she'd checked the Owlery and Francisco hadn't been there. It was going on two weeks, now, and Patrick had never taken more than a few days to answer her before.

She shook her head to get rid of the negative thoughts piercing her brain. She was being ridiculous—worrying like her mother always did. _But isn't Mum worried, too?_ Maybe her parents had heard from her brother? Surely they would have let her know immediately if anything had happened. Yes, of course—she was getting too easily scared, hearing stories like Dory's and Hunter Jones's. She resolved to owl her parents later that day, just to be safe.

Dinner that night succeeded in getting Eilis's mind off of her brother. She sat down between Lily and Remus, across from James, Sirius, and Peter. She and Remus grinned at one another as they watched James try his daily challenge.

"C'mon, Lils, just one date."

"No, thank you, Potter, I'm busy this weekend."

"I didn't even say when!"

"Oh," said Lily, looking up from the Arithmancy textbook she was reading and meeting James's eyes. "Oh. Well, I'm sorry, Potter, I'm just not interested right now."

"But, Lily—"

"Really, mate, thought you knew what 'no' meant," said Sirius, grinning. "Or shall I grab a dictionary?"

"Funny," muttered James, shoveling food into his mouth.

Just then, a shout came from across the Great Hall. Eilis, along with the rest of the student body, swiveled her head around to watch what was happening at the Slytherin table. Regulus Black was stumbling back over the bench, cursing furiously. Eilis strained her eyes to get a better look at him. His ears, nose, chin, and forehead all seemed to be much larger than usual…her eyes widened as Regulus stood up and looked at his hands, seeing the way they multipied in size before his eyes. The features on his face were now completely skewed, and his enormous head was drooping down on his massive shoulders. Trying to hold it up with his expanding arms, Regulus ran out of the Hall, tripping over his over-large feet on the way.

Eilis turned back to the table. The three boys across from her all looked uncharacteristically serious, attention solely on their food. She looked over at Remus, a question in her eyes, which he answered with a shrug. He never had been able to control James and Sirius.

"Potter! What did you just do?" Lily hissed.

"Nothing, my darling Lily flower," he answered, smiling back at her.

"I'm not an idiot, Potter, what have you done to Regulus Black?"

"He—er—there may have been a bit of Swelling Solution lacing his pumpkin juice," James admitted.

Eilis looked at Sirius. He was no longer bowed over his food, but was staring straight at her, almost glaring, as if daring her to ask him why he'd done it and to tell him off. She blushed and looked down, gathering her resolve, before looking back up at him, an equal challenge in her own eyes.

"Well, I think it was a very foolish prank." After speaking, she got up from the table, grabbed her bag, and trotted out of the Great Hall, afraid to look behind her and see what sort of expression Sirius might have.

She walked up to the Owlery, taking out a piece of parchment, with the intention of finding a school owl to send to her parents. She entered the bird-filled hall and went over to one of the writing desks, beginning:

_Hi Mum and Dad,_

_I was just a little worried about Patrick. He hasn't answered a letter I wrote him two weeks ago and I figured if anything had happened, you would have told me, but please just let me know if anything is going on and smack him for not writing me back yet._

_All my love,_

_Eilis_

She was just beginning to scan the rows of Hogwarts owls when something soared down to sit on her arm. She sucked in her breath at the site of the tawny owl before her. "Frisco!" she breathed. "What—why—oh, no," she spluttered as Francisco hooted softly, dearly wishing she could communicate with the bird before her. If he was here, did it mean he'd reached Patrick? But usually Frisco waited for a response…perhaps Patrick had been too busy and her owl had grown restless and taken off, back to Hogwarts? Yes, that had to be it. Well, at least now she was mostly sure he had gotten her letter, as Francisco would have brought it back to her had he been unable to deliver it. "Take this to Mum and Dad, okay Frisco?" She ran her fingers through his feathers once before he took off out the window, soaring over the grounds.

Eilis turned around and walked out of the Owlery, and nearly collided with two people walking in.

Oh, I'm sorry," she said, looking up to find Dorcas Meadows and Caradoc Dearborn in front of her. "Dorcas! Caradoc! How are you both?"

Caradoc looked down at Dorcas before answering, "We're alright," to which the Ravenclaw witch smiled slightly. "Dory was just going to send a letter to her parents so I thought I'd accompany her, fancied a bit of a stroll."

"Yes, that's what I've just done," said Eilis, smiling up at Caradoc. He was so tall.

"You know, Car, I'm bound to be awhile writing, why don't you just walk back to the school with Eilis? I'll see you at the common room later." Dorcas smiled at them both and Eilis could've sworn she saw the witch wink at her very quickly.

"You're sure?" asked Caradoc, his green eyes on Dorcas, questioning her. She nodded and walked over to the writing desk Eilis had just been using.

Caradoc turned to Eilis, looking down at her. "Guess we're off, then," he said, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his head full of black curls. "How've you been, Eilis?"

"I'm alright," she answered, thinking about her good luck in having this bit of stolen time with Caradoc Dearborn all to herself. "Been pretty busy, with Quidditch and classes and all. What about you? And how's Dory been, really?"

"I'm fine, and she's been—well, better than I expected, being back at school has helped a lot, I think. It takes her mind off of Nora." He looked down at the fair-skinned witch beside him. "You know, I don't think I ever really thanked you, for that day on the train." Eilis looked up to find his green eyes studying her. "Dory was terrified of having to see everyone that day, and all the rumours…I was with her but I didn't know which bathroom she'd gone into, and I couldn't follow her, anyway…but it was really great of you to help her the way you did, Eilis. Really, you're a terrific girl." He fell silent.

Eilis felt herself blushing madly and was too afraid to up at Caradoc again to meet his eyes that were still on her. "Thank you," she whispered, suddenly overcome with a shyness that made her very uncomfortable.

Caradoc has his hands in his pockets as they entered the castle and walked by the Great Hall, listening to sounds of the dinner that was still going on. "So," he began. "What's your family like?"

Eilis smiled. "They're wonderful. My mum's completely Irish, and my Dad's British. Mum works at the Ministry, and Dad works for Comet, you know, the broomstick line? We live in Exeter, in Devon. My brother Patrick, d'you remember him at all? He left Hogwarts two years ago. Anyway," she continued when Caradoc shook his head, "he's in Auror training right now. What's your family like?"

"Well, my family lives in Godric's Hollow, sort of near the Potters. My parents both work at the Ministry, and I've got three older sisters who own a girl's robe shop in Diagon Alley."

"Not going following in their footsteps, then?" Eilis grinned up at Caradoc, who grinned back.

"Not likely. Should probably figure out what I'm going to do, though. Flitwick was ready to kill me in that career counseling meeting fifth year, I had no idea."

"You still don't know?"

"I dunno, I suppose I'm leaning towards becoming an Auror, I mean, I really want to make a difference and fight You-Know-Who, 'specially now I've seen what he's done to Dorcas…she's becoming an Auror, you know. She was bent on traveling, going to other countries like Egypt and Italy, finding out what the wizards there are like and reading up on their old spells. But ever since what happened to Nora she's completely changed her mind, I think she'll do anything to stop the Death Eaters."

"She's very brave," said Eilis.

"Yes," Caradoc agreed. They had made it up the many flights of stairs and were now approaching Gryffindor Tower. "Listen, Eilis. I—I know this seems sort of out of the blue, but I've been thinking about it for awhile. Er—it's fine if you don't, but would you maybe want to go with me to Hogsmeade next visit?" He stopped walking and looked down into Eilis's deep blue eyes hopefully, seeming quite bashful.

She flushed with pleasure. "I'd really like that, Caradoc," she said, offering a smile to him, which he returned, looking very happy.

"Brilliant! I'd better be off back to my common room, but I'll see you around, Eilis." He beamed down at her once more before backing up several paces and turning around to head to wherever in the castle the Ravenclaw dorms were. Eilis wasn't exactly sure.

She leant against the wall, her heart hammering. Caradoc Dearborn! Wanted to go to Hogsmeade with _her! _ Had that been what Dory's wink was about, back at the Owlery? What did it even matter? She, Eilis Kathryn Cartwright, had a _date_. A date with a boy. Finally! Perhaps she wasn't really as undesirable as she had been thinking. She sighed as she thought of Caradoc, with his dark beautiful curly hair and his dark green eyes. She had to tell Lily, immediately.

* * *

The next few days Eilis felt as if she was walking on a cloud. She didn't often see Caradoc around the castle, but the few times she'd see him in the corridors he'd run to catch up with her and walk her to her next class. He was very sweet, and they would alternate questions to find out more about each other.

The only damper to her good mood was Quidditch practice on Tuesday night. Sirius still seemed very upset with her over the whole Regulus thing, and Eilis found that she was dodging quite a few more bludgers than normal. She hurried to change out of her practice robes and walked back to the castle with Reagan that night, not bothering to wait to walk with the boys like she normally did.

Eilis assumed that Sirius just needed time to cool off, but when the same thing happened at practice Thursday night, she was rather put out. She walked out of practice in a huff after stripping out of her robes as quickly as she could, and took off back up to Hogwarts alone. She was walking past the Great Hall and the entrance to the dungeons on her way to the staircases when she felt an arm grab her and shove her into a broom closet in the entrance hall.

"Wha—" Her surprised cry was cut off as she was pushed against the wall of the cupboard, finally getting a chance to look up at her attacker.

"Lumos," whispered a voice, and light flared from a wand tip. Regulus Black was glaring down at her, his resemblance to his brother clearer than ever, especially since Eilis was getting used to that expression from Sirius these days.

"Cartwright," said Regulus tightly.

"Black," responded Eilis coolly.

"Where were you last night?" He demanded. "Why didn't you meet me?"

"I—" Eilis was surprised. Was he really that shocked he hadn't showed. "I just figured that our meetings were off, after what happened last week with—" She stopped talking, feeling apprehensive about Regulus's reaction.

"After my prat of a brother walked in on us? Merlin, Cartwright, didn't think you were one to follow the orders of someone else. Then again," he said, "I suppose I should've expected you to follow every beck and call of Sirius Black, because he's just _so _dreamy, isn't he?" Regulus sneered at her.

"Shut up, will you?" Eilis was getting angry now. "Look, I was doing you a favor, and I figured after what happened I should just cool it so I wouldn't piss off Sirius more and cause him to be even more of an ass than he's been this past week. And if this is how you're going to treat me, shoving me into _broom closets_ and yelling at me and thinking I'm no better than some vapid, empty-headed tart, then I really don't think I have any immediate plans to tutor you again, thank you very much," she finished hotly.

Regulus had the presence of mind to look ashamed at this point. "Look, Cartwright…I'm sorry, it's just, I didn't expect you to go and quit on me after you said you wouldn't last week, and I really do need your help, and it isn't easy being Sirius's brother, and…I'm sorry," he said again, rather lamely. "But you can't stop meeting with me, you just _can't._"

"Can't I?" But she felt her anger beginning to dissipate at the sight of his face. Regulus actually did look sorry. And something else. A little fearful, maybe? That couldn't be right.

"Please, Eilis," he whispered.

She was silent for a few minutes and could sense his growing anxiety.

"Fine," she said, pleased to see his face break out into a smile. "But any more of these shenanigans and we're _through_, do you understand?"

"Yes, yes, whatever," said Regulus, seeming to finally sense how close they were, because he cleared his throat and backed away from her as far as the small closet would allow, looking her over before he shook his head and opened the door to the broom closet, stepping out into the entrance hall. Eilis followed him and walked right into his back, causing her to look up to see what had stopped him in his tracks.

James and Sirius stood at the doors of the castle, having just come in after practice. There was a loud thud as James dropped the trunk of Quidditch balls in surprise at the sight of Eilis.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," said Sirius, shooting both Regulus and Eilis death glares. "This is just bloody fantastic." He stalked past them towards the staircases up to Gryffindor Tower, gripping his broom tightly, leaving Eilis standing there with James and Regulus, who muttered a curse and turned to walk down to the dungeons, not even bothering to say goodbye to her.

James picked up the case of balls and walked over to her. "Well," he began, "you don't _look _like you've been snogged." He offered her a sympathetic smile before sighing. "Nice one, Eil. Sirius is just going to be lovely to live with for the next week." He passed her and walked off in Sirius's footsteps, leaving Eilis alone in the entrance hall, cursing her foolishness before she, too, turned to head up to Gryffindor Tower.


	9. Chapter 9: Unwanted News

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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The next few days dragged by. Eilis was torn between excitement at the thought of spending time with Caradoc, and resentment towards Sirius. Ever since the previous Thursday, the night of the Broom Closet Debacle, he had been either avoiding her or been horribly rude to her. She was very hurt by his actions, and James was nearly ready to kill both of them because of the tension it put on the team at Quidditch practices. To make matters worse, now she hadn't heard from either Patrick _or_ her parents, who hadn't yet replied to the missive she sent the previous week.

Eilis very nearly reached the end of her rope in Defense on Monday, when Professor Quinn partnered her and Sirius together for some spell work. He scoffed audibly as their names were called together, and Eilis clenched her jaw to refrain from lashing out at him.

"So," he began, as the class split up, "I'm stuck with my little brother's new plaything."

All of a sudden Eilis felt extremely drained by everything that had been going on. "Do you want offense, Sirius, or shall I go first?" She knew her voice sounded dull with exhaustion but it seemed that by now the way Sirius was acting was just making her tired, rather than sparking her temper.

He looked temporarily caught off guard. "I—what?" He quickly recovered. "I'll go," he said, pushing up the sleeves of his robes and fingering his wand. Eilis stepped back and into the defensive stance Professor Quinn had shown them, holding her wand before her and looking up at Sirius, biting her lip. He was supposed to try to hex her and she was to block or slow him somehow. He was to use verbal spells, hers would be nonverbal.

"_Patellum Perilium!" _Sirius cried, and Eilis quickly cast _Protego _mentally to block his knee-buckling hex. He just glared at her before casting "_Furnunculus!_", which Eilis again stopped with a Shield Charm. Sirius shot her a second look before his face became a mask of determination. "_Petrificus Totalus!_", he cried, and Eilis was _just_ too slow in casting _Impedimenta_ in her mind before she felt her muscles seize up and her whole body freeze. She tripped as her legs snapped together and fell to the ground without grace, an act which made Sirius laugh at her unkindly before Professor Quinn hurried over and cast _Finite Incantatum_, allowing Eilis control over her body again.

She got up, brushing the dust off her robes, to find Sirius still smirking at her. She just looked at him in resignation for what seemed like several minutes, before shrugging and walking back to her desk to begin the written component of the classwork.

That night, Eilis was walking back from dinner alone when she heard someone call out behind her.

"Hey—hey, Cartwright!" Her shoulders slumped as she realized it was Sirius's voice, and she wondered what else he could possibly want from her. She kept walking, wishing she were able to mask her emotions well as he caught up before and began walking beside her.

"Look, Cartwright," he started, hesitatingly, as if unsure how to begin, "I don't really want to fight with you."

"Could've fooled me," said Eilis, trying hard to look straight ahead. Sirius had the good grace to look ashamed.

"I'm not going to apologize."

"Then why are you here?" asked Eilis wearily, finally stopping and turning to look up into Sirius's face, which darkened.

"You need to listen to me, Eilis. I thought I made it clear before—you can't go around getting involved with people like Regulus. I mean really, Eilis, snogging my brother in a broom cupboard? How could you?" He looked at her, his wide grey eyes very upset, but quickly reverted back to a glare. "You're smarter than that, Cartwright. Do I honestly need to say it again? Regulus is _not_ the type of person you should be around. He's just using you, come on, why else would he seek you out?"

Eilis had to turn her face so Sirius wouldn't see the tears that suddenly sprung to her eyes. "Oh, Merlin," he said, his voice softening. "I—I didn't mean it like that. It's just, I don't know what else Regulus could possibly want from you."

"So, that's it, then? All I'm good for is some quickie in a closet? That's the only reason anyone would ever try to get to know poor Eilis Cartwright. Thanks, Sirius," she said, backing away from him, fighting to hide how upset he had just made her. "You've certainly cleared a lot of things up."

She turned and walked briskly the rest of the way to Gryffindor Tower, leaving Sirius standing alone in the corridor. He stared at her retreating figure, trying to understand what had just happened, before slamming his fist against the wall angrily and stalking off after Eilis. She wasn't in the common room when he got there, and he sat moodily in one of the armchairs by the fire, barely speaking to James and Peter when they returned. Finally, Remus appeared before him.

"Right, come on then, Sirius," said Lupin, hauling the other Marauder out of his chair and pushing him out of the portrait hole.

"What do you want, Moony? I'm not exactly in the mood for a chat."

"Well, you're going to get one. What did you say to Eilis? Lily came and got me and said she was really upset."

"I didn't say anything! I just told her not to go around snogging my brother and his wannabe-Death Eater friends!"

Remus groaned. "Honestly, Padfoot, you're the one who calls _me _thick? You don't really think Eilis snogged Regulus that night?" He looked at Sirius in disbelief. "Come on, Pads, even you aren't that stupid."

Sirius was getting very uncomfortable now. "I—well—" He ran a hand through his sleek black hair. "They came out of a broom closet together! What was I supposed to think, Moony?"

Remus looked at him with pity. "Not that. Merlin, Padfoot, just because you go around snogging girls in broom closets every chance you get doesn't mean everyone does. Eilis isn't exactly that type of girl, if you hadn't noticed. 'Specially not with some Slytherin. She's seeing someone, anyway."

Sirius looked properly ashamed of himself. "Oh," he said. "Oh. I guess that makes sense." He began to walk down the corridor, thinking. "I should probably tell her I'm sorry."

"You think?" Remus chuckled. "Can't leave you alone for two minutes, can I?"

Sirius shot him an annoyed look. "Whatever, Moony, I made a mistake, alright?" He kept walking. "So, who's Cartwright seeing? You?"

Remus laughed. "Nope, Eil and I are only friends. Dunno why you'd think she ever fancied me, but I can assure you it was definitely not true." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Anyway, she's going to Hogsmeade with Caradoc Dearborn. You know, the seventh year? Ravenclaw?"

"That prat? What does she see in him?"

Remus shook his head. "Caradoc's a great guy, Sirius. And I don't particularly think you're in any place to be making more judgments about who Eilis does things with." He stopped and began to head in the direction back to the common room. "I'll catch you later, Pads, I've got to go finish my Charms." With that he trotted off, leaving Sirius with a great deal to think about—namely what an idiot he'd been.

* * *

Sirius avoided Eilis in classes and at Quidditch practice the next day. She left with Reagan, continuing to be worn out by the actions of the elder Black brother. It was partly due to his behavior that she firmly decided to meet Regulus the next night to continue their tutoring sessions. When she entered the dungeons, he acted as if nothing strange had happened between them and was back to his old, friendly, surprisingly sensitive self.

"So, Cartwright," he began as he stirred a cauldron of Aging Potion, "I realized I don't actually know that much about you." He lifted his grey eyes, darker than his brother's, to Eilis.

"What would you like to know?"

"Well, for starters, what do you do in your free time? Any hobbies?"

"Er…I play Quidditch, which you already knew. I read a lot. Potions books, old muggle fiction stories. I listen to a lot of music, as well—at home we've got a Wizarding wireless as well as loads of muggle records. Why, what do you do in your free time?"

"That, my esteemed teacher, is secret." Regulus smirked at her. "What's your favorite color?"

"Navy blue."

"Not scarlet and gold?"

Eilis rolled her eyes. "I'm not quite _that_ full of Gryffindor pride, thank you."

"You never know," replied Regulus. "Favorite holiday?"

Eilis thought for a moment. "Christmas," she said. "I like being with my family, and we all sing and Mum goes a bit crazy on the food and Dad goes overboard on decorating, and my brother Patrick and I always go to buy the Christmas crackers, and we all bake together all morning."

Regulus looked at her. "That sounds really nice," he said. "Wish my family was like that."

Eilis was unsure how to respond, so she decided to divert the conversation back to the safe, familiar topic of Potions. The rest of the evening passed amiably, with Regulus asking her questions about herself, which she found herself answering easily.

* * *

After his session with Eilis was over, Regulus made his way back to the Slytherin common room as slowly as possible, knowing he would be questioned upon his return. His expectations did not fall short of the truth.

"So, Black," said Rabastan Lestrange, rounding down on him. "I trust your weekly meetings have been resumed?"

"Oh yes," replied Regulus cheerfully, "want to know what I learned tonight?"

"No. How were things with Cartwright?"

"Fine. I asked her lots of questions about herself, and she continues to be surprised by my interest in her."

"How soon do you think we can offer her the proposition?" Rodolphus Lestrange asked.

Regulus surveyed the two brothers with his eyes. "Not sure," he said carefully. "Definitely a bit more time. Three weeks, at least. I'll try and see if I can get her to see me outside of this tutoring thing." He was thinking quickly. "We might have to push it off, though, til after Christmas."

Rodolphus hissed. "What, are you insane? You know we don't have that kind of time, Black. He wants results as soon as possible." He paused, studying Regulus. "Don't think she's going to agree? Think we need to take more direct action?"

"No," said Regulus quickly. "No, not yet. I'll convince her. It won't be an issue. You don't need to do anything like that yet."

The two brothers both glared at him, gravely. "We don't foresee there being any problems with your involvement in this, Black," said Rabastan. "So don't prove us wrong, alright?" He said it in a friendly voice, but Regulus couldn't help the slight chill that ran through him at those words, and he nodded at the Lestranges before heading up to his dorm.

* * *

The next day, Eilis was in Transfiguration when Sturgis Podmore appeared at the classroom door. "Sorry, Professor," he said to McGonagall, "but I'm to excuse Eilis Cartwright and bring her to Professor Dumbledore." He smiled over at Eilis, who smiled back but felt uneasy. Why was she being summoned to the Headmaster?

"That's quite alright, Mr. Podmore," said McGonagall. "You may go, Miss Cartwright. Please see another student later about the assignment." Eilis nodded and packed up her things, shrugging at the inquiring glance Lily shot her.

She walked with Sturgis out of the classroom. "'Lo, Sturg. Any idea what this is about?"

"Nah," he replied, grinning at her. "Maybe you'll be expelled?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Eilis laughed at him.

"'Course not," said Podmore, still grinning as they walked along the corridor. "Who would I cheat off in Herbology?"

"Wouldn't want you to have to go through that," said Eilis. "I'll do my best to stay at Hogwarts. Just for you."

"Why, thank you," replied Sturgis. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," he said, putting a hand on his chest.

Eilis rolled her eyes as they arrived at the statue of the stone gargoyle.

"Caramel corn," said Podmore, and the gargoyle sprung aside. "Catch you later, Eil. Good luck."

Eilis thanked him, and ascended the spiral staircase before stopping in front of Dumbledore's office door and banging the griffin knocker twice, softly.

"Come in, Miss Cartwright," the Headmaster's voice called.

She entered the study to find Dumbledore sitting behind his desk and her parents occupying two of the seats in front of it. She looked at the three people quizzically.

"Mum, Dad," she said. "Why are you here? I don't understand—have I done something?"

Her parents shared a long look with each other before they both turned their gaze to her. She noticed how tired they looked. Her mother sighed. "No, honey," said Maeve Cartwright. "You haven't done anything. Please sit down."

Eilis sat slowly, afraid to find out why they were there. "Dad?"

Finn Cartwright looked at his daughter. "It's your brother," he said, waiting for the words to take effect upon her.

"Patrick?" Eilis whispered. "What happened to him? He's fine, right?"

"We—we're not sure," said her father. "He went out on some mission with some other Aurors. Half trainees, half seasoned. Alastor Moody says they should have returned a week ago but there's been no word."

"So—so that's why he didn't reply to my letter?" Eilis thought quickly. "But there were a lot of them, right? I mean, maybe they just can't get in contact because it's taking longer than they expected, or—or something."

"We really don't know, honey," said her mother. "We've been trying to find out, but Moody says there isn't much we can do without compromising the goal of their mission."

"Well, what was the mission?"

"I'm afraid, Miss Cartwright, that neither you nor your parents can know that," said Professor Dumbledore, speaking for the first time. "It was very important, and secrecy is imperative in order that those who undertook it remain safe."

"I'm sorry, Eilis," said Finn. "We would have told you right away, but it's only been a week, and we've been holding out for news. We didn't want to worry you, either."

"It's fine," said Eilis. "I'm just glad you told me now. Is there—is there anything I can do?" She was at a loss.

"I'm afraid not, dear," said her mother. "At this point all we can really do is wait and see."

"You may return to your dormitory, Miss Cartwright. You have been excused from classes for the remainder of the day." Professor Dumbledore looked at her kindly, offering a smile which she did not return. Eilis hugged her parents and left the office, heading up towards Gryffindor Tower.

So Patrick was missing. Everything made sense now. She felt herself beginning to panic at the thought of never seeing her brother again, and forced herself to calm down. He's fine, he's with trained Aurors, he's brilliant with a wand, she told herself. Eilis tried to clear her mind and focus on the positive, but the information was just too overwhelming right now. Who could she even turn to about this? Lily, or Remus, as usual? Somehow she felt that her usual confidants would be unable to quell her fears this time around. Should she go find Hunter Jones? Was Hestia even still missing? The thought of commiserating with someone in the exact same position as her was very unappealing.

Eilis sighed and walked into her dormitory, collapsing onto her bed. She lay there for what seemed like ages and watched as the lines of the sun and shadows inched across the room. It was in this way that Lily found her after dinner, curled up on her bed, asleep. Lily Evans took in the sight of her sleeping friend, the worried look that graced Eilis's brow even in sleep, and pulled the covers up around her friend. She didn't know what was wrong, but she knew Eilis well enough to see that it was something very concerning.

* * *

That night, Lily and Eilis sat together in a quiet corner of the common room, silently working on Ancient Runes homework. Lily still didn't know the problem, but Eilis was going to tell her later—she hadn't wanted to say in front of the rest of their dorm mates. At about ten, James and Sirius strode into the room and made their way over to the corner the two girls occupied.

"Cartwright," said James, "Why weren't you at practice? Does it have something to do with the reason you weren't in classes all day?"

Eilis looked up and Sirius was caught by how tired she looked—even worse than the past few days. It only made him feel worse about how he'd been treating her. She seemed to register the two boys standing before her and shook her head as if to clear the fog from it. "I'm sorry, James," she said quietly. "I was sick, and I just really couldn't make myself go tonight. I promise I'll make it up to you this weekend."

James looked confused. "Whatever, Eil, just sort yourself out and be on top of everything this weekend. First match is in a week and a half. You can't be slacking like this." He glanced at Lily and was startled to see the glare she was sending him. What in the world was going on with these girls tonight? He turned back to Eilis. "You missed a really excellent feast, anyway."

"Feast?" Eilis was confused.

"It's Halloween, Eil," said Lily kindly, while still glaring at James.

"Oh, right." Eilis felt her cheeks burn. She was embarrassed to have forgotten the holiday. She turned her concentration back to her Ancient Runes homework, wishing she were back in her bed.

Sirius went with James as he left the table and headed up to the boys' dormitory, thinking about Eilis and wondering whether it had been his presence that she had been trying to avoid in not attending practice. It was egotistical, sure, but he couldn't help but think that it might be a possible explanation. He sighed, thinking about how he would never, ever understand girls, and hoping that one day someone would come along who would make sense to him.

* * *

**A/N: I am so sorry for the wait for this chapter. I moved to London a week and a half ago and I haven't had much free time yet. Anyway, hopefully now that my classes have begun I'll work more on this story while I procrastinate my homework...I'm sorry this chapter was so choppy, I wrote it in several different instances. Okay please, please review, I love you all and I hope you enjoy this chapter--I'm sorry again for the long wait!**


	10. Chapter 10: Hogsmeade

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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* * *

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That night, Eilis crept back down to the common room after everyone had gone to bed. She couldn't sleep, and the talk with Lily in which she had let the red head in on everything that was going on had set her mind on a merciless track that ran Patrick's face through her thoughts over and over.

She settled onto the couch in front of the fire and draped a blanket around her, thumbing through the pages of her tattered copy of _A Tale of Two Cities_. She leafed through to the final chapter and began reading, losing herself in the story of Sydney Carton's final act of selflessness.

"'_Citizen Evremonde,' she said, touching him with her cold hand. 'I am a poor little seamstress who was with you in La Force.'_

_He murmured for answer: 'True. I forget what you were accused of?'_

'_Plots. Though the just Heaven knows I am innocent of any. Is it likely? Who would think of plotting with a poor little weak creature like me?' The forlorn smile with which she said it, so touched him that tears started from his eyes. 'I am not afraid to die, Citizen Evremonde, but I have done nothing. I am not unwilling to die, if the Republic, which is to do so much good to us poor, will profit by my death; but I do not know how that can be, Citizen Evremonde. Such a poor weak little creature!'_

_As the last thing on earth that his heart was to warm and soften to, it warmed and softened to this pitiable girl._

'_I heard you were released, Citizen Evremonde. I hoped it was true?'_

'_It was. But, I was again taken and condemned.'_

'_If I may ride with you, Citizen Evremonde, will you let me hold your hand? I am not afraid, but I am little and weak, and it will give me more courage.'_

_As the patient eyes were lifted to his face, he saw a sudden doubt in them, and then astonishment. He pressed the work-worn, hunger-worn young fingers, and touched his lips._

'_Are you dying for him?' she whispered._

'_And his wife and child. Hush! Yes.'_

'_O you will let me hold your brave hand, stranger?'_

'_Hush! Yes, my poor sister; to the last.'"_

Eilis felt the tears pool in her eyes as she read the encounter between Carton and the young girl, and she continued reading, not noticing as a body crept down one of the staircases and hovered along the edges of the common room, watching her.

"_But for you, dear stranger, I should not be so composed, for I am naturally a poor little thing, faint of heart; nor should I have been able to raise my thoughts to Him who was put to death, that we might have hope and comfort here to-day." _She read on, her heart breaking at the final exchange between Sydney Carton and the unnamed seamstress who held his hand, "_I think you were sent to me by Heaven.'_

'_Or you to me,' says Sydney Carton. 'Keep your eyes upon me, dear child, and mind no other object.'_

'_I mind nothing while I hold your hand. I shall mind nothing when I let it go, if they are rapid.'_

'_They will be rapid. Fear not!'_

_The two stand in the fast-thinning throng of victims, but they speak as if they were alone. Eye to eye, voice to voice, hand to hand, heart to heart, these two children of the Universal Mother, else so wide apart and differing, have come together on the dark highway, to repair home together and to rest in her bosom._

'_Brave and generous friend, will you let me ask you one last question? I am very ignorant, and it troubles me—just a little.'_

'_Tell me what it is.'_

'_I have a cousin, an only relative and an orphan, like myself, whom I love very dearly. She is five years younger than I, and she lives in a farmer's house in the south country. Poverty parted us, and she knows nothing of my fate—for I cannot write—and if I could, how should I tell her! It is better as it is.'_

'_Yes, yes: better as it is.'_

'_What I have been thinking as we came along, and what I am still thinking now, as I look into your kind strong face which gives me so much support, is this: - If the Republic really does good to the poor, and they come to be less hungry, and in all ways to suffer less, she may live a long time; she may even live to be old.'_

'_What then, my gentle sister?'_

'_Do you think:' the uncomplaining eyes in which there is so much endurance, fill with tears, and the lips part a little more and tremble: 'that it will seem long to me, while I wait for her in the better land where I trust both you and I will be mercifully sheltered?'_

'_It cannot be, my child; there is no Time there, and no trouble there.'_

'_You comfort me so much! I am so ignorant. Am I to kiss you now? Is the moment come?'_

'_Yes.'_

_She kisses his lips; he kisses hers; they solemnly bless each other. The spare hand does not tremble as he releases it; nothing worse than a sweet, bright constancy is in the patient face. She goes next before him—is gone; the knitting women count Twenty-Two._

'_I am the Resurrection and the Life, saith the Lord: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me, shall never die.'_

_The murmuring of many voices, the upturning of many faces, the pressing on of many footsteps in the outskirts of the crowd, so that it swells forward in a mass, like one great heave of water, all flashes away. Twenty-Three."_

Tears were now pouring down Eilis's face as she read the final passage of the novel, not noticing as the figure on the edges of the common room crept up and around behind her, reading the words over her shoulder. She reached the final words of the novel, but it was not Sydney Carton's voice saying them in her head that she heard. It was a deep, clear voice coming from above her shoulder that made her gasp as she listened to the rich, imagined farewell to life.

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

Eilis sat as a silence settled over her and the figure behind her. She glanced briefly at Sirius as he came around and sat next to her on the couch, surprised to note a faint blush rising in his cheeks. They both watched as the flames of the fire before them danced around each other, neither speaking. Eilis nearly forgot his presence as she mused over Sydney Carton and his sacrifice for the woman he loved.

"I'm sorry." Sirius's voice again pulled her out of a reverie.

"Er—what?" Eilis was caught off guard, turning to look at the boy beside her.

"I'm sorry, Eilis, for how I've been treating you the past couple weeks."

She stared at him for a moment. She could tell he was embarrassed, but he was undoubtedly genuine.

"Thank you, Sirius," she said, fingering the worn book that lay in her lap. Right arse though he'd been acting, Sirius was a good person and she hoped this meant things would be getting back to normal between the two of them. As long as he didn't ask her to stop tutoring his brother, they'd be fine.

Another silence fell between the two of them, and Eilis found her thoughts returning to her own brother and the question regarding his whereabouts. She was unsure whether dwelling on it or trying to push it from her mind would be the better course of action, and would keep her most optimistic. Distractions would probably work well, she thought, so she reasoned that maybe it was a good thing she was meeting Caradoc this weekend—it would give her something else to concentrate on.

Then Sirius spoke again, pulling her from her own little world for a third time. "Why weren't you in class today, or at practice?"

Eilis looked at him, assessing the figure in front of her. The action reminded her of the way Dorcas had looked at her, that day on the train, as if appraising her value. She now knew what had been running through the Ravenclaw's mind. Did she want to tell Sirius? Did she even want to tell anyone else, besides Lily? Was she even _allowed _to talk about it, if the mission had been a secret? Sirius shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, and Eilis made up her mind.

"Patrick is missing," she said bluntly.

"Sorry—who?"

"Patrick. My brother. He's an Auror. Well, training to be one. Anyway, he's been missing for a week, apparently, only I just found out today. Dumbledore said I didn't have to go to classes after he told me. I'll be back tomorrow, though. Please don't tell."

"Oh," said Sirius. "Oh. I won't say anything." He looked at her with something like pity in his eyes. "I'm really sorry, Eilis."

"You seem to be saying that a lot tonight."

"Sor—er—yeah," he agreed lamely. "Do you…want to talk about it?" He didn't look particularly enthused about that prospect.

"Not beyond what I've already said, thanks."

"Right," Sirius said.

Eilis began to unravel herself from her blanket. "I think I'm going to go to bed now, Sirius." She extricated herself and stood up from the couch, turning to look back at Sirius. "I'm glad you came down when you did. Goodnight."

"Night, Cartwright," he responded. "Happy Halloween." She nodded vaguely and headed off up the staircase to the girls sixth, and he was left looking at the fire, unable to remember the reason he had come downstairs in the first place.

Sirius felt like a right prat. Here he was, assuming Cartwright had skipped practice because she'd been avoiding him—a normal, predictable action that many girls had taken towards him before, thank you very much—when really she was just worrying herself sick about her brother who could possibly lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

These damn girls! Since when had Cartwright been so insanely confusing? He felt like a Confundus charm had been placed upon him every time he spoke to her, or even thought about her.

Remus was right. He had the emotional capability of a baby rhino.

Which was to say, not much at all.

* * *

The next day in classes, the Marauders, Lily, and Marlene all noticed that Eilis had enormous dark circles under her eyes. She clearly hadn't slept much at all the night before, and she wasn't speaking. At breakfast she had munched absentmindedly on an apple, but Sirius had noticed that she hadn't swallowed more than four bites—not that he was watching her, or anything, he had just thought it interesting the way her small hand held the apple, as if sheltering it from the outside world.

Classes went by slowly for all of them as they held their breath, waiting for Eilis to faint, which she looked about to do at any moment, but she marched resolutely through her day, swaying a bit on her feet, but paying rapt attention in class and excelling, as usual, in double Potions.

After dinner, during which Eilis ate half of an orange, she sat in the common room, listening to the Marauders, Lily, Marlene, and Mary talk. She didn't miss the furtive glances Lily, Remus, and Sirius all kept sending her, but she made no move to react to them. Eilis was worrying about several things. First of all, her brother, but also about the following day. Tomorrow was Saturday. Which meant Hogsmeade. Which meant a date with Caradoc.

Eilis's stomach was now filling with uncomfortable bubbles every time she thought of the next day, and she was glad to be sitting listening to her friends as they took her mind off the nervous anticipation of her first date.

"Had a good day, Prongs?" Asked Remus.

"Oh, excellent. Potions was a right bit of fun, eh Padfoot?"

"Loads," said Sirius, not paying much attention.

"Well, I thought it was really interesting," said Eilis, speaking for the first time. "Now I know how to brew Veritaserum properly. I kept adding the fire salamander scaled a half minute too late when I brewed it over the summer."

"Course you thought it was interesting, you live for Potions. It's not normal." James grinned at Eilis, who rolled her eyes. "Only joking. Excited for your big day tomorrow?"

Eilis groaned. "How do you even know about that?"

"Moony told us. Dearborn, eh? That'll be interesting to see. Got a thing for green eyes, then?"

"Maybe," answered Eilis, blushing. She was indeed a fan of Caradoc's eyes.

"Me too," said James, smiling at Lily, who turned bright red.

Sirius then cleared his throat and began to talk to James about Quidditch teams, veering the conversation away from both the topics of Lily and Eilis's date. A little while later the girls retired up to their dormitory, where Eilis sat smiling at Lily from her bed, her spirits a bit higher.

"So," she began, raising her eyebrows at the redhead.

"So?"

"James is awfully sweet."

"James is a right git," said Lily hotly.

"Just saying. A right sweet git."

"Then why don't _you_ date him?"

"Oh, we'd be horrible together, I'm much too quiet for James. He needs someone fiery, and intelligent, and stubborn, and passionate, and loyal, with red hair, and green eyes, whose name may or may not be Lily Evans…"

Lily gave Eilis a look and sat back against her headboard, jerking a book open and noisily rifling the pages. Eilis watched in amusement before settling before her trunk and attempting to decide what to wear the next day in Hogsmeade. The idea was causing her so much stress that she eventually just picked out an old pair of jeans, her favorite flannel, and a jumper, choosing comfort over fashion. It was going to be the 2nd of November and it would probably be chilly. She sighed and got into bed, nerves over the following day combining with worry over Patrick that had been plaguing her all day, and it took her a while to soothe her jumbled mind to sleep.

* * *

The next morning Eilis went down to breakfast at ten with Lily and Marlene, who were spending the day in Hogsmeade together. She was supposed to meet Caradoc at eleven in the entrance hall, and fidgeted nervously all during breakfast before running back up to Gryffindor Tower with Lily to grab her sweater.

"Um, Eil?" Lily looked on in confusion as, rather than get her jumper, Eilis collapsed facedown onto her bed.

"I'm not going," said Eilis into her pillow.

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"Do you have a reason?"

EIlis flopped over and looked at the ceiling. "I've never been on a date before. I'm going to be awkward and weird and nervous and laugh too much, but I don't even feel like laughing because I'm so worried about Patrick. How can I be a proper date when I'm too worried about my brother to concentrate on anything else for more than ten minutes?"

Lily sat down by the side of the bed and patted Eilis's head maternally. "Oh, hush. You'll be fine. Caradoc likes you a lot, otherwise he wouldn't have asked you out. And if you're not feeling it, or you get upset, he'll understand. Don't make excuses just because you're a little anxious, Eil, or you won't ever have any fun."

Eilis glared at her friend. "Why are you _always _right? It's really irritating, I hope you're aware."

Lily smiled. "Hard to say. Now go on, scoot."

Eilis got off her bed and headed down to meet Caradoc. He was already waiting in the entrance hall and smiled when he saw her, and they headed out of the castle together and walked down to the village. The conversation was easy and comfortable and Eilis questioned why she had worried so much. She silently thanked the higher powers that someone as interesting and charismatic as Caradoc had taken an interest in her.

They wandered into Hogsmeade and agreed to start at the bookshop. Caradoc and Eilis separated as he went to look at the section on ancient enchanted artifacts and she went to the small corner of used Potions books. After awhile they reconvened among the shelves in the back of the store and agreed to go to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer.

"So, Eilis," started Caradoc as they walked along, "what do you want to do in life?"

Eilis thought for a moment. "Well," she said, "I've always been interested in being an Unspeakable—you know, in the Department of Mysteries. Or maybe an Auror. Or something with Potions. I used to think about being a Healer, but that's no good as I'm useless once I've seen blood. I think the Department of Mysteries is fascinating, though. My mother says there's a room there that's all about time, and manipulating it, which I would love to be able to visit for just five minutes. They're trying to develop all sorts of spells and objects to try and mess around with the limits of time."

"No kidding?" They had entered the bustling Three Broomsticks and after dodging several tables of students, Caradoc made room for Eilis to sit across from him at a booth in the back of the inn.

"Yeah," she continued, sitting down and taking off her jumper. She smiled over at Peter and Sirius who were sitting a few tables away, a gesture which Peter returned but Sirius ignored, just looking straight at her, which made Eilis uncomfortable. From the corner of her eye she saw Lily and Marlene sitting on the other side of the inn, waving, and she waved back before regaining her train of thought. "What I'd love to be able to do is develop some sort of Potion that allows you to go back in time, or something. That way I could sort of merge both the things I'm interested. Dunno if that's possible, though."

"That's really ambitious," said Caradoc thoughtfully. "Why do you like Potions so much, anyway?"

"I'm not really sure—they just speak to me in some way, or something. I love the precision, and the whole process of setting up your ingredients and following the instructions carefully, and when you finish you've got this concoction that can do these incredible things, like make you happy, or painless, or lucky, or in love, or frightened, or…put you in a state of living death. Bit morbid at times, I suppose, but how can you deny that that's amazing?"

Caradoc looked at her in amusement. "When you put it that way," he said, "you make me wonder why and how I've never looked at it in those terms before. Have you ever thought about teaching? I feel like kids would learn a lot better from someone like you, who can make them appreciate the subject, than old Slughorn."

His remark surprised Eilis. "No," she answered, "I hadn't actually ever thought of teaching. But…you're right. And I've been tutoring Regulus Black for a few weeks now, and he seems to be doing really well—I'm actually really proud of myself for that," she confessed for the first time aloud. "I didn't think I'd make a good tutor at all."

She didn't notice the sudden cloud that had come over Caradoc's face until she looked up at him. "What's wrong?"

"Why are you helping Black?" His tone caught her by surprise—it wasn't anything like the soft-spoken way he'd always addressed her.

"Er—because he asked me?" She shifter nervously under his sharper than normal gaze, looking around the room and finding Sirius watching the two of them with interest. What in the world? That was awfully strange.

Caradoc frowned at her and she felt herself blushing.

"Look, Caradoc, I don't really see why this is an issue—" She faltered as Caradoc shook himself and a sheepish expression spread over his features. This was getting to be a very confusing couple of moments.

"Sorry, Eil. It's not my business. Just—just stay away from the Black family, okay?" His eyes bore into her and she was painfully aware of Sirius's presence a few tables away, and suspicious of whether or not he could hear their conversation…then again, it was noisy in the inn and he was a bit out of regular human hearing range.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Eilis groaned in frustration. "Sirius is my friend and I've never had a problem with him, and Regulus is a really good guy—he's never been cruel to me in any way." Unless you counted being shoved up against him in a broom closet, she thought…but that didn't count, he'd been upset with her. "Plus he's really improving at Potions."

"I just—I haven't heard particularly good things about that family. And you can't deny that Black is a womanizer and his little brother is in Slytherin, and you know what kind of people his friends are, Eilis."

"Yes, but what has that got to do with me?" She was getting impatient with this conversation, which it felt like she'd been having over and over for a couple of times now, with Lily and Sirius and now Caradoc…when would they just give this a rest? "Alright, Caradoc, what if I just promise to be extra careful when I'm around Regulus? I fully understand the implications of his friendship, truly, I do, and I'm well aware of who his friends are. I'm not exactly seeking my own destruction right now." She grinned, and Caradoc smiled at her.

"Fair enough," he conceded. "So. First match next weekend?"

"Yes indeed," replied Eilis, seizing onto the change of topic with enthusiasm. "Against Hufflepuff. Should be interesting."

"Are you nervous at all?"

"A bit, but our team's really excellent, and I think we'll be fine. Plus…it's Hufflepuff."

"This is true," said a grinning Caradoc. Eilis happened to look over to see the back of Sirius's head making its way out of the pub, followed by Peter. She shrugged and concentrated back on Caradoc, and they chatted amiably with each other while they finished their drinks.

After leaving the Three Broomsticks, they walked down the main road in Hogsmeade together, bumping into several friends from school and stopping for a short time to talk to Dorcas, who beamed at both of them. Every so often Eilis would think of Patrick and get a small twinge in her chest, but she tried to keep it controlled because she was having such a wonderful time with Caradoc.

They spent the rest of the afternoon strolling around the village, taking a bit of time at Honeyduke's so Eilis could stock up on chocolate. Eilis had to admit she was very pleased with the way that the day was turning out. Once early evening hit, she and Caradoc decided to walk back to the castle grounds and sit by the lake for awhile. They had agreed to leave each other at 6 because Eilis had Quidditch practice at 7 and they both had a lot of N.E.W.T. work to do.

The two sat side by side under a beech tree. Caradoc absentmindedly skipped stones into the lake while he and Eilis continued their conversation, which turned to the topic of the ever-rising Lord Voldemort.

"I don't know," Caradoc was saying, feeling the weight of several stones in his hands. "D'you reckon it'll go on for long? It's been near ten years since we started hearing about You-Know-Who and it just doesn't seem to ever stop…I find myself wondering why the Ministry isn't doing more to stop him."

"They're doing quite a bit," said Eilis, painfully aware of how her brother was involved in this topic. "But you're right—it just isn't ending. It scares me. I mean, here we are all tucked up away with Dumbledore, but the Wizarding World is getting less safe everyday. How soon will it be before even Hogwarts has been compromised?" She shivered. "I don't even want to _think_ that that's a possibility."

"Me either."

"Let's not, then."

"Agreed."

The two sat for awhile in comfortable silence. Eilis traced spirals on her knee while she stared out at the gently lapping waters of the Black Lake, feeling Caradoc's eyes on her every once in awhile.

After a little while Caradoc began to speak again. "I'm really glad you came with me today, Eilis."

She smiled. "Me, too."

"I know we don't even really know each other that well, but…I don't know, I just feel like there's so much more to you and I want to find out what it is."

Eilis felt her heart begin to hammer quickly and she looked down, unable to keep the smile from her face. "Thank you," she said.

Caradoc grinned at her. "Sure thing. You're really special, Eilis." He gently lifted her chin with his hand so that his brilliant green eyes were locked with her own dark blue ones. "I'd like to get to know you better."

Eilis felt her breath catch in her throat. "I'd like that, too," she whispered, conscious of the fact that Caradoc was getting closer, and closer…

His hand guided her chin toward his and in an instant she felt his lips brush against hers gently. Her heart was hammering as her eyelids fluttered shut, and Caradoc drew her closer to him. She hesitantly reached a hand up and ensnared it in his thick curls and barely had time to register how nice this felt when a voice rang out.

"Looks as if the little Gryffindor blood traitor has stooped to a new low." Eilis and Caradoc broke apart in confusion and swiveled around to see Rodolhus Lestrange and Bellatrix Black standing a little ways away. "Cavorting around with a half-blood ?" Rodolphus grinned wickedly at the pair. "Didn't realize you were quite this..._easy_, Cartwright."

Caradoc stood up to face the Slytherins, helping Eilis up after him. "Shut your mouth, Lestrange," he seethed. "Get away from here. Unless you've got some kind of problem?" He slipped his wand out of his pocket and fingered it, glaring menacingly at Rodolphus and Bella. He was a few inches taller than Rodolphus, and Eilis was struck by just how threatening he sounded as she saw a muscle twitch in his jaw.

Rodolphus sneered at the pair, but he seemed to get the point. "Whatever, blood traitors. Come on, Bella." The Slytherins turned on their heels and began to walk away and Eilis came from behind Caradoc to stand beside him, laying a hand on his arm. She felt some of the tension go out of him as he turned to look down at her, still glaring.

"What the hell was that about?" He sounded really angry.

"I've no idea," she said, shaking her head. "They've been bothering me a lot lately. Just saying things," she added quickly as Caradoc clenched his jaw again, "but it's a bit unnerving. I try to stay clear of them as much as possible."

"Good." Caradoc let out a breath and looked apologetically at Eilis, then quickly at his watch. "I'm sorry that happened." He reached up to brush a curl back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "You should probably go to Quidditch. Would you…like to do this again, sometime?"

Eilis smiled up at him. "I'd love that, Caradoc." He returned her smile and walked her back to the castle, pecking her on the cheek as he headed away to the Ravenclaw common room and she continued up to Gryffindor Tower to change and grab her broomstick. She sat on her bed for a moment, processing what had happened that day. Her time with Caradoc had been lovely, and she smiled again as she remembered the brief kiss they had shared before being interrupted by Bella and Rodolphus…that had been quite strange. It added to her suspicion that the Slytherins were following her, an idea that made her very uncomfortable. She decided, however, to push that from her mind, and focus instead on the fact that she had just enjoyed her first ever date, and it had been very successful. With that thought in mind, she headed down to the Quidditch pitch to meet the rest of her team, feeling very good about the day overall and looking forward to practice.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry (once again...) for the wait, I've just been so busy with school and other things lately (to be fair, I'm living in London and there are more than a few things to do here).** **Anyway I'm trying to keep on top of updates, so don't give up on me! I tried to make this chapter extra long to make up for the wait, I hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry for the ridiculously long excerpt, _Tale of Two Cities _is one of my favorite novels and it'll be important later on. Please, please, please review! I need to know how I'm doing. OH ALSO-you may have noticed that Sirius says "Happy Halloween" here-I forgot to add in the last chapter that it was Halloween the day Eilis got the news about Patrick. I went back and edited it in-it's literally just a line at the end of the chapter about her missing the feast. I was neglecting my calendar. What a travesty.**


	11. Chapter 11: A Proposition

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

* * *

Quidditch practice that evening went smoothly, and as the team landed together at James's whistle at the end of the night, Eilis felt thrilled by their ability to really know one anothers' minds.

James beamed at them all. "Excellent," he said. "Really brilliant. Durden—nice saves. Skip, Sirius, keep knocking the bludgers around like that. Cartwright, excellent seeking, as usual. Reagan, Archer—I mean, come on, we make a brilliant team." He grinned. "If we play next week like we played tonight, Hufflepuff will stand no chance."

"Hufflepuff already stands no chance," muttered Samson Archer, the new Chaser.

"Be that as it may," said James, "I still expect you all to play as if we're up against the best."

The team dispersed to the changing rooms and Eilis hopped into the shower just as Reagan did. The two girls walked back to the castle together, behind the boys who had already left.

"So Eilis," began Reagan, walking alongside her. "I saw you at Hogsmeade today. Caradoc Dearborn! Blimey, how'd you manage that one, eh?"

Eilis laughed at her teammate. "I've no idea, honestly," she said, smiling. "But I'm certainly not complaining…he's really sweet."

"More than a little bit of a dish, as well," added Reagan.

"Yes," said Eilis. "That's certainly true. I don't really know where it's going at this point, but we're going to hang out again and I do quite like him, so we'll see."

"Well anyway, well done you." They continued chatting as they reached Gryffindor Tower, and Eilis spent the rest of the night playing wizard chess with Lily in the common room.

* * *

Everyday of that week Eilis sat on the edge of her seat at breakfast when the owls swooped in with the morning's mail tied to their talons, but there was no news for her. Every evening she visited Professor McGonagall, the same hopeful expression on her face, and every evening Professor McGonagall gave her the same sorry, pitying look with a shake of her head.

By Wednesday Eilis was growing used to the disappointment that seemed to line her very organs. In her meeting with Regulus she didn't speak much, and he seemed to be growing desperate as he tried to provoke a response from her. He finally resorted to intentionally ruining the potion they were working on in order to gain her attention, sneaking ingredients in when her back was faced away.

Eilis turned towards the potion the two of them had been brewing, shocked to find it a bright, garish orange hue rather than a mellow green. "Oh, no!" she cried, rounding on Regulus as she waved away the acrid smoke streaming from the cauldron. "What did you do? You've ruined it!"

"Relax, Cartwright, I—" he began, but she cut him off again.

"Everything was fine and then—what have you done—you've fucked it all up!" She wasn't quite sure why a ruined potion was making her scream like that, and her curses were cut off by Regulus's arms gripping her shoulders and shaking her gently.

"Merlin, Eilis, shut up!" He glared down at her as she fell quiet, wiping her eyes and finding her cheeks wet. Eilis started and surveyed her surroundings, taking in Regulus, the dungeon, and the ruined potion. She pushed his arms aside and went to a stool, sitting down and facing away from him, dropping her head onto the surface of the table in front of her.

Regulus observed this in confusion and came to sit beside the slight young witch.

"Is there—can I do anything?"

"Just give me a minute, please, Regulus," Eilis mumbled into her arms.

Regulus scratched his head and looked around the dungeon, bouncing his leg as he waited for Eilis to come out of whatever kind of episode she was having. After a few moments she lifted her head from her arms and sighed, turning around so she was sitting the same way as Regulus.

"I'm really sorry about that, Reg," she said, her voice thick, and the younger Black's eyebrows raised slightly at the uncharacteristic use of a nickname between the two of them. "I just—it's been a bad week." Regulus nodded and puzzled over what could be upsetting her. Could she know already—would someone have told her? He wrote that off and reasoned that it must be something else. Perhaps Rodolphus's actions were affecting her more than they thought…?

"Don't worry about it, Eilis," he said aloud. "It's not a problem, really. And—if there's anything at all I can do, let me know. Do you…want to talk about it?" His words hit home to Eilis that she was talking to Sirius's brother here—he had said the same exact thing to her when she'd told him about Patrick a few nights prior. They'd even said it the same way. She stood up and began to pack her things into her bag, casting "_Evanesco_!" over the contents of the cauldron.

"That's sweet, Regulus, but I think I'd better just go for now. We can meet next Monday as well as Wednesday if you'd like to make up for tonight."

Regulus stood up as well and laid a hand on Eilis's arm to stop her from stuffing papers into her bag. "Are you sure you're alright?" He locked eyes with her. "I feel like I should make you stay and tell me what's going on."

Eilis smiled bitterly. "Once again, Regulus, that's very sweet, but I'd rather not. And—I'm sorry, even if I did want to talk I don't honestly think I would with you." She lifted her bag onto her shoulder and left the room.

Regulus sat heavily back down on the lab stool he'd previously occupied. What was happening with Eilis? And she didn't trust him enough yet to share whatever was going on—he wasn't doing his job very well. Rodolphus and Bella would not be pleased at all. Or maybe—perhaps she didn't want to confide in him because she didn't consider him a friend? He sat there, unsettled, not honestly knowing which possibility made him more nervous.

* * *

The rest of the week passed by without event, until finally it was Friday evening and Eilis was sitting at dinner with Lily and the Marauders, talking about the first Quidditch match of the year which fell the following day. She had spent the afternoon sitting by the lake with Caradoc and felt mentally ready for the game the next day.

More than once during dinner she felt eyes on her and would look up to see Bella Black or one of the other Slytherins glaring at her. Eilis kept fidgeting uneasily and tried to keep her attention on her friends, turning to Remus for distraction.

"Remus," she began. "I feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

He nodded. "I know," he agreed, smiling. "How was your trip to Hogsmeade last weekend? How's Caradoc?"

"It was really nice," said Eilis, thinking back to it. "I don't know—I do like Caradoc quite a bit, but not as much as I thought, if that makes sense. He's a really wonderful guy, though," she said, vocalizing some of her thoughts about the Ravenclaw.

It was true—she felt a little unsure every time she was around him, a little more hesitant than she thought she should. But he was so kind, and funny, and sweet, and he wasn't trying to push her into taking things quickly, which she was thankful for. Caradoc was like this little island, separate from her normal group of friends, that she could flee to and not think about things that had been bothering her, and not worry that he knew too much. Which was perfect for now.

"Well, I think the two of you seem to be getting along really well," said Remus, to which she nodded assent. "I'm happy for you, Eil."

"Thanks, Remus." The two then turned back to the debate between Lily and James over whether Quidditch was more important than classes—an argument Eilis knew that Lily would never give up on.

"You're being completely ridiculous, Potter. How can you even presume to think that a bit of flying around on brooms is more valuable than an education? You can learn loads more to help you in life in Transfiguration than you could ever learn on the Quidditch pitch."

"That's where you're wrong, Lils," James was saying. "Yes, Transfiguration and Charms and Defense all help me to be an excellent wizard, but Quidditch teaches you fundamental life skills—working together with a team, confidence in yourself, quick reflexes, deductive reasoning, tactical thinking. How can you deny that those things aren't imperative qualities?"

"Not more important than knowing how to defend yourself from Death Eaters!" Lily's face was beginning to match her hair, and Eilis laid a hand on her friend's arm to calm her down.

"I don't think it's Death Eaters James needs to be worried about," muttered Sirius, causing Lily to throw a crust of bread at him.

"You know what, Lily? I respect and appreciate your opinion," began James.

"The _wrong_ opinion," Sirius mumbled under his breath, earning another scrap of bread from Lily.

"Stuff it, Pads—anyway, Lils, I respect and appreciate your opinion, but I don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this one, so we should probably stop debating before either of us says something we're going to regret," finished James wisely.

"Speak for yourself, Potter. I don't regret anything I've said to you. I'm not wrong, either, thank you Sirius." Lily absolutely refused to concede to James in any way.

The rest of dinner passed by with James repeatedly asking Lily to give him a kiss—"Come on, Lils, luck for the match tomorrow?" he'd say, an advance she repeatedly ignored. They were all leaving to head back to the common room when Eilis realized she'd left her Potions textbook in the dungeon earlier that day during class, a book which she needed for an essay due after the weekend.

"I'll catch up with you all in a few minutes," she said, heading towards the dungeons.

"Want some company?" A voice inquired from her left.

"Oh—thank you, Sirius, but I'm sure I'll be fine, I shouldn't be more than fifteen minutes." Eilis smiled at the elder Black as she left the Great Hall.

She trotted down the stairs quickly and through the twisting passageways to the Potions classroom, entering it silently and locating the book she had left at her table. Stuffing it into her back, Eilis turned back to find the exit to the corridor blocked by three people she was _not_ in the mood to deal with.

"Cartwright," drawled Bellatrix Black. "What an unexpected surprise. What brings you down to our neck of the woods?"

"Just getting my book," said Eilis. "I'm sorry, I've got to go now—I'm meeting someone."

"Yeah?" asked Rabastan, looking her over. "Who're you meeting, eh?"

"Sirius." Eilis blurted out the first name that came to her mind.

"Ahhh—do you hear that, Bella?" Rodolphus sneered. "She's meeting your darling cousin."

"Well you know how it is with blood traitors, dear." Bella smirked. "They stick together."

Eilis smiled weakly and made to leave.

"Going so soon? We fancied a chat." Rabastan smiled sickly at her.

"Er—okay," said Eilis, backing up until her knees hit a stool and sitting down. The three Slytherins made no move to sit as well, but rather they continued to stand before her, surrounding her.

Bella smiled at her. "So how're things, Cartwright? School going well? Everything alright with Dearborn?"

"Everything is fine, thank you Bella."

"Friends good? That little mudblood, Evans? And your family…how's your family, Cartwright?"

Eilis glared at Bella's knowing eyes and felt for certain that this evil, evil Slytherin girl knew about her brother being missing. She resolutely told herself that she wasn't going to play Bella's game.

"My family is fine," she said stonily.

"That's so good to hear. Isn't it, Rudy? Isn't that wonderful news?"

"Brilliant."

"You know what I have always found is the best way to keep my family safe, Cartwright?"

Eilis continued to glare at her. "What's that, Bella?"

"Doing what I'm good at for the people that ask me nicely."

"Oh?"

"I know, it sounds so simple—but I have a lot of skills." Bella flashed a grin. "And I'm not afraid to use them." She fingered her wand. "So when someone rolls around and offers to put my skills to…good use, I take them up on their offer. Because I wouldn't want them to get angry, would I? I wouldn't want them to take that anger out on people I care about. Does that seem clear to you, Eilis?"

"Crystal."

Bella let out a sickening laugh. "Wonderful! Oh, you do learn quickly! She's a smart one, isn't she, Rabastan?" Rabastan continued to gaze at Eilis, nodding. "Talented, too…what would you say your talents are, Eilis?" She sat on one of the stools beside her.

"Er—what?"

"Oh come on, Cartwright, don't play dumb. What are you good at?" Rodolphus snapped at her.

"Oh—well, I mean…I'm good at Quidditch, and…" Eilis cast around in her mind for her other talents. "And…school, I guess. I'm good at Potions."

"Ahhhh," breathed Bella. "That's the one. Potions. You are rather skilled in that regard, aren't you? A right little Potions mistress."

"Er—yes, I suppose." Eilis was utterly befuddled as to where this was going and why Bella was speaking to her.

"But you haven't been given much opportunity to practice those skills to their full extent, have you?"

"Er—I don't know, I mean, I brew all the potions we do in class and Slughorn has me doing extras for St. Mungo's and Madam Pomfrey sometimes…"

"Yes, but that's rubbish healing stuff," said Bella, waving her hand as if to dismiss Eilis's comment. "When was the last time you had a true _challenge, _Cartwright? When was the last time you stayed up all night puzzling over when to add which ingredient?"

"I—it's been awhile," said Eilis, concerned she was beginning to see where Bella was taking the whole situation. "But that's fine, I've been concentrating on other really important things—"

"Right, I'm just going to cut to the chase, Cartwright. You're beyond excellent at Potions. And we know someone who is very, _very _interested in seeing what you can do with those skills."

"Who?" Whispered Eilis.

Bella, Rodolphus, and Rabastan all smiled the same eerie, creepy smile and glanced at each other. "That's not important," said Rabastan.

"What is important is what this person is prepared to offer you, Cartwright." Rodolphus was concentrating on her. "The kind of power you've only ever dreamed of. A chance to be a part of something unstoppable. We want you, Eilis. We have a very particular potion that we need you to brew for us."

"What kind of potion?"

"That doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that it will give you more power that you could imagine—all of your little Gryffindor friends would know who you were, everyone in the school would know your name, and all of them would look up to you as some kind of god."

"I don't think I want that kind of attention…" Eilis wanted nothing more than to get out of the dungeon as soon as possible. "I really had better go meet Sirius—"

"You aren't going anywhere," Bella cut in. "Look, Cartwright, we've tried to be nice here. We've tried to show you how amazing things could be for you if you don't do this little favor for us. But I think we're going to have to try a different angle." She strode forward until she was right in front of Eilis, glaring down at her. "This person we work with, Cartwright—he has more power than you could ever know. And he knows exactly where Patrick is and he can save him." Eilis's eyes widened. "You wouldn't want anything to happen to your brother, would you?"

"What—you—_leave _my brother alone, Bellatrix, he has _nothing _ to do with you, or, or this, or anything, he's fine—"

"Oh, but he's not fine, and you know that. You don't have any kind of clue how he is. But we do. And we're pretty sure that if you don't help us out here, Cartwright, things could get a lot worse for him."

"We're offering you a chance to be great," sneered Rodolphus. "We're offering you the ability to save your brother's life."

Eilis has absolutely no clue what to do. There was no pretending she didn't know what was going on anymore—these Slytherins were definitely Death Eaters, and they were trying to get her to join them, and join…Voldemort. She shut her eyes.

"Why me? Why not…Lily…or…or Snape?"

"Ahhh—you see, Eilis, we need someone of particular significance to brew this potion. Someone like us."

Eilis understood. "You need a pureblood."

"Clever as always," Rabastan's eyes roved all over her.

Brewing this potion for them—for Voldemort—would mean going against everything she had ever believed in, ever stood for. But…she could save Patrick. He brother. The person that mattered most to her in the world. Could she really just do nothing if she had been offered the chance to save him, the ability to keep him alive and safe?

"So what's the verdict, Cartwright?" Rodolphus locked eyes with her. "Are you going to help save your brother, and attain more power than you can even conceive of?"

By his side, Bella and Rabastan were fingering their wands.

Eilis swallowed. "I—I—"

"Well, Cartwright? What's it going to be?"

* * *

**A/N: My lovely, dear readers. I apologize sincerely for the extended break between chapters. I was studying abroad and truly just did not have the time to work on this story. But I'm home now, with mounds of time extending before me and nothing to fill it with but work, my reading list, and this fic. So I will be working hard on it, and frequently, to make up for the recent lack of updates. Thank you so much for sticking with it, I hope you haven't given up on me!**


	12. Chapter 12: Casual Curses

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

**

* * *

**

"Well, Cartwright? What's it going to be?"

Eilis swallowed, involuntarily shrinking back on her lab stool. Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Rabastan all towered before her, awaiting her answer.

The choice seemed simple. No. Right? This was _Voldemort_ they were talking about. Voldemort, who had killed dozens of muggles. Voldemort, whose Death Eaters had killed Dorcas's little sister. Voldemort, whom Patrick had gone missing trying to take down.

Patrick. That was it, though. If there was any kind of chance at _all _that she could help her brother—she had to take it, didn't she?

She set her jaw. "Look," she began. "I realize—_believe me,_ I realize exactly what you are asking me to do. But—I don't have an answer. Not right now. I need more time," she finished, hoping the desperation she felt didn't come through in her voice.

Please, please, let them allow me to leave…let them give me time to decide.

Bella frowned, and looked at Rodolphus. He inclined his head ever so slightly and Eilis's heart stopped—would they give her the precious time she was asking?

"Alright, Cartwright. We know you aren't stupid. You have until this time tomorrow to decide. Be here to tell us your decision. I think you know that you have a great deal to think about."

Eilis closed her eyes, basking in a feeling of relief. She could go—but one day and night weren't very long to decide. She stood up to go, only to find her way still blocked by the Slytherins.

"_Silencio," _Rabastan cast at the walls.

"What?" Eilis was confused.

Rodolphus smirked. "Come on, Cartwright. Once again. You're a smart girl. We're giving you more time to decide. But first Bella's going to give you a little taste of what you—and more importantly, your precious brother, will feel if you don't do as we've asked."

Bella smiled sweetly at Eilis and lifted her wand. "_Crucio_," she said, the word rolling off her tongue lovingly.

All of a sudden Eilis was on the floor, writhing without any semblance of control over her body. This was pain the likes of which she had never experienced. It was as if a thousand hot knives were carving lines all over her body, over her limbs, her stomach, her chest, her face, her neck. She waited for the pain to end—for some release to this unyielding feeling of utter misery—but it didn't come. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she couldn't even gain enough control over herself to be aware of her surroundings.

The knives kept slicing into her, only getting hotter and more painful.

Faces and images ran through her head but she couldn't make sense of them. She didn't know herself, her name, where she was or what she had done.

* * *

It was ages before Eilis even noticed that the curse had stopped, and that the pain she was feeling was only a dull throbbing over every inch of her body. She blinked and found her eyes already open. _That's odd_, she thought, too weary to feel surprised. More time passed, and Eilis stayed where she was, lying on her back under one of the lab tables in the empty Potions room.

It was awhile before she even started to consecutively think actual thoughts, beyond just feelings. _What time is it?_ _I should be getting back._ She made no attempt to move. Not wanting to get up yet, Eilis turned to the one major decision before her. What would she say to the Slytherins the following night? She honestly didn't have any kind of clue.

Eventually Eilis began to sit up, biting back a groan at the intense soreness in every single part of her body. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt in her muscles before. She shakily crawled out from underneath the table and got slowly to her knees, and then her feet, clutching the edge of the smooth surface next to her. She took a breath and slowly stumbled to the door into the corridor, leaning her forehead against it as she gathered her strength, wiping all emotions from her face in case she encountered anyone on the long, long trip back up to Gryffindor tower.

She slid into the corridor, shutting the door to the Potions classroom behind her. There was no one in either direction, and she started slowly toward the stairs up to the Great Hall. Her footsteps echoed along the corridor, and as she walked Eilis stretched her hands in front of her, examining them and her arms, marveling at the unmarked skin, which, what seemed now like hours before, had felt like some kind of canvas over which Bella was conducting a symphony of torture. She was concentrating so much on her unblemished arms, and on what she would say to the Slytherins the following day, that she didn't notice a figure approaching down the corridor, walking towards her.

"Cartwright?" A voice called from down the hall and Eilis's heart stopped as she imagined that the Slytherins had returned before she realized that she recognized the voice. Like Sirius's, but not quite.

Regulus trotted to close the remaining space between them and stopped in front of her, taking in the sight of her—disheveled, with dark circles under her eyes, and a slightly faraway look.

"Eilis?" His voice came out as a whisper, as if he was afraid she would confirm that something had, indeed, happened to her.

"Hullo, Regulus." Her voice came out dully, and it cracked, her throat was so raw.

"Eilis…what happened?" Regulus gazed at her with such a look of concern in her eyes that Eilis felt herself crumble from within.

"I—I don't know—oh, Reg," she stammered as wordlessly he opened his arms and she fell against him. He held her close, one arm keeping her firmly against him and the other stroking her hair as he whispered in her ear. She wasn't listening, just leaning against him with her eyes closed, inhaling his crisp, clean scent—like Sirius's, but not quite. It was the same with everything about him. Almost everything.

She wasn't sure how long the two of them stood there, in the middle of the dungeon corridor. They were out in the open, but she shut the rest of the castle out as Regulus held her.

She didn't begin to have a clue what to do. Just leaving the safe circle of Regulus's arms seemed too much at the moment, let alone working for the Dark Lord to save her brother.

Let alone risking the Dark Lord's wrath by refusing his offer.

Eventually Regulus took a step back and looked into Eilis's eyes, still holding onto her upper arms, not breaking the contact between them as he seemed to sense that she needed to feel somebody beside her.

"Eilis," he whispered. "What happened? You have to tell me."

Eilis gazed back at Regulus, seeming to finally wake up from whatever trancelike state she had been in. "It was Bella, and the Lestranges. They...wanted to talk to me. They used the Cruciatus Curse."

Regulus sucked in a breath. "They tortured you?"

Eilis nodded. "Yes. But…I'm fine," she decided. "I wasn't. But I am. I will be. I'll be fine." She met Regulus's piercing gaze, her brain now moving quickly as it left the murky dredges it had been lurking in since she'd encountered the Slytherins. "Regulus, you cannot tell a soul about this."

He shook his head. "Eilis, that's—you're asking too much. They _tortured _you."

"Yes. And they can do it to you, too, or to me, again, if you tell anyone." He looked unconvinced, and Eilis took his hands from her arms and grasped them tightly. "Listen to me, Regulus. I know that you know what they're involved in. And I'm no fool—I know you're somehow mixed up in it too. And I think you knew what they wanted to talk to me about tonight." Regulus looked stricken, but she continued speaking. "Whatever you may have done, or have to do, to remain on their good side—do it. I'll forgive you." Her deep, dark blue eyes held his own light grey ones. So much like Sirius's. But not quite. "This isn't some game. I know what is going on, and I know the consequences of whatever might happen. I don't want to get you into trouble with them, Reg. I care about you." As she said the words, she knew they were true. Regulus had been a good friend—she wasn't surprised to consider him that. Not now. "Do whatever you need, please, Regulus."

She stepped away from him. "I need to return to my tower. I've been gone far too long." She glanced at her wristwatch. It was past eleven—she'd left dinner around nine.

Regulus looked at her as if she was some alien thing that he did not in the least understand. She didn't doubt that that was probably the truth. "I hope you know what you're doing," he said.

"I do."

She tried to pull off a weary half-smile but only managed a kind of grimace, and pushed past Regulus, who remained where he was, staring ahead of him.

Eilis slowly made her way up to Gryffindor Tower, wincing as she climbed Hogwarts' numerous staircases. Her body no longer hurt, but she was sore and both physically and emotionally drained. She desperately needed to sleep but foresaw only a long night lying in bed, deciding what to say to the Slytherins the following night. What she would be saying to Voldemort. What she might be doing to Patrick.

She entered through the portrait hole to find much of her house still up, including her friends and most of the Quidditch team. James was pacing by the side of the couch by the fireplace, and Remus and Sirius both had their arms crossed and were glaring at each other. Peter was clutching a blank sheet of parchment, and Lily was nervously scribbling down notes from her Transfiguration textbook. They all looked up when Eilis entered, and she saw several emotions play across all of their faces—James looked relieved, Lily looked apprehensive, Remus looked concerned, and Sirius looked angry.

"Eil!" James cried, striding over to her. "Where in the world have you been? Sirius said you'd only be gone fifteen minutes, but it's been two hours, and you knew we were supposed to have a pep talk with the team an hour ago. What were you doing?"

Eilis opened her mouth and shut it, glancing at all of her friends.

"I'm so sorry, James, I completely forgot about the meeting. I was just—"

"Are you alright?" Remus spoke up from one of the armchairs, looking at her with worry in his eyes. "You're pale as a ghost, Eil. What happened?"

"Nothing, I just—"

"She was with Regulus." Eilis looked over to find Sirius staring at her, an unfathomable expression on his face. "Right?" She couldn't read what was in his eyes as he held her gaze. How had he known…?

"Is that true? Eilis, are you alright?" Lily spoke up. She was looking at Eilis with shrewd eyes, trying to figure out where her friend had been.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you Lily. Sirius is right," she said, glancing at him as she said it. He had practically told the lie for her. It was partially true, anyways. "I was with Regulus. I forgot that I'd told him we could make up a tutoring session from the other night when I was angry with him and left. We were just going over Potions, nothing special. I'm sorry, guys, I'm terribly tired and I need to sleep for the game tomorrow." None of them looked particularly pleased with her at the moment. "I'll see you all in the morning. Thank you for waiting for me." She exited the room as quickly as possible, not meeting Sirius's eyes, which followed her up the staircase to the girls' dormitories, or Lily's unconvinced expression. Eilis quickly stripped her robes and changed, getting into bed, hoping to avoid having to speak with her best friend by feigning sleep.

She lay there, silently, listening to the other girls breathing as they slept, mulling over everything that had just happened. She had been right, utterly right in thinking that the Lestranges and Bellatrix, and probably other Slytherins as well were in league with Voldemort, and that they were into the Dark Arts enough to be able to cast curses like the Cruciatus casually—had she really just had an Unforgivable used on her?

Eilis sighed to herself, and then stiffened, hearing Lily come into the room. She forced herself to relax her breathing, thankful for the curtains around her bed, and counted the seconds as she heard her friend pause, knowing Lily was trying to decide whether to speak to her or not. Then she heard Lily take a few steps and open a drawer, and relief swept over her as she silently thanked Merlin for Lily's ability to recognize that Eilis needed to be alone to think right now.

If she agreed to help Voldemort, in exchange for Patrick's safety, did that make her a Death Eater? No, it couldn't. But…a partial one? Maybe? How could she live with herself—how could she allow herself to _aid_ someone so evil? She didn't even know what he wanted her to brew for him, but there was no doubt in her mind that it was something more sinister than she could even fathom.

But how could she just abandon Patrick, leave him at the mercy of such a man? If you could even call the Dark Lord a man…it was positively mind-blowing that such evil could be committed by a human being. And if she said no, wouldn't he be angry, and wouldn't he be even more cruel to Patrick than he might've been otherwise?

She thought of her brother. He'd always been there for her, _always. _Intelligent, kind, funny, and caring, he had always been her favorite person in the world. The perfect older brother. Patrick was one of those people who was just purely _good—_there was no other word for it, really. One of the most decent people alive. If there was even the slightest chance she could help him…how could she not take it?

Eilis tossed and turned, wholly unsure what to do. Eventually, after what seemed like hours turning from one choice to the next, Eilis threw off her covers and got out of bed, silently exiting the dormitory and padding down to the common room, intending to sit in one of the squashy armchairs by the fireplace and think there instead. If she wasn't going to get any sleep, she may as well have a crackling fire to look at.

She shouldn't have been surprised to find Sirius already there, but she was. She walked over and sat beside him on the couch, forgoing the armchairs. "Can't sleep either?"

He looked at her. "I can never sleep before a match."

"Still?"

He nodded. "Always."

She sat down, and an awkward ocean of silence stretched between them. Eilis stared resolutely at the fire, entirely too aware of her friend's presence by her side. A grandfather clock in the corner of the room ticked away the seconds, and Eilis felt Sirius fidgeting, a tension between the two of them seeming to mount with every tick of the clock.

The minutes passed until Eilis felt there was just too much silence between them, and the words tumbled from her mouth as she strove to fill the gap, "Sirius, what do—"

"Eilis, why—" Sirius spoke at the same exact moment, seeming to feel the same need as Eilis. "I'm sorry, go on," he said, with a half smile.

"Right—what do you suppose happens when we die?" She knew her voice sounded troubled, but was unsure how to remedy that.

Sirius was silent for a moment. "Honestly? I haven't the slightest idea. Muggles have all these ideas about theology and afterlife—d'you reckon any of it's true?"

"About God, you mean?" Eilis was impressed that someone with a family like Sirius's knew anything about muggle theology. "Merlin only knows. I…I don't like the idea that we just stop. That that's the end, you're gone, nothing remains. I mean—where does it go, whatever this is that makes me _me?_ This—spirit, or soul, or whatever you want to call it—what happens to that?"

"I think it becomes a part of the people you leave behind," Sirius replied after thinking for a moment. "Like—first of all, you're never truly gone as long as someone remembers you—misses you. And that remembrance—I think that's the manifestation of the spirit once it leaves the body." He stopped again, looking thoughtful. "Sorry—did that even make sense?"

"Yes, of course. And I think I agree with you. I've never thought about it that way before—I've always just been made so uncomfortable by the idea that we just…end."

Sirius looked at her. "Not ready to die yet?" He grinned, and Eilis physically felt the mood between them lighten. "Shocking."

She smiled. "I know, isn't it?"

Eilis knew there was a lot that wasn't being said between her and Sirius regarding what had happened tonight—how he had known she was with Regulus, how he even felt about that, and whether he suspected she was lying at all, but she was too worn out to bring it up now. She relaxed her position, her shoulder pressed against his, and returned to gazing at the fire. Touching someone right now was incredibly comforting, and Sirius seemed to understand that she just wanted to sit and think, and it appeared he wanted to do the same. So the two of them sat there, the clock ticking the minutes away, the logs crackling in the fire, each consumed by his or her own thoughts, until eventually Eilis drifted off with her head on Sirius's shoulder, undecided to the point of exhaustion.


	13. Chapter 13: An Answer

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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Eilis woke with a start in her own bed the following morning. She hadn't a clue how she'd gotten there, and couldn't remember going back to her dormitory the night before—hadn't she been talking with Sirius?

She sat up and blinked the sleep out of her eyes. He body was sore, as she'd expected, and the events of the night before washed over her as she stretched out her limbs. Those cursed Slytherins, with their links to Voldemort, and their Unforgivables. She sighed, rubbing a hand over her eyes. Whatever was she going to say to them tonight?

For now she began to get out of bed, biting back a groan as she stood on her tired, aching legs. It was the first Quidditch match of the season. Playing like this was going to be positively horrid. Eilis glanced at her watch. It was still quite early, before the team usually appeared together in the common room, so Eilis took her time washing up and getting dressed. Why had she even bothered to ask the Slytherins for more time to give them a decision? She had no more of an idea what to say than she'd had the previous evening, and when would she find time to think about it today, with the match ahead of her?

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The morning went by in a daze as she joined the rest of the team and forced down some toast and eggs for breakfast, and before Eilis knew it, she was striding out onto the Quidditch pitch with the rest of the team, lining up to face the Hufflepuffs across from her. Despite her exhaustion and the soreness that reverberated through her body, she couldn't help but feel excited for the game that was about to begin. Quidditch was one of the few things that Eilis ever allowed herself to give into completely. She lost track of everything else when she was in the air on her broomstick—a sleek Comet One-Eighty that she treasured dearly, a gift from her father two Christmases ago.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and Eilis kicked off from the ground, hard, shooting up into the air, already beginning to focus solely on the match at hand. It was the ninth of November and the sky was overcast and gray but there was good light, and she didn't have to worry about the sun shining in her eyes. A strong breeze swirled around the stadium—it was a windy day. Fairly good Quidditch conditions.

"And we're off," boomed the voice of Sturgis Podmore, frequent commentator on the school matches, "on the first match of the season. Gryffindor's team looking great as always, Potter taking a bit of a chance with the third year Samson Archer as Chaser, it'll be interesting to see how he does today, in his first match. Hufflepuff with the same lineup as last year, the only notable difference being Graeme Dylan as Beater, taking the place of Liam MacIver who graduated last spring."

Eilis flew high, finding her favorite spot on the southern side of the pitch to look for the snitch. From there she had a good view of the entire field, and could keep track of what was happening in the game. After a few minutes she began to fly in steady laps around the pitch, keeping an eye on the Hufflepuff Seeker, a keen-eyed redheaded fourth year girl called Emma Salisbury who Eilis liked a great deal.

The beginning of the match was very promising, with James and Reagan each scoring twice within the first ten minutes. Soon the score was 50-10 Gryffindor, and Eilis concentrated harder on looking for the snitch, which she'd still caught no sightings of twenty minutes, as she listened to Podmore's commentary on the match. Things were beginning to slow down. The Hufflepuff Keeper, a burly but kind 7th year called Lucas Hammerstrong, was beginning to gain his bearings and blocking far more quaffles than he had at the start of the match. Durden was holding his own in front of the Gryffindor hoops, only having let in one quaffle so far.

Eilis flew lower, glancing over at Emma Salisbury, who was beginning to look as frustrated as Eilis was feeling at the lack of the snitch's presence. She smiled as she caught sight of Samson intercepting the quaffle from one of the Hufflepuff chasers—"an excellent steal!" proclaimed Podmore. He was so small and speedy, they'd been working mostly on his aim at practices which still could use a lot of work. She gave him a mental cheer as he scored, bringing the game to 60-10.

A flash of gold in her peripheral vision to the right of her caused Eilis to swivel her head around. She took off in the direction of the flash, noting that Emma was registering this and quickly on her tail. Emma had an excellent broom, a Shooting Star, but Eilis was a better flier. Still, it was close and Emma was getting a bit closer behind her.

"Looks like Gryffindor Seeker Eilis Cartwright's caught sight of something across the pitch, with Salisbury hot on her tail. Both of them seem dead set on catching the snitch—ohhh! That's gotta hurt! A well-placed bludger from Dylan knocks Cartwright off course, hitting her in the thigh. Can Salisbury use this? Will she get the snitch? Could Hufflepuff win?" Podmore paused a moment as the whole pitch looked on to see Emma Salisbury veer off angrily. "Guess not…and it's Reagan Johnson with the quaffle yet again!"

Eilis muttered a string of curses under her breath, steeling herself against the pain in her leg. She _had_ to stop getting tunnel vision when she went for the snitch—this wasn't the first time she'd been knocked off course by a bludger during a mad dash. Luckily Emma hadn't actually known where the snitch was, only following Eilis's lead. It was still anybody's game, although as the next ten minutes went by Gryffindor scored twice more, and Hufflepuff only once, bringing the score to 80-20.

"Cartwright, you alright?" Sirius called from a few yards away, squinting over at her as he clutched his Beater's bat.

"Yeah, fine, just my leg. No worries," she called back, desperately searching the pitch for any signs of gold. The throbbing in her left thigh made her all the more anxious to end the match at last.

Samson, Reagan, and James were flying wonderfully together, each scoring again in the next few minutes. They were flattening Hufflepuff, but the match wouldn't end until the snitch was caught. Finally Eilis glimpsed a speck of gold flitting about by the base of the Hufflepuff goal posts, easy to get to from her current spot above the center of the field. The action was currently towards the Gryffindor end of the field, but Emma Salisbury was closer to the Hufflepuff posts than her. Eilis sucked in her breath and began to fly towards the Hufflepuff posts subtly, keeping one eye on the snitch and one eye on Emma, who she was about to gain level ground with. She held her breath as she nonchalantly coasted by Emma, and as soon as she was clear of the girl she gave the biggest burst of speed she could and rocketed to the base of the Hufflepuff posts where the snitch still lingered. The air whooshed by as she shot towards the ground, waiting—a lit bit further—and she finally pulled her broom handle straight, zooming by the posts and reaching out to grasp the quickly flitting little winged golden ball, finally breathing as she raised her arm in the air.

"And in an excellently disguised move, Cartwright suddenly comes out of nowhere—she's caught the snitch! Gryffindor wins! Merlin, that girl is something."

Eilis couldn't help but grin as she caught sight of Emma frowning above her, but her vision was quickly cut off as her team flew straight into her, all cheering and hugging her at once.

"Brilliant, Eil, that was so excellent!" James's grin was huge, and he let out a howl of excitement at their first win of the season. Reagan engulfed her in a hug, and Sirius winked at her, an action she promptly returned, smiling and making a face at him.

The team chatted animatedly in the changing rooms as they showered and dressed, all leaving together to head back up to the castle. James and Sirius goofed off on the walk back, pretending to dance a tango together dramatically, which resulted in a lot of tripping and James getting dropped after an elaborate sequence and dip, while Sirius just stood there laughing at having dropped his best friend.

As they entered the castle doors together, someone called "Hey, Eilis!" and she looked up to see Caradoc coming out of the Great Hall, grinning at her. Eilis smiled at him and then turned to James. "Er—is it alright if I pop off for a bit?"

"Huh?" James turned to her, his face still sporting a perpetual smile. "Yeah, sure, Eil. Sirius and I have got to go nick some food from the kitchens anyway for the party tonight. See you later, you were really excellent today," he said, trying to get her to perform an elaborate high-fiving sequence with him which she promptly messed up. "Lost cause," James muttered, before wandering off with a laughing Sirius.

Caradoc strode over to meet her, smiling, and took her hand in his, which was large, strong, and smooth. "You were brilliant today, Eilis," he said, beaming down at her.

"Thanks," Eilis said, falling into step beside him. She was very conscious of their linked hands, which felt nice but really strange. They chatted about the match as they walked around the castle, laughing and teasing the various portraits on the wall. They spent a good deal of time by one of a disgruntled old hag tied to a chair at wandpoint by a young, good-looking warlock. Apparently the two were lovers and had gotten into a spat over something involving shoe polish and pygmy puffs…Eilis still wasn't exactly clear on the details of the situation when they moved on.

They spent the afternoon together, strolling through the corridors of Hogwarts, making each other laugh and popping into abandoned classrooms for a quick snog. Eventually Eilis felt she had to get back to the Gryffindor common room, where the rest of the team had probably been celebrating ever since the match ended.

Eilis checked her watch as she and Caradoc parted ways, seeing that it was about four o'clock. She silently treaded up the many staircases to Gryffindor Tower, truly alone for the first time all day. The afternoon with Caradoc had been lovely, and she was starting to really care about him. She thought of the way his green eyes danced when he laughed, his easy grin, and the way he smiled when they looked at each other. Caradoc Dearborn. Wow. Who knew?

But it wasn't the time to be swooning over Caradoc. She still had no answer for the Slytherins, and she was supposed to give them one within five hours. "Sunflower sutra," she mumbled to the Fat Lady, as she distractedly crawled through the portrait hole.

Eilis was beginning to suspect that she wouldn't even have an answer when the time came to meet Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Rabastan. She'd be going in blind. _I need to bring someone with me,_ she thought. _Otherwise they'll just torture me again._ _But who?_ Whoever came with her would need to understand that she couldn't explain the situation. _Who would just come with me even if I told them they'd get no explanation of what was going on?_ She hadn't the slightest idea.

The common room was abuzz with excited Gryffindors going over the Quidditch match, and Eilis felt drained just by the level of excitement that echoed around her. She smiled at waved at her friends before heading up to the girls' sixth. By the state of things, James and Sirus hadn't yet returned with food. She'd go down in a few hours, when the party was in full swing, and then leave to go to the dungeons. She shivered at the thought.

Eilis collapsed onto her bed, exhausted, realizing that she hadn't slept much the night before. Her body still ached, and her left thigh was so sore where the bludger had slammed into it. She winced as she reached into a drawer by her bed and drew out a vial of a potion that would somewhat lessen the pain in her muscles.

Groaning at the question that constantly turned in her head, unanswered, Eilis rolled onto her side and sighed into her pillow. She felt her eyelids growing heavy. _Must save Patrick,_ she thought, drifting off, _Patrick…Patrick wouldn't want me to…_

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It was dark when Eilis woke up, and she squinted around the room. Picking up her wand from her bedside table, she cast _Lumos _and peered at her watch face. 8:22. Her heart rate increased as she felt panic fill her chest. She must have slept much longer than she'd planned. And she had to meet the Slytherins in forty minutes—and had absolutely no idea what to say to them, still.

Hurriedly, Eilis lit the lamp beside her bed and changed her clothes, throwing on some old jeans and a navy sweater that made her feel safe. She tucked her wand into her back pocket and tied her curly red-gold hair back into a ponytail, with impossible bits of hair escaping and falling into her eyes. She needed to bring someone with her to the dungeons, that much was clear to her. She couldn't risk her safety again like she had the night before.

But who? Someone Eilis could trust, who she felt safe with. Lily? No, Lily would ask too many questions—she would _need_ to know what was going on.

James? James was too reckless, too overzealous. He would piss off the Slytherins, anyway.

Remus? She thought for a minute. Remus would accept that she couldn't tell him what was happening. He was strong, and good with a wand, in case anything happened. But there was something lacking—she just didn't feel safe enough in his presence. Was that it? She wasn't sure.

Her heart hammered as she realized the person in the back of her mind all this time had been Sirius. It wouldn't be easy, convincing him to go along without explaining the situation to him. But she felt inexplicably safe in his presence, which was what she most wanted from a companion tonight. And he was related to Bellatrix, so she couldn't risk trying any funny business on her cousin. It struck Eilis that she'd known ever since she decided to bring someone that that person would be Sirius. It just felt so right, for whatever reason.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself against the coming night, checking her watch once more as she descended the stairs into the common room, which was in full swing with raucously celebrating Gryffindors. 8:28. She still didn't have an answer.

Eilis scanned the common room. "Oh, good, you're finally here!" Lily beamed at her best friend, coming over to where Eilis stood at the base of the stairs. "I didn't want to wake you—you looked so tired. Everyone's been waiting for you."

"Thanks, Lils. Have you seen Sirius? I need to talk to him."

Lily cocked an eyebrow. "Sirius? Er—yeah, I think I saw him over in the corner with Olivia Bent a little while ago," she said, gesturing to one side of the room. Eilis set off in that direction. After a minute she located Black, sitting sideways on an armchair smirking at a girl in his lap. Olivia Bent, a short 5th year witch with beautiful porcelain skin and a head full of wild black curls and deep, hazel eyes that boys wanted to fall into. She was nice enough, and quite funny. They were certainly an attractive pair, Eilis thought. Olivia was laughing at something Sirius said.

Eilis wrung her hands, standing awkwardly, steeling herself to interrupt. "Er—Sirius?" Nothing. She said it again, louder. "Sirius?"

He looked up, still smirking, and caught sight of her, quickly straightening up and trying to put some distance between himself and Olivia, which was rather difficult as the witch was sitting on top of him.

"Oh—hey, Cartwright. What's going on?" Sirius ran a hand through his smooth brown hair, and Olivia raised an eyebrow at him and then at Eilis, who felt even more like she was intruding.

"Er—I'm so, so sorry, but…I really need to talk to you. Right away. It's incredibly important. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, no problem," said Sirius, practically pushing Olivia off his lap and jumping off the armchair. "See you later, Liv," he said without glancing backwards at the petite witch behind him. Eilis led him through the crowd, shooting what she hoped was an appropriately apologetic look back at Olivia, who still looked confused and a little irate. They didn't speak as Eilis climbed out of the portrait hole, Sirius right behind her, and checked her watch again. 8:37. This would have to be quick.

"So what's up?" Sirius casually leaned against the wall of the deserted corridor, so dark and silent in comparison with the bright, noisy common room.

"Okay. This is going to sound really strange, and I'm sorry for it." Eilis took a moment as she thought how best to phrase her next words, and Sirius just looked at her, waiting. "Okay. Um. So I'm in trouble," she said seriously, looking up at him with her dark blue eyes. "It's quite serious." She cursed her word choice, but Sirius didn't make any of his usual snarky comments, still just waiting for her to continue.

"First of all I need to explain that, well, I _can't_ explain. That is, I can't tell you what's going on. I—I trust you, Sirius, that's why you're here. But I can't tell you what's happening, I can't tell anybody, so I need you to understand that first and foremost. You're going to have a lot of questions, but I'm not going to be able to answer them." Sirius looked intrigued. "I need your help tonight, badly. You don't really have to do anything—mainly just _be there_, with me, but it's incredibly important that I have someone with me, and I think the best person is you."

Sirius frowned slightly. "Continue," he said, inclining his head. Eilis checked her watch again. 8:42

"I have to meet with some Slytherins tonight. In about twenty minutes. Specifically, your cousin Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers." Sirius's frown deepened. "In the dungeons. I can't tell you why. But I _need_ you to come with me, Sirius. I—I can't go alone. They're not going to be happy that you're there, of course. I'm supposed to be by myself. But I'll assure them that you don't know anything about what is happening. I realize I'm asking a lot of you—I know you're not the type to agree to something without all of the information—but I would be so, _so _grateful if you agreed to this," she finished, biting her lip and waiting for a response.

Sirius just stood there, his arms crossed, frowning at her. 8:46.

"Please, Sirius. I need you."

He cleared his throat, and looked at the floor, down the hall, anywhere but her, clearly thinking very quickly. A few minutes passed, and finally his gaze came back to Eilis's, and they stood there staring at each other.

Finally he spoke. "I don't like it, at all. And I don't think you should be meeting people like them for any reason whatsoever. But I'll come with you, of course, if you need me there that badly." He hesitated for a moment before adding, in a grave tone, "you can count on me, Eilis."

Eilis let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "OH! Oh, Sirius, thank you so, so much," and before she could think she was hugging him with all her might, her anxiety about the coming meeting washing over her like an unbridled tsunami. Sirius stumbled a bit but held her tightly.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Oh—oh, shit. It's 8:57. We need to hurry. I'm supposed to meet them at nine." They raced down the many staircases, past the Great Hall, breathing hard until they reached the staircase down into the dungeons, where they both instinctively slowed their pace and quieted their breathing. They descended the stairs and walked quietly along the corridor, the eerie stone walls rising on either side of them.

Eilis moved closer to Sirius, and knew she had been right in asking him to accompany her. Her entire body was on edge, unsure of the answer she was about to give, but having Sirius beside her somehow made it bearable. They reached a stop outside the Potions classroom and just as they were about to enter, Sirius grabbed her hand and gave it a quick, powerful squeeze. His hand was warm, and rough, and felt entirely right in her own. They looked at each other and then Eilis stepped through the threshold into the Potions room.

"You're late, blood traitor," came Bella's drawling voice from a corner of the darkened room. "And you've brought a friend! If it isn't my favorite cousin! I can't think of a lovelier time for a family reunion." She came out the shadows, Rabastan and Rodolphus both behind her.

"Sirius isn't involved in this, he's just here keeping me company," Eilis said in what she hoped was a cool voice. "He doesn't know what's going on."

_Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, where are you? You're supposed to be the one with the answers. You're the older one. You call the shots._

"Doesn't he?" Bella cooed evilly at them. "I know how my darling Siri hates to be kept in the dark."

"That doesn't matter, Bellatrix," Eilis glanced over at Sirius, whose mouth was set in a hard line. "Look, let's just make this quick. I've got an answer for you."

_Patrick, come on, this isn't funny, please, I need you. Patrick, I won't let anything happen to you. _

All of the eyes in the room were now on her as Rodolphus chuckled. "Oh you have, have you? Let's hear it, then. Show us all how clever you really are. We know you've made the right choice."

_Patrick, what should I do?_

Eilis swallowed, and looked over at Sirius again, who was just staring at her, transfixed, waiting along with the Slytherins. She cleared her throat. "My answer," she began, taking a deep breath and readying herself for what would come next, Patrick's face all that she could see, "is no."


	14. Chapter 14: Unsure

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Eilis swallowed, and looked over at Sirius again, who was just staring at her, transfixed, waiting along with the Slytherins. She cleared her throat. "My answer," she began, taking a deep breath and readying herself for what would come next, Patrick's face all that she could see, "is no."

_NO? But what about Patrick? What are you doing to him?_

Eilis's heart pounded as she watched the looks on the Slytherins' faces go from expectant to disbelieving to furious. She unconsciously sidled closer to Sirius as Bella's face lost all emotion and the girl smiled evilly.

"No?" She cackled. "No! Ha! Our clever little friend has answered incorrectly. Now, let's just gloss over this—you can have one more chance. I hope you remember exactly what the situation is, Cartwright."

Eilis shook her head, trying to appear to have a confidence she didn't feel. "No, Bella, I can't do this for—for you. I'm not going to change my mind, either."

"I hope you fully understand the consequences of this choice, you little blood traitor," growled Rodolphus. "We've already warned you."

"I know," said Eilis. "My answer is still no." She looked at Sirius. "We're done here." She gave the irate Slytherins a final, wary glance, noting the way that Bella gripped her wand, and turned to exit, dragging Sirius with her. He pushed her away, lingering behind a moment and striding up to Bellatrix.

"Look, Bella, I don't know what's going on here, but it's obvious that whatever blackmail you tried to pull didn't work. Eilis isn't afraid of you, so just drop whatever this is. Unless you want your life to be a lot more difficult from now on." He towered above her but she just laughed in delight.

"Oh, Siri, you always were my favorite cousin. You really ought to stay out of things that you don't know anything about. And what could you possibly do to make my life difficult?" She smiled sweetly up him. "No one in the family cares about you anymore. You have nothing on me. Have fun with your dirty little halfblooded friends! And stay out of my way." Sirius just glared at her before finally turning to rejoin Eilis, who was waiting at the doorway to the classroom.

* * *

"Eilis."

Sirius quickened his pace to keep up with the girl who was furiously striding ahead of him down the corridor.

"Eilis."

She was wringing her hands and staring at the stones before her feet. She looked miles away.

"Oi! Eilis!" Finally she whipped her head around.

"Wha—oh!" She shook herself, slowing down her pace a bit. "Sorry, Sirius, just—give me a sec, thanks." She set off again. She had told them no. She had told the Slytherins no. She had told _You-Know-Who_ no. _Voldemort! _The _Dark Lord!_ "Fuck me sideways," she muttered under her breath.

"Er—sorry?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but Eilis didn't even glance at him, still wrapped up in her own mind.

No meant she wouldn't be brewing whatever twisted potion Voldemort had had in store for her. No meant she wouldn't be doing the Slytherins' bidding. No meant she wouldn't be a "sort-of" Death Eater.

No…no meant she had no clue what would happen to Patrick. No meant she couldn't save him.

_But how do I even know You-Know-Who _does_ have him? Bellatrix never gave me any details. I'm sure they could have figured out he was missing somehow…there was never any guarantee that You-Know-Who had him. _

She abruptly came to a halt while walking up the steps towards the Great Hall. _I made the right choice_, she thought. "I made the right choice," she whispered to herself. There was no way, no chance whatsoever that Patrick would ever, _ever_ want her to brew whatever kind of horrible potion the Slytherins had been speaking of. No matter what kind of trouble he was in. No matter how it might save him. Patrick fought the Dark Lord for a living, he had dedicated his life towards trying to bring Voldemort down. "I made the right choice," she said again, louder and with more conviction.

"Course you did," chimed in Sirius, who'd been waiting restlessly behind her, utterly baffled as to her behavior. "Look, Eilis, I know you said you weren't going to explain this to me, but—hey, hold up."

He grabbed her arm as she started away, pulling her in front of him and looking down at her gravely. "If you're mixed up in something bad…you can tell me. We can get help. There are loads of people who could help you figure this out—McGonagall, Dumbledore, the Potters, all sorts. I mean, I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I _know_ you made the right decision back there. No matter what kind of pull they think they've got over you."

Eilis met his gave with equal severity. "Thanks, Sirius. I think—I think it's going to be okay. And if not…I'll go to Professor Dumbledore. I just think I can handle things on my own for right now. Thank you, again, for coming with me tonight. Just having you there really helped."

Sirius offered her a half-smile and they set off again in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. When she returned to her dormitory, Eilis found a scrap of parchment on her pillow. In a tidy scrawl, it read: _Bella and her minions just got back to the common room—they do NOT look happy. I hope you know what you're doing. Take care, R._

_

* * *

  
_

The next few weeks flew by, with no word of Patrick being found either dead or alive. The Slytherins hadn't been bothering Eilis either, merely glaring at her whenever their paths cross—which Eilis made sure didn't happen often. As for her brother, she figured that at this point, no news was good news.

Eilis threw herself into her studies, cursing the lack of attention she'd recently had. Of course, there were other things on her mind, but that didn't excuse her. True, her marks were still very good, but not quite at the level she'd always upheld in the past. She especially threw herself into her Potions work, reminding herself of her summer goal of a Department of Mysteries internship, and eager to impress Professor Slughorn with her work ethic so that he'd recommend her highly to the Unspeakables in charge of selecting interns.

Luckily, Slughorn had always been very fond of her. Eilis took extra care in November to attend all three Slug Club meetings he held, bringing Caradoc as a date to one of them. She and Caradoc were getting closer as each week passed, and began spending much more time together—whether taking romantic strolls through the grounds in the evening, or sneaking around the castle late at night, or even just doing their schoolwork together in silence. Eilis was surprised at how quickly she had come to care so deeply about him, but she still felt the same nervousness every time he smiled at her. Something was preventing her from feeling completely comfortable in his presence, even as she became more and more attached to him.

One evening in late November the two were sitting at a table in the back of the library studying with Remus when Marlene plopped down in an empty chair, looking exasperated. Eilis was somewhat surprised to see her there—she hadn't seen much of Mary or Marlene in the past few weeks, aside from inside the dormitory—but then she remembered that the girls were still pretty close with Lupin.

"I've _had _it with her!" Marlene slumped in her chair, setting her forehead flat on the table and haphazardly covering her head with her arms.

"Er—sorry," began Remus, looking a tad confused, "but had it with who, exactly?"

Marlene lifted her head off the table and laid it on her arms. "Professor Quinn," she said. "This is the third time this week she's assigned us twelve inches of parchment on the history of some hex or another! I want to know how to _defend_ myself from these curses, not where the wizards who wrote them grew up. I couldn't care less if the creator of the Jelly-Legs Jinx was a hemophiliac because of his incestuous ancestry. _Honestly!_"

Eilis exchanged an amused glance with Caradoc before looking back at Marlene. The girl was being a bit over-dramatic, but she did have a point. Most of the students had been rather disappointed in the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Quinn was tough, as she had told the students on the first day, but her class was difficult in the sense that the workload was far too heavy. They weren't necessarily learning difficult defensive tactics or practical spells to cast in duels, the students were instead doing a great deal of writing about defensive theory and history. Which was all well and good, but not particularly stimulating. The first month or so of class had been excellent—they'd learned Patronus Charms among others, but lately it had just been mounds and mounds of bookwork.

"You'd think we'd have some kind of potion to cure hemophilia," Remus noted, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully.

"There is one, now," Eilis piped up. "It's called the Sanguinus Coagulus Draught. It's pretty difficult to make," she noted, entering her I-know-the-answer-to-every-possible-Potions-question-you-might-ever-conceive-of-asking-so-just-_try_-me mode. "It wouldn't have been created yet when that Jelly-Legs wizard was alive, because I think the first time it was brewed successfully was in 1963. You need a decently large amount of every single blood type, and a lot of really rare ingredients like chimaera scales and melted occamy eggs."

"What in Merlin's beard is an occamy?" Caradoc was looking at Eilis with a face of amused disbelief.

"It's kind of like this huge, snakelike bird that can't fly," said Remus, retrieving the information from his mental rolodex of not-very-important facts. "They're really savage, and protect their eggs really aggressively. The shells of the eggs are pure silver."

"Thanks for the useful nuggets of knowledge, guys, but not really my point..." Remus blushed and Marlene dropped her head back onto the tabletop, her pretty brown curls falling all over the place. "This class is _killing_ me."

"Maybe we should talk to her?" Eilis suggested. "Let her know that we're not particularly satisfied with how classes are going. I'm sure she'd listen to us."

"That might work, actually," began Marlene, looking contemplative. "I mean, she's told us multiple times that she values our feedback, just everyone's been too scared to actually talk to her."

"She _is_ an intimidating woman…" Remus muttered under his breath.

"Alright, then. Who isn't afraid of her? And also who is a good student…" Marlene began trying to appoint someone to the task of speaking with Professor Quinn, running through the students in their Defense Against the Dark Arts class one by one, until finally, "I've got it! James and Lily. Lily's brilliant and James isn't afraid of Quinn. What a perfect pair! Alright, I'm going to go find them and tell them the plan." With that, Marlene jumped up, grabbing both Remus and her books, and set off out of the library, earning a fearsome glare from Madam Pince on the way out, the uptight young witch who ran the library.

Amused, Eilis and Caradoc were left to themselves, studying and chatting.

"Your friends are insane," Caradoc said with a chuckle.

"Yeah," agreed Eilis. "Well. It happens."

They sat on for awhile longer, until Regulus Black entered the library and made his way over to their table, taking a seat across from Eilis. "Alright, Eilis? Dearborn?"

"Black." Dearborn acknowledged the Slytherin with a slight incline of his head.

"'Lo, Reg," smiled Eilis. She and Regulus no longer met in the dungeons—in fact, she had stopped tutoring him in Potions completely. She thought back to the night it changed, the first Wednesday evening following her encounter with the Slytherins, when she made Regulus meet her in the Great Hall and walk with her to the Potions classroom.

* * *

"How are you?" Regulus had looked her over, as if searching for some obvious sign that she wasn't okay.

"I'm fine, Regulus, just tired. It's been a long week. Look—we need to talk. I can't come meet you here for tutoring anymore, I—it just makes me too uncomfortable. I'll talk to McGonagall, get her to let us use an empty classroom in another part of the castle."

Regulus had looked at her, appearing troubled, and opened his mouth to speak. "Er—maybe it's better if we just discontinue these lessons, Eilis. I wouldn't mind, honest."

What?" Eilis had been confused, remembering how he'd blown up at her once when she'd made a similar suggestion. "I know you're doing much better, Reg, but I hardly think we should just stop now."

Regulus had then closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to start saying something several times before finally spitting out, "Look, I'm so sorry I lied to you, Eilis, but I never actually needed much help with Potions. I—I pretended to be rubbish at them, because Bella and Rudolphus wanted me to try and get close to you."

"Sorry—what?"

"I'm actually pretty good at Potions. Not a whiz like you or Snape, of course, but fair enough."

"Back to the part where you were trying to get close to me?" An icy feeling had then begun creeping its way through Eilis's chest.

"It was…a task, kind of. I was supposed to get close to you, show you we're not all bad, bring you around to our way of thinking, and then amiably suggest to you that you brew this really powerful potion, but of course none of that worked." Regulus took in the sight of Eilis's bright, glaring eyes, and quickened his speech. "Let me explain! I realized from the first time we met here that there was no way that was going to work—you're just too innocent, Cartwright. There's _nothing_ I could say that would make you believe the Dark Lord was in the right."

"So?" Eilis hadn't ceased her accusatory glare.

"So—I told Bella it'd take more time that we thought, but that I could do it—convince you to brew the potion. She wasn't happy. They gave me a while, but they must have just recently realized that I had no real intention of completing their 'task.' I didn't know they were going to just spring it on you—they knew not to tell me, I guess—please, believe me, Eilis, if I had known what they were planning for last weekend I would've told you!" He had been so much in earnest during this explanation that Eilis had had no chance but to accept what he was saying as truth.

"So let me get this straight," she'd said. "The only reason you asked me to tutor you—befriended me—was because I was a 'task' that You-Know-Who had given you?"

"Well…yes," Regulus admitted. "But don't you see! I really began to think of you as a real friend, Eil, and I really care about you, so I couldn't—"

"Fine," she'd said, holding up a hand for him to stop. "Please just tell me one thing, though, Regulus. What exactly does this potion do?"

Regulus had sucked in his breath, looking surprised. "They didn't tell you? No, I suppose they didn't…why would you ever agree…"

"That doesn't sound promising…" Eilis had begun to fear whatever answer Regulus was going to give her.

"It's—alright, let me think how to explain it. Okay—you know how the Cruciatus Curse feels?"

"A bit too well, thanks," Eilis had said drily.

"Right…I still can't believe they did that. I mean, it's them, so I guess I _can_ believe it, but still. Anyway. This potion—I don't know the name of it—but it makes the drinker feel the same effects of the Cruciatus Curse. Only you know how with the Curse, it's like the outside of your body is being tortured? This is internal. So the potion makes you feel as though thousands of white hot knives are carving up your insides, slicing at your bones, your muscles, your lungs, everything. It's…"

"The kind of potion only an evil madman can come up with," Eilis interjected. She was stunned by what Regulus was telling her. She'd expected some kind of vile potion, but this was beyond what she'd imagined.

"Yeah. Well, I don't think he invented it, exactly; I'm pretty sure he found it in some ancient necromancy book. The kind that the Ministry bans?"

"How long does it last?"

"Not sure," Regulus had confessed. "I think it depends on the strength—you're supposed to dilute it, I believe, but at least an hour, even in the smallest doses."

"Give me a minute to think about this, please." Eilis had sat down heavily at one of the lab tables, running over in her mind what she had nearly committed to in order to save Patrick. She wondered if they would have told her what the potion did, even as she was brewing it…probably not. With a weapon like that, Voldemort would be able to break any Auror he found. The Cruciatus Curse usually only lasted a few minutes…the thought of that kind of pain for an hour, most likely much more, was too much to bear.

She'd been so stunned that she'd forgotten to be angry at what Regulus had first confessed to her, about her being some kind of "project" he was supposed to work on and wear down…

* * *

Eilis remembered how after that discussion had cleared everything up, they'd decided to stop the tutoring and instead just hang out together as normal friends. They were careful to keep their friendship out of sight of the Slytherins, often meeting in the library—"Don't think Rudy knows we've got one," Regulus had said—or elsewhere in the castle, but never in the dungeons. She hadn't seen Bellatrix, Rudolphus or Rabastan much at all lately, which was somewhat comforting but also made her feel nervous. He was around enough that Caradoc, Remus, and Lily got used to him, even if they didn't particularly like his presence. Sirius, James, and Peter were never there when Regulus was, and never spoke of his friendship with Eilis. It was uncomfortable at times, but Eilis was glad that they had been able to stay friends—they even sometimes studied with Snape, who still liked to pretend that he and Eilis were barely on speaking terms.

"Well, I've got to go," Caradoc said, snapping Eilis back to present day, as he began putting his books into his bag. "Detention with Flitwick."

"What did you do?" Eilis couldn't remember ever hearing of him in detention before.

"Accidentally sent him flying around the room with my wind charm. He's just so tiny, he got swept right up! Anyway, he wasn't pleased."

"No, I imagine not," said Eilis, giving Caradoc a grin which he returned.

"Cheers, Eil," he said, bending down to kiss her before he left. "See you, Black."

Eilis watched him go and then turned back to find Regulus smirking at her.

"If I get detention, will you kiss me?" He raised an eyebrow suggestively, giving her a cheeky half-grin-half-smirk that she'd seen on Sirius too many times to count. Eilis rolled her eyes and turned back to her Transfiguration homework.

* * *

A few days later James and Lily (who hadn't been pleased with her chosen partner) returned to the common room in the evening after having spoken with Professor Quinn.

"So?" Marlene asked. "How'd it go?"

"Well, actually," admitted Lily, slinging her book bag over her shoulder and taking a seat on one of the couches by the fire. "She said hadn't realized how unbalanced our classes have been recently. She's going to incorporate more practice than theory now."

"Brilliant," said Sirius. "That class has been horribly boring lately."

"Well, thanks to my darling Lily and me, it's going to get loads better," James said, winking at Lily, who rolled her eyes but made no comment.

"Well," began Marlene, turning to Remus. "That was easier than expected."

"Who knew?" Moony replied.

"Hey, Eil," said Lily, "are you staying at Hogwarts over the holidays?"

"No," she answered. "I'm going home to stay with my parents. How about you?"

"Going home."

"Me, too," said both Marlene and Remus together. Everyone looked at James, Peter, and Sirius.

"I'm staying here," said Peter first, before turning to look hopefully at his friends and fellow Marauders.

"Er—we're both going to my place," said James. "You're welcome to stay for a few days if you'd like, Peter."

"Excellent," Pettigrew said, grinning with admiration at James. Eilis wondered for the billionth time why Remus, Sirius, and James were so loyal to Peter. He was nice and all, but there was nothing particularly special about him—he wasn't all that intelligent, or funny, or creative, or particularly good at anything, that she knew of. They'd all been together since first year, though, and hadn't separated since. In the last year or so they'd begun spending more time with Lily, Eilis, Mary, and Marlene, but for so long it had just been the four of them.

"Anyway, Hogsmeade weekend in two weeks," said Marlene, naming the upcoming December trip to the village. "I've got to do all of my Christmas shopping. Are you all going?"

There was a general murmur of assent, and Remus suggested that they all spend the morning on their own and then meet in the afternoon for a few butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks. Eilis thought this would be a good way to be able to spend time with Caradoc and then with her friends.

"Oi, Prongs!" Sirius had suddenly sat up excitedly, looking out the window.

"Wha—?" James swiveled around so that he too could see outside, and then turned and grinned at Sirius. "It's on," he said, leaping off the couch and bounding up the steps to the boy's dormitory, Sirius right behind him.

The remaining bunch barely had time to exchange confused glances before James and Sirius were on their way back down the stairs, taking them two at a time. They were now adorned with furry woolen caps and mittens, and were pulling on heavy cloaks as they ran by towards the portrait hole.

"First snowball duel!" Sirius yelled.

"Charms allowed!" James followed right behind him.

"Get off your arses!"

"Every man for himself!"

The two were outside within minutes, and Eilis and her friends scattered to their respective dormitories to grab their winter things.

James and Sirius were not the only ones out on the grounds taking advantage of the first snowfall that covered the ground. It had been snowing all day, the thick flakes Eilis loved that landed so perfectly on your tongue and were just right for snow forts and snowballs.

She'd barely been out for three minutes, observing the scene, when a handful of packed snow hit her in the shoulder. Eilis whipped around and saw Remus there grinning before he ran off, pelting James with an armful of snowballs.

"Quick! Eil! Over here!" Lily grabbed Eilis's hand and dragged her behind a snow drift. "You pack them, I'll enchant them." The two worked together as a team for the next fifteen minutes, Lily's charm sending a snowball whizzing furiously at anyone who came within a few meters of their shelter. Eventually, though, they were overpowered as James and Sirius circled around behind them and leapt on the two girls, shoving handfuls of snow in their faces before hauling them up and dragging them back into the middle of the melee, where students from all houses were running rampant, armed with snow.

Eilis lifted herself off the ground and ducked quickly to dodge a lump of snow heading straight for her head. She looked in the direction it had come and leapt up. "You're going down, Podmore!" She and the cheerful Hufflepuff spent the next few minutes chasing each other before they were both distracted again by an onslaught by someone else, in Eilis's case Marlene followed immediately by Regulus and then Peter.

She dived behind a pile of snow someone had already made into a fort, only to find it already occupied by Sirius, his cheeks bright red from the cold and his dark hair soaked with slush, the furry cap he'd had earlier nowhere to be found. He was busily packing snowballs as quickly as he could, his pile growing by the minute. "Give us a hand, Cartwright," he said, grinning at her and then peeking his head over the top of the fort before ducking right back down as a mass of snow showered down on them. "Right," he whispered to Eilis, "Prongs is our number one target. The stakes are high. Are you up to it?" He looked at her seriously.

"No problemo," said Eilis, filling her arms with as many snowballs as she could hold as Sirius did the same. "What are the stakes, exactly?"

"My dignity. Okay. Count of three. One…two…argh!" His next curses were muffled as the snow fort suddenly collapsed on top of them, burying Eilis, Sirius, and their mountain of frozen ammunition.

"PRONGS I AM GOING TO KILL YOU," Eilis heard Sirius shout right in her ear, and she realized what she had taken to be only a large quantity snow on top of her was actually Sirius _and_ a large quantity of snow. "Unbelievable," he muttered, squirming. "He's in for…oh. Er. 'Lo, Eilis," he muttered sheepishly as he froze, realizing exactly where he was and how close he was to her, in a little hollow their bodies had formed under the mounds of snow. His arms were on either side of her torso, pinning her down.

"'Lo, Sirius," she breathed, looking up at his soaking hair, and his red cheeks, and his bright, bright eyes that were roving over her face, gleaming grey even in the little light of their hollow.

Neither of them moved, and their eyes held for a moment that seemed to last ages, and Eilis had the distinct impression that Sirius was getting even closer, and her eyes fluttered shut as she felt the heat of his breath on her lips. She felt the softest, briefest touch of his lips on hers and opened her eyes to see the same sense of wonderment she felt mirrored in his face, his head drawing back as far as the little hollow would allow.

"Eilis—I—" His voice came out in a whisper.

"Shhh," she murmured, taking a deep breath of their shared air before lifting her head the slightest bit to close again the small space between them. Her lips caught his tentatively and she again shut her eyes, all thoughts having fled the moment the snow had collapsed above them. She felt him pause for the most fleeting of seconds before he responded fervently, his mouth claiming hers, one hand snaking up her body as smoothly as the close quarters would allow, tracing her outline with a shadow of a touch that made her shiver before his hand came up to cup her face, his thumb running gently along her cheekbone, his fingers burying in her hair.

Eilis was utterly lost, buried under the snow with this boy whose breath so close made her feel dizzy, whose touch left a trail of fire, whose kiss was filled with such passion she couldn't possibly think of anything else but the feel of his lips on hers and the way her heart hammered as he deepened the kiss.

She was so wrapped up that it took her a moment to feel the snow shifting around them, and she broke away from Sirius rapidly. "I—"

"Eilis," he said, his voice rough as he ran his thumb along her cheek once more, his eyes intense on hers, questioning.

"I—Sirius, I—" She faltered, and his eyebrows quirked down into his brow for an instant and his jaw clenched before he forced himself up away from her, breaking through the frozen barrier above them, shoving snow out of his way until he was free of the ruined shelter. He looked back at her for a split second, his expression dark, before turning and stalking off the opposite direction from the snow battle that still raged, towards the forest. She could only see him for a moment before the dark and swirling snowstorm hid the sight of his retreating figure.

"So that's good," Eilis said to herself, shaking her head to try to mute the buzzing, taking a deep breath to try to slow her racing heart, and finally looking around her to see Lily beside her, whose efforts to uncover them must have been the shifting she'd felt. Lily looked at Eilis questioningly, and Eilis found she couldn't think of any explanation. She shook her head at Lily, frowning in confusion. "Merlin only knows."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Review please!**


	15. Chapter 15: Bad Romance

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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* * *

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The snowball fight raged on, but after ten minutes or so of wandering dazedly around and getting pummeled by flying snow, Eilis muttered a weak excuse to Lily and fled back into the castle, trudging up to Gryffindor tower while she tried to make sense of what had just happened.

How could she have—how could they have—what had she been _thinking_? She made it into her dormitory and collapsed onto her bed face down, trying to wrap her mind around it all. Sirius. Sirius Black, her _friend_ Sirius Black, had just—they had just— "Sweet Merlin," Eilis groaned, turning over to stare at her ceiling. Had she really just kissed him? The fact that her heart had not yet ceased to race informed her that yes, that had happened. But _why?_ It had come out of nowhere—had they just gotten caught in the moment?

That's not right, though, she thought. It hadn't really come out of nowhere. Her mind revisited the past few weeks in which she had been continually surprised by Sirius, or hurt by even the slightest harsh word or glance. And—she'd come to trust him much more deeply than she'd realized. He'd been the only one she took with her to meet the Slytherins that night. Her mind had jumped to him immediately, not even considering the rest of her friends, or a professor, or Caradoc.

_Caradoc_. She groaned again, turning back over and pressing her head into her mattress, as if the bedsprings would suddenly leap out, do a little jig, and tell her what she should do next. _How _could she have been so stupid—even if she did care deeply about Sirius, she'd been falling for Caradoc. How was it that she hadn't even thought of him until now?

Eilis sat up, thoroughly confused, with no idea what she was feeling. She tried to smother herself in blankets once more and when that failed to magically solve all of her problems, she rolled off her bed and went to take a long, long shower.

* * *

Approximately forty-five minutes later, Eilis emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy purple towel and wrinkled as a raisin, and waved her hand to clear away the copious steam that billowed out behind her. Lily looked up from her bed, where she'd been reading that morning's _Daily Prophet._ She raised her eyebrows. "Had a good shower, then?"

"Oh, yeah, you know, just trying to drown and failing," said Eilis as she walked to her trunk and took out the comfiest pair of jeans and softest shirt she had—the ones she saved for those really bad days when all one wants is to feel clean and warm and surrounded by one's oldest, most worn clothes, and once all of those requirements are met one can safely curl up with one's most harrowing tale of extraordinary wizardry in the face of giants or chimaeras or very drastically mixed-up floo destinations, and avoid the need to even think about what's making it such a bad day in the first place. Yes, this was definitely one of those times. She hugged the loose cloth of Patrick's old Ballycastle Bats t-shirt tightly around herself and collapsed dramatically onto her bed.

"Right," said Lily, folding up her paper. "What's got your robes all in a bundle?"

"Well," began Eilis, looking at the ceiling so she wouldn't have to look at Lily, "if you must know, I may or may not have just snogged Sirius under a pile of snow while he was lying on top of me, leading to a great deal of confusion of my part, which, I'll have you know, I would rather not currently have to deal with. And then I sort of might have indicated in the tiniest way that I realized I'd made a really giant mistake because let's think about it for a minute, Lils, how could I properly be with Sirius when I already happen to have a boyfriend—a fact I conveniently managed to forget while he was lying on top of me giving me the best snog of my life—and then he got quite angry and shoved a lot of snow about trying to get away from me because apparently I suddenly have the plague or something and then he strode off in a strop into the dark, very menacing Forbidden Forest which is probably Forbidden for some Very Good Reasons."

"Hmm," was all Lily managed to say.

"Right. So that's what's got my robes in a bundle as you so sympathetically put it." Eilis smiled sweetly at Lily and then pressed her face back into her mattress.

"Well, let's—let's look on the bright side of this." Eilis looked up dubiously. "At least it seems like he really likes you? Though I'm not sure I necessarily think Black is exactly the kind of guy you should be snogging," Lily trailed off thoughtfully.

Eilis groaned again. "Don't you see, though, Lily, if Sirius actually does fancy me for real—that just makes it all so much more complicated!"

"I think we need to make a trip to the kitchens and lament about this over some ice cream," said Lily, sitting up and grabbing Eilis's legs, dragging her off the bed.

"Lead the way," muttered Eilis in what felt like her most defeated-by-teen-love voice.

* * *

The next morning was a Friday, and Eilis had rarely been so happy to see the end of the week. The snow was still falling in the same fat flakes outside the castle, but inside it was warm and dry and there was toast. Eilis helped herself to a large stack as she and Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall for breakfast, pouring herself some pumpkin juice as well. She miserably munched her way through the meal, getting steadily more anxious at the thought of having to see Sirius in class—they had Transfiguration and double Potions with the Slytherins today. They stayed until the owls swooped in, one large barn owl dropping a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ in front of Lily, and a small black owl dropping a letter in front of Eilis. She recognized the writing as her mother's, and ripped it open as they left the Hall.

_Honey,_

_I know how hard the past month has been for you and for all of us, but your father and I just want to let you know how much we love you and how proud of you we are._

_We can't wait to see you in a few weeks when you come home for the holidays. Your father will be there to pick you up at King's Cross, and I'll meet the both of you at Exeter Central. Hang in there, dear, and we'll see you soon._

_All our love_

Eilis felt that rush of comfort and relief that you can only get from family, and knew that if she could just make it through the next three weeks, she could go home and hug her mother and everything would be alright for at least a moment or two.

She and Lily got to Transfiguration early, and Eilis hurried up to a pair of desks right at the front of the classroom so that Sirius would be behind her and she wouldn't have to look at him. She was going to employ all of her skills in Avoiding Confrontation today. The lesson flew in one of her ears and out the other as if someone had, and it was only with a prod from Lily that she realized the class was filing out and began packing up her bag and left, retreating to a quiet corner of the library for the few hours before Potions, immersing herself in some Charms reading.

Finally she made her way down to the Potions classroom, a little early once again, and had to wait outside the door as the fifth years filed out, their class having just ended. Regulus spotted Eilis and grinned, hurrying over to stand by her.

"Eilis! How are you? I made it outside to the snowball fight last night only just after you left. Too bad, we could've made a great team."

Eilis smiled and, despite her better judgment, gave Regulus a quick hug even though the corridor was still swarming with Slytherins. "You're right," she said, "I bet we would've left everyone else in the dust. Well, snow. Anyway, want to take a walk later?" She paused briefly to say hi to Marlene and Mary as they arrived, entering the dungeon. "I miss your obnoxious ways."

"Well by obnoxious you obviously mean mysterious and dashing…" he smiled. "Yeah, sure, I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall around four?"

"It's a plan." Eilis squeezed Regulus's hand once, briefly, before turning to slip into the Potions room.

"See you then," Regulus called after her, turning back to the hallway. "Oh, hello, brother," he said, his tone becoming noticeably colder. Sirius gave a slight, forced nod and Eilis felt a flare of panic, realizing Sirius was just behind her. She pretended not to have heard Regulus and continued swiftly over to join Marlene and Mary at their table—conveniently she was once again in the front of the classroom, just to the left of Slughorn's work table. She felt Sirius's eyes on the back of her head and heard him take a seat at table behind hers and a little to the right. She bit back a sigh of frustration, cursing herself for how cowardly she was behaving.

She busied herself setting up her cauldron and unpacking her supplies, only stopping as she felt someone move close by her right side. She looked over to see Bellatrix and Rabastan, the younger Lestrange brother, sitting down at the table beside her, both smiling at her in a way that made her blood crawl. This was going to be a fun class. They were brewing Amortentia, the last possible potion Eilis felt like creating that day. Really, what more could go wrong?

The answer to that became clear about fifteen minutes later, when, pretending to lose her balance while trying to cut her sopophorous beans, Bellatrix fell sideways into Eilis, who tried to muffle her cry as Bella's silver knife left a long, shallow gash along the inside of her arm. She clutched at her arm with her other hand, watching the blood rise up to the wound and begin to trickle down her hand and over her fingers, there was more than she'd expected. Professor Slughorn hurried over as Bellatrix put on a dramatic act of how _truly_ sorry she was, how _ashamed_, how she hoped that it wasn't serious and didn't hurt too much.

Eilis looked up from her arm to find Rabastan standing behind the fuss Slughorn and Bellatrix were making (or pretending to make), his arms crossed, staring at her with a hint of a smile—a face that said all too clearly, _You should not have crossed us. This is nothing compared to what we have in store for you._

Eilis felt the blood drain from her face and she turned white as the ghosts that haunted the halls. She looked wildly around, trying to escape Rabastan's glare, her eyes finding Lily and Remus before locking on Sirius, who stood rooted behind her, closer than she'd expected. She couldn't read the expression on his face, but she barely had time to think about it before she fainted.

* * *

She came round a few minutes later to a nearly empty classroom. It seemed Slughorn had dismissed the rest of the class and everyone but Lily and Remus had left.

"Eilis, are you alright?" Remus looked at her anxiously as he finished enchanting a neat bandage to wind around her arm. She glanced down, marveling at how white and clean it looked.

"Yes, yes, I'm quite fine," she said, sitting up. She looked at Professor Slughorn. "Sorry to have ruined class, Professor," she mumbled sheepishly.

"Oho! Not a problem, not a problem at all m'dear. I daresay your classmates were thankful to you for getting them out of class so early." He smiled kindly at her.

"Come on, Eil, let's go," said Lily, helping her up and handing her a flask of water. Remus gathered her things and the three left the dungeon, thanking Slughorn. "Eilis, you're white as a ghost. What on earth happened?"

"I—I don't know, Lils, I guess Bella slipped and then—the blood must've caused me to pass out."

"Hmmm." Lily looked at her suspiciously, but didn't press the matter.

"I'm just glad we didn't have to brew that stupid potion," Eilis continued.

"Why—oh," realized Lily, and Remus looked at the two girls curiously. Lily smiled cheekily at him. "Kitchens?"

"Aye," Remus agreed, and the three set off for the third floor.

"We seem to be making this trip a lot lately," muttered Eilis under her breath as they walked off.

* * *

At about ten minutes to four that afternoon, Eilis grabbed her warmest cloak and mittens and set off for the Entrance Hall to meet Regulus, only to find herself immediately dragged into a broom cupboard as soon as she got there. She didn't need the light from the wand that illuminated a second later to know that it was Sirius; she could smell his dark, cool aroma that—she realized with an inner groan—was one of the scents she smelled when she brewed Amortentia. He was gazing aggressively at her, straight into her eyes as if searching them, and she averted her gaze, unable to hold eye contact.

"Are—are you alright?" His voice came out in a gruff whisper.

Eilis looked up in surprise. They weren't exactly the words she was expecting. "Er—yes. Yes, I'm fine." She took a breath. "Sirius, I'm so—"

"Don't."

She stopped speaking.

"Look, Eilis, it's pretty obvious that you regret whatever happened last night. But I just can't—" he broke off, hesitating, as if unsure how to continue. Finally he looked into her eyes, almost pleading. "Didn't you feel it too?" His voice was so quiet, and sounded so sincere that Eilis felt her heart might break.

"Oh, Sirius—" One half of her was screaming to fling her body into his arms, but the other was nagging nastily in the back of her mind, repeating _don't even think about it, what about Caradoc? Sirius will hurt you like he hurts every girl, and you will have no one. No one. _What could she do? She closed her eyes for a moment, steeling herself before she shook her head the slightest bit. "No. No, I—I didn't." Sirius was looking at her in disbelief. "We were caught in the moment, Sirius, that's all you felt—"

"That's bullshit, Eilis, and you know it. What is so—what do you find so loathsome about me that you can't even trust your own feelings?" He was glaring at her, but he looked more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him, and that scared her more than anything.

How could she answer that? She stammered as she tried to get words out that she didn't want to say, and she grasped at an excuse so she wouldn't have to tell him the truth—that she didn't find him loathsome in the least, in fact she thought the opposite.

"Sirius—I've watched for the last three years as you've tossed aside every single girl you dated—"

"Oh, come off it, Eilis, you _know_ this isn't like that," he said fiercely.

"How? How do I know?"

"Because I'm _telling _you. Don't you trust me, Eilis? After everything that's happened?" He knew exactly how to corner her.

She couldn't keep lying to him. "I do, Sirius. I do trust you."

"Then _what is so wrong with this?_" He gripped her shoulders tightly, as if resisting the urge to shake her.

She swallowed. "I just…can't. I can't, Sirius. I—I can't do that to Caradoc." That was the wrong this to say.

"Oh, don't even get me _started_ on that. You _know_ that whatever you have with him is nothing compared to this. Who did you run to when you were in trouble with my cousin? Does he even _know _about that? Does he even know about your brother? Really, Eilis? Really? Why do you keep trying to fight it?" He gazed down at her, challenging, and then seemed to decide something. His hands released their vice-like grip on her shoulders and snaked up to cup her face. She tried to back away, but there was only wall behind her. "Please, Eilis," he whispered.

She squeezed her eyes shut as if that would make him go away, but he only grew more bold, one arm reaching down and pulling her close to him, the other entwining itself in her curls, and she felt his breath on her neck as her heart thundered. Her eyes squeezed even more tightly shut but she sensed how close he was, his lips a hair away, his breathing heavy, until finally he did what she feared most and kissed her. She had been terrified this would happen as soon as he pulled her into that cupboard, because she knew that she was powerless to withstand the kind of feelings that his touch, and his kiss, awoke in her.

She melted into him, mind full of nothing but the way he felt, unaware of anything but his lips, coaxing her own open as he deepened the kiss. Her hands came up to run through his dark hair, gripping it as he pressed her even closer against him, and all she knew was that this kiss was unlike anything she had ever experienced and she did not want it to stop, and suddenly he was moving from her mouth to her neck, awakening nerves she didn't even know she had. She gasped and held him close, so close, it was impossible for him to get any closer, when suddenly he froze and drew his head back, his ear cocked to the door.

The little room was full of the sounds of their labored breathing, over which Eilis could just make out footsteps, and she realized with a jolt that she had completely forgotten about Regulus—he must be just outside, waiting. That realization brought Eilis back to reality, and she quickly withdrew her arms from around Sirius and inched away from him, trying to push him off. His attention went from the door to her, and they stared at each other before Eilis became aware of the fact that she couldn't quite see him because her eyes were blurry.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice husky, full of concern.

"How could—why would—Sirius, I said I _can't_." She angrily wiped the tears off her face. He looked more shocked and hurt by this than by anything she'd already said to him. "You scare me, Sirius. Can't you understand that?" From his expression it was clear that he couldn't understand it, and he looked so troubled that she knew she had to get away immediately.

She shook her head and stumbled away from him, breaking free of his hands which still held her, grasping for the doorknob and stumbling again as she threw herself out of the closet, still trying to quell the tears that kept blurring her vision, and right into Regulus who reeled away before taking in the sight before him, all kinds of shocked. "Er…Eilis?"

She just looked at him, feeling unable to catch a break. "Agh! _Why_ can't I escape you bothersome Blacks?" She charged past him and out of the Entrance Hall to the snowy night, not caring what he thought, not caring that she'd left her cloak and mittens on the floor of the broom cupboard because the cold on her skin was exactly what she wanted, needing only to get away from Sirius and clear her head.

The heavy doors to the Entrance Hall shut behind her, and Regulus looked from them back to the broom cupboard out of which his older brother was now emerging. Regulus took in the sight of Sirius, who looked far more lost than he ever had before.

"Well," began Regulus, breaking the silence. "If this isn't role reversal, I don't know what is." He clapped a hand on Sirius's shoulder and turned back towards the dungeons, leaving Sirius alone there to work out his confusion on his own.

* * *

Sirius didn't speak to Eilis for the next three weeks. He didn't even look at her. If she and Lily were sitting with the Marauders, he would take out a book and ignore them all—James remarked several times how exciting it was that Sirius had finally seemed to notice that he was literate.

On the Hogsmeade trip the week before the holidays began, Remus, Lily, Eilis, James, Peter, Sirius, Marlene, and Mary all met in the afternoon at the Three Broomsticks as they'd planned, sitting at one of the large round tables in the back. They'd spent the mornings doing their own thing—the boys had stocked up on dungbombs and non-exploding luminous balloons at Zonko's Joke Shop, Lily, Mary, and Marlene had gone into Gladrags Wizardwear and Dervish and Banges, where Lily had her scales repaired, and Eilis had spent the morning with Caradoc walking around the village and getting some of her Christmas shopping done. She'd been spending a lot of extra time with Caradoc lately, as if trying to convince herself that he was the right boy for her—a fact she was not entirely sure of. Nevertheless, she did truly enjoy being with him, and felt their relationship getting a bit more serious than she'd expected.

Sitting down to a few pints of butterbeer at the inn, Eilis surveyed the faces of everyone at the table with her. She wasn't quite sure how to put her finger on it, but suddenly she was filled with an overwhelming sense of affection for these people—she watched as Peter blushed while talking to Mary, Marlene and Lily were engrossed in a conversation about what wizards were like in different countries, and James and Sirius had their heads together scribbling onto a piece of parchment, fervently planning their next prank. She turned to Lupin who sat beside her and smiled. "I love our friends," she said. He looked at her and then around at the rest of them, noticing what she meant.

"Yeah," he agreed. "We're pretty lucky, eh?" Eilis nodded, and the reflective moment passed, and she launched into a discussion about muggle literature with Remus. The group spent a long time in the Three Broomsticks, finally leaving and making a stop at Honeydukes to spend the rest of their money on Chocolate Frogs and Fizzing Whizbees before heading back up to the castle.

One more week of classes, and finally Saturday morning arrived and they boarded the Hogwarts Express, saying farewell to Hogwarts for two weeks. Eilis couldn't explain how grateful she was to be out of that castle, away from her problems, and especially away from the Slytherins, who'd still been freaking her out with their weird, just-you-wait looks. She hugged her friends and kissed Caradoc as they stepped onto Platform 9 ¾, promising to owl them all over break.

After several minutes of weaving her way through the crowd, she spotted her father. She'd never been so happy to see him. He looked older—his face was more lined, his hair sporting more grey than she'd ever seen. Finn Cartwright was hit hard by the disappearance of his son. Wordlessly they looked at each other and Finn gathered Eilis up in a huge bear hug.

"Ready to go home, honey?"

"If I told you that I've never wanted to be home with the two of you more than I do now, would you believe me? Also I vote that we surprise Mum with some brownies."

"Brownies, eh?"

"Brownies make everything better."

"Fair enough," Finn laughed. "Let's go meet your mother."

* * *

**A/N: Comedy! Tragedy! Astrology! No but really, thank you for reading. Please review!**


	16. Chapter 16: In Which Much Flooing Occurs

**I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

* * *

They met Maeve Cartwright at Exeter Central a few hours later, and Eilis hugged her mother tightly, inhaling the lavender that Maeve always smelled of. She, too, looked older and more worn.

They Apparated to the Cartwright home, and finally Eilis let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She went upstairs to her room, stopping first at Patrick's which was right before hers. She turned the knob and the door swung inwards, revealing his bedroom to be the same as always. Blue-grey evening light streamed in through the windows, and she laid a hand on his navy bedspread. The room smelled like him, and she went over to his closet and drew out one of his sweaters, putting it on.

Moving into her own room, Eilis set her trunk down in a corner and collapsed onto her bed, wrapping herself up in her dark green comforter. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind of stress, paranoia, and overall confusion brought on by classes, Bella Black, and Sirius…she only hoped the holidays would give her time to clear her head.

The next morning Eilis walked into town to buy Christmas crackers, overly conscious of that fact that her brother was not accompanying her—this had always been their tradition. They'd get the most exciting crackers they could find in one of the muggle shops in town, and then floo into Diagon Alley and judge how well the wizarding crackers outshined the non-magical ones. Last year they'd been able to find ones that exploded with a bang and a puff of brilliant orange smoke, revealing two custom Chocolate Frog cards adorned with not famous warlocks or witches, but the faces of whoever had pulled the cracker and hilarious, completely untrue descriptions. Her favorite had read _Finn Cartwright (1846-1870): Known to his friends as "Lord of the Dance," Cartwright is best known for his uncanny likeness to a flobberworm. Unable to ever come to terms with his appearance, Finn set out one day to seek his fortune, was mistaken for a flesh-eating slug, and was eaten by a pack of hippogriffs in the next town over._

The night before, Eilis had cooked for her parents, and they'd all sat down to dinner, trying to keep conversation light. Neither she nor her mother or father mentioned Patrick, but his place at the table was very noticeably empty. She only hoped the rest of the holidays wouldn't provoke the same empty feeling.

* * *

"Want to play Quidditch?"

"There are only two of us."

"Want to de-gnome the garden?"

"It's snowing."

"Want to play Exploding Snap?"

"Your pack is missing half the cards."

"Want to do _anything?_"

"Not particularly."

James groaned in frustration, causing Sirius to look up from _Quidditch Quarterly_. They were three days into the Christmas holidays, and James could safely say they had been the least fun three days of any break he'd ever been on.

"Merlin's beard, Pads, you're less fun than Snivellus."

Sirius looked at him dubiously. "Sorry?"

"At least I could hex him for some entertainment." The two were stretched out on an old sofa in the Potter's living room, and James was lying upside down over one of the arms of the couch. "Blimey, you'd think they'd discontinued dungbombs, the way you're moping about."

"They did discontinue dungbombs, Prongs. The Ministry banned them last month."

James tried to swing his body upright and promptly lost his balance, falling off the sofa. "_What?" _he cried, pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

"Only joking." Sirius hardly looked up from an article on Puddlemere United. "Glad to know you're interested in all the right things."

James snorted. "That's bollocks! I'm not the one who can't recover from the fact that for the first time in the history of _ever_ a girl didn't want me back." He tried to climb back onto the sofa but Sirius kicked him back off.

"You wouldn't get it."

"Wouldn't I? Pads, Lily has rejected me a total of two hundred and seventy-two times."

Sirius looked at him for a moment. "I can't decide if I'm more disturbed by how high that number is, or the fact that you actually counted." He returned to his article, causing James to let out an exasperated sigh and got up off the floor.

"Fine. I'm going to Remus's."

"Suit yourself."

James walked over to the fireplace and took a pinch of floo powder from a leather pouch on the mantelpiece. Throwing it into the grate, he stepped into the green, flickering flames, shouted "Remus Lupin's!" and a minute later sprawled out, terribly dizzy, into the den of the Lupin household. He dusted the soot off of his glasses and put them back on, the short, plump figure of Mrs. Lupin coming into focus where she stood over him.

"Oh, hello James dear, I didn't know we'd be expecting you."

James scrambled to his feet and grinned at Remus's mother. "Sorry, Mrs. Lupin. Sirius was being a bit of a prat so I thought I'd see what Moony was up to."

She shook her head at the nickname but smiled, motioning for James to follow her into the kitchen where Remus sat at the table reading. James sat down beside him, giving him a friendly shove.

"Alright, Remus?"

"Yeah, what's going on? Where's Padfoot?"

James rolled his eyes. "Still sulking over Cartwright. He's ruining my entire holidays. I'm going to have to depend on Peter for all the fun now. Thanks, Mrs. Lupin," he said, as she sat a mug of steaming cocoa in front of him.

Remus snorted into his own hot chocolate. "Well, I hope Peter can fulfill your excitement quota sufficiently."

"Doubtful," said James darkly.

"Oh, Remus, be nice about your friends," his mother said reprovingly. She turned to James. "You didn't mean that Eilis Cartwright, did you dear? She's joining us for dinner tonight, you're welcome to stay too if you'd like. Whatever could she have done to upset Sirius?"

"Nothing he didn't really have coming, Mum," began Remus. "She just—er—reminded him that he's not the only guy in the world." Mrs. Lupin nodded her understanding.

"Well, she succeeded in committing me to two weeks of doom and gloom, that's for sure," continued James. "I'd love to stay, thanks Mrs. Lupin, it'll be nice to be around normal, _cheerful_ people for a night. Say, Moony, up for a game of Wizard Chess?"

"Sure thing." The two boys bounded up to Remus's room, where they piddled the rest of the afternoon away playing various magical games.

* * *

At about a quarter past six, Eilis banged the knocker on the Lupin's front door three times before she heard someone running inside and a second later, Remus opened the door.

"Eilis! Hello! Oh—hello, Lily!" Lily Evans was right behind Eilis and they both gave Remus hugs before stepping inside.

"'Lo, Rem. Lily came over this afternoon, I figured it would be fine if she came along to dinner as well."

"Of course." Remus grinned at them. "My mother will be so glad to meet you, Lily."

Lily smiled. "Good. I was just telling Eilis how I'd never met your family and she invited me along. How've your hols been so far, then?"

"Pretty good, I've mostly just been at home. Er—I hope you won't mind, Ja—" He was cut off as a voice bellowed from the staircase futher down the hall.

"Oi! Is Cartwright here?" James's body followed soon after his voice and he jumped over the banister grinning, nearly losing his balance as he realized who was standing with Remus. A short silence fell over the group, and Eilis and Remus looked on in amusement at James's shock and Lily's sudden, obvious discomfort.

"Er—hello, Potter," she said, crossing her arms.

"Evening, Evans," he said, getting over his shock and looking really pleased with the way the day was working out. Only a few hours ago he had faced an endless observance of "Let's see who can be less fun—Sirius, or the carpet?" and now here he was with Lily Evans. "Having a good break, then?"

"It's been alright," she answered, clearly unwilling to engage in conversation.

"James and I have just been playing a game of Gobstones, care to join?"

"Yeah, alright," replied Eilis, hoping to snap Lily out of her discomfort. "Lead the way!"

They followed Remus up the stairs to his room, sitting on the floor around the game he and James had already started. Lily glared at Eilis who smiled sweetly as sat beside Remus, leaving Lily to sit beside James, who beamed.

"Mum and Dad have just gone out for a short walk," said Remus, "they'll be back in a bit and we can eat." He gathered up all of the Gobstones and set up a new game.

"Brilliant," Eilis said. "Say, James, how've your hols been?"

"Funny you should ask," he began, but switched tracks after Remus glared at him. "Er—I've just been hanging around with Padfoot, and I expect Peter will show up eventually. Mostly I've just been eating loads of treacle tart."

"Ah, a wise move, my friend," Eilis replied sagely. They chatted as they played, and Eilis hid a smirk when Lily was squirted in the face by a Gobstone and James whipped off his sweater and offered it to her as a towel.

"Er…thanks, Potter," Lily said in resignation as she took the jumper from him and wiped her face, quickly handing it back.

Eventually Mr. and Mrs. Lupin returned home, and the four headed downstairs to say hello and sit down to dinner, hearty shephard's pie. Remus's parents were glad to meet Lily ("Oh! You're the one James is always talking about," Mrs. Lupin had said, to which Lily turned bright red), and the evening continued pleasantly as they ate and conversed. Eilis had always loved the Lupin home, and the warmth it held. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but she was a little reluctant to return to her own house, which, for all that she and her parents were trying, just didn't feel right.

As the night wore on, everyone lounged in their chairs at the table, still talking. Mrs. Lupin summoned some ice cream and served them all, and after a while Lily and Eilis helped to clear the dishes before Mr. and Mrs. Lupin went to bed.

"Good night, dears," said Mrs. Lupin before she went upstairs. "Thank you all for coming to dinner. Lily, it was lovely to meet you. Remus, don't forget to turn the lamps off. James, dear, please say hello to your parents for me." She smiled once more at them all and gave Remus a kiss on the top of his head before leaving the room.

The four teen wizards moved into the living room, where they sat around the fire, still chatting. Lily had loosened up as the night went on and seemed almost on friendly terms with James. They were absent-mindedly playing their fifth game of Exploding Snap when a figure stumbled out of the fireplace, covered in soot, tripping over Remus.

"Aaargh!"

"Whoa—!" Remus rubbed his head and looked up at the person that had bowled him over. "Gee, thanks, Padfoot. You couldn't have used the door?"

Sirius grinned down at him. "Sorry, Moony, the floo was easier." He looked around, finally seeing everyone who was in the room, his eyes sweeping over James, Lily, and Eilis. "Hey Lily…Eilis…:" He nodded at them both, looking uncomfortable. "Er…Prongs, I just wanted to see when you'd be back, I was getting a bit bored."

James rolled his eyes. "_You_ were getting bored," he scoffed. "That's a good one."

"Right. Well. Looks like you all are having fun—"

"Care to join?" Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who seemed all out of sorts.

"Ehm—sure, I suppose so." He took a seat between James and Remus, taking the Exploding Snap cards James handed him. Eilis didn't miss the looks Lily was sending her, nor the way in which James kept glancing between her and Sirius.

The situation was a bit unnerving for a little while, but eventually Eilis felt herself and Sirius settle into a silent agreement in which they didn't address each other directly, but weren't ignoring each other either—which was certainly better than things had been at school. She sensed that neither of them wanted their friends to feel uncomfortable. The game wore on until finally James suggested something different.

"I'm _tired_ of this. Remus, I thought we were fun…"

"Well what do you want to do instead, O Great One?"

"Let's take a walk!"

"Because walks are just _so_ much more fun than Exploding Snap?" Remus looked doubtful.

"Prongs, it's snowing out," Sirius pointed out.

"When has that ever stopped us? Plus, it's only snowing a little bit. Come on, it'll be nice. No one will be about, we can charm the snow or something."

The others just looked at each other and shrugged before getting up and throwing their coats on, heading out Remus's front door, past his yard, and down the lane. James had been right, there wasn't anyone out, and the group took their time walking along as James amused himself by enchanting the snow to fall in colors around them, causing green, blue, and gold snowflakes to drift over their heads.

Eilis fell into step with Remus and the two struck up a conversation as Lily, James, and Sirius continued along a ways in front of them, charming the snow to swirl at each other in different ways.

"Lily and James seem to be getting along well," remarked Remus.

"Yes," Eilis smiled. "It's about time. I personally cannot wait for the day when Lily swallows her pride and dates him."

"You think she will, yeah?"

"Mhmm. I _know_ she likes him—not sure if she's caught on quite yet. But also I'm sure you're aware how difficult it will be for Lily to admit to herself that she's got feelings for the boy she pledged to despise for all eternity."

Remus chuckled. "Yeah, I can see how that might take awhile."

"Right. But I know it will happen eventually. It just has to."

"How bout you and Dearborn, then? Things going well?"

Eilis took a moment before she spoke. "I think so. I—I really do like Caradoc. But lately it's been hard to determine how much of it is true feelings for him, and how much of it is—is me trying to put Black out of my head."

"Who, Regulus?" Remus cracked up at the look on Eilis's face. "Only joking, sorry. Has Sirius really got to you so much, then?"

"I don't know…it's all just so confusing when I think about him, and—I don't trust myself with him. He makes me feel more unsure of myself than anything, and I just…don't know how to react to that. And I'm terrified by how much power he has to hurt me. So I shut him out. Oh, Rem, it's all just so _baffling_. And then in the meantime things are getting so serious with Caradoc and I don't know how that happened all of a sudden and I have no clue what to do. But for now he seems like the—the safer one to be with. Does that make sense?"

"I guess I follow." Remus looked a little uncomfortable. "Look, Eil, Caradoc's a great guy, and I think the two of you are really good together. But I just think you should know how much Sirius has been beating himself up over you the past few weeks. I sort of get the feeling that this is just as difficult and confusing for him as it is for you."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, watching how the bright, enchanted snow sparkled over the fresh white drifts.

"Oi! Moony! Cartwright! What's the hold-up?" James's voice called to them from down the lane.

"Guess we'd best catch up," said Eilis, as the two picked up their pace and trotted to where the others were.

* * *

The next morning, Eilis was shaken awake by her mother, who had a frenzied look.

"Eilis, honey, please get up, we've got to go to the Ministry."

"Mrhsmmrrwhaa?"

"We have to go to the Ministry immediately. They just owled your father and I, we're to meet with Alastor Moody. They—they said they might have some information about your brother."

At this, Eilis woke up fully, jumping out of bed and grabbing some clean clothes.

Maeve Cartwright went to the door, looking as if she didn't dare to hope for the best.

"We're leaving in five minutes," she said, exiting and heading downstairs.

Eilis threw on the first things she could find and pulled a set of robes on over them. She ran to the bathroom and hastily tied her hair back, trying to smooth down the frizz. She brushed her teeth in record time and bounded down the stairs to where her mother and father stood waiting at the fireplace in the living room, and one by one they stepped into the fire.

Eilis went last, and she stepped out and into a reception hall lined with fireplaces on both sides. Every few moments a grate would flare up and someone would step out, hurrying down the hall. The place was swarming with witches and wizards in robes of every color. She followed her parents down the hall and into the Atrium. She'd only ever been to the Ministry a few times with her mother, and each time she couldn't help but feast her eyes over the grand, peacock-blue ceiling, the Fountain of Magical Brethren, and the hubbub always going on. The three Cartwrights arrived at the visitor's welcome desk, where the tall ginger wizard manning the counter nodded at Eilis's mother.

"Morning, Maeve," he said, his voice a deep rumble.

"Morning, Frances. This is my husband, Finn, and my daughter, Eilis. This is Frances Sborkind," she explained to her family. "We have an appointment with Alastor Moody."

"Right then, wands please?" He looked at Eilis and her father expectantly until they handed him their wands, which he performed some kind of nonverbal spell over and promptly handed back. "Just registering them, dear," he said in response to Eilis's quizzical look. "Now—if you'll just—" He'd taken out a thin golden wand-like apparatus and quickly skimmed it up and down Finn's outline, doing the same to Eilis right after.

"Probity Probe," Finn muttered to his daughter. "It's a Dark Detector." She nodded her understanding and the three thanked Sborkind and entered through a grand golden gate into the Atrium, following Maeve as she headed towards the lifts.

They entered the elevator, and Eilis watched in curiosity as little bits of folded parchment flitted in above their heads, looking very much like the flying paper notes she and her friends sometimes sent to each other in History of Magic.

The Atrium was near the bottom of the Ministry, on the eighth floor, and the lift quickly brought them up to the second floor, where the Auror Office was located. After taking several turns through the Department of Magical Law Enforcement—Eilis noted the Improper Use of Magic Office and the Wizangamot Administration Services, among others as they walked—they arrived at the Auror Office, the first section of which hosted rows of brightly-lit cubicles, all with photographs and newspaper clippings lining their walls.

Maeve stopped the nearest passing wizard, a young man with copious tawny hair and shrewd eyes.

"Excuse me—I'm Maeve Cartwright, we're here to see Alastor Moody?" The young man looked them over, and then nodded, leading them through the winding maze of cubicles towards the back of the office. Eilis looked at the desks of the Aurors as they passed, fascinated by the incredible assortment of whizzing gadgets and tomes of defensive spells she saw.

The young, sharp-looking wizard had led them to a door in the back corner of the room, which had "Alastor Moody" etched into the wood and sported several burn marks.

"Here you are," he said in a gruff voice, knocking on the door for them. A voice from within called to them to enter, and the young wizard pushed the door open.

"Moody, the Cartwrights to see you."

"Right, thank you, Rufus. Come in, please take seats." Eilis walked into the office, getting a good look at the wizard behind the desk. He was of a medium height and looked to be the toughest wizard she'd ever seen. His face looked like it was made of stone, and his small dark eyes stared out unblinkingly. A long scar ran from the corner of his left eye to the edge of his mouth, and she could see a wooden leg peeking out from under his desk.

"Morning, Maeve, Finn—who's this?"

"This is our daughter, Eilis, she's in her sixth year at Hogwarts," Finn replied. Moody studied Eilis for a moment and she felt a chill go down her spine until he focused his attention back on her parents.

"Right then, let me get straight to it. What I must first tell you is that we have not yet found your son." Although her parents made no sound, Eilis noticed her mothers shoulders slump, and her father laid a hand on his wife's knee.

"Patrick set out nearly two months ago on a very secretive mission. There were four others with him. I cannot give you details, but their goal was to gather some much-needed intelligence regarding the locations and intentions of some highly dangerous wizards known to be in the service of the Dark Lord. In other words, they were tracking some known Death Eaters.

"As far as I know, their group was ambushed and until yesterday we had no real idea of the outcome."

Eilis's father looked at Moody sharply. "What happened yesterday?"

"One of the Aurors who was on the mission returned." Finn and Maeve were holding hands as Moody continued. "We did not contact you immediately because we had to make sure that it was actually the Auror in question—precautions are a tremendous necessity these days, with cases of the Imperius Curse on the rise and—well, you just can't be too safe," he said gruffly.

"However, this wizard held up to our questioning and examination, and we've been able to ask him for anything he can tell us of what happened to their group. Would you like to speak with him?"

Eilis's mother let out a breath and looked at her husband, who inclined his head ever so slightly.

"Yes," said Finn. "Yes, we'd like to see him, of course."

"Very well. Follow me please." Moody rose from his chair and strode out from behind his desk, opening his office door and leading them across the office. Eilis noted that his right leg was wooden from the knee down, but the grizzled wizard was surprisingly agile on it, walking quickly across the room. The slight click of his artificial leg on the floor of the Auror Office was the only obvious sign that he suffered from a handicap.

He stopped at a large oak door which read "Fearghas O'Donnell: Head of Auror Office." Knocking with four short raps, Moody turned the knob and pushed the door in, motioning for the Cartwrights to follow him. Here was an office a bit large than his own, and more homely: a large fire roared at one end of the room, sending light dancing over the deep maroon walls. A desk sat in the opposite corner, piled with papers and Dark Detectors, but no one was there. Instead, in two chairs by the fire, two figures sat. The first was tall, burly, with wild black hair tied back with a string. He was middle-aged and his dark hair was streaked with grey that nearly matched his ashen robes. His face was worn but harsh, similar to Moody's, yet at the same time he radiated a sense of comfort and safety in a way Moody never could. Eilis could only assume that this fierce wizard was Fearghus O'Donnell.

The second figure was about ten years younger and a bit slighter. He had dark brown hair that might've once been glossy but was in a terrible state, and his face bore a kind of heaviness Eilis was unfamiliar with. His shoulders drooped, barely covered by his tattered blue robes—the color was hardly discernible, so dilapidated were they. He was definitely not in good health—his face had a sickly pallor, and there were bandages around his upper left arm and abdomen, visible through the frayed robes.

At Moody's entrance the first figure rose and strode over to them. "Thank you for coming in, Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright, Miss Cartwright. I am Fearghus O'Donnell, Head of this office. We owled you as soon as we could this morning." He had a deep, resonant voice and he shook each of their hands, his rough, dry hand enveloping Eilis's own in a strong embrace.

He turned, gesturing at the man by the fire. "This is Edgar Bones. As you can see, he has been through a great deal in order to return to us with answers." He walked back over to the shabby wizard, motioning for Eilis and her parents to follow and take seats of their own.

"Edgar, these are the Cartwrights. Patrick's family." The man nodded silently. "They'd like to hear what you have told us—bear in mind, please, that we cannot reveal every detail of the purposes of your assignment."

Edgar Bones looked at the Cartwrights and cleared his throat. "Fearghus—may I have a glass of water?" The Head Auror summoned a pitcher and goblet from the desk in the corner, handing the brimming cup to Edgar, who drained the goblet and then rubbed a hand over his eyes wearily.

"It's nice to meet you," he finally said. "Patrick was—Patrick _is_," he amended, putting emphasis on the tense, "a very skilled wizard, one of the best trainees I've worked with in a while." He looked at Eilis directly. "You have a lot to be proud of your brother for." She nodded, and he continued. "Let me tell you what happened to us."

* * *

**A/N: Dun dun dun! **

**ALSO it's only been a week, can you believe it? Me either! Don't worry, you can pay me thanks in reviews...**

**Stay classy.**


	17. Chapter 17: Back to School

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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* * *

**

Edgar cleared his throat and began to speak.

"We set out in the middle of October for what should have been a two-week operation, but at the beginning of the second week we ran into some—difficulties. Our camp was ambushed in the early hours of the morning. We woke up to our tents being burned. They'd been disillusioned, enchanted with safety spells—we'd taken every measure we were supposed to," he said, looking as if he couldn't make sense of the memory. "There were five of us on the mission, myself, Cartwright, one other Auror in training, Veronica Gibbons, and two other licensed Aurors, Sebastian Smith and Zadie Lyons. It was Sebastian's watch and I'm not even sure exactly what happened—they must have snuck up on him and Imperiused him so that he'd tell them how to find our tents, all I know is that once we were in the open and could see what was happening, I could see his body lying to the side of where everyone was fighting.

"There were seven Death Eaters all told, I believe, and by then just four of us. Zadie and I each paired with one of the rookies—Patrick and I were together, and she and Veronica. It was quite a duel—it's always hard to recount these things afterwards," he apologized, "because everything is happening so quickly. Patrick and I managed to hold off our lot with a couple of curses—Patrick's a real hand at dueling. Once we'd taken care of them, we looked to find the others. Gibbons was down by that point, though I'm not sure when that had occurred, and Zadie was dueling the four remaining Death Eaters. I don't even know which ones they were—I thought I recognized Dolohov's voice at one point, but they were wearing masks, and…"

He cleared his throat again. "They must have already summoned reinforcements, because by the time we'd taken out two of the scum Zadie had been holding off, five more Death Eaters Apparated in. We tried to hold them off but they outnumbered us, and we realized that we had to get out of there—Zadie was badly hurt, and Patrick and I couldn't take on those seven by ourselves—they were all accomplished duelers. We Disapparated—we'd had a pre-determined destination chosen should anything go wrong—I took Zadie in Side-Along, and right as we were leaving three of the Death Eaters latched onto us, two grabbing Zadie and me and one grabbing Patrick.

"We Apparated into the forest that we'd picked out before-hand, and Patrick was already there dueling the one that had grabbed him. He'd been injured by that point—hit by some curse in his leg, so he was limping. I barely had time to take it in before the Death Eater holding me Disapparated again, taking me with him, and the other did the same to Zadie. We didn't end up at the same spot though, and—that's the last I saw of either her or Patrick. They were alive when we were separated, but I can't say what might have happened to them after that point.

Eilis and her parents were silent. "And then—what happened to you, Bones?" Moody's gruff voice came from where he still stood by the door, and Eilis started—she'd forgotten he was in there.

"Well, as I said, this one had forced me into Side-Along Apparition with him, and he took advantage of the half-second when we arrived at the abandoned house he'd brought us to when I didn't know where I was to curse me. He cast the Cruciatus Curse, and even through the pain I could hear him laughing—I'll never forget that laugh. It was that laugh that told me who it was—I'd heard that laugh before, in another duel two years ago. Wilkes." Edgar looked as if he had swallowed something disgusting.

"Anyway, he disarmed me. He had his fun cursing me for what seemed like hours—though I know it can't have been that long, and then he cast the full body bind and sent me flying into a corner of this abandoned house. I guess he figured he had hurt me badly enough that I would eventually die, but before he abandoned me in that house he cast the Imperius Curse on me. From that point on it gets a little fuzzy, as I was under his control and not thinking clearly. He made me want to lie there, to waste away without food or water.

"It was three weeks before I was able to break free of the Imperius Curse, and I only survived because of the state of the house—there were holes everywhere, in the roof and walls, and when it rained some water dripped into my half-open mouth. I was weak, though, too weak to even think of a way out."

"How _did_ you get out, then?" Finn Cartwright looked at the wizard before him, anxious for the answer.

"I still had the body bind upon me, so it was all I could do to even think sane thoughts. It had begun to weaken, though, I could feel it in the tips of my fingers, the ends of my toes—spells can't last forever, not ones on humans, and especially not hastily cast ones. But I was injured, and I was so, so hungry—I was nearly broken. It was another week before I had enough control over my limbs to drag myself to the other side of the shack, where my wand lay—the fool hadn't even taken it with him, and I was able to remove the remainder of the body-bind and crawl out of the house. I didn't know where I was, and I was too weak to Apparate—I needed food, badly, and water. I stayed in that forest for another week, dragging myself around, hunting a few scrawny animals, and looking for a water source, before I had the energy to Apparate here, and that was the night before last. Since then I got here, was questioned, patched up, and now I'm sitting with you."

There was silence in the office for a few moments. Finally, Fearghus spoke. "That's quite a tale, Edgar. You acted with incredible strength, holding on like that."

Edgar nodded. "Now, please, Fearghus," he said, the bone-tiredness coming through in his voice, "can I go home to my wife and son?" He looked up at O'Donnell who nodded, and Edgar slowly stood up and made his way out of the office. Before he reached the door he paused and turned around, addressing the Cartwrights. "Please don't give up hope for your son. If I made it, then I know that Patrick can. He's probably trying to come home right now."

Maeve, Finn, and Eilis all nodded at the wizard, who then exited the room.

"Edgar Bones is one of the finest Aurors we have," Fearghus said. "And I must tell you to take what he says to heart. Do not give up hope for Patrick, the boy is quick and clever, and I have no doubt he'll make it back to us one way or another."

"Thank you," Eilis's mother said to the Fearghus and Moody. "Thank you so much. You've given us a great deal to think about."

"Of course," replied the Head Auror. "Don't hesitate to contact us should you need anything, and should any further details be made known to us, we will pass them along to you."

Eilis and her parents thanked the two men once more before exiting the Auror Office and taking the lift back down to the eighth floor, passing through the Atrium and flooing home. The three were silent as they arrived back in their house, but Eilis knew that her parents were just trying to wrap their heads around what they'd learned the same way she was.

* * *

The rest of the holidays crawled by, and finally Christmas Eve rolled around. It just wasn't the same, though, and Eilis felt a growing need to escape her home. Being in the house felt like she was trapped in a cage, and the other night Frisco had bit her when she started throwing things around her room in desperation, nearly hitting him with one of her spellbooks.

She'd been trying to stay away in the past week, spending time at Remus's or Lily's, and visiting Caradoc at his home in Godric's Hollow one day. It had been a lovely, crisp day and they'd spent it outside walking through the village hand in hand. Once again Eilis was thankful for Caradoc's distance from the rest of her life—when she was with him, she didn't have to worry about everything else that was going on, and was thankful for his oblivion.

"Say, Eil," he'd begun that afternoon, "what do you know about muggle music?"

"Muggle music? Well, we've got a record player at home—Dad loves rock and roll, so I pretty much grew up to him blasting the Kinks, the Stones, the Beatles…you name the album we've probably got the record. Why?"

"Well I went into London with one of my sisters yesterday, and we stopped at this muggle music shop and it was so neat. I'd never heard so many different kinds of music—there's only so much of the Wailing Warlocks you can take," he said.

Eilis laughed. "Very true. My parents turn off our Wizarding Wireless anytime they come on now. You know that gushy singer, Celestina Warbeck? My brother used to blast her songs at full volume whenever they came on and sing along at the top of his lungs just to annoy us."

Caradoc grinned. "Sounds appropriate. I'd like it if you played me some music sometime. What's your favorite?"

"Oooh, hard to say. I don't know—Simon and Garfunkel, maybe?"

"What's a Garfunkel?"

"A guy. Art Garfunkel. And Paul Simon. You'll love them, I promise."

"What kind of a name is Garfunkel?"

"I don't know, an American name?"

"Ah." Caradoc accepted this readily as a legitimate reason.

Time with Caradoc always went something like this—when they weren't snogging, they'd entertain each other with stories or funny facts, always interested in learning more about the other. Eilis was surprised by some of the things that she learned about Caradoc, like that he had fallen off a broom when he was three, cracking his head ("That explains everything," she'd teased), and that he had once had a niffler but his mum had made him take it back to the Magical Menagerie when it tore up her whole garden to find a cheap silver watch buried somewhere underneath. His uncle had invented sugar quills, and when he was fourteen he'd ordered three firewhiskeys at the Leaky Cauldron and gotten away with it.

It was little things like these that made her happy to be with Caradoc, because she could empty her head completely of all things serious. Not so much, though, all things Sirius. No matter how much time she spent with Caradoc, she couldn't escape that nagging memory floating in the back of her mind—Sirius holding her tightly to him, kissing her as if they were going to die the very next day.

* * *

Christmas morning finally arrived, and Eilis awoke to a pile of presents at the end of her bed. She'd received a book on quirky potions from Lily—_Fifty Brews to Bemuse and Befuddle_, a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans from James, a funny little circular device on a chain from Remus that glowed faintly yellow and grew warm against her chest when she put it on—"_This is a Semascope," _his note had read, _"you wear it against your heart and it begins to thrum gently if you're scared. It will help to calm you down so that you can think rationally. I know there are things you haven't been telling us. Stay safe." _Her parents had given her a set of startlingly beautiful navy dress robes, and from Caradoc she received a framed photograph of the two of them by the lake. Mary, Peter, and Marlene had all sent her candy from Honeydukes.

It took her a few minutes to notice one more slim package under all of the loose wrappings that now littered her bed. There was no note, and she picked it up, sliding her finger under the glossy black paper to unwrap it. There lay an ancient leather book—it was tattered and had a soft binding, with a worn leather strap wrapped around the middle, tying it shut. She gently unwound the strap, opening it to find the cover page of _A Tale of Two Cities_ staring back at her, yellowed with age. She flipped through the book, fingering the soft paper and leather.

A copy of her own—now she could return the one she'd stolen from her mother. It was perfect. She shut the book—when it was closed it just looked like a dilapidated leather journal. Her heart thumped as she thought about the one person who would have given her such a gift. What did it mean?

The remainder of the holidays trudged along, with Eilis receiving notes each day from one friend or another, thanking her for her gifts—a pocket watch for Remus, a soft, flowing green dress she'd found in a shop that matched Lily's eyes exactly, assorted candy for Marlene, Mary, and Peter, and a Quidditch book for James. She'd given Caradoc a book on famous Aurors, as he'd been talking more about considering that as a career. And to Sirius—to Sirius she'd simply written a letter:

_Sirius,_

_I need to tell you how sorry I am for everything that has happened. I was so selfish, and I value you too much as a friend to let things stay as uncomfortable as they've been. I can't promise you anything, and I hope you can understand that. _

_I've grown to really depend on you, Sirius, and I hope you can forgive me._

_Happy Christmas, _

_Eilis_

_

* * *

_

Finally New Year's Eve passed, and Eilis was filled with such a sense of relief as she boarded the Hogwarts Express. It was so strange—she'd wanted to go home so badly, but she hadn't considered how different things would be without Patrick, and now all she wanted was to return to school. She felt guilty leaving her parents, especially after what they'd learned from Edgar Bones, but she could only hope that they, like her, would stay hopeful that her brother would reappear.

Her hope that she wouldn't have to see Sirius one-on-one for a while was immediately crushed when he was sitting, alone, in the first train compartment she opened, and as he looked up at the door sliding open, she stood rooted to the spot. They stared at each other for a moment, until Eilis finally broke the silence with a meek "Hey."

"Hey."

"Is it alright if I sit here?"

"Sure," he shrugged, turning his head to look out the window at the platform, his dark hair hanging like an elegant curtain. She sat down across from him, and the silence stretched between them like an ocean.

"Thank you," Eilis said, again breaking the silence. "For the book." She bit her lip as he turned to stare at her again, his grey eyes seeming to absorb her.

"You liked it?"

She nodded, hesitantly smiling at him. "It was perfect."

"Good."

The awkwardness of their encounter ended at last as James slid the compartment door open, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the two of them before bounding in, heaving his trunk up onto the luggage rack, and plopping down next to Eilis, grabbing her and rubbing her head with his fist.

"Miss me, eh, Cartwright?"

"Loads," she muttered, her voice muffled by James's arm around her head, and she struggled to get free. Sirius smirked as Peter entered the compartment a second later. He fumbled as he tried to put his trunk on the rack until Sirius stood up and did it for him in one swift motion.

"Er—James," came Eilis's muffled voice.

"Yes, my little poppet?"

"Care to let me go?"

"In a bit, poppet, in a bit. Patience is a virtue."

Eilis gave up struggling and slumped as James continued to smother her—she was practically in his lap.

Lily entered the compartment just then, brushing off her robes, and took one look at what was happening before rolling her eyes. "James, could you stop suffocating my friend? I happen to need her."

Everyone in the compartment froze and stared at Lily as if she'd just grown an extra two heads. James released Eilis robotically, who sat straight up, staring at her friend in disbelief.

"What?" Lily looked completely perplexed.

Finally Sirius voiced the question that hung in all of their minds. "Did you just call him _James?"_

Lily looked horrified as she realized what had happened. James, on the other hand, was grinning ear to ear, his eyes shining at the red-headed object of his affection.

Finally Lily snapped out of it and glared at them all. "Don't get used to it," she said to James, sitting down next to Sirius and crossing her arms.

The train left the station and began the journey to Hogwarts. "Say, Cartwright," James began, "ready for the match against Slytherin in two weeks?"

"Psht. Potter, I was born ready," Eilis scoffed.

"Excellent. Sirius? You ready?"

"Yep, can't afford to lose to my worthless little brother, can I?"

"I like where your head's at. Oi, Wormtail, mate, toss me that snitch," he called, grabbing the snitch Peter had been playing with out of the air.

Eilis was glad as the train pulled up to the station and they boarded the horseless carriages, relieved to trudge up the castle steps with her friends and enter the Great Hall for dinner, sitting between Lily and Marlene, who'd spent Christmas in Venice with her family.

"It was _so _beautiful," she sighed dreamily. "My little brothers and I spent every day exploring the twisting streets and canals. Think my parents were glad for the space. Oh, I hope we go back sometime."

"How old are your brothers?" Remus asked from across the table, filling his goblet with pumpkin juice.

"Ten and twelve," Marlene answered. "Haven't hit that wouldn't-be-caught-dead-hanging-with-my-big-sister phase yet, thankfully."

"Ah, I remember that one," said Remus. "Course, I don't have siblings, so it was more just a wouldn't-be-caught-dead-within-fifty-yards-of-my-parents sort of thing." Marlene smiled at his answer, and they spent the rest of dinner listening to her describe her holiday.

* * *

Classes that week went very well. They were juicing Snargaluff pods in Herbology, a considerably tricky task that Eilis was having immense trouble guiding Sturgis through.

"Wait, what do I do next?" It must have been the seventh time he'd asked.

Eilis rolled her eyes in frustration. "You've got to extract the pod—here, look at the diagram," she said, pointing at the page in _Flesh-Eating Trees of the World_ to which they were referring.

Sturgis scrunched up his eyes at the page for a moment before looking back at Eilis. "That means nothing to me," he shrugged. Eilis groaned and they switched positions as she carefully extracted each pod from the thorny, stump-like plant as Sturgis read her the instructions aloud.

After class, she and Sturgis teased each other as they made their way back up to the castle with the rest of the class to lunch, where he waved goodbye to her as he broke off to sit at the Hufflepuff table.

Eilis sat down with her friends, who were already discussing the upcoming Apparition lessons.

"When do they start again?" Lily was asking.

"Beginning of February," answered Remus. "But you can take classes down in Hogsmeade starting next week if you're already seventeen. So that's Eilis, right, she's October, and Sirius, he was the beginning of September—hey, Mary, when's your birthday?"

"It was December 20th," she called from where she sat beside Lily, reading an issue of _Witch Weekly_.

"Oh, right—happy birthday! Was it a good one, then?"

"Yeah," replied the short blonde witch, cheerful as always. "My parents took me to see the Firebreathers Show in Barcelona."

"What's the Firebreathers Show?" Eilis had never heard of it before, though some of the others at the table suddenly looked jealous and impressed.

"It's this whole big spectacle in Spain with all these trained dragons. They're illegal here, of course, so we haven't got one, but it's really brilliant—you should go someday! I didn't know there were so many different types of dragons—they must've had about fifteen, and all different colors, too, it was fascinating."

"Sounds like a fiery occasion," remarked Eilis. "Wait, Remus, what were you just saying about advance lessons?"

"Yeah, if you're already seventeen you can take classes down in the village because you're already able to take the test. I think they had them in the fall, too, but I didn't ever find out since my birthday's not until March."

"Huh. Are they free?"

"Think so," answered Remus. "It's twice a week, I believe, in the afternoons—Flitwick teaches them, you should go ask him for details."

"Think I will. Thanks, Rem." Eilis had virtually forgotten that she was old enough to get her Apparition license and use magic outside of school—since the change had occurred in the middle of the semester, it hadn't much affected her day-to-day life. She'd definitely ask Flitwick about the lessons, though, as she was eager to learn the skill of teleportation.

"Don't splinch yourself," Remus warned, grinning.

"Can't make any promises."

* * *

Once the holidays were over, Quidditch practices got really intense—as James had said, the match against Slytherin was the weekend after next, and the team was busy drilling for extra hours each night to try and prepare themselves to face off against the other top team at Hogwarts. Whenever Eilis spent time with Regulus, they'd egg each other on with joking teases and threats regarding the others skills as a Seeker, and bets over who'd catch the elusive little golden ball first.

"Ten chocolate frogs says I've got it before you even leave the ground," Eilis taunted.

"As if," Regulus snorted. "Thought you didn't gamble, anyway?"

"Oh don't worry Reg, I'll make a special exception for you."

"Well color me surprised," he said, grinning. "Never thought I'd live to see the day. _What_ an honor." Eilis hit him in the shoulder, causing him to feign hurt, falling backwards in his chair in the library, clutching his arm and pretending to groan in agony. She rolled her eyes and returned to her Transfiguration essay.

In Potions on Friday, she sat herself down next to Snape at a table in the back. He glanced at her as she sat down and then continued setting up his cauldron, ignoring her.

"Morning, Sev," she said to him cheerily. He returned her greeting with a blank look, saying nothing.

"Know what day it is, mate?"

"Enlighten me," he said drily.

"Aw, come on, Sev, aren't you excited it's your birthday?"

"Thrilled."

Professor Slughorn arrived in class then, explaining to them that they would be brewing Polyjuice Potion that morning.

"Now, class, who can tell me what the use of Polyjuice Potion is?"

"It gives the drinker the appearance of another for a certain amount of time, Sir," answered Lily.

"Very good, Miss Evans, five points to Gryffindor. How does one specify who they would like to appear as? Mr. Potter?"

"You need to add something that contains the essence of whoever you're trying to turn into, most commonly a hair. The potion will then turn a different color and consistency, usually representative of that person's character."

"Brilliantly said, Mr. Potter, ten points to Gryffindor. And finally, how long do the effects last?"

This time it was Snape who answered. "Approximately an hour, Sir, but more depending upon the quantity ingested."

"Very good, Mr. Snape, five points to Slytherin. Now, as the formula is not included in your textbooks, you will be following the instructions I have written out on the board here. Because Polyjuice Potion takes at least one month to brew, we will be working on it intermittently over the next few weeks, at the end of which I shall have each of you test your potion by attempting to become your partner. Now, please pair up, and collect your ingredients—I have them all set out here for you, the Lacewing flies have already been stewed and Madam Pomfrey was kind enough to gather the Fluxweed for me at the last full moon." Slughorn finished explaining and ambled over to his desk, heaving himself into his chair.

"Partner with me, then, eh Sev?" Eilis took his noncommittal shrug as acquiescence, and grinned, heading over to collect the things they would need for the potion—knotgrass, Antimony, and shredded Bloomslang skin, among others.

She set everything down on the table she was sharing with Severus, ignoring the scandalized looks James and the other Marauders were sending her. She'd worked with him from time to time, attempting at each instance to get him to partake in the conversation, though he was usually quite unwilling. Today wasn't so different—he did crack a couple of jokes, however, in such a deadpan manner that each time it took her a minute to realize he was being funny. At the end of the lesson Slughorn came around to inspect everyone's progress.

"Why, Miss Cartwright, and Mr. Snape, how unfair for the rest of the class to have my two best students working together." He winked at them, causing Snape to look at him incredulously. "I expect great things from the pair of you! You know, you both ought to attend a little get-together I'm having next week—I'll drop you both a note." He peered into their cauldron. "Very nice, very nice," he said, walking on to the next pair, two Slytherins—a tall, sneering blonde called Druella Mortimer and a thin, beautiful Indian girl called Kishori Kaur. Eilis had always detested Druella for her pureblood nonsense, but she rather liked Kishori—the girl was cunning and clever but much friendlier than most other Slytherins, though one could ever quite tell what she actually was thinking.

After casting a _Stasis_ spell over their cauldron, Eilis and Severus packed up their things and filed out of the dungeons, parting ways, and Eilis smiled to herself in amusement as Snape failed to return her goodbye. She turned to head up towards the Great Hall, bumping into James and Sirius, who both frowned at her.

"Interesting choice of partner," James commented as the three headed out of the dungeons.

"Interesting for you, perhaps," replied Eilis, determined not to get into this argument for the umpteenth time.

"I just can't see how you can stand Snivellus's stench when you're up so close to him," James continued.

"I have selective smelling," she countered, breezing by the pair of them and hurrying up the steps to the Great Hall.

* * *

Sirius was confused. Still. He threw his wand across the dormitory—where it hit the opposite wall with a slight thud and left a scorch mark—and groaned in frustration, flopping back onto his bed.

It had been a month since he'd first found himself on top of Cartwright under all that snow, a month since he'd realized suddenly that he'd begun to fancy her quite a while ago. It wasn't until they were crushed under that fort, and he'd felt her underneath him—seen her wide, dark blue eyes gazing up at him, her freckled cheeks an enchanting pink from the cold, her red-gold hair wild and curly—that he'd comprehended how he felt about her. And now it was all he could think about.

He'd seen her once more over the holidays, besides the night at Remus's-he'd been in the village center of Godric's Hollow with James, fooling about and trying to figure out some of the things being sold in the muggle shops, when he'd seen her come around a corner. The sudden, intense flare he felt turned to an ugly, jealous aching when he'd realized Dearborn was right beside her. They were even holding hands. Jealousy was not a feeling Sirius was accustomed to, and it took him a moment to reign in his murderous thoughts about the seventh year Ravenclaw.

He wanted so badly to believe it was different with her than with all the other girls—he'd grown disillusioned with romance ages ago, when one girl after another failed to make him feel anything more than a stirring below the belt. But he couldn't tell—he honestly wasn't sure if he really was so taken with Eilis because she made him feel those real, scary things he'd never felt before, or if it was just that he'd deluded himself into believing that she was what he wanted.

But that quickening of the heart that he felt around her—surely that wasn't just a phantom of his imagination? And the way he wanted to protect her, and to make her laugh, and to make her believe that he was the only one who could understand her, who could be there for her. That _couldn't_ be his imagination, it just _couldn't_. Could it?

* * *

**A/N: Please review and I'll love you forever! (Don't I deserve it for how quick this was?)**


	18. Chapter 18: Slow Life

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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One afternoon in the middle of the following week, Eilis stayed behind after Charms to have a word with Professor Flitwick. They'd been trying to master some more complex conjuring over the lesson, something she and Lily had needed to give Peter a lot of guidance with, as James and Sirius had been too busy goofing around as usual.

"Professor?"

Flitwick looked up from the stack of papers he'd been straightening on his desk. "Yes, Miss Cartwright, how may I help you?"

"Well—I was reading the notice about Apparition lessons starting next month, Sir, and I noticed an addendum that if we were already seventeen, we could start lessons early—"

"Oh yes, yes, I will be beginning afternoon sessions twice a week starting next Tuesday afternoon," the tiny wizard revealed. "And you are already of age? Wonderful, wonderful, I hope very much to see you there!"

Eilis smiled as her Professor squeaked his response. "Thank you, Sir—er, is there an additional cost?"

"No, no, nothing like that, Dumbledore takes care of it all—just be outside of the post office at four o'clock on Tuesday, there should be a number of your classmates coming as well."

"Thanks again, Professor," she said as she left the Charms classroom. So there was that settled. She could barely contain her excitement—learning to Apparate, at last! What with everything that had been going on, she'd completely forgotten that she was of age now. Being able to use magic at home over the holidays hadn't seemed out of the ordinary at all, not since she'd had permission to do so over the summer to work on Slughorn's assignments.

She hurried up to the library to meet Regulus, who she'd made plans to study with that afternoon. He was already sitting at one of their favorite tables, in a back corner behind several rows of books, where it wasn't easy to be seen or overheard. Here they could come and study in peace, or just sit around and talk for awhile—that was, until snooty young Miss Pince swooped down on them, which she always did eventually.

Since they'd gotten back from the holidays, James had muttered darkly every time he learned Eilis had been with Regulus—fraternizing with the enemy, he called it, even though she reminded him that Regulus being the seeker on the team they were about to play against didn't exactly constitute him as the _enemy_, and hadn't he spent an awful lot of time with that clingy Ravenclaw girl last year who happened to be a Chaser on her house's team?

"For the last time," James snapped, "_nothing_ happened with Cynthia, she's just a friend who sometimes doesn't know the meaning of 'personal space,'" he said, shooting a look at Lily in concern at the mention of him possibly being involved with a girl that wasn't her. Lily appeared absorbed in their Charms spellbook, but a small patch of pink grew visible on her cheeks.

Eilis had just smirked and carried on meeting Regulus whenever she wanted, such as just now in the library. She sat down beside him and unslung her bag, heaving the heavy thing onto the floor beside her chair, and taking out the latest issue of _The Practical Potioneer_ that Francisco had dropped in her lap that morning, which she hadn't had a chance to read until now. The previous issue had hinted at an upcoming essay debating the ethics behind potions that induced emotions, such as intense joy or sorrow, and whether or not they should be legal—Eilis was terribly excited to read it, as many famous potioneers were promised to have given input.

Regulus was practicing Vanishing Spells on a goblet he'd nicked from lunch as she read, repeatedly muttering "_Evanesco!"_ but he was having a hard time making the cup do anything but tremble a little. After a quarter of an hour of trying, he groaned and pushed the goblet to the far side of the table before leaning back in his chair. When Eilis didn't immediately look up from the article she was reading, he began flicking his wand at her hair, getting her curls to fly away from her head one by one so it looked like she was either having a very energetic seizure, or had had a recent run-in with an electrical fence.

"You seem bored, Reg," she said sarcastically, not looking up from her article.

"Do I?" he drawled. "How'd you figure that one out, then?"

Eyes still on her potions journal, Eilis reached up and tapped her skull. "Mind like a steel trap," she murmured.

Finally Regulus sat up swiftly and grabbed the _Potioneer_ off of the table, stowing it away quickly in his bag. Eilis narrowed her eyes at him.

"Was there something you wanted, Black?"

He smiled sweetly at her. "Just the _attentive_ company of my favorite Gryffie," he said, grinning at Eilis's look of disgust at the shortened version of her house name.

"Really. Well. I'm all ears now, knock my socks off, go on."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Aww, come on, Eil, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Bloody Black family, always needs to be the center of attention," Eilis muttered darkly, turning from him and rummaging in her bag for her Defense spellbook, which Regulus promptly Summoned to himself as soon as she'd got a hold of it, smirking at her—the spitting image of his older brother.

"Alright, alright, you win," Eilis sighed in defeat, turning her chair to face Regulus and giving him her best '_if I don't catch what you say next the world might end' _look.

"My lord, woman, you make it sound like the hardest thing in the world," he said in exasperation. "Anyway, this is serious, Eil, so no more of your teen angst shenanigans. Oh, hush," he said in response to her incredulous look. "Alright—_Muffliato,"_ he cast, pointing his wand up in the air.

"What kind of spell was that?" Eilis inquired curiously, her natural hunger for learning causing her to momentarily forget that she was supposed to be being difficult.

"Useful little one Snape taught me," he answered, "anyone around us will feel like they've got something buzzing in their ears—makes it so we won't be overheard," he clarified. "Right then, Eil—good or bad first?"

"Er—bad, I s'pose," she said, frowning.

"Okay. Well it's not as if you didn't already know this, but Bellatrix and Rodolphus are still beyond pissed at you, and I overheard them talking the other night. It would appear that the Dark Lord is quite angry that you didn't agree to his request, and he's been—well, the guy's not exactly renowned for his patience and cooperation, is he? Anyway from what I gather, over break he paid Bella a visit and told her—something like 'if you think you're going to be one of my Death Eaters when you've failed to get the Cartwright girl, think again,' only, you know, bit more sinister than that."

"Wouldn't want to be in Bella's shoes," Eilis muttered.

"Wouldn't want to be in Bel—Eil, come on, don't you understand? Bella is not taking kindly to having displeased the Dark Lord. First of all, we know that he still wants you to brew that potion for him and he isn't planning on giving up any time soon, and second of all we've got an extra-incensed Bella on our hands and who _knows_ what she'll do to get in You-Know-Who's favor. This doesn't look good for you, Eil, not a bit," he finished anxiously.

"Okay, okay, I get it, Reg, alright? Trust me, I've got a handle on the gravity of the situation."

"Just making sure," he said.

"Well, I understand. What was the good news, then?"

"Oh, right—er—did you find out anything over the holidays about your brother?"

Eilis was taken aback. "I—what—wait, I don't remember ever telling you about Patrick," she said suspiciously, growing uncomfortable with the discussion.

"You didn't, I found out from Rabastan that he's what they were using to get you to agree. Anyway, did anything happen over break?"

"How do you know to ask me that?"

"It's another part of what I overheard Bellatrix and Rodolphus talking about. Rodolphus told Bella that some Auror who was missing or something turned up—one of the ones who'd been missing along with Patrick Cartwright, he said, and Bella got really concerned. Did you know about this?"

"Yes, my parents and I were called into the Ministry to speak with him. My brother is still missing though," Eilis answered warily.

"Right, well, that's what I'm getting to. So Rudy told her that this one Auror had returned, and Bella cursed and started hissing at him, I couldn't really make out what she was saying, it sounded like '_What? But what if Cartwright returns, too?'_ and then she and Rudy started saying that they'd have to think of something else to get you to brew the potion."

Eilis stared at him, dumbfounded. "You mean—they don't know—they don't even know where my brother is? You-Know-Who hasn't got him captured somewhere?"

"It would appear not," Regulus said. "It sounds like he'd gotten away from whatever Death Eaters he'd been duelling, and when he failed to turn up the Dark Lord thought he might as well take advantage of the knowledge that he was missing, and pretended like he was holding him as leverage to force you to do what he wanted, only you didn't take the bait."

"Sweet Circe," Eilis breathed, sitting back in her chair. "Give me a minute to get this straight," she said to Regulus, and he nodded. It certainly didn't clear up where Patrick was, but at least now she knew for a fact that Voldemort didn't have him! And to think—to think that she'd even _considered_ brewing such a foul potion, when it wouldn't have ensured her brother's safety anyway. All she could do was sigh with relief that she hadn't gone through with it.

* * *

The remainder of the week passed swiftly. Quidditch practice went well Thursday evening, even though James nearly flew them to death, and Eilis felt good about their chances against Slytherin.

On Wednesday evening a third year she didn't know had come up to her in the common room and handed her a small scroll of parchment with a garish yellow ribbon tied around it—an invitation to a dinner Slughorn was hosting Friday night in the dungeons at 8. Lily had got one too, as well as James, who had managed to impress the Potions professor with a rather clever prank he'd pulled on Sirius in class one day.

When they arrived at Slughorn's office Friday evening, they found several students already in the room, sitting around a large round table laden with ornate silver dining ware. Severus was there, looking mildly disgusted by the over-extravagant décor, as well as Dorcas Meadows, Regulus, Fabian Prewett, the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain Lucas Hammerstrong, and a few others Eilis didn't recognize.

Slughorn greeted them warmly as they came in, wearing a violet-colored velvet smoking jacket that stretched to cover his portly waist. He began droning on, recounting a story of the time he had danced with Milicent Bagnold at a Christmas party ("And then I said, 'Why, Millie, dear, why don't _you_ run for Minister? Merlin knows you've got the wits,' and look where the dear is today!"). Eilis was sitting between Lily and Fabian Prewett, who she knew fairly well as he was a Gryffindor, and Head Boy. He had bewitched the wine in his glass to rise up into an inch-tall, fluid model of Slughorn, which mimicked the lavish professor's movements, and had Eilis and Lily in stitches of laughter throughout the meal.

James was sitting on Lily's other side, and he kept leaning over and muttering comments in her ear to make her laugh, which she had to continually disguise as a nasty cough whenever Slughorn looked up at her disruptive giggles.

As they continued onto the dessert course, Slughorn began to speak to each student there of their various well-known or otherwise distinguished relatives. He had just finished telling James a story about the time he'd arranged for Mr. Potter, a member of the Wizengamot, to have a meeting with Griselda Marchbanks, one of the council's elders, when he moved on to Regulus.

"Ah, young Mr. Black…I've had the pleasure of most of your family in my own house," he said, smoothing his large walrus mustache. "I remember when your father, Orion, was a student here…excellent at Transfiguration, he was. I daresay I had something to do with his pairing up with Walburga," he boomed, winking at Regulus. "A well-matched couple they were, am I right?" Regulus nodded, keeping his face impassive.

"I confess myself disappointed that your brother was not in my house. Quite a lot of talent that boy has, but I must say, I think you've got more of a head for things, Regulus. Yes, clever and polite, that's the way to make it." He trailed off, becoming distracted by a box of candied pineapple that a short Hufflepuff boy handed him.

The dinner finally ended, and Eilis bid goodbye to everyone she knew that wasn't also in Gryffindor. Severus, whose face had been pinched with distaste throughout the entire meal, nodded at Eilis as he swept out of the office and further into the dungeons.

She set off with Fabian, Lily, and James, who suggested a quick trip to the kitchens before they returned to Gryffindor tower.

Lily looked at him skeptically. "Potter, we just ate," she remarked.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," James replied, smirking at her. "Excuse me if I don't particularly enjoy tuna tartare."

"Was that what that was?" asked Fabian. "Couldn't stand it."

"Right," said James. "To the kitchens."

* * *

Eilis awoke Saturday morning to the sound of rain pounding against the dormitory window. She could even hear it beating down upon the castle roof. She rolled over and groaned, squinting at the stormy gray sight that was the outdoors.

"Aww, bloody hell," came a voice to her left, telling her that Reagan had just woken up as well. She shot her teammate a sympathetic look and began to dress. The two girls trotted down the stairs into the common room, where the rest of the team sat, looking up at the ceiling anxiously, from where the sounds of the pouring rain battering the tower echoed.

"Excellent," said James, causing them all to stare at him in disbelief. "Now we've got a real challenge!"

"You're barking," muttered Skip Mulroney, to which James just shrugged and led them all down to breakfast. Half of the Slytherin team was there, including Regulus, who grinned at Eilis as she came in and raised his eyebrows, jerking his head at the enchanted ceiling, which was fearsome to behold. Dark clouds swirled around quickly, pushed by the whipping wind they could hear whistling around the outside of the castle, and rain hammered against the giant windows in the Great Hall.

Eilis ate as much as she could, knowing she'd need the food not only for energy, but to help keep her body warm in what was sure to be a frigidly cold game. Icy January rainstorms weren't exactly her ideal Quidditch conditions.

The team sprinted down to the stadium and changed quickly as the rest of the school filed into the stands. They made their way out onto the pitch, the wind whipping at their uniforms, which would be soaked within a matter of minutes, the rain was so fierce.

Eilis glanced up at the stands, but she could barely tell which students belonged to which house, so thick was the rain and so bundled up were the students. She peered across the field at the Slytherin team, who had lined up opposite, her eyes roaming over the Chasers—Kishori, Avery, and Druella Mortimer, and the Beaters, two huge seventh years, Mulciber and Wilkes, who she took care to avoid in the hallways. James strode forward to shake hands with Evan Rosier, the captain and Keeper.

Madam Hooch raised one arm and both teams mounted their brooms, and at her shrill whistle they were off.

Eilis kicked off from the muddy ground into the air, gripping her Comet One-Eighty tightly between her gloved hands. The wind was so strong that she had to steer a little to the right in order to fly straight. She rose high, squinting around the pitch—it was impossible to see through the driving rain. Several minutes passed and she groaned as she realized she couldn't even hear Sturgis's commentary, so she would have no idea how the game was going for the rest of her team. She took to flying in steady circles around the pitch, seeking out any possible hint of gold in the gray maelstrom around her.

"Agh!" She cried, as sleet joined the rain, the tiny pellets of ice pinging off her arms and skull. There was no use even trying to shield her head, and the moment it took her to figure this out had her narrowly missing being hit by a bludger that came out of nowhere. Sirius flew above her, smacking it hard with his beater's bat in the opposite direction.

"Alright, Eil?" He shouted over the roaring wind.

"Fine," she called back, steering her broom closer to the ground. Below the action, she had a better view of what was going on, and she squinted up at the flying blurs around her—she could just barely tell who was wearing scarlet and who was wearing green. She took off again in the direction of what she hoped were the Gryffindor hoops, looking around desperately for the snitch. The sooner she could find it and catch it, the sooner they could be back inside the warm, dry castle. She flew by Regulus at one point, who just grimaced at her, a sentiment she wholeheartedly agreed with.

A quarter of an hour later, Eilis heard Hooch's whistle—Rosier had called a time-out for his team. She swerved around to meet the rest of her team by their goal posts, landing in the mud beside James, who looked like a drowned puppy.

"What's the score, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"80-50 Slytherin," he answered, frowning. He turned to Eilis. "Cartwright, you've got to catch that snitch already, and you've got to catch it fast."

"I know, James, I'm trying," she said, wiping away the water that was dripping off her nose.

"Try harder," he called as Madam Hooch waved at them from the middle of the field. They re-mounted their brooms and kicked off at her whistle, back into the storm above.

She flew higher than before, growing increasingly exasperated with the snitch, which as far as she could tell, hadn't yet made an appearance.

It was another ten minutes in the downpour before she finally glimpsed something gold a few hundred meters away, hovering by the stands where a mass of Slytherins huddled, watching the game. _Finally!_ Eilis took off, seeing Regulus out of the corner of the eye—he'd spotted the snitch too, and was coming fast from across the pitch. She urged her broom on, there was still a lot of space between her and the snitch and Regulus was closing in fast, when_ WHAM! _ EIlis spun out of control, slipping off her broom and hanging by her gloved hands, glancing quickly at the ground far beneath her and then wildly around to see what had hit her.

Skip was a few yards away, hurtling through the air, having rebounded off her. _Skip? Wha-_? She barely had time to register what was happening, trying to maintain her grip on her broom, before Skip swerved around and headed back towards her, a strange slack look on his usually friendly features.

Eilis tried to urge her broom out of his way, but hanging there she couldn't steer it properly, and it was all happening so quickly. Her eyes widened as Skip came straight towards her, his beater's bat raised in one arm, and all she could see was his strong arm swinging the bat straight into her head before everything went black.

* * *

When she came to, she could hear a faint buzzing around her. She was lying down somewhere, and as she concentrated harder the buzzing faded in slightly til she could tell that it was actually voices murmuring around her. She wasn't quite sure why she was dry all of a sudden, and warm, and tried to open her eyes but it took a few moments.

Finally she was able to lift her eyelids a fraction, and as the room came into focus she realized she was in the Hospital Wing. Remus, Caradoc, Lily, James, Sirius and Regulus were crowded in the seats around her bed, and they seemed to be bickering slightly. She closed her eyes again—it was hard keeping them open—and concentrated on what they were saying.

"What do you mean, he's not in any trouble?" James sounded scandalized.

"Prongs, he was Imperiused, it wasn't him—" came Remus's voice, steady and logical.

"Well who the bloody hell Imperiused him, then?"

"They don't _know_, James," Lily said, sounding slightly exasperated.

Eilis opened her eyes again as much as she could, looking around at her friends. James and Regulus were sprawled across their chairs, looking as exhausted as Eilis felt, and Lily looked anxious, sitting on her hands. Remus was looking at James, and Caradoc had his head in his hands. Finally her eyes landed on Sirius, who had been staring at her pale form with a kind of glazed look, but who leaned forward and grasped her hand when he noticed her eyes slightly open.

"Eilis." His voice was rough, and quiet, but still everyone heard him say her name and swiveled around to look at her face.

"Oh, thank Merlin," breathed Lily. "We thought you'd never wake up."

A slight whimper left Eilis as she became aware of the intense pounding in her head—the pain was unfathomable, and she squeezed her eyes closed against it. She couldn't help the tears that leaked out of her eyes, and she missed whatever was said next as she tried to get used to the throbbing in her skull, so much worse than any injury she'd had before.

She clenched Sirius's hand, trying to focus on something other than the pain in her head, and croaked, "Lights."

"What—oh, right. Er, Poppy, you couldn't turn the lights off, could you?" James asked the school Healer charmingly. "I think they're hurting her."

"Oh, yes, of course, thank you Mr. Potter." Madam Pomfrey pointed her wand at the lamps overhead and they dimmed at once, and immediately Eilis felt a fraction better, and opened her eyes again. Sirius was wiping the tears off her face with his thumb, earning him a glare from Caradoc, which he ignored, focusing only on the girl lying before him in the hospital bed.

"What happened?" Eilis whispered.

"Well—we're still trying to sort that out, actually," Remus answered, and she looked over at his concerned face. "You and Regulus were both going for the snitch, when all of a sudden Mulroney rammed into you, and you were hanging from your broom by your hands, and then he—he came back around, and…well, he swung his beater's bat straight into your skull."

"Skip did that?" She whispered, confused.

"We're almost positive someone cursed him—the Imperius Curse," Lily answered. "There really isn't any other explanation for it."

"But who?"

"Well, we don't know that yet," Remus said. "You were both right by the Slytherin section of the stands, but really—it could have been anyone," he finished.

"Dumbledore is furious," Lily added. "He's making the heads of houses meet with their students one by one, they're trying to figure out who did it."

"What happened in the match?"

"We—er—lost," said James, glaring slightly at Regulus, who looked up at Eilis, shame all over his face.

"I'm so sorry, Eil," he sputtered, gripping his hair in his hands. "I didn't know—I didn't see what happened, and I got to the snitch, and then I saw you hanging there, but—I'm so sorry," he said, guilt all over his face.

"Don't worry about it, Reg," she whispered, seeing Sirius frown out of the corner of her eye at the familiarity with which she and Regulus were addressing each other. "Guess I owe you those Chocolate Frogs, eh?" she said, attempting a smile. She turned to James. "How much did we lose by?"

"Well—final score was 270 to 90," he said, still glaring at Regulus, who looked down.

"Aw, that's nothing," Eilis croaked. "We'll come back, don't worry." She was then distracted as Madam Pomfrey put a vial against her lips and told her to drain it, which Eilis did without question, recognizing the taste of a strong pain reliever. She breathed a sigh of relief as the potion began to work immediately, dulling the throbbing in her head.

Finally Caradoc spoke, trying to steer Eilis's attention to himself. "Eil," he breathed, brushing his fingers over her shoulder, looking at her in horror. "Are you alright?"

"Of course she's not alright," Sirius snapped. "She was smashed in the skull with a bat and she fell fifty feet."

"What's wrong with me?" Eilis asked quietly.

"Your skull was fractured, badly," Remus answered when no one else seemed to want to. "Madam Pomfrey was able to mend the bone but it's going to take a couple of days to heal fully, and—she said that it's very possible you'll have some brain damage," he said gravely.

"What else?" Eilis closed her eyes.

"You broke four ribs, and your left wrist, and left hip bone, when you hit the ground."

"Is that why I hurt everywhere?"

"Probably," Remus replied, smiling slightly at his friend, who tried to keep things light even when she felt like a giant had pounded her repeatedly with a boulder, beating her into a pulp.

Eilis noticed the table beside her, which held an alarming amount of sweets. "What's that?"

"Lots of people have sent you get-well presents since the match," Lily answered.

"How long was I unconscious?"

"Two days," Sirius answered, still gripping her hand. "It's Monday night."

"That's enough excitement for one night," Madam Pomfrey interrupted, starting to shoo them all out. "Miss Cartwright needs her rest." Everyone rose but Lily and Sirius, who stayed firmly in the chairs on either side of her.

"Come on then, Black, Evans, out you go with the others,"

"Sorry, Poppy, not moving," Sirius said, glancing up at the Healer. "Please." He stared at her, his grey eyes big and round, and finally the witch sighed in exasperation and threw up her hands.

"We'll see you tomorrow morning, Eilis," Remus called as the rest of the group exited the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey continued to bustle about, handing Eilis another potion vial, in which she could smell a Sleeping Draught. "Drink that up, Miss Cartwright," she said. "All of it. You need rest."

Eilid drained the vial without protest and felt the fatigue prickling at the corners of her eyes right away. She looked at Lily and Sirius, silently questioning.

"Don't worry, Eil," Lily said. "We'll stay here with you." Sirius nodded his agreement. "Professor Dumbledore said he'd be in late tonight, too, but if you're not awake I'm sure he'll return in the morning. He wants to speak with you."

Eilis nodded at this and struggled to keep her eyes open, but soon Sirius and Lily were swimming across her vision, and finally they disappeared as the potion took its hold.

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A/N: Alright, hope you enjoyed it. I'm really enjoying writing this, but the lack of reviews is a bit disheartening. Please, please, review. It makes me not want to continue when I think no one cares one way or the other.


	19. Chapter 19: Dumbledore's Visit

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

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When Eilis awoke again that night, she could tell how very late it was by the sheer silence that greeted her. She opened her eyes to find a much darkened Hospital Wing, slivers of moonlight streaming in through the windows. Sirius and Lily were gone, but in their place were her parents. Surely she wasn't so seriously hurt that her parents had been called in?

"Mum," she whispered, "Dad." Her parents looked up at her at once, her mother leaning in and her father hastily folding up his _Evening Prophet_.

"Hey, Honey," her mother said, brushing Eilis's hair back and out of her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit better," she replied, noting that her head was not pounding anywhere near as fiercely as it had been earlier. Her father's eyes were lined with concern, and she thought how difficult this must be for them—to have one child missing, and another injured.

"Madam Pomfrey said you were very lucid earlier when you woke up," Finn commented. "Which is a good sign."

"I'll go wake Poppy and have her send for Dumbledore," her mother said, getting up. Eilis was left there with her father.

"The Headmaster is very concerned," Finn said, his voice growing serious. "Eilis, do you have any idea who might have done this to you?"

"Yes," she replied. "I think so. Can we talk about it when Dumbledore gets here, though?"

"Of course." Her father sounded surprised, and looked at her, puzzled. _It's past time I let them know what's going on,_ she thought to herself. Her mother padded back to Eilis's bed and lit the lamp that sat on the bedside table so that a faint light lingered over them. Seconds later Madam Pomfrey appeared, who handed Eilis another vial of a pain-relieving potion and told them that Professor Dumbledore would be there in a few minutes, before she returned to her office.

Eilis lay there with her parents beside her, wondering how they would take what she was about to tell them. _Mum, Dad, nothing to worry about, only that the most evil wizard of all time wants me to work for him and he didn't seem too keen on my refusal._

They didn't have to wait long for Dumbledore, who swept into the Hospital Wing a few minutes later in a rich maroon cloak, his hair and beard gleaming in the dim light. He took a seat beside Eilis's father and pointed his wand at the curtains around her bed, which flew closed.

"Miss Cartwright," he began, his eyes on hers. "I must first extend my apology to you that such harm has befallen you while you are in my care. It would appear that your teammate was operating under the Imperius Curse. Mr. Mulroney is quite as confused as you no doubt are about his actions on Saturday, and has been most hard on himself."

"It wasn't Skip's fault," Eilis said, to which Dumbledore nodded.

"Indeed, however I have a feeling he will not forgive himself until he hears that from you firsthand and sees you before him, unharmed." He paused for a moment and took his wand back out. "Speaking of which, Miss Cartwright, if it is alright with you I would like to cast a spell to assess your current condition before we speak any further. We were unable to know how serious the damage was until you awoke, and if you will allow me…?"

Eilis nodded, and Professor Dumbledore pointed his wand at her skull. A faint blue light seemed to emanate from his wandtip and absorb into her head, moving down through her body and passing out of her toes before disappearing. It had felt vaguely like a stream of ice water running through her. Dumbledore pocketed his wand and smiled at her reassuringly.

"Very well, Miss Cartwright, it seems you will suffer no lasting damage from the accident. You will no doubt be sore for the next few days, but you are otherwise healed." He glanced at her parents, who looked relieved. "Now to a matter of slightly more gravity." He fixed his piercing light blue eyes back on her, boring into her very core. "Do you have any inkling at all as to who may have been behind this?"

Eilis bit her lip, hesitating—she was unsure where to begin.

"I would implore you, Miss Cartwright, to tell me anything and everything that could shed light upon this situation. There is someone in my castle who seems to have no qualms about casting Unforgivable Curses upon students, and I must do everything in my power to restore Hogwarts to safety."

"Yes, of course, Professor," Eilis said. "I was just thinking where to start."

"Please feel free to begin as far back as necessary, so that we may more fully understand."

"Alright, well—I suppose it really begins in October."

"October?" Her father asked, surprised.

"Yes—when Patrick disappeared." Her parents continued to look baffled, but a slight look of understanding seemed to come over Professor Dumbledore. "Well, you all know what happened then. He went missing and it was all I was thinking about—it was like I was sucked into this mindset where the only thing I felt was worry. Constant worry. Anyway, around then I began to notice a few of the Slytherins popping up wherever I happened to be—but I mostly just dismissed it. And then in November, the night before the first Quidditch match, I'd left a book in the Potions classroom, so I went down to the dungeons to grab it, and they were there when I went to leave."

"If I may interrupt, Miss Cartwright, which students are you speaking of?'

"The Lestrange brothers—you know, Rodolphus and Rabastan. And Bellatrix Black." Dumbledore nodded and motioned for her to continue. "So I was alone with them in the Potions room, and Bella started talking about doing what she was good at for the people that asked, or something—eventually she got around to saying that they wanted my help with something. They knew how good I was at Potions, and they said that there was someone who had a task for me."

"Did Miss Black name this witch or wizard?" Dumbledore looked fierce.

"No, but—well, they implied that it was…You-Know-Who."

"I see," said Dumbledore, nodding his head for her to go

"You-Know-Who?" Her mother cried, shocked. "You must have misunderstood them, dear."

"No, Mum, I didn't—it was definitely him."

"What did he want you to do?" Her father asked.

"Brew some really, really complicated potion for him. It needed to be made by a Pureblood—I didn't find out til after what it did—" She was frustrated with the confused looks her parents were giving her. "I would have said no outright, but—"

"Why didn't you?" Her father's voice was harsh.

"Please, Dad, let me finish—I would have said no right then, but then Bella said that they knew where Patrick was—that You-Know-Who had him, and if I did what he said, he'd let Patrick go." There Eilis faltered, and her admission was met with silence by both of her parents. A muscle twitched in her father's jaw, and she wondered whether he would have told her to make the potion for Voldemort or not. Surely no?

"Let me see if I understand what you have told us, Miss Cartwright," Dumbledore said, breaking the silence. "You were approached by Mr. and Mr. Lestrange and Miss Black, who told you that Voldemort wanted you to brew something for him, the purpose of which they neglected to reveal, and in return he would refrain from harming your brother?"

"Yes, Professor. And then—I told them that I needed time to make up my mind, because if I had any chance to save Patrick—how could I not take it?" She said this last part beseechingly, as if begging Dumbledore to understand why she would ever consider such an action. His face was unreadable, and she continued. "So they told me that I could have a day to decide—and then—well—"

"Yes?" Dumbledore nodded at her kindly, prompting her to continue.

"And then Bella used the Cruciatus Curse on me." She heard a slight intake of breath from where her mother was sitting, and her father gripped the side of her hospital bed. The twinkle left the headmaster's eye for a moment.

"I must ask why you did not alert me to this when it occurred, Miss Cartwright." Dumbledore sounded more serious now than at any point previous, and Eilis had no real answer for him.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I was terrified—and I thought—I just didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize Patrick's safety."

"May I correctly assume from the events of this weekend that you refused Lord Voldemort's offer, and that you believe one of these three students to have been responsible for cursing Mr. Mulroney?" The headmaster looked down his long nose at her appraisingly.

"Yes."

"Who else knows of this?"

"Well, Lily and Sirius know that Patrick is missing, and Sirius came with me when I told them no the next night—I didn't want to face them alone, after what had happened, you see. And—Regulus Black. He knows everything."

"Orion's son?" Her mother looked alarmed. "Eilis, that family—"

"I would ask you to please refrain from condemning a child for the acts of his parents, Mrs. Cartwright," Dumbledore said, interrupting Maeve. He turned back to Eilis. "It strikes me as odd, however, that of all people it should be Regulus Black who knows the full story. Could you please explain more fully the nature of your relationship with young Mr. Black?"

"Yes, Sir," Eilis said, wringing her hands together. Being questioned by Dumbledore was exhausting. "Regulus and I became friends at the beginning of the year, and—he's all mixed up in Bella's whole Junior Death Eater campaign somehow, so he knew what they were planning to ask me, and it was Regulus that told me last week that You-Know-Who doesn't even have Patrick, they were just using his disappearance as leverage over me. And he told me what the potion was for."

Dumbledore looked at her sharply. "And? What is its purpose?"

"From what I understood, it induces the effects of the Cruciatus Curse on the inside of your body, and in its weakest form the torture lasts at least an hour."

Dumbledore's brow furrowed as he thought over what she had said. "Miss Cartwright, is there an antidote to this potion? What is its origin, and how does the Dark Lord know of it?"

"I believe he found it in an old book of Dark Magic, Sir. And I'm not sure if there's an antidote; Regulus didn't say."

"Eilis, honey, I don't know if this friendship is a good idea," Maeve cautioned.

Eilis looked at her mother warily. "I would trust Regulus with my life," she said. "He's always been honest with me." _Well, almost always,_ she thought. She turned to Dumbledore. "The Slytherins don't know we're friends, because I don't want to get him into any trouble—please, Professor, I'm so worried about him, he's got to pretend to be one of them but I know it's tearing him apart, and he's not willing to just leave the family like Sirius."

Professor Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Indeed. You have given me a great deal to think about tonight, Miss Cartwright. Rest assured I will ask Professor Slughorn to keep an eye on Mr. Black from now on. As for the matters with the Lestrange brothers and Miss Black, I will think on it and determine how best to precede."

"Surely they'll be expelled?" Finn Cartwright had a note of outrage in his voice.

"Unfortunately, Phineas, it is not so simple as that. You must forgive the fact that politics must be taken into account. The Black family is, as I'm sure you are aware, very influential in our world, and Cygnus and Druella would not take kindly to the expulsion of their daughter. In this case I am also concerned of the repercussions for your daughter of any action I might take…do not forget what she has told us, for these students count Lord Voldemort among their allies, and I fear for her safety. I will be speaking with the Heads of Houses and the school governors, and I shall try and make the decision as swiftly and promptly as possible."

Eilis's father looked slightly mollified, but still quite angry, and he nodded.

Dumbledore looked back to Eilis, his eyes kind once more. "And now I must insist that you rest again, Miss Cartwright, unless you have anything more to add?" She shook her head and he spoke again, this time more to the room than to any of the family gathered with him. "It is always heartbreaking to see such evil intent in ones so young. Whether it is born of fear, or a thirst for power…that, I am afraid, I shall never know. Alas. In any case, Miss Cartwright, I wish you a swift recovery. Poppy says you may return to your classes on Wednesday, and in the meantime I am sure than Miss Evans and Mr. Lupin will be more than adequate at bringing you up to snuff. I would hope," he added seriously, "that you will inform me of any further complications that may arise in regards to this matter." With a final goodbye to her parents, Dumbledore swept out of the room as majestically as he had entered it, and Eilis was left alone with her mother and father.

They were silent, and Eilis could tell that her parents had no idea how to address the current situation. A shadow passed over her father's face, and he rubbed his eyes wearily. Her mother was gripping the fabric of her robes, twisting it and untwisting it in her hands. An overwhelming sense of guilt came over Eilis for giving her parents even more to worry about.

"I'm sorry," she said, breaking the silence. "I know—with everything that's happened with Patrick, and—I didn't want to give you anything else to agonize over, I—"

"Oh, Eil," her mother interrupted, taking her daughter's hand and stroking her hair. "You never have to be afraid to tell us anything, honey. You can't do everything alone—where would we be if we didn't have each other to lean on? Your father and I are more than capable of handling anything you send our way."

"We're always here for you, Eil," her father added, smiling warmly at her. Eilis had to turn her head to the side as everything that had been happening all year suddenly caught up with her, and she was overcome. She swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat, and hastily tried to wipe her eyes, which had just blurred with a flood of tears.

* * *

The next afternoon Madam Pomfrey declared that she was well enough to leave the Hospital Wing, and so Eilis returned, a little sore, to Gryffindor Tower. It was afternoon, and classes would be getting out soon, so she was happy to be able to return to her dormitory before the rush of students got there. She changed her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror, lifting up her hair at the spot where Skip had swung his bat at her head. The swelling she'd felt upon waking up Monday evening had gone down completely, but the area was bruised—her head still pounded a little but she was otherwise fine.

She went back down to the Common Room to wait for her friends. Within a few minutes, people began filing in through the portrait hole, laughing with each other and talking about whatever had happened in this class or that. She got a few strange looks from some of the younger students and wished her friends would hurry up. A pack of bold third year boys approached her, and they elbowed forward a dark-haired boy with a mischievous glint in his eye who looked to be the leader. Eilis was reminded suddenly of James and Sirius when they'd been younger.

"You're Eilis Cartwright, right? The Seeker?" She nodded at the boy. "Wow! We thought you were a goner for sure. Henry Halloway, nice to make your acquaintance," he grinned, thrusting forward his hand.

"Charmed," she said with some amusement, unsure what to make of the boy. "Sorry to disappoint you by surviving."

"Aw, no hard feelings," he said, playing along. "Better luck next time, then?"

"I'll try my best," she promised, grinning back at Henry, who winked at her and then strode off, his friends following with admiration written all over their faces. When had the third years gotten so…forward?

"Well _that_ was interesting," came a voice from behind her. Eilis swiveled around to see Sirius standing behind her with a crooked grin. Lily was with him, and she rushed forward to hug Eilis tightly.

"Thank Merlin you're back," Lily breathed. "I've had to deal with Potter all on my own for three whole days! Some friend you are," she pouted, but she had trouble keeping the smile from her face.

"Thanks, Lil. Er—you two haven't got a few minutes to tell me what we did in classes today and yesterday, have you?"

Lily nodded but Sirius frowned. "Actually, no, Eil, I'm sorry, I've got to run—Mary and I are about to head down to the village. You haven't seen her, have you?"

"No, sorry—the village?" Eiis's brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Yeah, the Apparition lessons start today, remember? Tuesdays and Thursdays," Sirius said. "Are you coming?"

"Oh…no, I think I'd better hold off, actually. Madam Pomfrey told me not to 'do anything strenuous,'" she replied, quoting the nurse's strict instructions.

"Foiled again by Poppy Pomfrey!" Sirius threw up his hands in mock outrage. "Alright, well, I've got to run—I'm glad you're alright, Eil," he said, looking her in the eye. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and then dashed up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

Lily led Eilis over to one of the tables in the back of the Common Room. "Here, go get your books and I'll get out everything you missed. Remus should be here soon, he said he'd help catch you up. There's not too much, in Transfiguration we practiced conjuring live things—in this case, birds—and in Defense we learned what to do if we're attacked by manticores."

"Useful," commented Eilis, as she set off to get her books.

* * *

She spent the rest of the afternoon studying with Lily and Remus, until they all went down to the Great Hall for dinner, where James, Peter, Sirius and Marlene were already sitting.

"How were the lessons, then?" Marlene was asking Sirius.

He shrugged, chewing his food. "Alright," he said after he'd swallowed. "None of us moved anywhere. Snivellus was there. Kept wishing he'd splinch himself. No such luck."

Eilis was distracted from the rest of his explanation just then because someone tapped her on the shoulder. Looking back, she saw Skip Mulroney, who was wringing his hands and looking at her with a distressing expression. She hopped off the table bench and walked with him out of the hall as he sputtered at her side.

"Aw, Eilis, I'm so, so sorry, I don't know what—it wasn't me, I swear, I can't believe—"

She laughed lightly, squeezing his arm lightly, hoping to brush off his worry. "Relax, Skip, I know it wasn't you at all. Really, it's okay."

"But can you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Skip, honest. I'm fine, see?" She lifted up her hair. "Just a bit of black and blue, nothing to worry about."

"You're sure?"

"Doubly sure. I promise." She began heading back towards the Great Hall and he followed, looking at her with a sheepish expression. He apologized at least twice more before sitting down to join his friends, and she tousled his hair affectionately as she continued on to where she'd been sitting.

"Everything alright, Cartwright?" James looked at her, nodding down the table at Skip.

"Yeah, just trying to set Skip's mind at ease. He's beating himself up, I feel so bad."

"Well, maybe he shouldn't have gotten himself cursed so easily—"

"James Potter! Seriously? You know that he couldn't have done anything, he didn't know what was happening—" Lily entered their conversation.

"There are ways of throwing off the Imperius Curse!" James countered hotly. "If you just concentrate enough, you can fight it," he said passionately.

Eilis looked at him. "Really? And you're so sure of this…how? From all the times you've been Imperiused?"

"That's not…that has nothing to do with it," he said uncomfortably, "he still could've done _something_…"

"Prongs, just because you're angry we lost the match, don't take it out on Skip," Remus cautioned. "You can't make any claims like that if it didn't happen to you."

"Go easy on him tonight at practice," Eilis said. "Okay?"

"Fine, fine," James muttered, turning his gaze to his food, avoiding her cool gaze.

They finished dinner and all got up to return to their tower together. As the group exited the hall, they were intercepted by Caradoc Dearborn.

"Hey, Eil, can I have a minute?" He looked at her, a serious expression on his face.

"Yeah, of course," she said, waving to the others as they headed for the staircases but taking another corridor with Caradoc. They walked for a few minutes in silence until Caradoc finally spoke.

"I went down to the Hospital Wing a little awhile ago but Madam Pomfrey told me you'd gotten out this afternoon. Why didn't you tell me?" His eyes searched her face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Caradoc," she said, feeling a bit guilty. "Honestly—I just forgot, I had to catch up on work so I've been studying with Lily and Remus all afternoon."

"You forgot to tell your boyfriend that you were better? Eilis, I've been worried sick about you since Saturday." He was making it sound like she'd done something a lot worse than she thought.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I didn't mean to ignore you, or anything, there's just been so much on my mind and lately and since I woke up last night everything's been really intense, and—"

"It's alright," Caradoc said. "I was just really concerned about you, and I didn't know what to do—I should've stayed with you last night…"

"No, it's fine, Sirius and Lily stayed with me and then my parents came—"

"Sirius was there?" Caradoc's voice sounded harsh suddenly.

"Well…yes, he and Lily stayed by me after I fell asleep, he's one of my good friends—"

Caradoc snorted derisively.

"What?" Eilis was baffled by his actions, and starting to grow annoyed.

"Come on, Eilis, I've seen the way he looks at you, I doubt he just wants to be your 'friend.'"

"I—" She was unsure how to respond. On one hand she was irritated with Caradoc—jealously didn't exactly suit him. But on the other hand her stomach churned in a sea of guilt…she _had_ kissed Sirius while she and Caradoc were dating…twice. "Look, Caradoc, I don't really think this is an issue…Sirius and I are only friends, truly. You don't have anything to worry about."

His green eyes searched hers. "You're sure?"

"Yes." Her stomach still churned. "Yes, positive," she said a little more determinedly—who was she trying to convince, Caradoc or herself?

"Good." They kept walking. "Eilis, do you have any idea what happened on Saturday? Why, I mean? It's obvious Mulroney wasn't acting of his own accord…" She couldn't express how tired she was of this question. The talk with Dumbledore late last night—or very early this morning, whenever it had been—had completely worn out her patience in regards to this topic.

"No," she lied easily. "No, I don't know what happened. Someone just messing around, probably."

"It's a pretty serious thing for someone to be messing around like this, Eil—"

"I know, Caradoc, it's just—I don't really want to think about it, okay?" She couldn't help it, she snapped at him a little, and he looked surprised at the harshness of her response. "Could we talk about something else?"

"Yeah, sure…did you happen to see the _Prophet_ today?" He launched into a discussion of recent news.

* * *

That evening, James Potter sat on his bed, leaning against his headboard. He'd have to head down to the pitch in a little while to begin practice. Too bad Cartwright wouldn't be there again, the team's morale was really low, especially with Skip now practically afraid of his own broomstick…he couldn't help but curse under his breath at the 4th year Beater. They'd lost by more than a hundred and fifty points, hopefully they could make it up in the match against Ravenclaw in April.

He looked up as Sirius opened the door to the dormitory, and ducked inside.

"Hey, Padfoot," James called, startling Sirius, who hadn't looked around yet.

"Prongs," he nodded at his best mate. He drew something silvery out of his robes and threw it at James. "Borrowed your Cloak. Thanks."

"Oh, sure, no problem. Did—er—this have anything to do with the party you were having with Cartwright and Dearborn down on the second floor corridor?" He waved the Marauder's Map at Sirius, who rolled his eyes and began getting out his Quidditch things.

"You know what they say, Pads, two's a party, three's a crowd," James admonished with a smirk.

"Stuff it," said Sirius, slinging his broom over his shoulder and leaving the room.

* * *

Regulus Black was worried. He'd expected Bella to do something to harm Eilis, but not something so serious, and not in such a visible way. The whole school knew what had happened at the Quidditch match—that one of the Gryffindor Beaters had gone batty and attacked his own teammate. Regulus cursed himself again for having caught the snitch while he'd been unaware of what had happened.

He hadn't spent much time with his cousin or the Lestranges lately, and he was growing more concerned about that. He'd had no idea what they'd had planned for Eilis—perhaps if he were still in the thick of Bella's obsession with Voldemort, he'd have known? Maybe he could have warned his friend. But then it would've been obvious to the Slytherins that he cared about her…how could he go about this? He'd have to make nice with his cousin again, starting immediately. And he wouldn't be able to tell Eilis anything for awhile, so that he could gain Bella and Rudy's trust.

He dropped his face into his hands and rubbed his hands. He had no idea what to do. There was no good plan of action here—either he was putting himself or Eilis in danger. And what did the Dark Lord think of him? He'd failed at his first and so far, only task—getting Eilis Cartwright to aid Voldemort. Would he be given another chance to prove himself? Did he want another chance? He thought of his mother, so proud over the summer at Narcissa's engagement part when Uncle Cygnus had told her of an opportunity for he, Regulus, to gain a place with the rising Dark Lord, whose followers held such power in the Wizarding community…such _prestige_, Cygnus had said.

Regulus shivered. He wanted to make his mother proud, and keep her happy—she was fearsome to behold when angered, as Sirius had proven time and time again, most recently over the summer, just after Narcissa's party, when he'd ran away from home and gone to live with the Potters. Walburga had been terrible to live with for weeks, especially whenever some relative or another would ask about Sirius's absence.

His thoughts turned to his older brother. What an enigma Sirius was to him—he hardly knew his brother anymore. And he couldn't say for sure whose fault that was. Had it been Sirius that had started pushing him away, when it had been Regulus's turn to come to Hogwarts, and he'd been Sorted into Slytherin? Or had he started viewing his brother differently when their mother had cried for weeks over Sirius being Sorted into Gryffindor, and Regulus had still been at home, trying to live with a miserable, angry mother? It was too hard to say.

Truth be told, though, he _missed_ his brother. Hot-headed though Sirius was, he was such a force of reckless, unadulterated fun, and so fiercely loyal. _Not to me, though_, Regulus thought. _Not anymore._

He remembered how angry Sirius had been when he'd befriended Eilis at the beginning of the year. "_Find another tutor. Just not her._" Why had his brother cared so much? He wondered what Sirius's friendship with Eilis was like. Was it easy and comfortable, like his own with the Gryffindor girl was? Was it like a breath of fresh air, a reprieve from normal life? He didn't observe the two together that often, for Sirius usually steered clear of Eilis while she was with Regulus. He remembered the Hospital Wing the night before, when Eilis had finally woken up…Sirius had looked as concerned as Regulus felt, had said barely two words as they'd waited by her side, had just stared at Cartwright's lifeless form with a look of agonizing anxiety.

Regulus cursed to himself. He would never be able to act like that around Eilis, not with other people there. How had this happened? When had he started worrying constantly about her? When had she ceased to be a task, and grown to be a friend? When had he begun to think of her as more than a friend? Not that there was any chance whatsoever of something coming from his feelings…for one thing, it would only put them both in more danger, and for another thing, she was with that daft prat Dearborn, who strolled around batting his green bloody eyes at everything and not realizing quite what he had with Eilis.

Regulus fumed. If only it had been Dearborn the Dark Lord wanted, he would have had no qualms about handing over the pretty boy Ravenclaw…

* * *

**A/N: Please review!**


	20. Chapter 20: A Few Too Many

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

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* * *

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Time began to pick up after the incident with Skip at the Quidditch match. By the end of the week, James had pulled off a rather noticeable prank by enchanting all of the suits of armor in the castle to leave their posts and roam around the corridors. He had armed them all with loads of dungbombs, which they threw at any passersby, student and teacher alike. Peeves was positively gleeful at the ruckus, and there was barely anywhere in the entire castle that didn't reek. The prank had ensured two things: James had Saturday detentions with McGonagall for two months, and the talk of the school had shifted from Eilis's accident to 'that Potter boy with no respect for other people's noses.'

On Thursday, Eilis accompanied Mary and Sirius to Flitwick's Apparition lessons down in the village. Rosmerta, the pretty young barmaid at the Three Broomsticks inn, had cleared out her pub of its afternoon patrons and allowed them to practice there. With a flick of his wand, Flitwick made all of the tables and chairs rise in the air and soar to the walls of the inn, stacking themselves and leaving a large open space in the middle of the room. Besides Mary and Sirius, the group there that afternoon included Severus, Sturgis Podmore and a couple of his Hufflepuff friends, the pretty Slytherin Chaser Kishori Kaur, and some Ravenclaws she didn't recognize.

Eilis had gone to see Flitwick on Wednesday afternoon to discuss whether she could attend Thursday's lesson, having missed the one on Tuesday, and he'd cheerily told her she was more than welcome—"You won't really be far behind your classmates anyway," he'd told her conspiratorially. "None of them managed to move an inch yesterday." He filled her in on what she'd missed, giving her a basic description of Apparition that she'd already known, and explaining that the Ministry's formula for teaching the act of transporting oneself included a mantra called the "Three D's: Destination, Determination, and Deliberation" which supposedly were all that one needed.

Accompanying Flitwick on Thursday was a squat, middle-aged witch from the Ministry who was required to oversee and accompany the Charms professor. Her name was Adele Pillsbury, and she had warm hazel eyes that crinkled at the edges. Her flyaway gray hair was done up in a scraggly bun, and she gave the impression of a slightly frazzled, eccentric aunt. Whenever she spoke she gestured erratically and always ended her sentences by clapping her hands together and looking expectantly at them, like she'd just given them a present to unwrap.

The lesson only lasted an hour, during which their goal was to Disapparate from their position at one end of the spacious inn and Apparate into a circle on the ground at the other end. It was much more difficult than her parents and brother had always made it look, and the most Eilis had accomplished by the end of the hour was spinning wildly on the spot and lurching sideways into Kishori. "No worries," the girl had told her after Eilis had apologized profusely. It didn't really matter anyway because fifteen minutes later Kishori did the same thing and rammed right into Eilis, ending with the two girls laughing at how ridiculous they all looked. For a Slytherin Kishori was really quite decent, and she was a very popular student at Hogwarts—not just within her own house—for many liked the intelligent, reserved Indian girl. For all her propriety, she had no problem cracking a joke with whoever was around her, and thus had earned the general opinion that she was "one of the good ones."

The only excitement that hour was one of the Hufflepuff students that Eilis didn't know, who caused quite a stir when with a CRACK! he reappeared several yards away—though he'd left both his legs and his left hand behind. His startled cry upon realizing that he was missing a few necessary limbs immediately had the attention of Professor Flitwick and Mrs. Pillsbury, who right away crowded around him and set him right, sending him off to the Hospital Wing with one of his friends for good measure. Eilis's face scrunched up in disgust at the messiness of it, and she willed herself to take the lessons seriously so that nothing of the sort would happen to her.

* * *

The week's end also saw Eilis being summoned for a short meeting with Professor Dumbledore. He asked her to sit down when she entered his office, and her eyes roamed over the portraits of past headmasters and headmistresses that lined the wall. She'd only been in his office once before, and that night had not exactly been conducive to a survey of the many wonders Dumbledore's office held—her eyes were caught by a beautiful, bright Phoenix that sat calmly on a stand behind Dumbledore's desk.

"Good evening, Miss Cartwright," the Headmaster said. "I trust you are feeling better?"

"Much better, thank you, Professor."

"Very good. You have, I am sure, noticed that your fellow students, Miss Black and Mr. and Mr. Lestrange are still here." She nodded and he went on. "Unfortunately I am still at a loss of how to handle this situation. We do not know which of the three—if it was one of them—that cast the spell on Mr. Mulroney."

"Sir, couldn't you just use Veritaserum?"

Dumbledore smiled ruefully at her. "Regrettably I cannot. For one thing, Professor Slughorn does not currently have any on hand, and for another, I am against the use of such methods to extract confessions from my students."

Eilis couldn't help but think that the Headmaster was being a little naïve. "But how else can we prove what happened?"

"I realize how it may seem to you, Miss Cartwright, but I trust my students, and I am always willing to offer a second chance—yes, even to those who have expressed a desire to align themselves with darkness."

_That's going to get him into trouble some day,_ she thought to herself, unable to keep one eyebrow from twitching up a tiny bit. "Forgive me for saying so, Professor, but not everyone deserves a second chance. You would allow cruel actions—criminal, even—to go unpunished because the culprits won't be honest with you?"

"I understand that you think my values a bit delusional, Miss Cartwright, but you must forgive an old man his inclination to seek the good in people."

"I respect that, Sir, but I believe you are inviting people to take advantage of you."

"You are of the same mind of many of my colleagues, but I am afraid that on this subject I am quite unable to be shaken. I regret that I do not have a clean solution to this situation as of now, but I will be speaking further with Miss Black and her companions and will express to each of them how such behavior is not tolerated here and, should it happen again in any form, will result in harsh punishment."

"I see, Sir." Brilliant wizard though he may be, Eilis realized that even Professor Dumbledore was not without flaws, not free of weaknesses. She could not fault the wizard for his desire to find good in others, however, one's trust could only stretch so far. "May I go now?"

"Yes, you may return to your dormitory. I will inform your parents of this, you shall not have to." She made to leave but the Headmaster spoke again. "Once again, however, Miss Cartwright, I must implore you to bring any future incidents to my attention immediately. If I had known of the events that occurred in November, last week's accident may have been avoided. I know that you felt you were acting in your brother's interest, however, you should have spoken sooner about Lord Voldemort's request of you and his claim that he held Patrick. Much could have been done to protect you and to attempt to locate him." He paused, his light blue eyes kind yet authoritative as he reprimanded her.

A sea of guilt washed over Eilis. He was utterly right, of course. She did not see how she could have been so stupid, so irresponsible, to have kept such events to herself. She'd thought she'd been protecting Patrick, but if she'd only been thinking clearly, she would have seen that her silence was far less helpful than any clues she could have given to his whereabouts.

Dumbledore spoke again. "I speak not only out of concern for your family's wellbeing, but for your fellow witches and wizards. It greatly disturbs me that the Dark Lord approached you with such a request, and I fear what he will attempt next." His eyes became gentle again. "And I hope you know that you may come to me with anything, Miss Cartwright. I am always available if you need an ear to listen."

Eilis was unsure how to respond. "Thank you, Professor," she finally forced out, and left his office feeling unsettled and ashamed.

* * *

The remainder of January flew by rather quickly, and at the end of the month they held a celebration in the common room to celebrate Lily's birthday. James planned the whole thing, and Remus and Eilis spent the afternoon decorating the room with enchanted candles that hovered in the air, glowing purple, blue, and green. James set up a box of Dr. Filibuster's Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks in the corner of the room, so that every fifteen minutes the common room would be showered by multicolored sparks.

As it was in the common room, all of Gryffindor house was welcome at the party, though James and Sirius had snuck some firewhiskey in somehow, which they only told the older students about. Lily had pursed her lips at the first cup of spiked pumpkin juice James had shoved into her hands with a charming smile, but then shrugged and decided to forget she was a Prefect for the evening. She was even gracious enough to thank James warmly for arranging such an enjoyable event.

For much of the party Eilis hung at the edges of the room laughing with Remus and Marlene. The party went on, and eventually only fifth years and above were left. Eilis excused herself from Remus and Marlene and went to refill her drink—it was her fourth, maybe, or fifth—and turned back in time to raise her eyebrow at the sight of her two friends leaving the portrait hole together. Her first reaction was amused confusion—Remus and Marlene? But it did make sense. Marlene had professed many times that she went for the strong, silent types, and Remus was certainly a quieter breed of teenage boy. And he deserved someone like her. The two would be very good together.

Her go-to friends gone, Eilis lingered by the food table, scanning the crowd. Reagan had cornered Jack Durden up against the notice board and was chatting him up, a sly grin on her face. _Good one, Reagan,_ Eilis thought to herself.

Peter was sitting on one of the couches with a shy-looking fifth year girl Eilis didn't know, speaking earnestly with her, his round face shining. He kept shooting looks at Sirius, who was lazily having a conversation with Olivia Bent—if you could call it a conversation, it looked like all the girl was doing was batting her eyes and giggling—as if hoping to pick up tips.

Lily had been flitting around from person to person all night, causing people to laugh uproariously wherever she went—Eilis could only guess what her friend was saying. Lily Evans could certainly be a hilarious individual when she forgot to take herself seriously, and it seemed she was in her element tonight—whether because of the firewhiskey or some other reason, Eilis couldn't say. Currently Lily was standing with James and Fabian Prewett, gesturing wildly and telling some story that had both boys cracking up. James could hardly take his eyes off of her, and she was indeed beautiful—her cheeks were pink with excitement or perhaps flushed from the alcohol, her dark red hair tumbling past her shoulders like a glossy curtain, her emerald eyes positively glowing.

Seeing her friends like this made Eilis happy, but she felt removed from the rest of the room somehow. It was a semi-frequent occurrence in big groups; she would hang back on the edges, observing rather than participating. It didn't always happen, of course: at times she could chat and mess about like nobody's business, but every once in a while she felt strangely apart from the rest of it. She couldn't help it tonight when that feeling washed over her as she looked on, seeing her closest friends with each other. She drank from her cup, looking for someone to talk to, and finally spotted Mary on the other side of the room with a couple of seventh year girls, and she made her way over to join them.

"Hullo, Mary!" The short blonde witch smiled as Eilis joined her group, greeting her enthusiastically.

"Hey, Eilis, how's it been?"

"Fair enough," she replied, beaming at the other two girls Mary was with. "You all?" She recognized the tall one with straight brown hair but couldn't place her name, and thought that the shorter one with a haircut like a pixie's might have been called Magdalen.

"Maggie was just telling Grace and me how she saw Marlene leaving with Remus Lupin," Mary replied ("_Grace! That's the one,"_ thought Eilis_). _

"Yeah, I saw that as well."

"Marlene's fancied him for ages, did you know?" It was news to Eilis, and she shook her head. "I never imagined anything would actually happen. Then again, it is Marlene, and she is gorgeous. I always thought it was kind of strange, though. I mean, Remus is nice and all but he's a little odd, wouldn't you say?"

"I think Remus is wonderful," Eilis said, frowning. She swayed a little on the spot and reached out to clutch a nearby armchair to regain her balance.

"But aren't you friends with all of those Marauders?" The girl called Grace assessed Eilis.

"I suppose," she replied. "But Remus and I have always been good friends."

"Right, didn't you fancy him last year?" Mary asked.

"Oh, er—yeah, a bit."

"I guess I can see it," the one with the short hair, Maggie, said. "I mean, they're all quite nice looking, wouldn't you say? Dunno about Pettigrew, though. He's a bit too…"

"Eager?" Asked Grace, smirking.

"I was going to say young," Maggie continued. "I mean, obviously he's the same age, isn't he, but he just seems so juvenile, do you know what I mean? He always fumbles about everywhere, I always see him tripping in the corridors and spilling things at dinner."

And Eilis did know what she meant. Peter Pettigrew was simply not made of the same stuff as his three best friends. She treated him kindly, but he was so different…she felt that the things she usually thought about didn't even occur to him most times. It struck her that whenever he wasn't hanging around the rest of her friends, she didn't even notice his absence. She shuddered—she would never want people to think of her in that way.

"He means well," she said. "But he's too nervous."

"Give me a confident guy any day," Grace said, twirling her brown hair around a finger and looking around the room, her blue eyes cool until they lighted on someone across the room. "I'm going to go talk to Fabian." She left without another word, striding straight across the common room.

"Assertive, isn't she?" Eilis remarked.

Maggie and Mary shrugged. "She's been after Fabian all year," Maggie said with a slight smile. "Ever since she found out he and Dorcas were on the outs."

Eilis tried to look interested and failed. "Wouldn't you know it, I've finished my drink," she said, not caring how transparent her excuse was. "I think I'll go get myself another firewhiskey." She liked Mary well enough but they were very different, and sometimes had a hard time holding a conversation because each other's interests were so dissimilar. The two girls stayed where they were, and Eilis ambled over to the bowl of spiked pumpkin juice. She refilled her glass and leaned against the wall with a sigh, shutting her eyes. Her head was spinning.

"Oi! Cartwright! Wake up!" She cracked one eye open to see James yelling at her from across the room and languidly raised one arm, waving off his remark, before shutting her eyes again. The music—a rock group called Terrence and the Troll Trainers—was the perfect volume, loud enough for a party but not so that you couldn't hear what everyone was saying. It echoed through Eilis's head, reverberating against her eyeballs. She stayed where she was, feeling the people in the room around her shifting, hearing snatches of laughter and conversation. After a few minutes she sensed someone beside her, and her heart quickened as she caught a dark, cool scent.

"All right, Eilis?"

"Superb. Just, you know, being the life of the party and all that." She opened her eyes. Sirius was indeed right beside her, leaning against the wall as she was, but still managing to achieve that aristocratic elegance that came to him so naturally. He grinned at her response, looking into his drink. She had a feeling he was not the best person to be around when she wasn't exactly in a sober state of being.

"Having a good time?" Eilis asked.

"Oh yes. Prongs hit me with a Cheering Charm this afternoon to ensure that I would have a grand old time tonight. It's worn off by now, though."

"Thwarted by an onslaught of happiness. I see. You should have hexed him."

"Aw, nah, he only wanted it to be fun. I'll get him later, didn't want to ruin his latest attempt to get Evans to go out with him. Maybe I'll shoot a Tickling Charm at him when he's in the shower tomorrow morning."

She smiled. "Good call." They were silent for a moment. "James did a really great job with this, Sirius. Lily's rarely this…carefree."

"Yeah, he seems to have hit the mark for once, huh?" The two looked across the room at James and Lily, who were sitting alone on a sofa, heads together, talking earnestly. Fabian was gone, probably dragged off by Grace sometime in the last ten minutes. As they watched, James took Lily's hand and whispered something in her ear, which made her blush and then smile.

Sirius looked down at Eilis, his eyes intense—they were like orbs of silver shining down at her. She wasn't sure if it was the firewhiskey making them glow so fiercely, or if his eyes were just that gleaming. "They're perfect for each other, you know."

She held his gaze. "I know," she said quietly.

"Is Evans ready to get off her high horse and give into it?"

"She wants to," Eilis said slowly, looking back at James and Lily. "But she's scared." She felt hot, like the room was heating up around her.

His brow furrowed. "What is she scared of?"

"That she won't live up to the idea of her that he's created for the past six years. That she can't give him what she wants. That she'll find out she's in love with him."

Sirius frowned. "Would that really be so bad?"

Their conversation had taken on a much more serious tone, and Eilis had the distinct feeling that they weren't only talking about Lily and James anymore. She tried to clear her head so she could answer him, but it felt like what she'd been drinking all night was finally catching up with her.

"She's afraid of how…vulnerable he makes her feel. She doesn't want him to break her heart."

"So she's afraid to start something that could be perfect, because of how it might end? Eil, we've no way of knowing what could happen in a year, in five years. Why are—why is Lily so willing to throw away a chance at something real? Why is she so in denial?"

Eilis was at a loss as to an answer, and Sirius's gaze burned into her, his eyes searching her face as if she was a book in another language he was trying desperately to understand. She shrugged and stood up straight, losing her balance a little and stumbling sideways into Sirius, who gripped her tightly and held her up levelly. "Sorry," she said, embarrassed. "Think I may have overdone it a bit with the firewhiskey."

His grip relaxed but he didn't relinquish his hold of her, and he looked at her with a slight concern. "How much did you drink?"

"Dunno. Six, maybe. Or seven. Lost track. I don't usually have anything stronger than butterbeer," she confessed, feeling jittery. It was like the room was pressing into her from all sides. She was experiencing a treacherous, overwhelming desire to fling herself further into Sirius's arms, to nuzzle close to him and inhale that intoxicating scent. She wished she could quell the buzzing in her head. She needed to get away from the room, and more specifically, away from Sirius Black.

"I need to go," she mumbled, trying to shrug off his hands, which still held her arms.

"Go? Go where? Eil, I think you should sit down."

"No, I—it's just so hot, I need some fresh air, I can't think—"

"Here, I'll go with you, we can go sit up on the Astronomy Tower." He grasped one of her hands, trying to lead her to the portrait hole.

"No! No, please, Sirius, you should stay, I—" She sought for an excuse to give him. "I'm sure Liv is looking for you, don't want to keep her waiting, do you?" Her voice came out sharper than she'd intended, her words felt ugly. She twisted her hand away and left him there, exiting the common room and padding down the corridor, heading higher in the castle.

It was late, and she shouldn't have been out, but she wasn't even thinking about Filch or rules or what might happen if she was found, she just wanted to be outside and to feel the wind on her face so that she might finally clear her head. It took barely any time for her to reach the Astronomy Tower, and she went out onto the roof where her Astronomy class met three times a month at midnight. It was dark and cold, but it felt so good, and she stood at the edge of the stone wall that encircled the area, leaning heavily against it, resting her head on her arms and looking up at the sky, breathing deeply.

She didn't quite recognize the person she seemed to have turned into this year. Irresponsible, reckless, and afraid—she was a stranger to herself. Where was the smart, sarcastic, self-assured girl she was used to? And just now, with Sirius—where had that come from? She could only put it down to fear. Fear and maybe firewhiskey. She was so afraid of how he made her feel that all she could do was push it away, and push him away. She'd lied outright to Caradoc a few weeks back when he'd asked her if he should be worried about Sirius.

Caradoc. There was another thing that made her groan in frustration and anger at herself. The lies just seemed to be mounting with him, and when he found out—if he found out—what was happening in her life, what had been happening all year…he'd be livid. She really did care for him, but she was starting to see that she'd been using him. Caradoc was a well and decent fellow, and he was kind and handsome, but was that why she had pushed herself so determinedly into a relationship with him? Or was it just because of the respite he offered from the chaos that characterized everything else in her life? He was her island, her escape. But she needed to stop skirting around her problems and acknowledge them.

She looked out over the Hogwarts grounds, collecting herself. It had been a rash move, dashing up here. But it was definitely helping—the cold wind whistling around the Astronomy Tower was like a shock against her flushed skin, startling her back into some semblance of sobriety. She stayed until she began to actually feel the cold in her bones, and then hurried back down to Gryffindor Tower as quietly as she could, breathing a sigh of relief once she'd reached the Fat Lady that she hadn't met anyone along the way.

"And what are you doing out so late, hmm?" The Fat Lady looked down at her disapprovingly.

"Fancied a stroll," Eilis said breezily. "Argonaut." The portrait swung forward, and she could hear the Fat Lady tutting reproachfully as she climbed through.

The party had ended in the time she was gone, and now the only ones left in the common room were Reagan and Jack snogging in a corner and James and Lily still sitting on the same sofa they'd been on earlier, still speaking eagerly with each other, his arm around her. Eilis smiled at the sight of them and glanced once more around the room, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach when she didn't see Sirius. She'd wanted to apologize, but of course he was gone—what would he have waited for?

She crossed the room and strode up the stairs to the girls' sixth. Mary and Marlene were both asleep already, and Eilis made a mental note to quiz Marlene in the morning about Remus. She changed swiftly into her night things and sunk into her bed, almost instantly falling asleep, wary of the way she would feel in the morning.

* * *

Sirius Black had just about had enough. These past few months had been nothing if not out of character for him. Wallowing over some bird who took blow after blow upon his ego? For starters, Sirius Black III did not wallow. Nor did he tolerate girls—or anyone—who made him feel worthless.

For that was exactly how Cartwright had managed to make him feel. Time and time again since the night of that snowstorm, she had spurned his attempts to get closer to her. And why? What had she said—"You scare me, Sirius." What the fuck did that mean? Was she honestly that afraid of having a bit of fun—of maybe having something really good? He didn't understand what was so frightening about himself.

And tonight—he'd only wanted to talk to her, to understand, and then just to make sure she was alright—and she'd shoved him away with some biting comment about another girl. Well, she was making it clear enough she didn't want that girl to be her, wasn't she?

He cursed. He'd spent too long making a fool of himself over Eilis Cartwright. It was clear she wanted none of him—or if she did, she was denying it for some unknown, ridiculous reason. _Yeah, well. Time's up, Cartwright._ He was done, absolutely done throwing himself before her just to be trod on and disposed of. This was the last time he was going to attempt to get attached. Tomorrow would mark the return of the old Sirius. He would see how many girls he could go through by the end of the week. And Eilis would see, too. He was through with her.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to kimmmz (I hope it meets your approval to some extent). Thanks to gaararoks, Kage Elric, HatakeRyari, and kimmmz for your reviews!

By the way the rest of you people should start reviewing too, or I'll do something drastic, like make Eil fall in love with ol' Voldy. For the sake of your own reading pleasure, please!


	21. Chapter 21: The School Broom

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

* * *

Eilis woke up the next morning and immediately wished she could will herself into oblivion. Her head pounded, her throat was dry, and her stomach churned treacherously. _Oh, right_, she thought. _This is why I don't drink._ Luckily for her it was a Saturday, so she conjured herself a large glass of water, drank half of it, ran to the bathroom and got better acquainted with the toilet, and then collapsed back onto her bed and out of consciousness for another few hours.

When she finally emerged from behind the curtains on her four-poster bed, it was midday, and her dormitory was empty except for her. She showered and dressed, feeling a bit better though still quite sluggish—what she wouldn't give for some Hangover Solution—and grabbed her bag, thinking she'd go down to lunch—she'd slept through breakfast—and then hit the library to do her Ancient Runes translation before going to Quidditch practice later that day. She hoped she'd be able to find Sirius at some point before then so that she could apologize for her strange behavior the night before.

She was caught off guard for a moment by a tapping at the window—she looked to see her parents' owl, Ovid, hovering there, and hastened to let him in. He was a majestic black owl who generally got along well with Francisco, but sometimes nudged the younger owl off their shared post. Ovid swooped in and dropped a thin scroll on her bed, sticking around until Eilis fished an owl treat from the bottom of her trunk. As Ovid took off back out the window, she unraveled the scroll to find a note in her father's handwriting:

_Dear Eilis,_

_Your mother and I miss you very much, but we've been so relieved to hear how well you're doing. Dumbledore informed us of his decision—or lack thereof—of how to treat those Slytherin students, and I'm sure you can understand that we aren't exactly thrilled about the way the situation was handled._

_I also wanted to let you know that I've been offered a promotion at Comet. They've been very pleased with my recent designs and have elected me to head of the design department. It's nice to have something to be proud of after the past few difficult months. And just think of the perks for you—advance models, how does that sound? Don't tell your friends…_(She could picture her father grinning as he wrote this).

_Anyway Eil, your mother wants me to tell you not to work _too_ hard and to have some fun. I know you'll be working to get that Department of Mysteries internship for the summer, but still—don't be too tough on yourself. We'll see you at the Easter holidays, but we'll miss you every day until then._

_With love,_

_Dad_

_And Eil: Do me a favor, and don't hesitate to go to Dumbledore. For anything, love. He can help you._

She rolled the letter back up and tucked it in her pocket before leaving Gryffindor Tower. Sirius wasn't in the Great Hall for lunch, nor did she see him in the library—thought that wasn't exactly a surprise. She did bump into Remus, though, and sat at one of the back tables with him, getting out her work.

"So, Remus," she began, a sly smile on her face. "How was _your_ night?"

His ears turned pink. "It was ah—eventful."

"That so? How, specifically?"

"Oh, you know—James's parties always are." He stared determinedly at a paragraph on Disillusionment Charms.

"Oh, come off it, Rem, what happened with you and Marlene?"

The blush spread to his face. "We…er…took a walk?"

"Is that code for 'we had a good long snog in a broom cupboard'?" Eilis smirked at him.

He looked up at her in protest. "It wasn't in a broom cupboard—" He cut off at the sight of her triumphant grin and shoved her arm, muttering to himself, his face red. He was smiling slightly, though.

"Aw, Rem!" Eilis squealed, shoving him back. "You two are going to be so cute!"

"Well, as long as we're 'cute,'" he said, rolling his eyes at her reaction.

Eilis chuckled as she got started on her translation, thinking how she'd get the full story from Marlene later. She could bet that her friend wouldn't be quite as tight-lipped as Remus was being. She spoke again suddenly, remembering something.

"Say, Remus, you wouldn't happen to know where Sirius is, would you? I wanted to talk to him…"

He shook his head apologetically. "'Fraid not, sorry. Think he said something about meeting Hazel Roberts, but I'm not sure."

Eilis nodded and then frowned. She supposed she would just have to see him at Quidditch. She wondered what he could be doing with Hazel—the girl was a Hufflepuff in their year, tall and curvy with stick-straight blonde hair. The only thing Eilis knew about her was that she had managed to date three different boys at the same time for an entire term, able to pull it off because they'd all been in different houses.

At half five she left the library and returned to her dormitory, slinging off her book bag and retrieving her broom and Quidditch kit. She made her way out of the castle and began the trek across the grounds to the pitch, shivering in the cold. It was the last day of January and quite raw, and she hurried a little in hopes of warming up. As her speed increased she spotted a familiar head of black hair ahead of her, striding along to the field.

"Sirius!" She called out, her voice carrying over the cold, wet grounds. He turned and saw her hurrying to catch up with him and waited, his hands in his pockets. He didn't say anything as she drew level with him, his eyes surveying her distantly.

"I've been looking for you all afternoon," she said once she'd reached him, pushing her curly red-gold hair behind her ear.

"Well, here I am." His tone was as distant as his eyes, and he began walking again, so Eilis fell into step beside him.

"Right," she breathed, unsure how to begin. "Right. Look, Sirius, I wanted to apologize to you about last night—" He shot a quick sidelong glance at her.

"—I'm not exactly accustomed to drinking, and you were being awfully nice only I wasn't thinking and—well, I'm sorry I was so rude to you," she finished somewhat lamely.

He just shrugged, walking along. They were nearly at the stadium.

"And—well, I know I was being difficult, so, um, thanks."

"Sure," he said coolly. They reached the pitch. He wasn't meeting her eyes.

"Right. So. Um. See you in a few, I guess." He only stood there, looking impatient, so she turned and entered the girl's changing rooms, feeling utterly confused by the entire exchange she'd just had.

Practice went by more or less smoothly. None of them were flying their best, but James appeared to not even notice—he seemed in a different world entirely the whole time, a stupid grin plastered on his face. Eilis wondered what in Merlin's name had happened between him and Lily the night before, for surely that was the reason that he flew around humming loudly.

He dismissed them all at the end of two hours with an "Excellently played, team!" to which Reagan and Jack—who'd been flirting heavily all practice—gave him incredulous looks before they all split up, heading back to the castle.

Eilis walked along on her own, musing. Remus and Marlene. Jack and Reagan. Even James and Lily! Sweet Circe, what had gotten into her friends all of a sudden? It seemed everyone she knew was on cloud nine for some reason or another.

Eilis skipped dinner to study—the Ancient Runes translation was proving very difficult and taking much longer than she'd expected—so she didn't see most of her friends until that evening. She was bent over her work at a table in the common room when Lily and Marlene came in through the portrait hole, and Eilis abandoned her work, grabbed them both by their wrists, and marched them upstairs to their dormitory.

She pushed them into the room and shut the door behind her, leaning against it. "So?" She asked, arching her eyebrows at the two girls with her. Marlene smiled dreamily and Lily flushed bright red.

"You first, Marlene. I could barely get anything out of Remus this morning. What happened?" She left the doorway and trotted over to her bed, sitting down.

"Oh, Eil, it was so perfect!" Marlene sank dramatically onto her back. "When you left Remus asked me if I'd like to take a walk, and—well, it's pretty obvious what that means, isn't it? So we started strolling around the corridors and then we saw the Bloody Baron so we hid behind that tapestry of the flying goats on the fourth floor, and then he was being rather shy, so I decided to just go for it, and said, 'Remus, I quite like you,' and he gave this shaky laugh and looked nervous—it was adorable—and he said 'I like you too, Marlene,' and then I got all exasperated because apparently I had to spell it out for him, so I said, 'No, Remus. I mean I fancy you.'"

"What did he do?" Lily asked, her eyes wide.

"He looked surprised—boys are so daft—and then he said 'Oh,' all quiet-like and didn't seem to know what he should do next, so I—well, I just kind of grabbed him and kissed him."

"Hasn't got a clue, has he?" Eilis muttered.

"Was it nice?" Lily asked.

"Er—yeah, well, it got better as it went," Marlene said unabashedly. "I mean he was really quite nervous at first but then it was like—I don't know, like something inside of him took over, something really…dominant, I guess I would say…and then he wasn't quite so nervous anymore," she finished, a slight blush creeping into her face.

Eilis had a feeling she could hazard a guess at what Marlene was referencing…something a bit _wolfish_, perhaps? She grinned to herself. "Well, there's that cleared up, then."

"This is so _weird_," Lily said. "I mean…it's Remus…you and _Remus_." She shook her head to herself as if trying to make sense of it. "Suppose it had to happen eventually. Still…_Remus_…"

Eilis cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Lily. "Anything you'd like to share, Miss Evans?"

"You sound like McGonagall," Marlene said, smirking.

"Don't change the subject!" Eilis said swiftly, but she winked at Marlene. "So, Lily?"

"Right. Well, um…as you probably saw I wasn't exactly treating Potter the way I usually do."

"You were a completely different person," Eilis said bluntly.

"Yeah, we thought some fangirl had done you in and stolen your hair," Marlene said solemnly.

"Fangirl?" Said Lily quizzically, looking between them.

"Yeah, you know, the third and fourth years that follow James and Sirius around and drool on them," answered Marlene.

"Not to mention the fifth, sixth, and seventh years that do the same thing…" added Eilis.

"Nope, it was me, believe it or not," said Lily. "I just figured…I dunno, the whole I-can't-stand-Potter thing's gotten a bit old—"

"A bit?" Marlene raised an eyebrow. Lily ignored her.

"—And, well, he seems to have grown up a bit this year—"

"A bit?" Echoed Eilis. She and Marlene shared a conspiratorial look at Lily's expense.

"—And he's not quite the arrogant berk he used to be. But he's still always there, positively _pleading_ with me to have a go with him. And…I mean, that kind of attention's kind of hard to just dismiss, you know?"

"You seemed to do it just fine the last five years," uttered Marlene.

"Right. Well, I'm through treating James Potter like dirt. He's actually pretty decent."

"Old news, Lils," Eilis drawled.

"So anyway, last night I decided to just…go with the flow," she said, fluttering her arms like a river.

"And where exactly did that flow take you, eh?" questioned Marlene, a wide grin across her face.

"Nothing happened," Lily said quickly. "We just…talked. A lot. It was really nice," she added dreamily.

Eilis and Marlene didn't say anything for a moment. Finally Eilis broke the silence.

"Well that was a letdown," she said, and Lily threw a pillow at her.

* * *

Saturday and Sunday Sirius Black was spotted several times around Hogwarts with Hazel Roberts, the Hufflepuff. According to "witnesses," they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Monday and Tuesday he was seen in various abandoned classrooms with the long-legged, short-haired Ravenclaw Mara Mallinson. Word around the castle was that they'd done a bit more than snog.

On Wednesday morning at breakfast in the Great Hall, he had a fifth year Gryffindor girl called Delilah Wilkes draped over him, and Mara was seen leaving the Hall in tears.

On Wednesday evening a group of second year Hufflepuffs observed him "wrapped around" some unidentifiable brunette in the back of the library—they thought they'd seen a blue badge on her robes, but it was hard to tell with all those moving limbs.

The female population of Hogwarts was in hysterics. By Friday afternoon he'd been seen with at least four other girls in various locations, in various positions, and in various states of undress. Everyone was anxious to have their "five minutes" with the gorgeous Sirius Black—only about every third girl was shocked and devastated once he'd moved on to another. The rest only wanted a bit of fun. The only girls he wasn't seen with were the Slytherins, and many of them, while they wouldn't admit it, were rather put out about that fact.

No one seemed to question the sudden inflation in the number of girls who'd gotten "better acquainted" with the elder Black brother. No one except his immediate group of friends, that is. They marked his behavior with an air of incredulity and slight concern. For the first part of the week, Peter, James, and Remus seemed to look on with a combination of amusement and envy—though when Sirius's actions only escalated, it was clear his friends were growing tired of the spectacle.

"Think I should hex some sense into him?" James muttered one evening at dinner, as they watched from the Gryffindor table as Sirius sat one table over with some Ravenclaw girl, letting her spoon feed him.

"Might snap him out of it," Peter said, his face mildly disgusted as he chewed a carrot, looking at Sirius.

James fingered his wand. "What d'you think—give him scales? Turn his hands into pumpkins?"

Peter grinned. "Scales, I'd say. Or turn all the hair on his body pink and green. Might not get quite so much action then."

"Excellent," James said, pointing his wand at Sirius and whispering something. A light blue jet of light shot out of the end of his wand, soaring across the space between their tables, and hitting Sirius in the shoulder. A second later his skin had erupted in electric blue scales. Peter raised his wand and whispered something else, and multicolored hair began growing out of Sirius's nostrils, braiding itself as it became longer and longer, reaching his chin in seconds and continuing on from there. The girl Sirius had been sitting with shrieked and pushed herself away from him, her elbow landing in a pot of pea soup, which splashed all over her.

Sirius himself looked down at his now-scaly arms and cursed before standing up, pulling his wand out, and pointing it back at James and sending a quick jinx over that caused James's neck to grow like a giraffe's until it began bumping against the candles that hovered above the tables. The Hall around them erupted in laughter until Professor Sprout hurried over from the professors' table and began telling off James, Peter, and Sirius.

"Magic on other students is not permitted! My word, why is it always you boys? For Merlin's sake, ten points each from Gryffindor. There's no use looking like that, Mr. Pettigrew, I'm being lenient. And detention, all of you, with me tomorrow evening. Eight o'clock in Greenhouse Seven!"

She waved her wand and Sirius's scales went away, along with his rainbow braided nose hair, which had by then reached his knees. James's neck also shortened, and his head came back down to meet his shoulders. He and Peter laughed, but Sirius just glowered over at them before sitting back down at the Ravenclaw table.

Eilis watched Sirius's escapades throughout the week, growing more and more unsettled. Her first reaction to his brazen exploits had been disappointment and a feeling of deep rejection. _Though how can I feel that way, when it was me that pushed him away? _She was angry with Sirius for his actions, and angry at herself for the way they were affecting her.

He seemed to be avoiding her, as well, which was almost equally as disconcerting as his behavior, for she'd thought that they'd been getting on really well since Christmas. They didn't speak much that week besides ordinary greetings, nor did he address her at their Apparition lessons in the village, and it seemed that should she happen to catch his eye whilst he was accompanied by some girl or another, he would give her a hard, piercing look—it almost seemed challenging, which only threw her off all the more.

By midweek she'd succeeded in locking away her hurt somewhere deep inside, and tried to tell herself that really, she was quite relieved that the elder Black seemed to have moved on from her. She spent more time than usual with Caradoc that week, ignoring his repeated queries as to why she seemed in such a strop.

Friday afternoon she met with Regulus in the library after classes and asked him what he was making of his sibling's sudden exploits.

"I couldn't begin to guess what's going on," Regulus said, looking at her warily. "You know we don't really see much of each other, Eil. And that's putting it lightly."

"I know," she said. "I only thought—you've known him longer than any of us, I thought you might know what makes him tick enough to evoke this kind of…reaction."

"Sorry to disappoint you. Sirius began to push me away the second I was Sorted into Slytherin," he said bitterly. "Since then it's like every time we see each other, we've become more like strangers." He ran a hand through his black hair in frustration, looking nearly identical to his devastatingly handsome brother. "Why did you even ask me, anyway?"

"Well—we're all worried," she said hastily. "Maybe not so much worried as confused. And he hasn't exactly been speaking to any of us since last week, I asked Remus and he said even James couldn't get out of him the reason he's suddenly decided to multiply the notches on his bedpost tenfold."

"Well, did something happen since last week?"

"Not that I can think of," Eilis replied, frowning. "Nothing that would cause…well, this."

Regulus shrugged. "Well, then, don't worry about it. Sirius works out his problems in different ways from most of us. Give it a bit and I'm sure he'll settle down."

"Yeah, maybe." But she couldn't dispel the bewilderment—bewilderment muddled with a distress she wasn't able to explain—that buzzed inside her like a fire, growing with every day and every new girl.

The preoccupation with Sirius's sudden hormonal surge did not make Eilis blind to other things that were going on that first week of February. She noticed with a great deal of unease that Bellatrix Black looked awfully smug about something, and every time she saw Eilis she positively cackled with a very sinister delight. It was enough to put anyone on edge; for Eilis, it was as if an icy ball of fear had dropped down into her stomach and gripped her from the inside out. She had no idea what made Bellatrix look so satisfied, and she was quite sure she didn't want to know.

Friday night, Eilis was up late in the common room reading by the fire. There were a few other students there—some seventh years knee-deep in N.E.W.T. preparation—but not many. At a quarter to one, Eilis yawned and was about ready to put down her book—_Mrs. Dalloway_—when Sirius stumbled through the portrait hole. He made to go directly up to his dormitory, but Eilis decided to call him over.

"Sirius?" Her voice was quiet, but the lack of other students and general silence that ensconced the castle ensured that he heard her. He turned and walked slowly over to where she was, his hands in his pockets. His normally perfect hair was slightly mussed, and his robes were in a slight state of disarray.

"Cartwright?" His voice was void of emotion, and he looked rather averse to the idea of speaking with her.

That threw her off. How was it that this Sirius was so different from the one that had been there when she awoke in the Hospital Wing a few weeks earlier, the one she'd thought she was on good terms with, the one who'd offered to help just a week ago on Lily's birthday?

"Er—d'you think we could talk for a short spell?" She tilted her head to the empty space beside her on the sofa. He hesitated, and sat down with some reservation. He gave her a blank look, prompting her to continue.

"I only wanted to see if you were alright."

"If I'm alright?" He repeated.

"Well, yeah—" She bit her lip. "It's just you've seemed really…off, this week."

"I seem off?" He repeated her again, raising an eyebrow. She was beginning to feel very foolish.

"Yes," she said, unsure where to go next. His behavior was seriously disconcerting.

"What, may I ask, seems _off_ about me?" His eyes seemed to flash at her, his town sounded almost icy—where was the Sirius she had grown so close to this year? She was beginning to get frustrated with his aloofness, her temper starting to flare.

"Oh come on, Sirius. You know exactly what I'm talking about…all these girls…you've never acted _this_ absurdly before, not that I can remember, and we're all getting worried—"

"Worried?" He gave a hollow laugh. "Are you sure it's worry, Cartwright? Sure it's not something else?" He glared at her. And when had he begun calling her Cartwright again?

"Sirius…if you're doing this because you're angry with me, I'm sorry—please just tell me what I've done," she stammered out helplessly.

His eyes flashed again. "Thinking only of yourself again, aren't you?" He said tartly. 'Again'? What did he mean, 'again'?

"I—no, I only thought—look, Sirius, I know things may not exactly have worked out between us the way you wanted…" _Or the way I wanted, _she felt like adding and stopped in confusion, the words on the tip of her tongue. Where had that idea come from? She tried to pick her train of thought back up, attempting to ignore the haughty look Sirius was giving her. "…but it just seems—are you doing this to make me jealous? Are you trying to hurt me?" She hated herself for asking that.

His face grew dark. "Maybe I just want to be around people that aren't "_scared" _of me," he practically spat, and her eyes grew wide…that was what she had said to him in the broom cupboard that night, wasn't it?

"Right," she said, stung. She swallowed. "Right. Well—seems like your plan is working," she said. Why not let him know that he had, indeed, hurt her, if that had been his intention? There really wasn't any use lying to him now about what he made her feel. She stood up. Her tone turned as icy as his had been. "I just hope you know that I'm not the only one you're hurting, acting like this."

For a split-second he looked properly ashamed of himself—but she must have imagined it, for it was immediately replaced with a grim, defiant, angry countenance. She opened her mouth again but shut it just as fast. There really wasn't anything else to say. She shook her head and backed up, turning and hurrying up the stairs to her dormitory.

All of her dorm-mates were still awake when she charged in breathlessly, her eyes blazing. Lily and Marlene looked startled, a question in both their faces, but she ignored them, going straight to her trunk to get her night things, and then into the bathroom to take a pounding shower.

Sirius, meanwhile, remained on the sofa in the common room, trying to quiet the rage within him. Cartwright—who'd rejected him outright, _twice_, had had the gall to be jealous…hurt, even, by his business with other girls?

She was one to talk. What, she was allowed to try and make him feel guilty, but he had to go along with the fact that she was pretending to be in love with Dearborn with a smile on his face? He was tired of putting up with her, and the way she seemed to change what she wanted every other minute…tomorrow, he'd find Cartwright, and he'd lay into her properly about fucking around with other people's feelings. She wouldn't have the last word then.

* * *

As it turned out, Sirius didn't get a chance to tell off Eilis the next day. For at breakfast the next morning it became achingly clear why Bellatrix had walked around all week looking like the Hog's Head was giving away firewhiskey for free and she was the only one who knew about it.

Eilis and Sirius sat with their usual group at the Gryffindor table—on opposite ends of their friends, of course—and glared daggers at each other all throughout the meal. James kept glancing nervously at his best mate, half overjoyed that Sirius didn't have some girl draped over him like he'd done all week, and half alarmed at the anger that radiated in waves off his friend.

Lily was looking at Eilis in a similar way, watching her slight friend chop her bacon slices aggressively into tiny pieces and shred three breakfast rolls, displaying no interest at all in actually _eating_ her food. Finally Eilis shoved her plate away from herself and was just getting up to leave the table when Professor McGonagall hurried over and intercepted her. The Transfiguration professor looked stricken.

"Miss Cartwright," she said quickly, looking at Eilis. "You must come with me right away." She didn't answer Eilis's curious look and instead glanced around the table, her eyes alighting on Lily. "Miss Evans, I think perhaps you should come too," she added, before striding out of the Hall, indicating for the girls to follow her. Lily exchanged puzzled, concerned looks with the rest of their friends before pushing herself up and hurrying over to Eilis's side. They caught up with McGonagall.

"Professor?" Eilis asked. "What's this about?" Professor McGonagall assessed her as they walked up a staircase, mindful of the trick step, her expression unreadable.

"The Headmaster will explain that to you in just a moment," she answered, for they were indeed headed in the direction of Dumbledore's office.

Eilis tried to think what it could be as they neared the stone gargoyle that marked the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Perhaps—perhaps Patrick had turned up somehow? She hardly dared to hope, wondering what other reason the Headmaster would summon her for. She had certainly been seeing a lot of him this year. "Peppermint humbug," McGonagall said aloud, and the gargoyle sprang to the side. Eilis and Lily followed her up the moving staircase to the door adorned with the griffin knocker, which McGonagall didn't bother to touch, going right in.

Professor Dumbledore was standing at one of the wide windows in his office, looking out onto the grounds. He turned as they entered, his face drawn and his eyes unreadable behind his half-moon spectacles, and motioned for the girls to sit. McGonagall hovered just behind them, looking nervous—since when had Minerva McGonagall ever displayed an ounce of anxiety? Eilis was growing increasingly concerned about the reason she had been called there, and neither the Headmaster nor her Head of House looked at all reassuring.

"Please, Professor—what's going on?" She addressed Dumbledore.

"I am afraid, miss Cartwright, that I have failed in my protection of you," the Headmaster said grimly. Eilis was confused. Nothing had happened to her since the Quidditch match—what did he mean? He continued.

"I became so concerned with your safety within this castle—I neglected to think…" He paused, shaking his head and looking at her with something akin to pity. "Miss Cartwright, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that last night, your home in Exeter was attacked by Death Eaters."

* * *

A/N: Please review!


	22. Chapter 22: Brotherly Love

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

* * *

"I am afraid, miss Cartwright, that I have failed in my protection of you," the Headmaster said grimly. Eilis was confused. Nothing had happened to her since the Quidditch match—what did he mean? He continued.

"I became so concerned with your safety within this castle—I neglected to think…" He paused, shaking his head and looking at her with something akin to pity. "Miss Cartwright, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that last night, your home in Exeter was attacked by Death Eaters."

Eilis sat there, stunned. What? "My house…was attacked?" Beside her, Lily sat looking horrified, her hands over her mouth.

"Yes," Dumbledore said heavily. "I am afraid…neither your mother nor your father survived. I am so very sorry, Miss Cartwright."

Things shifted then for Eilis; it was like the room stretched and everyone and everything in it was miles away from where she sat, trying to make sense of what Dumbledore had just told her. Her parents…dead? She sat there frozen, barely registering the presence of the others. Lily had taken hold of her hand, but Eilis could barely feel it. She took several deep breaths to try and regain control over her senses, which seemed to have all escaped her.

"Did they fight?" It felt like another person was asking the question.

"There were signs of struggle. It seems that your parents may have been outnumbered, however, in addition to being taken by surprise."

"Who did it?" She wanted to know the names of the wizards who had stolen her parents from her.

"I am not positive, but my sources within Voldemort's followers suggest that among the Death Eaters who attacked your home last night were probably Walden Macnair, Amycus Carrow, and Grisom Travers." She would never forget those names.

"I…I…what happens now?" Eilis asked, at a loss of what to do.

"Now I suggest you take some time to think this over. We must of course discuss the funeral preparations and the details of your parents' estate, but that may wait. We can have that discussion tomorrow morning. Miss Evans, if you would escort Eilis back to Gryffindor Tower?" Lily nodded.

"Miss Cartwright," Dumbledore said, addressing her with a look of heartbreaking empathy, "the next few weeks will be very difficult for you. You are, naturally, excused from classes until further notice, and you are welcome in either my or Professor McGonagall's office at any time. If you would prefer not to sleep in your dormitory tonight, you may stay in the Hospital Wing. I will meet you here tomorrow morning at nine o'clock to discuss your affairs."

"Couldn't we just do it now?" She wanted to get it over with, before the reality sunk in…at this point she knew the only reason she hadn't broken down was because she hadn't quite absorbed what Dumbledore was telling her.

"Certainly, if that is what you would prefer," Dumbledore conceded, nodding at McGonagall, who conjured up two large, steaming mugs of hot chocolate. "Please, drink," he said, taking out some papers. Eilis moved her chair closer to his desk and then picked up the mug, sipping it robotically, the hot liquid spreading a faint calm through her racing heart.

"I spoke this morning with your father's sister Perenelle, and she thinks it a good idea to hold the funeral a week from today, in order to give your mother's family time to arrange their travel. She said it was up to you whether to hold it in Exeter or at her home in Ilfracombe…?"

Eilis thought. She didn't think she could bear to be home without her parents. Aunt Perry's house was beautiful, looking out over the sea. "In Ilfracombe, please," she whispered.

"Very well," Dumbledore said, marking something down with an eagle-feather quill. "Your aunt has also invited you to live with her while you are not here at Hogwarts, but your family in Northern Ireland have also expressed that you are most welcome with them." Her mother had a sister and a brother, along with Eilis's grandparents, who lived in Enniskillen. "And of course since you are of age, you would also be able to remain living at your home in Exeter, albeit alone."

"You can stay with me, too, Eil," said Lily, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Eilis only nodded. "I'll have to think."

"Certainly," said Dumbledore. "Now, your parents left everything to you and Patrick. As he remains missing, I shall advise the Ministry to suspend any permanent decisions so that we may take care of it when he returns."

Eilis noticed that the Headmaster spoke of her brother's potential return as an absolute, but the small act—though intended to comfort—only reminded her of the fact that she would have to struggle through this without her brother by her side. This realization caused something to snap within her, and the numbness she had felt since arriving at Dumbledore's office disappeared almost instantly in a surge of anguish. She needed to leave. Now.

Struggling to get out the words, her voice shaking, she stood up from her chair, "I'm sorry, Pro—Professor, I—I don't think I can—talk about this anymore—right now."

"Of course, Miss Cartwright. You may go. Feel free to return at anytime, otherwise I will see you tomorrow morning." Professor Dumbledore sighed heavily, his face grim.

Eilis couldn't speak and so only nodded her understanding, turning to the door, but not before she realized something.

Something so obvious she didn't know how she hadn't seen it until now.

"Oh, God," she cried, her legs giving out from under her. Lily tried to catch her but only managed to keep her upright as she fell to her knees. "Oh, God! It was my fault. It was my fault, wasn't it?" She looked at Dumbledore, horrified. "He wanted me. He wanted me and so he killed them. It was all my fault. Wasn't it? _Wasn't it?_" she demanded fiercely.

Professor Dumbledore shook his head, trying to speak, but seemingly unable to choose what words to use. Eilis only took this as further evidence, throwing off Lily's hands and rushing out of the room, down the spiral staircase, and out into the corridors of the castle.

She walked and walked and before she knew it she was out on the grounds somewhere just beyond the Herbology greenhouses, where she finally stopped and sunk to the ground, taking in everything that had just happened. Her parents were gone. Gone. They were never coming back, not ever. And it was all because of her…all part of some game You-Know-Who had decided to play with her. She couldn't even think about that right now.

She dragged herself over to some pine trees that stretched out beyond the edges of the Forbidden Forest and leant her back against one of them. It was cold and wet but all Eilis felt was a dull discomfort, and she hugged her jumper more snugly around herself. How long she sat there, trying to turn over the fact of her parents' deaths in her mind, she didn't know, but at some point she realized with a jolt that it was growing dark. The days were still fairly short, but she'd been gone since breakfast…far more time had passed than she'd realized.

She noticed with a slight indifference that she was trembling, and comprehended for the first time that she was chilled to the bone. Her next thought was that she didn't care. Utterly spent, Eilis hugged her knees to herself and rested her head on them, squeezing her eyes shut and realizing belatedly that her eyelashes were clumped together, heavy with tears. She grazed a hand against her face and it came away wet. No real surprises there.

It was a bit before she heard someone calling her, but she didn't make any kind of effort to answer. "Eilis? Eilis!" She couldn't properly identify the voice, anyway.

"Eilis? Oh, thank Merlin," she heard someone say as the person came around the greenhouses and into the view of the sparse copse of pines where she sat. She felt a pair of strong arms hoist her up and brush her off, and she gazed dazedly into the face of whoever it was.

"Remus," she said dully, looking at her sandy-haired friend. "How'd you find me?"

"Doesn't matter," he breathed, tucking a bit of heavy parchment into the back pocket of his jeans. "Eil," he said holding her by her shoulders and looking at her in concern, "are you alright? Lily didn't know where you'd gone—"

All she could do was shake her head no. Remus's arms came around her and held her tight, and she buried her face into his chest, the sobs coming quickly and furiously now that someone was here to comfort her.

"Merlin, Eil, you're frozen. Come on, we've got to get you inside." He began to steer her in the direction of the castle, an arm around her as she continued to break down in front of him

"I don't w-want to see anyone," she said, hiccupping slightly.

"That's fine, you don't have to, but you've got to warm up," he reasoned. "Come on, I've got an idea." They made their way back into Hogwarts and mercifully no one was in the Entrance Hall when they came in. She let Remus steer and they eventually ended up in front of a large painting of fruit—the kitchens. He extended a hand to tickle the pair and they entered.

Eilis had worried initially when she saw where they were, unsure whether she could handle the constant hustle and bustle of the house elves running around preparing for dinner, but it was strangely soothing, and a house elf quickly appeared, steering them to a few small cushioned stools against the wall beside a blazing fire. She sat down gratefully, letting the heat of the flames wash over her, as Remus said something to the elf, who disappeared and reappeared a moment later clutching a tray that held two mugs of steaming butterbeer and a giant bar of chocolate.

She took the mug the elf handed her without resistance and sipped, relishing the feeling of the hot liquid seeping down her throat. The warmth of the castle was finally reaching her, and her entire body was entering that painful stage of defrosting where the feeling comes back like pins and needles all over—her ears, which she was sure were bright red, were particularly painful.

Remus snapped a hunk off the chocolate bar with a _crack!_ and handed it to her, and she bit off the end absentmindedly, still trying to come to terms with the veritable bomb that had been dropped on her that morning. Recognizing her need for silence, Remus didn't speak, munching his own chocolate. Eilis wondered when the next full moon was. Not for a while, she supposed, for Remus looked healthy enough.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He ventured after a long spell of silence. Of course he knew—Lily must have told them all.

"Not particularly," she replied, draining her mug of its contents. A house elf was there in an instant with another, which she accepted. She had since warmed up and was now just drinking for the comfort that the beverage brought. "I think I'd like to talk about something else." A distraction would be most welcome.

Remus nodded and, after a slight hesitation, launched into a highly detailed explanation of what it felt like for him to transform each month—Eilis couldn't help but be fascinated by what he was saying. It was highly personal, and when she was able to thank him in the future, she would, but for now she could only listen as her friend talked.

His account helped her to put things in perspective, as well—yes, her parents were gone, and yes, it would be a long time before she would be able to live with that fact, but she wasn't the only person who suffered. She though of the other students who'd been called out of the Great Hall that year, or who had received some devastating news by owl—there were more, far more than she'd realized. Of course. Her world was at war. And then there were the ones like Lupin, for whom suffering was a part of their very existence—it struck once a month. "It's not something you ever become accustomed to," he was saying.

They returned to Gryffindor Tower while everyone else was at dinner, and before she went up the girls' staircase to bury herself in her bed, Eilis wrapped her arms once more around her werewolf friend, trying to say with that hug the thank-you that she couldn't put into words.

* * *

While Eilis slept off the exhaustion that comes after a day spent crying your eyes out, her friends sat together in the common room, uneasily trying to finish assignments. No one felt much like doing homework, and eventually they all put their quills and parchment aside. The air hung heavy with unspoken words, for none of them knew how to address this situation.

"Did Eilis seem alright, Moony? When you brought her back from the kitchens?" James asked, running a hand through his hair more in frustration than an attempt to make it look good.

Remus shook his head. "No," he answered simply. "No, she didn't. I've never seen her like that. She looked…broken." Sirius looked up at that for a moment, an unreadable expression crossing his face, but dropped his gaze just as quickly to the wand he was turning over in his hands.

"She collapsed in Dumbledore's office," Lily said.

"When he told her?" asked Marlene, whispering. She snuggled closer to Remus, who sat next to her on the sofa.

"No…no, when he told her they were dead she just kind of closed up, like she withdrew into herself, and she just asked him these questions about it in this hollow voice…she didn't collapse till we were about to leave…I don't even know why—" Lily's brow furrowed like she was trying to understand something.

"What?" pressed Marlene, speaking for all of them. Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and she all looked expectantly at Lily.

"She went to leave—and then, it was like she grasped something, and she just turned and said 'Oh, God, it's my fault, isn't it?' And she just asked Dumbledore, over and over—well, she didn't so much ask as say—that it was her fault they died, which is ridiculous. I didn't know what she was talking about—she said 'he wanted me so he killed them,' or something, which doesn't make sense—"

"She said what?" Sirius asked harshly, looking up again and straight at Lily.

"Yes—I'm sure that's what it was—she said, 'Oh, God, it was my fault, wasn't it? He wanted me and so he killed them,' and then she just kind of collapsed and as soon as she'd stood up again she was out the door, just gone." Lily was beginning to sound a little hysterical, and James took one of her hands in his, his thumb tracing the outside of it calmingly.

"But what did she mean?" asked Remus. "How could it have been her fault?"

"I don't _know_," said Lily, sounding frantic. Everyone in the circle started as Sirius suddenly stood up, looked like he was about to say something but then closed his mouth again, picking up his books, and strode out of the common room.

"What's eating him?" asked Lily, taking slight offense.

"Tortured soul," answered James airily, waving a hand, and the conversation returned to a worried debate over how to treat Eilis.

* * *

Sirius left Gryffindor Tower seriously conflicted. On the one hand, he was still furious with Eilis. He knew that not all of it was warranted, sure: he couldn't loathe her just because he didn't get what he wanted. He passed a hand through his hair wearily. He'd tried all week long to distract himself, to no avail. For it _was_ still Eilis that he wanted. And that, more than anything, was what made him so angry. Why did she have to be different? Why did he tire of every other girl because—because none of them were her?

He ground his teeth together, running down the moving staircases, his mind going in circles as he ventured lower and lower in the castle. So was this what was going to happen? Every time he was angry with her, legitimately angry—what, some sort of tragedy would befall her, and he'd have to push away his anger and only concentrate on how to make things better, easier, for her? He groaned as he realized uneasily that this probably was going to be the case. It's not as if he could carry on the way he'd been acting, not when…not when her family was being torn apart before all of their eyes.

He strode past the Great Hall and took the stairs down into the dungeons, looking—ah!

"Oi, you!" he called out to what looked like a second year Slytherin, who was walking down the corridor ahead of him, probably on her way back from the library. She turned around and trembled slightly at the sight of Sirius storming towards her.

"You're in Slytherin?" She nodded, her eyes sliding to the pin on her robes. "Right," he said. "Look, you've got to deliver a message for me. Alright?"

"Y-yes," she stammered, her blue eyes wide.

"Right. You need to find Regulus Black and tell him that his brother needs to speak with him right away." The girl nodded, lingering as if unsure whether there was anything else. "What are you waiting for?" he demanded. "Go!"

She took off like a shot, rounding a turn and going down another hallway, and Sirius stood there in the dungeons, pacing. Five minutes later his brother came around that same corridor, a question in his eyes.

"Sirius?" Regulus regarded him coolly. "What is it?" His voice was guarded as he addressed his older brother.

"Not here," Sirius said impatiently, taking off. "Come on," he said, motioning for Regulus to come with him, which the younger Black did—if a little hesitantly.

They walked in silence up through the castle until Sirius found an empty classroom on the second floor that apparently met his approval. He rounded on his younger brother as Regulus closed the door behind him.

"What has Bella done?" Sirius seethed, his face blazing as he towered over his brother.

For his part, Regulus stood his ground—after all, Sirius was not so much taller than him. "What's going on, Sirius?" His voice was calm, measured.

Sirius sneered at him. "Haven't they been gloating about it? Not to you, apparently—what, too good to be a Death Eater, and too cowardly to be a decent wizard?"

"I'd rather not be assaulted, thanks. What is this about?"

"You really don't know?" Sirius's expression shifted, he looked uncomfortable. "I shouldn't be—I would've thought you'd have known—"

"Just spit it out, Sirius," said Regulus, annoyance written all over his face.

Sirius frowned. "Death Eaters killed Eilis's mum and dad." He allowed a moment for the words to sink in.

Regulus looked shocked. "_What?_" he breathed. "When?"

"Last night."

"Is she alright?"

"I should bloody well think not, half her family's just been obliterated—"

"Where is she?" Regulus asked fiercely.

"Gryffindor tower. Girls' dorm. Sleeping, I think. I haven't actually seen her—we're not really on speaking terms—"

Now it was Regulus's turn to sneer. "What did you do to her?"

Sirius's eyebrows knitted together in anger. "Why do you assume it was all me?" he hissed.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter." Regulus's expression returned to one of disbelief. "Why didn't I know about this?"

"Sounds like someone's not quite as well-connected as they thought," Sirius muttered.

Regulus ignored him. "It must have been because of Bella. I _knew_ she was going to do something really bad, I _warned_ Eil—oh, Merlin…" Sirius's face tightened for an instant at his brother's familiar name for Eilis.

"Look, Reg, you've got to tell me something. What did Bella and the Lestranges ever want from her in the first place? They must have told you something, even before you became all buddy-buddy with Eilis…"

Now it was Regulus's turn to ask the question. "What, you really don't know?" He shook his head. "She's the one that told me, anyway, not them—I don't want to betray her trust, Sirius—"

This took Sirius by surprise, and something flashed in his eyes, although he quickly recovered. "Come on, Regulus, I'm your family. What's been going on?"

Regulus shook his head at his brother again, a troubled look on his face. "Bella and Rudy…they were acting on orders," he said uncomfortably.

Sirius looked quizzical. "Orders? Whose orders?" His eyes grew wide as Regulus shifted uneasily. "Not—not _his_-?"

Regulus nodded unhappily. "Apparently he wants her to brew something for him. You know, because she's so good at potions—I'm sure his Death Eaters are all rubbish—and it needs to be made by a pureblood. He told them to threaten her by saying they had her brother, only that didn't work, even when they tortured her, and then there was that business with one of your Beaters, and now…I guess this is his latest _tactic._" He spit the word out, repulsed.

Sirius was silent for a moment, processing what he'd just been told. All this time…_this_ was what was going on between Eilis and his cousin? Not just some stupid blackmail Bellatrix had cooked up, but real, terrifyingly real threats from Voldemort himself? And now Eilis had a dead family because of it, on top of her already missing brother—or were the two connected? There were so many things, it was getting confusing—and what happened with Skip, and—

"—Hold on," Sirius said suddenly. "Did you say they _tortured_ her?" Regulus looked at him strangely.

"Bella used the Cruciatus Curse on Eilis way back during last fall. You really didn't know any of this?"

Sirius shook his head, his sense of control over the situation slipping more and more by the minute. Why hadn't Eilis told him any of this? And—why had she told Regulus, of all people?

"I can't believe they killed her parents," Regulus was saying.

"I know," Sirius added simply. The two brothers stood there for a moment, something intangible hanging awkwardly between them. Finally Sirius broke himself out of his reverie and walked over to the door.

"I've got to go," he said, looking at his younger brother. "I'm sorry about what I said, about you being…cowardly."

Regulus shrugged. "I probably deserve it," he said bitterly, his voice full of some kind of self-loathing Sirius wasn't sure he wanted to understand further. Not right now, at least.

"Right. Well…thanks, for telling me this," he said gruffly, not liking the situation in the least way.

"No problem," replied Regulus. "I'll see you around, Sirius," he said, as his older brother opened the door to the classroom. Sirius looked at him, one hand jerking out slightly, but he checked himself, shook his head, and departed, leaving his brother behind.

* * *

A/N: The one thing I didn't like about writing this was that I couldn't think of a proper wizardly equivalent for the "Oh, God," that Eilis cries out when she realizes what's happened. "Oh, Merlin," just didn't seem to achieve the degree of desolation I wanted, and I'm pretty sure that wizards don't observe any kind of deity. In any case, hope that didn't miff any of you.

And I know it's a bit shorter than usual but it seemed a fitting place to end the chapter. So, here you go. It's 4 AM where I live. You're welcome. Please review.


	23. Chapter 23: Surprising Responses

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

* * *

When Eilis woke up the next morning she felt heavy, lying in her bed and looking up at the ceiling. She realized that she was still wearing yesterday's clothes. _That's odd,_ she thought. And then she remembered. Oh. Right. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated, as if she could simply change what had happened through pure willpower. But there were some things that were so broken even magic could not fix them.

At nine o'clock she met with Dumbledore the next morning to further discuss what would happen now that her parents were gone. She sat there, pale and quiet, as he went over the details of their property, their Gringotts vault, and all of the ten thousand other things that had now become her responsibility. She and the headmaster agreed that later that evening she would go down to Hogsmeade with Professor McGonagall, who, as her Head of House, would use Side-Along Apparition to accompany Eilis to her aunt's home, where she would spend at least the next week.

She left Dumbledore's office feeling heavy and resigned, and sought out Caradoc, who had a free period first thing Monday mornings and usually spent it at a table in the back of the library. She probably ought to fill him in on recent events, oughtn't she? He looked up at her in pleasure as she sat down across from him, his green eyes twinkling.

"Eilis! I was looking for you yesterday—Potter wouldn't tell me where you were—" He finally looked at her, really looked at her, and his expression turned to one of concern. "Eil—are you alright?"

"My parents are dead," she said bluntly, too tired to be graceful in her word choice. She took out her wand and cast a silent _Muffliato_ at the bookcases around them—the spell she'd seen Regulus cast last month. She'd used it a few times since then; it was very practical.

Caradoc looked at her in shock, and then consternation. "D—dead? How?"

"You-Know-Who."

"You-Know-Who killed your parents?" He looked at her in disbelief.

"Well, his Death Eaters," she corrected tonelessly.

"But Eil—why would You-Know-Who want to kill your parents? It must have been someone else, they're—you're—you're purebloods," he stammered, shaking his head.

Eilis took a deep breath and studied Caradoc, sitting across from her. His black curls were as shiny as always, his eyes as deep and green as they'd ever been. This was her boyfriend. Caradoc Dearborn. Caradoc Dearborn, who was so kind and patient and well-meaning—she thought of how he acted so protectively around his best friend, Dorcas. Caradoc Dearborn, who had taken her by surprise that day in late October when he'd asked her to Hogsmeade. Had it really been so long? November to…what was it now, the first week of February? Had she really spent a full three months with this Ravenclaw? It didn't seem so long as that as she tried to think back and remember.

Caradoc Dearborn, who had made her feel for the first time that she was—well, _wanted._ Whose kisses were slow and gentle, whose arms around her felt strong—if a little awkward because of his height. Who never pressured her to do anything. She realized for the first time that after dating for three months, he hadn't once tried to shag her. In fact, they hadn't done much more than snog. Strange, really, that she hadn't noticed that until now—then again, the past few months had been intense in so many ways. Was there something wrong with…well, wrong with _her?_ Shouldn't it have struck her as odd that this seventh year boy had been content with what little they'd done together? Or was he really just a decent fellow, who respected her? Her instincts told her the latter guess was true, but she still felt slightly affronted.

Caradoc Dearborn, who she thought she might have been falling for, until that night that Sirius Black had made her question everything. Since then, it had been like she was trying to convince herself that Caradoc was right for her. And he certainly made it easy, with his measured, tender ways. But she was less than convinced.

Caradoc Dearborn, who was her island. Who she could turn to when everything became too much and seek shelter, as if from a passing storm. Only this storm hadn't passed yet. In fact, it felt like it had only just begun.

And so she had to choose now. Did she take that next step? Did she build that bridge from the chaotic, messy mainland of her life to that island that was Caradoc Dearborn, possibly compromising the tranquility it had hitherto represented? It all boiled down to one question, really: did she trust him?

And she decided that the answer to that was yes. Yes, she did trust him, and yes, she did want build that bridge. She wanted to strengthen their bond. So she took another deep breath. And then suddenly the words were spilling out, pouring from her mouth in a constant stream as he sat there listening. She told him everything. She didn't leave anything out—well, she didn't tell him about Sirius, but that was nothing to do with this, anyway. And it wasn't even difficult—the story just tumbled out of her, like it had been a caged animal just waiting to be sprung.

Once it was all out, she felt so relieved. More than relieved—she felt lighter, as if there were a few less heavy weights on her shoulders, wearing her down. And even more than that she felt hopeful—hopeful of what this would mean for her relationship with Caradoc. Because if she could trust him with this, than that meant that she cared about him. Really cared. And that she truly believed that he cared about her in the same way.

She waited for him to say something. He sat there, completely still, looking utterly dumbstruck by the tale she had just revealed. A myriad of emotions was dancing across his face—she saw pity, and horror, and anger, and most of all—confusion. She kept waiting. And waiting.

Caradoc swallowed. "I…" He shook his head. "Eilis, I don't know what to say." Well, that much was obvious.

Eilis bit her lip. "I just—I really care about you, Caradoc, and I thought it was only fair to trust you with this."

"Fair?" He asked hoarsely. "Fair, that these things have been happening for months—_months!_—and you wait to tell me it all at once like this?" He looked at her in disbelief, shaking his head. "Do you really have such a low opinion of me, Eilis?" He looked deeply hurt.

This was turning out all wrong. He was supposed to be comforting her, wasn't he? He was supposed to be telling her that of course it wasn't her fault that her parents died. He wasn't supposed to—to _berate_ her like this.

She opened her mouth mutely, trying to think how to respond. "I—no, no Caradoc, of course not, I just—it was all too much, and when I was with you I didn't want to think about it, and I—I just thought—"

"Thought what?" He demanded, hard lines appearing in his face—she'd seen him like this before, but it had never been directed at her. "Thought that _I_ wouldn't care what was going on in my girlfriend's life? Thought I wouldn't give a fuck that her brother was missing—that she was in danger—that _You-Know-Who_ was after her, for fuck's sake?"

"No—it wasn't like that—"

"So what, I'm supposed to bend over backwards for someone who doesn't even think I'm worth—worth the truth?" His voice was severe, and his lips curled cruelly. "Someone who's just going to get me killed? Isn't that right? 'Cause it sure seems like that's what happens to people that get to close to you. They end up dead."

Eilis stared at him in a strange mixture of horror and incredulity. She hadn't thought that he had the capability to be so malicious.

"I can't believe you just said that," she whispered.

His brow tightened and for a second a look of intense guilt crossed his face. He swallowed. "I—"

But then he stood up, looking down at her, his face a mix of pity and bitter disappointment. "Look, Eilis, I'm really sorry about what's happened to your family. Truly, I am. But if you—if you couldn't trust me with any of that, then—I was just wasting my time, wasn't I? Merlin, Eil…I thought—I wanted—"

He looked almost resigned, as if he regretted the heated words he'd just lashed out at her with. "I'm sorry. I really thought you were different, Eilis," he added in a low voice. He gazed down at her, his deep green eyes hardened, shook his head one final time, and walked away, leaving her sitting there at the library table, trying to properly comprehend what had just happened.

Had he really just said all of those things to her? Had he really just turned this all around on her? And—that wasn't even the worst part of it. The worst part, she realized with a sinking feeling, was that he was right. He was completely right. She was so selfish. Selfish, and—and lethal. Because it was true, wasn't it? Anyone that tried to get close to her now had a death warrant.

She sat there dumbly, reeling from everything that Caradoc had just accused her of. She wanted to curl up on her mother's lap and cry. But that was never going to happen again, because her mother was dead. Her parents would never comfort her again. Never tell her that everything was going to be alright. And clearly, it wasn't all going to be alright.

Eilis left the library and walked like a zombie through the corridors. She was thankful that most of the rest of the school was in class now, because she couldn't have born streams of students surrounding her. Luckily this also meant that Gryffindor Tower was empty, and she shuffled up the steps to her dormitory, where she began packing some things into a bag to take with her to her Aunt Perenelle's. Packing was good, it gave her something to concentrate on when all she could hear were Caradoc's words pounding in her ears: '_It sure seems like that's what happens to people that get close to you. They end up dead.' _

She tried to push it away and think of only what she was doing, like Summoning the other sock in an incomplete pair, or siphoning off a small stain on her travelling cloak with her wand. But the packing only took so long, and eventually she was finished and perched on the edge of her bed. It was only midmorning; she wasn't due to leave with McGonagall until eight o'clock that night.

Trying to think how to fill that time, Eilis decided to go down to the Potions room. She knew Slughorn didn't have classes after lunch on Mondays, and so she spent the rest of the afternoon brewing up one of the Everlasting Elixirs they'd been working on in class. As she counted out her Demiguise hairs and measured her powdered Graphorn horn, she tried not to think of her parents, or Caradoc, or any of it.

And it worked, for a little while. But within a few hours she'd finished the elixir and everything flooded back in.

Eilis cried out in frustration and shoved her cauldron off of her worktable, resulting in her glistening green elixir coating her, the table, and the wall around her. It had felt good, and so she began snatching up the vials that contained the ingredients she used, and throwing them at the wall. The sound of shattering glass only fueled her; she threw phial after phial until both she and the room around her were splattered with doxy eggs, armadillo bile, Dittany, and Merlin only knew what else. When everything there was to throw had been thrown, Eilis sank down, her head in her hands, trying to quell the tremors running through her.

It wasn't fair! Why was this happening to her? She didn't have the strength to deal with everything that had gone on this year. She wiped her nose on the sleeve of her robes. Her throat was tight, the way it got when you were trying not to cry. But it seemed like crying was the only thing she was good for these days. She supposed she could be pardoned for that, though, seeing as how her loved ones had just been murdered.

Before she'd summoned up the motivation to haul herself up and clean the mess she'd made, there was a tentative knock on the dungeon door. It swung inward, revealing a very awkward-looking Sirius Black, who raised his eyebrows at the sight in front of him.

Eilis scowled at him and wiped her eyes hurriedly, trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying. "Come to yell at me?" she croaked. How in Merlin's name did they _always_ know exactly where she was?

Sirius only shook his head. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, and then, as if steeling himself, he came over and sat down beside her, mindful of the shards of broken glass. Eilis looked at him suspiciously.

He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. "Look, Eilis, I came to apologize." His grey eyes were grave, the mischievous glint that usually characterized them absent.

She eyed him warily, and he continued. "I know this isn't the best time for me to be saying this, but you were right—I was being a right prat, this past week, and—and I was trying to hurt you. And I'm sorry it took such a horrible event for me to realize what a git I was being. And Eil…" His voice softened. "I'm so, so sorry."

She bit her lip and considered what he'd said for a moment, and then gave a small nod. Sirius looked relieved.

He drew in another breath and spoke again. "I talked with Regulus," he said heavily. She wasn't sure what he was trying to imply by that, and her confusion must have shown, because he explained himself.

"He told me everything—about you, and my revolting cousin, and—Voldemort." Oh. That's what he'd been implying. She swallowed her surprise at his use of the Dark Lord's name.

"And?" She asked. Where was Sirius going with this?

"And Eil, I just wanted to say that—that I wish you'd told me about it all. I wish I hadn't been such a prat, so that you might've felt like you could talk to me. Because really, Eil, this is just…too much for you to go through by yourself." His voice was fervent, and slightly ragged, his eyes bright and intense. "And I'm so sorry that that's what you've been doing."

She didn't know what to say to such a heartfelt statement, so she just leaned into Sirius, and closed her eyes as his arms came instantly around her, holding her tightly. She inhaled that dark, cool scent that always lingered over him and let it calm her down, giving into to the feeling of complete and utter safety, of reassurance, that enveloped her.

"Do you really mean that?" She mumbled into his chest. Her eyes were still closed, so she couldn't see the look of slight surprise that glanced across his features.

"Of course I do," he said, his voice revealing a slight puzzlement. "Why wouldn't I?" His chin rested on the top of her head.

"Caradoc didn't quite see things in the same way," she said, unable to keep the heartbreak and bitterness from her voice.

"Dearborn? What's he got to do with it?" A muscle twitched in Sirius's jaw.

"Dumped me," Eilis mumbled. "This morning. When I told him…everything." Saying the words made it real, and she clutched Sirius's robe, nestling herself closer into him. She distinctly felt Sirius's shoulders tense against her body, and then relax after a moment. He swore under his breath, something she couldn't make out entirely.

"Dearborn's an arse who never deserved you in the first place," Sirius said fiercely.

She squeezed her eyes together but the waterworks had already started up again, and she could feel tears on her cheeks, being absorbed by Sirius's robes.

"He said—" she could barely repeat it— "he said that I would just get him killed," she mumbled, her voice thick. "He said that—that everyone close to me ends up dead."

This time she could definitely make out what Sirius was cursing, and it certainly wasn't anything she could have repeated to her grandmother.

"Dearborn's going to get what's coming to him," Sirius said darkly after he'd finished uttering a string of particularly foul curses.

Eilis shook her head into his chest. "He was right," she muttered sadly. "My parents are dead and it's…it's all my fault."

Sirius pulled her away from him enough so that he could look her in the eye. "Don't say that," he said severely. "Don't ever say that. That's bollocks and you know it. What happened is the fault of one wizard and one wizard only. Voldemort. And you can't forget that, Eil, you just can't, because if you do—you're letting him win. You didn't do anything wrong. So don't say it's your fault because we both know that's complete rubbish." The look he was giving her was so intense that she could only nod and gaze helplessly at his determined face, made all the more handsome by his impassioned expression.

Seeming to sense that the emotions were running a bit too high between the two of them, Sirius broke eye contact and stared around them at the Potions room.

"Managed to make a right mess, didn't you?" She could hear the ghost of a grin that was creeping back into his voice, and, thankful for change of subject, she agreed.

"Yeah. Got a bit carried away, I suppose," she said, surveying the damage. Within a moment Sirius had his wand out and was flicking it this way and that, and she watched as the shards of glass flew up and reassembled themselves into phials, the ingredients soared back into them, and her cauldron flew back onto the table, its contents leaping off the wall, the chairs, out of the fibers of her robes, and back into the heavy black pot.

* * *

Sirius accompanied her back from the dungeons to Gryffindor Tower, where her other friends were waiting. They nicked a bit of food from the kitchens along the way, as Eilis didn't particularly feel like eating with everyone in the Great Hall. Once they reached the Tower, Eilis collected her things for the next week and her travelling cloak, beckoning Lily to accompany her into the girl's dormitory.

"What's up, Eil?" Lily sat on the edge of her bed.

"I know it pales in comparison to—to everything else, but…oh, Lils. Caradoc broke it off with me today."

"He did _what?"_

Eilis groaned and lay down on her bed. She began to tell Lily what had happened, mindful of excluding the parts of the story that she hadn't told Lily. She felt guilty as she realized that Lily only knew about certain parts of what had been happening to her all year. She knew about Patrick's disappearance but nothing of the business with the Lestranges and the Dark Lord. It was becoming so confusing, remembering who knew what. She'd tell Lily everything, but she was too exhausted to do it right now. It would have to wait until after the funeral.

"I know I didn't treat him the way he deserved to be treated," Eilis was saying. It was relieving to have a bit of girl talk to vent. "And it's not as if I even wanted to be with him forever. But—oh, Lily, it just _hurts_." She rolled onto her side, and Lily scooched up the bed, sitting behind Eilis and stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe her distressed friend.

They stayed there talking for a bit, and then went down to the common room with Eilis's things to sit with the rest of their friends in a corner.

"You sure you're going to be okay this week?" Remus was asking her.

"I'll manage," Eilis said. "I'll be at my aunt's, and the rest of my family will be there. It'll be alright."

"Is there anything we can do, Eil?" Lily squeezed her best friend's hand.

"Not really. Well," she said, hesitating, "I think…I'd really like it if you all would come on Saturday." She looked around at everyone's faces, biting her lip. "To the funeral. Dumbledore told me anyone I invited would be given permission to attend."

"But Saturday's Valentine's Day," said Peter, frowning. "And it's a Hogsmeade weekend. Oi!" He yelped suddenly as James dug an elbow, hard, into his ribs. "Merlin, Prongs, what was that for?"

"Shut up, Pete," Sirius hissed. "It's not like you've even got someone to be with on Valentine's Day."

"That's not true, Rosemary Stebbins and I have been getting on really well—"

"Not now, Wormtail," James said harshly, before he turned back to Eilis, who was clenching her robes in an effort not to hex Peter for being so insensitive. "Of course we'll come, Eilis."

"James is right," said Lily. "We'll be there, Eil. Promise." She looked pointedly around the circle of people. Remus, James, Marlene, and Sirius all nodded. Peter was too busy rubbing the spot where James had elbowed him.

"Thanks," murmured Eilis, relaxing the grip on her robes. From the way James and Sirius were glaring, she reasoned they'd probably lay into Peter later that night. It's not like it really mattered, anyway. Nothing seemed to particularly matter right now.

She turned to Sirius, who was sitting on her left, and spoke quietly. "Will you ask your brother to come?" She noted his hesitation, but he nodded, looking into her eyes. "Thank you. I haven't seen him, or I would have asked myself."

"Sure thing, Eil," Sirius responded.

A short while later, Eilis announced that she had to be leaving in order to make it to meet McGonagall on time.

"I'll walk you," Sirius said quickly, standing up at the same time she did.

"Oh—alright," she said, and, after giving everyone one last hug goodbye (Lily got a bit tearful and promised to owl her everyday), they made their way out of the portrait hole.

She and Sirius walked along slowly at first, in silence. The air hung heavy between the two of them, and she had the distinct feeling he was holding himself back from speaking.

"Thanks, Sirius," she said quietly, breaking the silence. "For earlier."

"'Course," he said, glancing down at her. "Anytime." They walked on a bit more until he spoke again.

"I realize it isn't the same, at all," he began, sounding as if he was choosing his words carefully. "But—well, I lost my parents too. If you could call them that," he said bitterly in an undertone. "Anyway, I just—it's hard. Really hard. But it gets easier. James and Remus and Pete, they made it alright for me. They made it feel like I wasn't missing anything, because…well, they're my family, now. And, Eil," he said seriously, looking at her, "that's what we can be for you. All of us. So just please, don't forget that."

How was it that until today, she hadn't realized how—_comforting_ Sirius could be? How…sensitive? She met his gaze and was surprised at the depth she found there. "I'll keep that in mind," she said.

"That's all I ask," Sirius said, smiling. It was just a smile, too. Not a grin. Not a smirk. Not the type intended to charm the pants off a girl, either. It was just a warm, caring smile. One she couldn't help but return, if a little reservedly.

They drew up to McGonagall's office, and Eilis set her bag on the stone floor of the corridor. Sirius grabbed her hand as she was raising it to knock on the office door, and instead swept her up in a giant bear hug. He clutched her close to him, and she relaxed into the feeling of being held by someone so caringly. It was funny, really, how things had been with her and Sirius this year. Something would happen that would prevent them from speaking for weeks, and then all of a sudden he would be the person she wanted most to be with, to find comfort in. She'd try and get a clearer hold on things with him once this week was over. For now she just allowed herself to be calmed by his embrace.

He seemed reluctant to let her go, but eventually did, although he kept a hand on her back as she knocked on McGonagall's door. The Transfiguration professor opened it and stepped out of her office into the corridor, smiling sadly at the two Gryffindors before her.

"Good evening, Miss Cartwright," she said. "And Mr. Black, may I inquire as to the reason behind your presence here tonight?"

"Just making sure Eilis got here safely, Professor," Sirius said, turning on the charm for their Head of House.

"Very well," McGonagall replied. She turned to Eilis. "All set, dear?" Eilis and Sirius stared. They had never heard McGonagall address anyone as "dear" before.

"Yes, Professor," Eilis said, and they set off. Sirius accompanied them as far as the castle entrance, where McGonagall made him turn back. She and Eilis walked down to the village briskly, neither saying much. It was odd to be around her professor in these circumstances—McGonagall seemed unsure whether to occupy the role of teacher or concerned friend.

At last, though, they left the grounds of Hogwarts, and, instructing Eilis to clutch her arm, McGonagall Apparrated them both to a dark, windy cliff. The smell of the ocean was all around them—a smell which reminded Eilis of childhood visits to her aunt's house here in Ilfracombe. They walked about a mile along a stretch of road dotted with grand houses, until they turned down the lane where Eilis's aunt lived. Aunt Perenelle lived in a beautiful old Victorian home, a bit smaller than the neighboring houses, with her eight-year-old daughter Persephone, Eilis's cousin. Her husband, Eugene, who'd been a muggle, had died several years earlier in a shipwreck.

As they opened the gate and began to cross the yard, the front door opened and Eilis's Aunt Perry hurried out, holding her wand. "Hold it," she called, and they halted. "Eilis. Where did I take you the summer you came to stay? How old were you?"

"I was ten, and you took me to the carnival," Eilis replied, and her aunt opened up her arms to embrace her niece. "Hello, Aunt Perry." She tried to smile at her aunt but couldn't quite manage it.

"Oh, honey," Perenelle said, brushing back Eilis's hair. "I know. I know. Come on in, let's have a cup of tea. Please, Minerva, come in." She held the door open for them, and Eilis led Professor McGonagall into her aunt's home. It was a warm, cozy household, and a fire cracked merrily in the corner. It looked just the same as the last time Eilis had been there, over last summer. They went into the sitting room, where Perenelle Summoned a tea tray from the kitchen.

"Perenelle, I'd like to offer my condolences. Your brother was truly a wonderful wizard." Mcgonagall accepted the cup of tea Aunt Perry was holding out to her.

"He was," Perenelle agreed. "And Maeve was a brilliant witch." There were dark circles under her eyes that mirrored the ones that adorned Eilis's face. Perenelle was of middling height with long brown hair, a bit lighter than that of Eilis's father. She was an extraordinarily funny woman, and as she and Finn had been quite close, there had often been visits between the two families. "It's going to take some getting used to, knowing that they won't be around anymore." She squeezed Eilis's hand.

"As for the arrangements for Eilis," McGonagall began, always one to get right down to business, "the Headmaster has requested that she not leave Ilfracombe this week. Should you go out, Miss Cartwright, it would be preferable if Perenelle or one of your other family members was to accompany you." Eilis and her aunt nodded.

"We won't have any cause to leave," Aunt Perry said, sipping her tea. "And I will accompany Eilis back to Hogwarts myself on Sunday. That is," she continued, turning to face Eilis, "if you wish to return."

"Very well," said McGonagall. "Professor Dumbledore will be in touch with you, Perenelle, regarding the matters of your brother's estate. He has also offered to provide some protection at the funeral. Speaking of which, I believe several of Eilis's school friends will be attending, is that right, Miss Cartwright?" Eilis nodded, and McGonagall went on. "On Saturday morning they will floo here from my office, and they will return that night."

"Alright," said Aunt Perry. "That should be fine. Maeve's family will be arriving soon, and so Eilis will be well protected." Eilis interpreted this to mean that Dumbledore had explained completely the matters regarding her parents' deaths, which was a relief, as she hadn't been looking forward to speaking about it yet again. She also couldn't bear to think that her aunt might blame her for her parents' deaths.

McGonagall drained her tea and put her travelling hat back on. "Thank you for the tea, Perenelle, but I must be getting back to Hogwarts. Eilis, dear," she said, her eyes going soft, "I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be in touch to organize your return to the school."

"Thank you, Professor," Eilis said. McGonagall stood, and Perenelle walked her to the door, where she disappeared out into the yard. Aunt Perry shut the door against the windy night and walked back, sitting beside her niece and hugging her.

"I guess it's just you and me now, kid."

"And me!" came a voice from behind the sofa they were sitting on. A young girl crawled out from around its corner, grinning mischievously.

"Perseph!" Eilis said, hugging her young cousin. Persephone was eight, with round midnight blue eyes—the same ones Eilis had—and curly blonde hair.

"You're supposed to be in bed, young lady," Perenelle said, but she smiled despite herself, her tired eyes twinkling a bit.

"Aw, Mum, Eilis just got here!" Persephone hopped up onto the sofa beside her older cousin.

"Yes, and she'll be here for the entire week, so you'll see plenty of her. I'm sure she's very tired, dear, let's let her rest, hmm?"

"It's fine, Aunt Perry," Eilis said, winking at Persephone. "I don't mind at all. I—I don't really think I'd be able to rest much, anyway."

Her aunt looked at her empathetically, her mouth twisted in a combination of sorrow and warmth. "Alright, dear. I'll just pop off to cut the brownies Pers and I made earlier."

She left the room and Eilis turned to her cousin. "Brownies, eh?"

"They make everything better," Persephone explained matter-of-factly. Eilis could remember saying quite the same thing to her Father at Christmas. But it was true, and within a few minutes they were all curled up in the sitting room, eating warm brownies and swapping stories about Finn and Maeve.

* * *

On Wednesday evening Eilis's maternal relatives, the Sheehans, began arriving from Enniskillen. First to come was her Uncle Niall, her mother's brother, and his young wife Niamh. Maeve had been the middle child—she'd had an older sister, Aisling, and Niall was her younger brother. He and Niamh had only been married about a year, and they were very happy together. Niall was tall and strong, with short dark hair and strange, colorless eyes, and Niamh was slim and pretty, with a head full of wild black curls and fair skin. Niall on his own was rather stoic and withdrawn, but with his wife by his side he came to life, and was more enigmatic by far than Eilis had ever seen him.

Thursday morning her Aunt Aisling arrived with her husband, Liam, and their two sons, Conor and Dunbar. Aisling looked just like Mave—tall and curvy, with dark red hair and the same eyes as Niall. The man she had married, Liam Whelan, was rather severe looking—he had a rugged appearance, with salt-and-pepper hair and a face marred by several scars.

It was only a few years ago that Eilis had learned he was a werewolf, a fact which no one outside of their family was aware of. Not that Liam was ashamed by any means—he viewed his predicament as unfortunate but not life-ruining—it was just that his position in the Ministry's Department of International Magical Cooperation, in the International Magical Office of Law, might have been compromised had word got out.

Eilis's older cousins, Conor and Dunbar, were the practical jokers of the family. Conor was the same age as Patrick; they had been in the same year at Hogwarts, and Dunbar was three years older. They both took after their mother, with their fierce red hair and colorless eyes. Conor played Chaser for the Ballycastle Bats, and Dunbar worked for the Ministry on the Invisibility Task Force, trying to keep muggles from learning that the wizarding world existed.

The last people to arrive on Thursday were Maeve's parents, Ian and Brigid Sheehan. Eilis's grandfather was tall and commanding; his long gray hair tied back. His face and his manners were gruff, but his green eyes belied a warmth that echoed in his children. Eilis's grandmother, Brigid, looked like an older version of her two daughters—rather slight with a head full of white curls that were once a rich red. They were respected and revered by the entire family, for good reason. Grandad and Nan, as Eilis called them, were two of the most good-hearted people she had ever known, and that goodness was present in each of their children and grandchildren.

Thursday night the entire group sat down to a feast that Perenelle, Aisling, Eilis, and Niamh had prepared. If her Aunt Perry felt strange about housing her sister-in-law's entire family, she didn't show it, and instead welcomed them into her home with open arms. That was one of the things Eilis had always admired about her father and aunt; they could inspire a feeling of comfort in anyone who held their company. There was a decidedly somber feel to the house, yet each occupant tried to overcome it, resulting in a pleasant, if a tad melancholy, atmosphere.

All Eilis knew was that she wouldn't have been able to get through the funeral without them all.

* * *

A/N: Please review!


	24. Chapter 24: The Funeral

A/N: Not JKR.

* * *

On Friday all of the men in the family began putting up wards around Perry's property, while Eilis, her aunts, and her grandmother finished setting up for the next day. They expected a rather large crowd, as the Cartwrights were a well-known and well-liked family. The funeral service was to take place on the grounds of Aunt Perry's home—Conor and Dunbar were in charge of casting Warming and Drying spells so that those who attended would not grow cold in the raw February air.

Luckily Aunt Perry's house sat on a large plot, and there would be plenty of room. Eilis's Aunt Aisling cast a few Engorgement charms on several of the rooms in the house so that everyone who attended the reception would fit. All week long, friends of Eilis's family had been dropping in at Perenelle's, pressing platter after platter of food upon them, so there would be no shortage of meals. Eilis had a feeling she wouldn't need to cook for several months, so plentiful were the dishes.

Saturday morning dawned gray and dreary. _Fitting_, Eilis thought, looking out the window. True to his word, Dumbledore sent several Aurors to Ilfracombe, and they arrived at Perenelle's at eight that morning. One was stationed at the front gate to check each witch and wizard who arrived, and two others were dispatched to stand by as extra protection. Another Ministry wizard also accompanied them—the man who would perform the service. Perry, Aisling, and Niamh ran around all morning with last-minute tasks and preparations. The funeral service was set to start at eleven that morning.

Eilis finished dressing at nine in a simple yet elegant black dress. She hadn't had anything appropriate to wear, so she had borrowed this from her Aunt Niamh—falling at her knee, it had a scoop neck and loose sleeves which gathered just past her elbow, and it was taken in at her waist. Niamh also helped her do something to fix her normally untamable red-gold curls, transforming them into sleek, smooth waves held back with a glossy black ribbon. Eilis thought the end result was very nice, and she thanked Niamh warmly for her efforts.

Growing anxious inside her aunt's house, she took to the garden at half nine, accompanied by Conor and Dunbar. Dunbar, the older one, was shorter, his red hair a bit long. His strange, colorless eyes were guarded by a pair of eyeglasses, and he looked quite studious. Conor, on the other hand, was tall and lean, though he was well-muscled from playing Quidditch. His skin was more tanned from spending so much of his time outside, and his nose was crooked in a few places from multiple encounters with bludgers. They sat on a small stone bench under an oak tree.

"So today's going to be quite fun, eh?" Dunbar was saying ironically.

"Mmm, I expect so," said Conor, picking up a stone and tossing it in the air before catching it again. "How many will start bawling, d'you reckon?"

"At least a dozen'll cry within the first ten minutes—the old ladies and Aunt Maeve's friends, I'd guess," Dunbar said thoughtfully. "And then another dozen will draw out the handkerchiefs during Big-Eyed's speech," he continued, referencing the Ministry wizard who'd come to do the service—a stout little wizard with enormous brown eyes, made even larger by his thick spectacles. "And the whole lot of them will be in tears once Eil's done with her bit," he finished, grinning at Eilis, who would be delivering the eulogy.

"Pressure's on, little cousin," Conor taunted lightly. She could tell they were trying to help lighten her mood, and it was working, if only a little.

"Once I'm done?" She retorted. "Please, there won't be a dry eye in the place within the first two minutes. In case you hadn't noticed," she said, mock-snootily, "I'm a rather endearing person. People just can't stand to see me in distress. Mark my words."

Dunbar shoved her a bit with his shoulder, smiling. "I dunno, Eil, I heard that Grandad hasn't cried since Niall was born," he said.

"Psht," interrupted Conor. "Please. He was all cut up when they thought I was going to drop dead of dragon pox that time." Dunbar rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Those weren't tears of sorrow, those were tears of joy," shot Dunbar playfully. "Old man's never been able to come to terms with the fact that you're still alive."

"Sod off," said Conor, although he was grinning. His smirk faded a little, as he and Dunbar seemed to sense Eilis's discomfort, and they realized they'd strayed into dangerous territory. A silence fell over the three of them, interrupted only by the sound of Conor throwing rocks across the garden.

"Patrick should be here," he said suddenly, dropping the stone he was about to throw. "He should be the one that's got to talk, not you, Eil." Conor had probably been closer to Patrick than anyone in the family, after Eilis. Being in the same year and house at Hogwarts, they'd been virtually inseparable at family functions since they were young boys. Eilis realized that the news of Patrick's disappearance, and the increasingly bleak prospects of his return must have left Conor pretty cut up. She'd have to speak with him about it, later. It was sort of comforting, knowing that someone else knew nearly exactly how she felt.

"I don't think Patrick's coming back, Conor," Eilis said slowly, hating herself for believing it.

Dunbar frowned and sat up straight, looking up at the sky before slinging an arm around his younger cousin. "Don't talk like that," he admonished lightly. "He may yet."

_It's been nearly four months,_ she thought, though she kept silent.

"So who's the genius that thought Valentine's Day was a proper date for a funeral?" Conor asked, changing the subject.

"Aunt Perry, I think," Eilis said. "I didn't particularly care. Why, couldn't find anyone to bring as a date? No one thought a funeral was romantic enough?" She teased.

"I have plenty of girls, thank you Eilis, I just turned them all down," Conor said loftily.

"How 'bout you then, eh cousin?" Dunbar asked. "Where's your boy, huh?"

"Couldn't tell you, he dumped me a few days ago," she said, trying to keep her voice nonchalant. She could tell by their expressions—Conor and Dunbar exchanged startled, worried glances—that her tone was fooling no one.

"Sounds like a right arse," Conor said. "Definitely wouldn't pass Nan's test."

"Oh, for sure not," added Dunbar, grinning. Their Nan, Brigid, had a rather fearsome tendency to loathe nearly everyone that Dunbar, Conor, and Patrick had ever introduced to her. Niamh had just barely gained her approval, and everyone in the family was pretty sure Niamh was the kindest witch they'd ever met. Needless to say, they'd all stopped bringing dates round after a few years and a load of cross ex-girlfriends. No, Eilis reasoned. Caradoc probably _wouldn't _have passed Nan's test.

It didn't matter, though. After what had happened with Caradoc—after what he'd said—she'd resolved not to get too close to anyone. What was the point, really, when they would just get hurt? He had been right, after all. She was like a ticking time-bomb, and none of her boyfriends—or friends, even—would be safe. There wasn't any use getting attached to someone just to have them end up dead because of you. She wouldn't let it happen again.

Their conversation was cut short then, for Perenelle stuck her head out of the door and called over to them.

"Eilis, dear, you'd better come in. It's five of, and your friends are due to arrive at ten."

Eilis stood up and smoothed out her dress. "You've got mates coming?" Dunbar asked.

She nodded. "A few. My best friend Lily Evans, and some others in my year. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Marlene McKinnon. And Regulus Black," she listed, hoping they'd all be there. Conor nodded, recognizing a few of the names, no doubt, for he'd graduated when most of them were in fourth year.

Eilis sighed. She was going to try to enjoy their presence today, because she'd made a deal with herself. Today was the last day she would let herself enjoy the comfort of close friends to lean on. After this, she had to distance herself—separate from them, somehow. What sort of a person was she, to risk their safety just so she wouldn't feel all alone?

"Good of them to come," he said, and Eilis nodded before leaving her cousins and returning to the house. She followed her aunt into the room that had once been her Uncle Eugene's study, and sat down in his old leather armchair as Perenelle left the room. She only had to wait a few moments before the small fire in the corner roared to life and turned a brilliant emerald green. First to stumble out was Lily, who brushed the soot off of her dark blue robes and embraced Eilis, followed by Remus, Marlene, James, and then Sirius. The office grew crowded with the presence of her friends, though Eilis couldn't help but notice there was one missing. She glanced at Sirius, a question in her eyes.

He shook his head. "I did ask him. But he never showed at McGonagall's this morning, sorry, Eilis."

Eilis swallowed her disappointment and hurt—which she cursed herself for feeling anyway, since her plan was to grow apart from Regulus and the others—and hugged each of her friends tightly, trying not to notice how Sirius's arms lingered around her for a second too long. He would be one of the hardest to distance herself from. Sirius, and Lily, and Remus—_it's no use getting upset,_ she thought, trying to keep the guilty feeling mounting within her at bay. _ They deserve better than the death sentence your friendship has given them._

"Thanks for coming, guys," she said, trying to smile at them all. Lily and Marlene looked lovely, and James, Sirius, and Remus all looked dashing in their dark dress robes. James's were a very deep scarlet, Remus's a dark brown, and Sirius's jetblack. "What, no Peter?"

James just scowled. "At Hogsmeade with that Stebbins girl," he said, his gaze dark, until he realized Eilis was only teasing and then he smiled. "It didn't exactly seem right for him to be here anyway, though," he said apologetically.

"I never expected him to come, don't worry," she replied, motioning for them all to follow her. It took a good twenty minutes to finish introducing them to the various members of her family—James and Sirius got on famously with Conor and Dunbar, and Persephone took to Marlene and Lily right away—and by then some of the other funeral guests had begun arriving. Eilis showed her friends to their seats and then returned to her family inside the house to wait—they would all enter the yard where the funeral was taking place as a group.

Eilis ran quickly to her room to grab the parchment on which she'd written down the words she was going to say about her parents, and then joined her family, who had gathered in the family room. Aunt Aisling was straightening Liam's robes, while Aunt Niamh helped Persephone to put the pins back in her hair that had come undone already, as was wont to happen with energetic seven-year-olds. Conor and Dunbar were standing with Perenelle, and her Uncle Niall was running a hand through his short, cropped hair.

Eilis went over to her grandparents, Ian and Brigid.

"Head up, lass," her Grandad said lightly, tapping her under her chin. His green eyes were soft, their edges crinkled. Eilis smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, and then hugged her Nan, who smoothed back Eilis's hair.

"Put your fighting face on," Brigid said, looking like a beautiful, wizened queen beside her husband.

"It always is," Eilis replied.

"There's my girl," Ian said. "Ready?"

Eilis bit her lip. "As I'll ever be," she answered, sighing.

At that her Grandad stood slightly taller, and the rest of the room focused on him instantly.

"Let us go," he said, and moved toward the door. The rest of the family followed him outside to the front of the house. They would be walking around to the back, where the service was taking place. Conor, Dunbar, Liam, and Niall all moved forward to stand beside Ian. They each took out a wand and pointed them towards the two coffins that had hovered by the door, waiting. The five wizards formed a U-shape around the two coffins, which were elegantly carved out of dark mahogany, and began walking in sync, keeping their wands trained on the coffins that glided along a few feet off the ground.

Eilis and her Nan came immediately after, arm in arm, followed by Aisling and Niamh, and finally Perenelle and Persephone. They made a very handsome funeral party, to be sure: Ian and Brighid both very regal and commanding, Niall and Niamh with their jet black hair, Aisling and her boys with their rich red curls.

They came around the house and into the area where the guests were sitting, walking slowly down the aisle formed between the sets of seats, Eilis's Grandad, uncles, and cousins leading the way, levitating the two coffins between them. At last they came to the front of the rows and took their own seats. Eilis was a bit startled at the sheer number of people there. She hadn't realized quite how many witches and wizards had cared about her parents. She even spotted Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, and wondered when they had turned up.

The Ministry wizard who gave the service began his speech.

"We gather today to mourn the losses of two treasured and talented individuals. Phineas Henry Cartwright and Maeve Macha Cartwright were as grand a witch and wizard as there ever was, and their absence is felt keenly by their family and our community as a whole…"

He launched into a long-winded speech about the greatness of the characters of Eilis's parents, their worth, and their "unfortunate sacrifice for the safety of the wizarding world." Eilis couldn't help but roll her eyes at the things he was saying. He wasn't describing her parents so much as a pair of model citizens without personalities. He didn't _know_ her mother and father. He'd never even met them. She took deep breaths, trying to stay calm, until at last he finished and left the podium. She swallowed and stood, striding over and taking her place behind it.

Looking out into the crowd of faces gathered before her, she realized how many people her parents had touched. Her family were there, smiling supportively at her, and beyond them she reckoned there sat every witch, wizard, and squib her parents had ever met. She saw her mother's coworkers from the Ministry, and her father's working partners from Comet. She saw what must have been many of their friends from their own Hogwarts days, and several faces she recognized from Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. She even recognized Fearghus O'Donnell, Alastor Moody, and Edgar Bones, from the Auror offices.

She took a deep breath. "My mother and father were extraordinary people. Any of you who had ever seen my mother can attest to her beauty—she was dazzling. You couldn't help but notice her when you were in the same room. It's a good thing, too, because otherwise she may never have met my father. I don't know how many of you know the story, but I'll tell it for you now.

"My parents met at the most ridiculous way," Eilis began, starting to grin in spite of herself. "Mum was engaged to some bloke already, and she was out shopping for a broomstick to get him for Christmas. My father, as most of you know, designed racing brooms for Comet, but when he started he was just a broom seller in a shop in Diagon Alley.

"So my mother came in one day—near the holidays, so it was quite busy—looking for a broom, and my dad left the wizard he was helping right away to go and speak with her. She stayed in that shop for three hours, listening to him, and when she left she had a date with him for that night rather than a broomstick for her fiancée." Eilis smiled. She had always loved this story. She could see her Aunt Aisling grinning, probably remembering her sister coming home one night and declaring her engagement off and her intention to begin seeing another wizard right away.

"My father went for a drink with some of his mates, telling them all about how he'd charmed a witch right out of her engagement ring. 'Today I met the woman I'm going to marry,' he told them, and of course they all laughed and said any witch with half a brain would realize her mistake ten minutes after she'd left the shop, and he'd end up all alone that night when they were supposed to meet for dinner. But my father made a bet with all of them, a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey each, that he'd marry her.

"And now I'm going to jump ahead to the night of my parents wedding. Just as soon as they were officially married, my dad's mates marched right up to where he was kissing my mother, one after another, each holding out a bottle of firewhiskey. 'Finn, what's going on?' my mother asked. And my dad just grinned and told her that it happened all the time. He'd won the bet. She didn't find out til after, and she thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. And all my life my mother has always told me that being content is one thing, but only a real fool passes up the chance to be wildly happy."

She paused, taking in the sea of faces before her—every single witch and wizard wore a smile.

"My family was—_is,_" she corrected herself, "the most important thing to me. Mum and Dad gave Patrick and me a happier life than the one I might've dreamed up for myself. They set an example that I try to follow every day, because if I can have half as perfect a life as theirs—well, it'll be more than enough." Her throat grew tight, and it hurt to swallow. Every witch in the seats before her was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.

"Maeve and Finn Cartwright are the kind of witch and wizard that don't roll around very often. Their time is marked by laughter and smiles, rather than sorrow and tears. And that's how we ought to remember them," Eilis said. "With a smile."

She bravely set her mouth to a wavering smile of her own, and stepped away from the podium, returning to her seat. Everyone rose, and Ian, Niall, Liam, Conor, and Dunbar all stepped forward. Each rose his wand arm and in unison, sent off a shower of deep purple sparks into the sky above them. In response, every other witch and wizard took out his or her wand and acted in kind, and the farewell tribute to the Cartwrights showered down in purple sparks over all of them.

* * *

After excusing herself to an upstairs bathroom to try and rid herself of the signs of a tearstained face, Eilis returned to the downstairs of the house, which was swarming with witches and wizards of all ages. Many of her parents' friends stopped her to offer their condolences and congratulate her on a heartfelt speech.

Finally, growing weary and hungry, Eilis snuck into a corner and sat down beside a table heaped with sandwiches. Conor and Dunbar found her there, well into her third sandwich, and settled in beside her.

"Well done, little cousin," Dunbar said. "Grandad won't stop saying how you've got the same fire Aunt Maeve had." Eilis blushed with pleasure at that. "And I'm pretty sure you're solely responsible for this," he continued, pointing to a wet patch on the shoulder of his dress robes. "Perry," he said, answering the questioning look Eilis gave him. "Merlin, but that woman can cry."

""Bit frightening, it was," Conor said around a mouthful of ham and cheese. "Don't think I'll ever get used to you womenfolk and your weeping." He swallowed. "Good story, by the way. I hadn't heard it before."

Dunbar looked at his little brother strangely. "How in Circe's name did you manage to miss it? They tell it _every_ Christmas. Literally. _Every_ Christmas. Usually during dessert."

Conor shrugged. "Dunno, don't always listen, I suppose. Plus, how am I supposed to concentrate on what people are saying when there's pie to be eaten?" Dunbar rolled his eyes.

"Eil!" Eilis looked up at her name being called, and saw Lily hurrying over. She stood up and swayed as her friend hugged her fiercely. "You were brilliant, Eil, really. I cried so hard at your story. It was so sweet!"

"Er—thanks, Lil," she said, steadying herself as Lily let go of her. "You remember Conor and Dunbar?"

"Of course," Lily answered, giving each a brilliant smile.

"Hel_lo_ again," Conor said, grinning at her. Eilis elbowed him in the ribs as Dunbar chuckled and Lily looked on in confusion. Conor's grin fell slightly as James joined them and put an arm possessively around Lily's shoulders, and Dunbar laughed even harder.

"Nice speech, Eilis," James said seriously, although his eyes were twinkling. "Think you made everyone there jealous that they didn't have such an exciting, scandalous love story."

"Right in one," Sirius added, stepping up beside James. He smiled at them all, his grey eyes kind as they gave Eilis a look of sympathy.

"Thanks. I always loved it when they told that story," she replied. Having her friends standing there before her, with such affection and concern in their eyes, was too much for her, and all of a sudden she felt a wave of guilt wash over her. "Excuse me," Eilis said, abruptly feeling the need to leave them. She hoped things wouldn't be awkward between her friends and cousins without her there, but doubted it. James and Sirius, like Conor and Dunbar, were good at avoiding awkwardness.

As she was walking away, Lily squirmed out from under James's arm and grabbed Eilis's elbow, steering her to an empty corner of the room. She took a deep breath. "Eilis, I just want to say again how sorry I am about what's happened. I feel like we've been drifting apart so gradually the last few months that I didn't even realize it until recently, but Eil—" Lily's wide green eyes were shining with sincerity, "—I hope you know that I will always be here for you. You're my best friend and I love you. I know how hard this day must have been without Patrick, but please don't go thinking that you haven't got any family left." She squeezed Eilis's hand. "I'm here, and I'll always be here. Sisters, alright?"

Eilis swallowed as she looked back at Lily, processing the extraordinarily kind things she'd said. Of course, it was Lily, so it was actually quite normal, but she still felt touched. Even more, though, she felt the guilt within her growing and expanding and she had to shut her eyes and take a deep breath to get a grip on herself. _You'll only get her hurt. You'll only get her hurt. You'll only get her hurt._ But she'd given herself today, hadn't she?

She squeezed Lily's hand back, which made the apprehensive look on Lily's face vanish. "Thank you, Lily. I can't…you don't know how much it means to hear you say that. Truly." Her words seemed to satisfy Lily, who smiled faintly and squeezed Eilis's hand once more before returning to where James, Sirius, Conor, and Dunbar stood, laughing uproariously.

Eilis turned and walked through the crowds of people that filled the house, accepting a glass of red wine from her Aunt Niamh, who invited her to come stand at a window in the dining room that looked out to the back of the house, at the two mounds of dark earth under a willow tree where they had lowered her parents' coffins into the ground following the service.

"How are you doing, love?" Niamh asked.

"Fair enough," Eilis answered, unsure herself. "I don't know. I—I just don't know what I'm feeling. Every time I laugh at a joke Conor makes I want to cry immediately after because I feel guilty. But I know that my parents wouldn't want me to cry. But I can't help it because I miss them so much and it's so hard to accept that they're gone." She felt her eyes well up and kept them open, trying not to blink so that the tears wouldn't fall. It almost worked, but they overflowed down her cheeks despite her efforts.

Niamh wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her shoulders. "I know, love. But it gets—well, not exactly easier, but—less sharp. You know, my parents died when I was not much older than you."

Eilis looked up at that. "I never knew—"

Niamh smiled sadly. "I don't talk about it much. It was about six years ago. They were muggles, you know—I'm muggleborn. They died in a car accident. I don't think I would have made it through that if it hadn't been for Niall. If ever there was a man who could keep a woman sane, it's him." She smiled across the room to where her husband sat talking with his sister, Aisling.

"Just remember, dear, that it's alright to lean on your friends. They want you to. And isn't there a boy? Your mother mentioned someone in a letter…why isn't he here today?" Her aunt was frowning.

"There's no boy," said Eilis. "Not anymore."

"Ah," said Niamh. "Well. There's one that looks like he wants to be," she said knowingly, nodding towards the room Eilis had just come from, where her friends still stood with her cousins. Eilis looked over, just catching the turn of Sirius's head as he looked away. She blushed.

"It's complicated."

"Isn't it always?" Niamh laughed lightly, squeezing Eilis's hand before sliding away and going over to join her husband and sister-in-law.

Eilis drained her glass of wine and went into the kitchen, where her Nan greeted her and poured her another.

"You've turned into a lovely young woman, Eilis," her Nan said, looking at her appraisingly. "You've got your mother's brains and your father's warmth. And as much heart as both of them combined. Your Grandad and I were very proud of the way you spoke, earlier."

"Thank you, Nan," Eilis said, standing up a bit straighter at the praise. Such words from Nan were rare.

"Hey, Eil—oh—" she heard behind her, and turned. Sirius stood there, looking hesitant to interrupt a talk with her grandmother.

"Hello, Sirius," she said, smiling at him. "You remember my Nan, Brigid Sheehan. Nan, this is Sirius Black, who you met this morning."

Her Nan turned her strange, colorless eyes to Sirius, looking him over. "A Black, eh?" She raised one eyebrow. "Tell me, Mr. Black, how do Orion and Walburga fare these days?" She was staring him down.

Eilis saw a muscle twitch in Sirius's jaw before he spoke, trying to adopt a light tone. "I wouldn't know, Mrs. Sheehan. I don't see much of my parents these days."

"No?" Brigid's other eyebrow rose.

Sirius shook his head. "No—we, ah—disagreed over my decorating choices."

"Decorating choices?" Brighid asked incredulously. _Oh, dear_, Eilis thought. This is it. Nan's infamous reluctance to accept anyone outside the family.

"Among other things," Sirius said, shrugging, offering her a smile. There was a minor pause as Brigid thought about what he said, and then she threw her head back and laughed. Eilis looked at her, startled, and then at Sirius, who looked equally taken aback, although he grinned to cover his discomfort.

"Oh, that's good," Brigid breathed, chuckling. "Walburga must be mortified to have you as a son. I always did detest her. You're the one that was Sorted into Gryffindor, then? You caused quite a stir, lad, among the old pureblood families."

"Don't I know it," Sirius muttered, laughing slightly. All Eilis could do was watch, baffled.

"Kudos to you, boy. More people your age should have that kind of spunk. Now, I must tell Ian about this. No doubt he'll want to speak with you himself. It was lovely meeting you," she said to Sirius, looking at him and laughing again. She turned to Eilis. "Keep this one around, dear. He has my vote of approval." Without another word, she swept away, leaving Eilis and Sirius there in the kitchen, with Eilis trying to make sense of what had just happened, and trying to ignore the sudden embarrassment she felt at her grandmother's assumption that she and Sirius were a couple.

"I don't understand," she said aloud. "Nan liked you. Nan doesn't like _anyone_."

Sirius just grinned at her. "What can I say? I'm a catch."

Eilis swallowed and sought to change the subject. "Can I get you anything? Some wine?"

"Sure," he said simply, standing by as she poured him a glass of red wine from a bottle on the counter and handed it to him, their hands brushing. Eilis hoped he wasn't thinking of the last time that they'd been drinking together, on Lily's birthday. Not that it made a difference. Her parents were dead; she was allowed to drink as much as she wanted today.

"How are you doing?" He asked. That was what he'd intended to find out initially, before he'd found her with her Nan.

Eilis shrugged. "Managing, I suppose."

Sirius nodded and glanced around the kitchen quickly to see if anyone they knew was nearby. Seeming to hesitate a little, he drew something small out of his pocket. He turned to Eilis and tapped whatever it was with his wand. It began to grow in his hand, a green stem shooting out and a large bud forming and unfurling to reveal a brilliant, golden-yellow sunflower, which he offered to her.

Eilis drew in a breath and tentatively accepted the beautiful flower.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Eil," he said, gazing down at her. She looked up, drinking in the sight of him. Cool and elegant, he stood before her in his sleek black dress robes. His glossy dark hair fell as aristocratically as ever, his grey eyes were wide and full of care as he gazed at her apprehensively.

"Thank you," she breathed, tearing her eyes away from his as the emotions rose within her. Curse him, curse him, curse him! Sweet Circe, why did Sirius Black have to be so earth-shatteringly perfect?

Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of how difficult it would be to push him away. She looked down at the sunflower in her hand, turning away from Sirius slightly in hopes that he wouldn't see the sudden tears that welled up in her eyes. What was this, the twelfth time she'd cried today? The twentieth?

Sirius frowned as the witch before him shied away. He cursed at himself and his timing. "Hey," he said softly, reaching out and laying a rough, warm hand gently on her elbow. She flinched and he drew back. He sighed. "I'm sorry, Eilis," he mumbled, stepping away from her. He rubbed his eyes wearily. "Merlin, what kind of a prat am I? You just buried your parents…"

Eilis didn't know how to find the words or the courage to tell him that for the first time in a week, it wasn't her parents she was crying about. It was how heartbreakingly _good_ he was. It was how she didn't deserve him. It was how, after today, Sirius Black and everyone else that cared about her was going to hate her for driving them away.

* * *

A/N: Please review!


	25. Chapter 25: All Sorts of Confrontations

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

* * *

No one had known how to take it, at first. Eilis returned to Hogwarts that Sunday night and immediately began to retreat into herself. She barely spoke to her friends. She ate little. At Quidditch practices she did everything James asked but made no comments. Everyone kept giving her quizzical looks, and more than once James or Sirius opened his mouth to say something but shut it at a look from Lily, who seemed to have figured that Eilis just needed time. She and Marlene hadn't pushed her to offer anything more than monosyllabic answers the first few days, instead telling her of what they'd learned in classes and what had happened the previous week.

Lily was only too glad to pass along to Eilis several "mysterious mishaps" that seemed to have befallen Caradoc the week before. Eilis listened intently, gleaning a perverse pleasure in his misfortune while her gut twisted at the reminder of what her friends would do to defend and honor her.

According to Lily, Caradoc had come to breakfast last Wednesday morning with his cheeks flushed a brilliant scarlet color, his wizard's hat pulled down to his eyes. Some Slytherin boy had snatched it off and the whole of Hogwarts was there to see the words "SMARMY GIT" glowing in a vibrant, pulsating green in what appeared to be a tattoo across his forehead.

The next day, an advertisement had been placed in the _Daily Prophet_ with Caradoc's picture and a caption that read: _"Wizard seeking wizard. Must be hunky, handsome, and ready to "duel!"_ Next, the Marauders had somehow gotten a hold of his Ravenclaw badge and enchanted the eagle to caw "Warning: world's biggest prat" over and over. Unable to remove the charm, Caradoc had had to be issued a new one. Similar incidents had occurred all week; apparently the Marauders had felt a responsibility to make sure their fellow students knew what an arse Caradoc Dearborn was.

Eilis was beginning to notice less of what was going on around her, but one of the things that had stuck out upon her return to Hogwarts was that every time she came upon Caradoc in one of the corridors he would either avert his eyes or duck into the nearest empty classroom to avoid her. It made her feel unclean, like a rag someone had used to sop up spilt milk and then left in the sun.

Much of February passed and Eilis still wasn't speaking to her friends. James had grown cross after a week and demanded to know what the problem was; she had told him very calmly that she needed time to come to terms with the loss of her parents, and that she needed to apply herself more to her studies in order to attain the summer Department of Mysteries internship she wanted—the one that went to the top two students in sixth year. Only somewhat satisfied, James had lain off after that.

Lily and Marlene still weren't pressing her to open up to them, but after a few weeks had passed Eilis was beginning to see the hurt in their eyes whenever she brushed them off. Remus was the same, although he did not seem to take offense—rather, he just looked regretful, like he wished there was something more he could do to help. Eilis had taken to wearing the Semascope he had given her for Christmas at all times—the funny little gold device on the chain that was supposed to thrum when the wearer was scared, growing warm and emitting a soft glow that calmed you down. She chose to ignore whatever the fact that it was constantly thrumming against her heart might mean. It helped with the nightmares she had begun to have.

They were always the same: she was in a wide, open clearing but the day was dark and there were unaccounted-for shadows. All throughout the woods that ringed the small clearing she could hear whispers, and every time she turned she thought she saw someone she knew and loved: most often her parents or Patrick, but Sirius, Lily, Regulus, and her other friends had begun to appear with an alarming frequency.

She tried to follow their forms but couldn't, and she would run round and round the clearing looking for them. At this point in the dreams, once she was so tired and defeated from running after shadows that she would drop to her knees in exhaustion, an eerie red light would begin to filter into the clearing from the trees. She heard noises but couldn't place them, and whispers that sounded like they were coming from right next to her, but when she looked, there was no one there.

After what seemed like hours of this, a strange red light, brighter than the rest of the glow, would begin to gather at the center of the clearing, shaping itself into a man. He was tall and thin, with hooded black robes and black boots. He would walk towards her, slowly, and behind him she could see her family and friends beginning to gather, falling into step behind the tall wizard. He saw her looking and turned his head back, glancing at the people she loved, and then he turned his gleaming, slitted red eyes back to her and laughed: a high, cold laugh.

At that laugh Eilis would begin to feel even more desperate, and the tall wizard would slowly stretch out one hand to her as if inviting her to dance. She'd try to run to her father, or Regulus, or Marlene, but her feet would remain rooted to the ground until she took the tall wizard's hand. His hand was cold, oooh it was cold as ice but it burned her, searing her flesh. He'd twirl her around the clearing and she was powerless to escape his vice-like grip—around and around they went, circling her loved ones but never stopping, and one by one her parents, Patrick, and her friends each suddenly burst into flame and fell.

All that remained were ashes, piles and piles of ashes. And the tall wizard would take his wand and point it at the ashes, which would rise up and swirl around her, and she'd try to hold her breath but would finally breathe them in, choking on the remains of those most precious to her. And then, cowering on the ground on her knees with her hands over her head, coated in the ashes of everyone she'd ever loved, that high, cold laughter in her ears, she would wake up.

* * *

The week after she'd returned to Hogwarts after her parents' funeral, Eilis had found a small scroll of parchment waiting on her pillow. In Regulus's handwriting, it simply read: _Astronomy Tower, 11._

She had wrestled with herself over whether to remain in her dormitory but ended up going, wanting at least to know the reason why he hadn't come to the funeral the week before. He was there waiting when she got to the tower, and he started at her sudden appearance once she'd removed the Disillusionment charm she'd used on herself.

"Hey," he'd said, his eyes guarded.

"Hey."

There was a brief pause while Regulus ran a hand nervously through his hair and then he spoke again. "You've been avoiding me," he said. Which was true. She'd stayed away from the spot in the library where they usually worked, she'd arrived at Potions only just on time so she wouldn't run into him as his class ended, she'd refused to catch his eye each time she'd noticed him trying to get her attention. He waited patiently for her to either agree or disagree but she said nothing, so he spoke again.

"Listen, Eil, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be there for you last Saturday." She could see in his eyes that he really meant it, but she couldn't help the stab of anger she felt.

"Why weren't you there?" She demanded, the question tumbling out of her.

"I—" His face fell and he looked away from her, ashamed. "I was called to a meeting."

"And it was more important?" She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. _Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry_, she told herself. She put on what she hoped was a scathing look.

"No, it—it was just—unavoidable." He ran a hand through his hair again. She waited for him to elaborate.

Regulus sighed. "Merlin, Eil, believe me, I wanted to be there. Truly, I did. But that morning Bella stopped me on my way to McGonagall's and said that we had to do something particular during the Hogsmeade trip, that we had to meet…someone."

Eilis was confused for a moment, and then she blanched. "You-Know-Who was in _Hogsmeade?"_

"No!" Regulus said. "No, not him, but a few of his Death Eaters. I couldn't not go, Eilis, please understand me that they would have taken it as a sign of betrayal, a sign that I'd—

I'd switched sides, or something."

"It's getting kind of hard to keep track of which side you _are_ on, Reg," Eilis said softly.

Regulus grabbed her shoulders, looking fiercely into her eyes. "I'm with you, Eil," he said squarely. "I'm always with you."

Not trusting herself to speak, she had simply looked away, down towards her feet, exhausted. Regulus removed his hands from her shoulders and instead drew her to him, wrapping his arms around her. His embrace felt so similar to Sirius's, but he was slighter, and...not as warm, somehow. Not as _safe_.

Still she leaned into him, overcome with fatigue, and they just stood there for a few moments. Finally Regulus drew his arms away and stepped back. There was something bright glinting in his eyes, his jaw was oddly set as if he was clenching it. His hands hung at his sides, and he kept flexing and unflexing his fingers.

Regulus cleared his throat and the odd glint passed. "So, why _were_ you avoiding me?"

Eilis only looked at him and sighed, not answering.

He frowned. "Sirius says you've been avoiding everyone. I guess I shouldn't feel special."

"Yes," she said, shrugging slightly. No point denying it.

"Why?" He looked at her in concern.

She shrugged again.

"That's not an answer."

"Well, I haven't _got_ an answer, alright?" She snapped.

Regulus looked taken aback, but recovered. "It's not because of what Dearborn said, is it?"

She looked at him sharply—she hadn't told him that, had she? "How do you even know about that?" She asked suspiciously.

"Sirius," he said simply.

"Awfully chummy these days, aren't you two?" Eilis said hotly.

"Only where it concerns you, it seems. You didn't answer me."

"I wasn't going to."

"I was right, wasn't I?" He took her silence as confession. "Well, I'm not letting you push me away, Eil. I'm already in things deep enough, being close to you doesn't add all that much danger." He glared at her stubbornly with those light grey eyes.

Eilis sighed. "You understand me too well," she said, frustrated.

Regulus grinned. "Thanks," he said.

"It wasn't a compliment!"

"Was to me," he answered, smirking.

"Whatever," she muttered. Then a thought came to her. "You're not going to tell Sirius, are you?"

"Tell him what?"

"That I'm—pushing him away. That I'm pushing everyone away."

Regulus frowned at her. "You think you're making the right decision here, Eilis, but you aren't."

"I am," she said softly, pulling her robes tighter around her. It was chilly up on the Astronomy Tower.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?" Regulus asked, quirking an eyebrow at her, his expression grave. She looked away at his question.

He sighed. "So let me get this straight: you're asking me to hide it from my brother that the girl he's in love with isn't speaking to him because she doesn't want him to die?" Regulus said.

Eilis winced. "It sounds ridiculous when you put it that way."

"It _is_ ridiculous—" Regulus was saying when Eilis realized something he'd said.

"Wait, did you say 'love'?" Eilis looked at him incredulously.

Regulus paused. "You're really clueless, aren't you?" His expression was a mystery.

She shook her head. "That can't be right, I've been horrible to him—"

"Look, Eilis, I'd rather not talk about this with you." Regulus had a pained expression.

"But you can't just _say_ something like that—"

"I can, and I have, and now I'm dropping it, alright?" He said harshly. Eilis flinched at his tone and he sighed again.

"You can ignore your friends all you want, Eil, but that's not going to stop them caring. It's only going to hurt them."

"I'd rather have them hurt than dead," she said stubbornly. "They'll get over me eventually."

Regulus gripped his hair and groaned. "You don't get it, do you?" He yelled at her. "You're not doing anyone a favor, here, Eilis! This isn't going to have some neat, clean ending for you! You're hurting them, and you'll only end up hurting yourself." His voice was fervent as he tried to hammer his point in to her.

Eilis shook her head at him. "I just want them alive and safe, Regulus. Can't you understand that?" She asked softly.

"_None_ of us are safe, Eilis. Not these days. Can't _you_ understand _that?"_ He ran a hand through his hair again, wearily, at the sight of her still shaking her head.

"Whatever," Regulus said, defeated. "I won't tell Sirius. But you're being stupid. Never pegged you for stupidity," he said, his voice low and resigned. "I've got to go, Eilis. Watch your back: the Dark Lord is expecting Bella to make you another proposition now that he's wiped out your family."

EIlis flinched at his words and Regulus's expression softened.

"Aw, Merlin, Eil, I'm sorry." He laughed bitterly. "Never actually got to tell you that, did I? I am so, so sorry for what happened to your parents."

"Thanks," she said quietly, shivering, pulling her robes around her again.

"Come on," Regulus said, putting an arm around her. "I'll walk you back, yeah?"

* * *

So somehow it had happened that Regulus was the only one she still spoke to. The fact would have made her laugh—of course, he was so stubborn he would never allow her to ignore him without his permission—if she hadn't been so upset.

She went to classes, she went to meals, she went to Quidditch. She went everywhere she was supposed to be. But every day she retreated a little further into herself. Every day she _read_ more words than she spoke aloud. Every day her friends said less and less to her. Tried less and less to bring her back.

To make matters worse, one evening on her way back from Quidditch, Eilis was intercepted by her favorite trio—Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Rabastan. She cursed at herself for allowing them to catch her alone, and also for somewhat forgetting about them. In the wake of her parents death, she had been so wrapped up in her own mind that she'd forgotten to expect a friendly little chat from the Slytherins—plus, Regulus had warned her about this, hadn't he?

"Well, well," Bellatrix drawled as they forcibly led her off the path from the Quidditch pitch to the castle. "How _have_ you been doing, Cartwright? Did you like my early Valentine's Day gift?" She cackled wildly and Eilis bit the inside of her mouth to keep from lashing out at the maniacal monster of a girl in front of her.

"No? Bella designed it especially for you, you know," Rodolphus smirked. Eilis told herself not to give into their provocations.

"So tell me, Cartwright," Bellatrix said. "A lot's happened since the last time we…_chatted_. Have your opinions—changed? Have you come to your senses?" She smiled venomously at Eilis.

"'Fraid not," Eilis answered. "Just as insensible as always, I am."

Bella's smile turned ugly. "Wrong answer again, Cartwright," she shot. "Did you not understand the _incentive_ I gave you?"

Eilis laughed hollowly. "Oh, I understood it perfectly, Bella. But I'm afraid now you've destroyed your only weapon against me. You see, I've got no one left in my family for you to kill. Shouldn't have taken them all out at once, Bella. Or didn't you learn common sense when you were a child?" _It's not like they can get Perry, or the Sheehans,_ Eilis told herself, hoping Voldemort wouldn't target her extended family as well. _Dumbledore's protecting them now._

Rage flashed through Bella's eyes. She pouted. "Forgetting someone, aren't you? A certain crap-excuse-for-an-Auror brother?"

"Patrick's dead, Bella." Eilis said flatly. For she had relinquished all hope of her brother's return. Something inside her had thought that maybe, just maybe, he would show up on the day of the funeral—and when that had failed to happen, she'd pushed the possibility of his being alive from her mind. There was no use giving herself false hope, not now.

Bella's expression turned sour. "Well you've certainly got your share of loyal little friends here, haven't you? It would be such a shame for that smart little mudblood to find herself in a sticky situation. Or that Quidditch Captain of yours to have a nasty flying accident."

Eilis forced her face to remain passive. It was as she had expected—Bella, or more accurately Voldemort_, _would use anyone near her to force her to create that vile concoction for him. It made her even more determined to keep them at a distance. "Haven't you heard, Bella? I'm not a part of that crowd anymore."

"It's true, Bella," Rabastan cut in. "She's not friends with them—she's not friends with anyone, anymore."

Bellatrix's nostrils flared. Eilis stifled a smirk. It seemed the ambush was not turning out the way Bellatrix Black had anticipated.

"If that's all, Bella, may I go now?" Eilis asked sweetly. "I've got to finish a Transfiguration essay, you know how McGonagall gets." Without waiting to hear the answer, Eilis fled, taking their lack of pursuit as confirmation that she'd successfully nullified Bella's bargaining chips against her.

* * *

Sometimes Eilis would cast a Disillusionment charm on herself when she was too tired to walk to the library so that she could sit in a corner of the common room and do her work and not have to worry about anyone bothering her.

It was on one such night that she couldn't help but overhear a conversation coming from a few tables away. She looked over and felt a stab of longing as she gazed over her friends—Remus and Marlene sitting next to each other, Remus playing with Marlene's hair. Peter playing with a fire salamander he'd nicked from his Care of Magical Creatures class. James and Lily sitting close to each other, both utterly, shyly aware of the other's every move.

That was one of the things Eilis was regretting the most—that she wasn't able to speak to Lily about the redhead's growing friendship with James Potter. He sat next to her in every class, always saved her a seat in the Great Hall. He made every excuse to touch her—whether it was sitting close as they were now, their legs brushing each other, or his arm slung casually around her when they sat by the fire with the rest of the group in the evenings, laughing. His adoration was so apparent, and bit by bit it was becoming clear to everyone that Lily Evans's frosty exterior when it came to James Potter was rapidly melting away, and turning into something else entirely. Sirius muttered every day that he didn't know why they didn't just shut up and snog already.

And Sirius—he was at the table, too, fiddling with a thick piece of parchment and looking over her way every so often. She could have sworn he knew she was there, but she was Disillusioned, so how could he?

Anyway, Eilis couldn't help but hear the conversation they were having, which, to her embarrassment and incredible guilt, turned out to be about her.

"—she just needs more time," Remus was saying.

"She's had plenty of time," James replied hotly. "It's been nearly a whole month." Which was true. February had turned into March, and in just a few days time it would be a month since Eilis's parents had been killed.

"I want to know why she isn't speaking to us," James continued. "I don't buy her bullshit Department of Mysteries-whatever excuse."

"James, her parents _died_. You don't just get over something like that and snap back as if nothing happened," Lily said calmly.

"I _know_ that. But—look, even at the funeral she wasn't like this—she talked to us normally and everything. And that was the funeral!"

Eilis tried to concentrate on the twelve inches she was supposed to be writing about Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration, but the words wouldn't stay out of her ears.

Remus shrugged. "I know, Prongs, but obviously she's pretty cut up about it all—"

"And maybe she'd be less cut up if she'd just let us _help _her," Marlene said angrily.

"Which she won't! She doesn't speak to any of us anymore! Not even Lily! Not even Sirius!" James swiveled in his chair to look at Sirius, who hadn't been speaking. "Come on, Pads, has she said more than ten words to you in the last month?"

Eilis looked up at that and over at the table, startled to find Sirius glance again in her direction before looking at James and shaking his head. It was true. She'd expected him to be the first to find her and demand an explanation, but it seemed as though he was trying to give her space.

"And can you honestly say that it doesn't bother you?"

Sirius shrugged. "She'll talk to me—I _hope_ she'll talk to me when she's ready," he muttered, sending another furtive look towards Eilis. He couldn't know she was there?

"Well, it's looking like that isn't going to happen anytime soon," Marlene said.

"Look—let's…confront her, or something," James said. "Have an—an intervention!"

Remus looked at him dubiously. "You want to have an intervention with Eilis?"

"Yeah! Why not?"

"It might just scare her," Lily said thoughtfully. "Or make her angry."

"I don't care, Lils," James said hotly. "Look, I'm going to find her tomorrow. Remus's party is this weekend, I'll tell her that she'd better be there having a good time or we're going to have a long, serious talk about how you're supposed to treat your friends," he said, referencing the party they'd be throwing that weekend for Remus's birthday, which was March 7th.

The others rolled their eyes but agreed, and the conversation moved on to what the party would include.

Back at her own table, Eilis laid her head on her arms and sighed. So much for them allowing her plan to succeed. If only it could turn out the way it did in her head: she'd make herself scarce until summer, where she would spend the entire time learning to be an Unspeakable, and then she wouldn't talk to anyone next year, and then she'd graduate and disappear, and they would all be safe and alive…true, it wasn't a very realistic plan and she'd known it wouldn't turn out as neatly as she wanted, but still, a small part of her had hoped for a gradual, clean break with everyone she endangered.

* * *

As he'd promised the others, the next day James found Eilis walking back from the Herbology greenhouses, slightly covered in soil and with her hair tied up and neatly out of her face, and he confronted her.

"Oi, Cartwright!" She recognized his voice and hesitated, but turned to see him jogging up to where she was walking.

"Hi James," she said as he drew level with her.

"Hey," he said, falling into step beside her. "So look, I'm just going to cut to the chase: I've had it with you—_shunning_ us, or whatever the bloody hell you've been doing." He peered over at her through his glasses.

"You have, have you?" Eilis asked.

"Yes, I—wait—what?" She'd caught him off guard—he must've expected a point-blank denial. He shook his head, one hand reaching up to his hair. "Listen, Eil, I'm not quite sure what you've been trying to accomplish, but it's gone on long enough. Can't you just—just drop the whole sorry-but-due-to-my-grief-I've-turned-into-a-bitch bit?"

"Don't sugarcoat things at all, do you James?" Eilis asked, bristling.

"Should I? Personally I think I've got it pretty spot-on," he replied, as if daring her to start making excuses again.

"Right. Well. I don't think that's going to work for me." She shifted the shoulder strap on her bag, looking forward as she walked.

James stopped. "And why _not?_" He demanded.

Eilis stopped too. "It's none of your business, James," she said crossly.

"Like hell it isn't!"

Eilis rounded on him. "Oh, I'm sorry, James, did I miss the part where your parents were killed by Death Eaters?" Her voice was loud and challenging, and some of the other students walking back to the castle had taken notice. "Because if so then by all means, tell me what you did to retain your sanity! I'm sorry if I haven't reacted in a manner befitting your—your guidelines of _acceptable_ coping-mechanisms."

She was yelling at him now, heedless of the people that had stopped to stare. "Sorry if I haven't much been interested in the daily goings-on of James Potter! I've been a bit preoccupied with myself, thanks. Or did you want to tell me how I should be acting? 'Go on, then, Eilis, put on a smile, laugh at my jokes, pretend everything isn't a giant, fucked-up mess!'" She stopped, breathing heavily, glaring up at James, who had turned red.

"I—er—look, I—" He stammered as he tried to respond.

"Just leave me be, James." Eilis said, sending him a withering look.

A muscle twitched in James's jaw before he frowned and said, "fine."

Eilis turned to go.

"Hold on—"

"_What?" _She seethed.

James seemed to cower under her glare, something she'd only rarely seen him do. "I only wanted to say—it's Moony's birthday Saturday."

"I know," Eilis said.

"Right," he said nervously. "Well. Think about coming to the party. He'd appreciate it."

Eilis bit her lip. "Yeah, maybe," she said, and turned to leave, finally realizing that nearly everyone else in their Herbology class was standing to the side, looking at her in astonishment. She groaned inwardly as she noticed Lily, Marlene, Peter, Sirius, and Remus were all there, their mouths hanging open at her. Cursing under her breath, she fled back to the castle.

* * *

On Saturday night she sat on her bed in her dormitory for hours, the curtains drawn around her, going back and forth over whether to head downstairs to the party in the common room, which had begun around eight. At half ten she finally emerged from her four-poster and quickly checked her appearance in the mirror before going downstairs.

Once there, she ducked through the crowd of students until she found Remus, who was standing and talking with Sirius. They fell silent as she approached, and she instantly regretted her decision to come. But then Remus smiled at her.

"Hey, Eil," he said warmly.

"Hey Remus, Sirius," Eilis said. Sirius looked apprehensive for a moment but then offered her a smile as well, which she returned after a brief moment's hesitation. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, Remus," she went on, wringing her hands nervously.

"Why thank you, Eilis, my day just got loads better." Remus grinned at her. "Fancy a drink? We've got firewhiskey and butterbeer."

"Er—alright. Butterbeer, I guess."

"Righto, one butterbeer. Talk amongst yourselves," he called, heading across the room after winking slyly at Eilis.

"So," Sirius said, scratching his head.

"So," Eilis echoed, feeling completely awkward. What were you supposed to say to the bloke you fancied but had sworn to stay away from? Luckily she didn't have to grasp at phrases because Sirius spoke again.

"So. How have you been, Eilis, really?" Something in his eyes—in his expression—convinced her not to lie.

"I think it's pretty obvious to everyone I've been doing rather poorly," she admitted, shrugging.

"Yeah, a bit," Sirius agreed.

Remus returned then and handed Eilis a bottle of butterbeer.

"Thanks," she said, and he inclined his head.

"So what kind of exciting birthday shenanigans did you get up to?" Eilis wanted to know.

Sirius grinned. "Come on, Eil, Moony doesn't get up to 'shenanigans,' we all know that."

"True," Eilis said, laughing slightly.

"I'm perfectly capable of shenanigans that would blow your socks off, thank you very much, if you heard about them," Remus said loftily.

"So why haven't we seen them, eh?" Sirius asked.

"Because I've been too busy cleaning up after you and Prongs," Remus retorted.

"Fair enough," Sirius acquiesced. Eilis found herself grinning inspite of herself. She _had_ missed them, no matter what she'd told herself. Uh oh. Where was this going, anyway? If she wanted to maintain a distance—for their protection, she told herself—she couldn't have moments of weakness like the one she was caught in the middle of right now. She'd just stay until she'd finished her drink, and then escape back up to the girls' sixth.

So she enjoyed herself, laughing with Remus and Sirius as if everything was normal, and once she'd drained the last drop of her butterbeer, she wished Remus a happy birthday once more and bid the two goodnight. Remus gave her a hug and ambled off to find Marlene, and Sirius stopped her before she left.

"I'm glad you came tonight, Eil," he said, smiling at her.

"Me, too," Eilis said, unable to keep from returning his smile.

He looked at her hopefully. "Any chance things will be back like this from now on?"

Her smile faltered and disappeared, and Sirius's face fell.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed, passing a hand over his face. "Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Eilis." He forced a smile and then left her, and she returned to her dormitory, sinking her face into her pillow in misery.

* * *

The rest of March passed, and eventually, one by one, everyone stopped trying to break Eilis free of the cocoon she'd embedded herself into. Cheerful greetings had turned into a dull "morning, Eilis," or "night, Cartwright," as her friends passed her in the corridors and didn't even pause for a response anymore. She wasn't terribly sure anymore that she'd done the right thing, pushing them all away, no matter what her exchange with Bellatrix earlier that month had told her. She was also terribly lonely.

The final week of March arrived, and with it the Easter holidays. Eilis had been dreading this, for she'd planned to return to her home in Exeter for the first time since her parents had been killed.

She alighted from the Hogwarts Express at Platform 9 and ¾ at the start of the week-long holidays and, after ambling aimlessly around King's Cross for as long as she could justify, she stopped stalling and Apparated into the yard in front of her house (the test had been in mid-March, and she'd passed, along with everyone else save Peter, which surprised no one). A chill ran up her spine as she touched the front door with her wand and muttered the entry password, stepping through into the main hallway of her house once the door had unlocked for her. She lit the lamps with her wand and looked around nervously. No one had been living here for two months.

Her Aunt Perenelle and cousin Persephone were going to come by in a few days and stay until the end of the holidays, helping her to sort through her parents things, but for tonight and then next two days she was alone. She was safe, of course—she wasn't worried about something happening to her, for Dumbledore had fortified the house with extra protective spells once she'd told him of her intention to come here for the break. But it was just so eerie, being here by herself.

She didn't do anything that first night except to crawl into her parents bed and begin to cry the moment she inhaled the smell of them that still lingered over everything in their bedroom.

The next day, Eilis began the slow, tedious, and heartbreaking process of sorting through and packing up her parents' things. As much as it pained her to do so, she had made up her mind to sell the house she had grown up in. Coming here without her mother and father felt like a crime, not to mention that it was here that they had been killed.

She began with the easier items, like kitchenware, and linens. She went through the house with her wand, sending things she would keep and store at Aunt Perry's into one room, and things she would give away or sell into another. After going through all those household items that were practical but held little emotional attachment, she began to sort through her mother's clothes, but she had to abandon that attempt after ten minutes when she found her mother's favorite sweater and wrapped it around herself, bursting into tears.

She made a cup of tea and calmed down, deciding instead to begin sorting through the large assortment of books around the house—spellbooks, cookbooks, muggle books, everything. She ended up deciding to keep all of them. Next Eilis began to sort out the pantry, which needed to be emptied and then cleaned.

She was halfway through scrubbing the shelves—the muggle way, soapy sponge in hand—when she heard a noise at the back door.

Poking her head out the cupboard doors, Eilis strained her ears. Yes, there was definitely something out there. She removed her gloves and stood up, walking silently through the house until she came to the corner around which the back door stood. She peered around the wall, looking through the window in the door to where someone was trying to get in.

The figure moved back, and looking agitated, stumbled back and fell down, leaning against the wall of the house that formed a corner with the back door.

Eilis inched forward and peered through the window, not making any noise. The person—whoever it was—had his head in his arms. She didn't see a wand anywhere and so, against her better judgment, she opened the door a crack with a shaking hand.

"C-can I help you?" She asked nervously.

The man looked up and Eilis's eyes widened, her hand slipping off the doorknob, pushing the door open further.

Eilis stared.

"Patrick?" She whispered.

* * *

A/N: Dun dun dun! Please review :)


	26. Chapter 26: Obliviated & Obliterated

A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

"_C-can I help you?" She asked nervously. _

_The man looked up and Eilis's eyes widened, her hand slipping off the doorknob, pushing the door open further._

_Eilis stared._

"_Patrick?" She whispered._

Her brother was sitting in front of her. Her _brother_. The one she'd accepted as dead. But here he was, alive, and looking remarkably well-kept for someone who had been missing and presumed dead for five months.

For a second they just stared at each other, but then Patrick scrambled to his feet and crossed the distance between them, reaching out a hand to touch her face. His eyes roved over her features, drinking in the sight of her. Eilis drew back instinctively, completely caught off-guard. No, it couldn't be him. This had to be someone's idea of a sick joke. But who would be so cruel?

"It isn't—it couldn't be—" She breathed, taking another step back. "Stop—" She scrambled to think of something, "—what form does your Patronus take?"

"An eagle. Hello, Eilis." Patrick smiled wanly.

Eilis flung herself forward into her brother's arms, holding on to him as tightly as she could. He smelled like Patrick had always smelled. She burst into tears.

After a few minutes Eilis got herself under control and drew back, looking up at her brother. "H-how—what—_where_—?" She hiccupped. "Merlin, Patrick, where have you _been_?"

Patrick grimaced. "There's so much, it's hard to explain—I barely know, myself. Can I—er—come in?"

"Oh!" Eilis exclaimed, stepping back and leading Patrick as he walked into their home, limping slightly. "Of course, I'm sorry, it's just—oh, dear Lord, I can't believe this, I can't believe you're here," she chattered nervously, heading into the kitchen and putting on the kettle. "We thought—I thought—Patrick, I thought you were dead!" At this she rounded on her brother. "Where _were_ you? How could you make me worry like that? I _needed_ you, Patrick, and you weren't here." She glared at him, the initial shock and gratitude giving way to anger.

Patrick shook his head. "It's a confusing tale, Eilis, and I hardly understand parts of it myself. The—well, the long and the short of it is that I've spent the better part of four months living in a tiny muggle village in Yorkshire."

"Just biding your time, were you?" She asked in a biting tone.

Patrick turned slightly red. "No…I—er, well, I…forgotIwasawizard."

"Sorry?" Eilis asked skeptically.

Patrick sighed. "I dunno, Eil! I was Obliviated and I—forgot that I could do magic," he said, embarrassed.

Eilis raised her eyebrows. "You _forgot_ you were a wizard?"

"Yes." He looked sheepish.

"Seriously, Patrick? Here I am, worrying myself sick because you've disappeared without a clue from whatever Auror mission-thing—" Eilis stopped short. "Patrick! We've got to go to the Ministry! You have to tell Moody and Fearghus O'Donnell that you're alive, that you're alright!"

Patrick's eyes widened. "Aw, Merlin, Eil, you're right. Come with me?" He looked around the otherwise empty kitchen. "Where're Mum and Dad?" He asked, peering around expectantly.

Eilis blanched. He didn't know. Oh sweet Jesus, she had to tell him. She gulped.

"Eilis? Where are they?" Patrick asked again.

"I—" How did she tell him something like this? What words did she put together, and how, in order for it to hurt as little as possible? There was no guideline to follow, no how-to on delivering the news that your family was gone.

"Eilis?" Patrick looked at her impatiently.

"They're dead," she said softly.

Patrick's brows rose, shock in his eyes. "Sorry?" He said in disbelief.

"They're dead, Patrick," Eilis repeated, rubbing her eyes.

He shook his head. "_What? _That can't be—they _can't _be—come on, Eil, where are they really? Don't lie to me!" His voice was harsh.

She sighed miserably. "I'm not lying, Patrick. I wish I was, but I'm not. Mum and Dad are dead. They were killed by Death Eaters a month and a half ago."

Patrick was still shaking his head, horrified. He sat heavily down in a chair at their kitchen table. "I don't believe it," he said, his voice hollow.

Eilis sat next to him and gripped his hand. "I know."

"Why?" He asked urgently. "_Why?_"

Eilis swallowed. "Because of me."

"_What?_"

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and opened them again, trying to find her voice. "A…lot has happened, Patrick, since you went missing. Last November I was cornered by three Slytherins, Bellatrix Black and the Lestrange brothers—" She paused and looked at her brother, who nodded that he knew who she was talking about.

"They told me that You-Know-Who wanted me to do something for him—brew this really foul, evil potion…I don't know, it needs to be made by a pureblood, and I guess all his Death Eaters are too dim to brew it…anyway they said that You-Know-Who was holding you captive and would hurt you, or—kill you, if I didn't do what he said. I…said no." She bit her lip and looked at Patrick, whose expression was a mystery.

"Don't get me wrong, Patrick, if I thought for a _second_ I could've helped you—but—I reasoned that you wouldn't have wanted me to give him such a powerful tool. I—I did what I thought you would have done." Patrick nodded, and she continued.

"They didn't like that. Bella Black cast the Cruciatus Curse on me, and then they left me alone for awhile. Then in January during a Quidditch match they Imperiused one of the Beaters on my team to attack me with his bat—"

Patrick was turning white as she spoke on, "and I was hurt pretty bad but I'm fine now, anyway I finally told Dumbledore what was going on, only he wasn't sure what exactly to do about it because with You-Know-Who and how powerful the Blacks and the Lestranges are it was a pretty delicate situation. But he warned them and made sure I was safer at Hogwarts and everything. We never expected…."

Eilis swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat. "Then at the end of January Bella started acting really smug about something, and…then I found out that Mum and Dad had been killed by Death Eaters. And it's all because of me. And oh, Patrick, I'm so, so sorry and I understand if you don't want to ever see me or speak to me again," she whispered, concentrating on the grain in the wooden tabletop, feeling too cowardly to meet her brother's eyes.

Patrick was silent, breathing heavily for what seemed like an eternity. She hazarded a glance at him and couldn't read his expression.

Finally he stood and Eilis opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing but he just came over beside her chair and yanked her arm, forcing her to stand up, and crushed her in a bear hug. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Eil," he said. "You wouldn't expect me to disown the only one I've got left, would you? You didn't do anything wrong. I hope you haven't been blaming yourself, because Voldemort's people—they go to any lengths to get what they want. They take, and they take, and they take, and they don't care who gets hurt and whose lives they ruin." He released her and patted her lightly on the head, sighing wearily. "Come on, we've got to head into the Ministry."

He had an odd, tight expression as Eilis took the kettle off the heat since they were leaving the house, and was silent as the two of them each took a pinch of Floo powder and Flood to the Ministry of Magic.

* * *

Their meeting with Fearghus O'Donnell went more smoothly than Eilis had expected. The tall, commanding Head Auror and Alastor Moody took Patrick into a room as soon as they arrived—probably to determine that it was actually him, Eilis figured—and then reconvened a half hour later in Fearghus's office where Eilis sat waiting.

She listened while Patrick told his story—as much of it as he could remember. The beginning of his tale rang true with what Edgar Bones had recounted several months earlier. Upon his separation from Edgar Bones and Zadie Lyons, Patrick had been dueling with a Death Eater, badly hurt in the leg by some king of severing curse. He was outdueled and the Death Eater began torturing him for information, which he did not give, though he was nearly unconscious.

"I can't remember anything past that point—"

"Then how do you know you didn't give him any information?" Moody growled.

"I just know," Patrick said, looking squarely at Moody. "Anyway I was only in training, it's not as if I had any valuable information in the first place—"

"That doesn't make it alright that you let him break you!"

"I told you, I didn't tell him anything," Patrick said hotly. He turned to Fearghus and continued his story. "After that, the first thing I remember is waking up in strange bed in a strange house in Pickering. A muggle couple, John and Willa, had found me while walking through the North York Moors, and they brought me home with them and nursed me back to health. Muggle healing is a lot less efficient than ours," he said regretfully, frowning down at his right leg, "but they did a pretty good job. And I'd lost my memory, see, so I couldn't even tell them who I was or how I'd gotten there—but they let me stay as long as I needed and after a few weeks I began working in their tavern to pay for my board.

"And that's what I was doing until a few days ago, when a friend from school living in Upper Flagley came through town and stopped in for a pint and asked me what in Merlin's name I was doing there. And after he spoke to me for awhile, it all began to come back, and I said goodbye to John and Willa and came home straightaway."

He finished and the room was silent for a moment until Fearghus spoke.

"Thank you, Cartwright," said the dark-haired man. "I'm sure I speak for all of us here when I say how glad I am that you are returned to us, and in one piece. I know you must be anxious to spend time with your sister and reunite with your relatives, but I must insist that you spend a few nights here so that we might conduct some tests and try to determine what else, if anything, was done to you."

Patrick's face fell, and Eilis opened her mouth to protest. "Please, Sir," she said, "He's only just come back, and—and there's so much to catch up on, and I'm on Easter holiday until Sunday, couldn't he just stay home with me until I go back to school?"

Fearghus frowned, looking at the two siblings.

"Please, Fearghus." Patrick said. "We've just lost our parents. I need to be home right now."

"Very well," the powerful man conceded. "But you must report here immediately upon your sister's return to Hogwarts. I daresay you will be anxious to return to your work?"

"Very much so," Patrick replied.

Fearghus O'Donnell nodded at the two of them, and saw them out of his office. Eilis couldn't help but feel relieved after the meeting with the intimidating man, and was thankful once she and Patrick reached the Atrium of the Ministry. However, that thankful feeling disappeared when a voice called out to her.

"Eilis? Is that you, dear?" Eilis swiveled around to see Remus's mother standing behind her.

"Mrs. Lupin! How are you? This is my brother, Patrick," she said, introducing them. Patrick stepped forward to shake Mrs. Lupin's hand.

"Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm just fine, thank you, dear, in a bit of a rush though—I'm here clearing something up…we had a bit of a mishap involving a muggle and a bottle of Skele-Gro. But I'm sure you heard all about it from Remus." Mrs. Lupin smiled kindly at her.

"Oh—no, actually, Remus hasn't said anything to me," Eilis replied, biting her lip. "But I'll look forward to hearing about it when we're back at Hogwarts."

"Well, you can hear it before then, can't you? At James's party?" Mrs. Lupin was looking at her expectantly, so Eilis put on a smile and nodded.

"Of course. We really must be going too—but it was lovely to see you, Mrs. Lupin, please tell Remus I said hello."

Remus's mother agreed and bid them goodbye, bustling off towards the lifts. Eilis tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach. James's party—of course. Thursday was James's birthday—March 27th. The Potters must be hosting a party for him. She tried not to feel bitterly disappointed at not having been invited—it was her own fault, anyway—but couldn't help it.

"Alright, Eil?" Patrick was standing in front of her, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes—it's nothing. Let's go home."

* * *

Eilis wasn't sure if it was her relief at Patrick's safety, or just her gratitude at finally having someone to speak with (a stark difference from things at school of late) that made the next few days so good. Yes, it was hard for the two of them (especially Patrick, for whom the pain was so raw) to grow accostemed to their parents' absence, but being together made it bearable.

As soon as they returned from the Ministry, Eilis sent off her owl Francisco to Perenelle to inform her of Patrick's return, and she and Persephone arrived that night. By midweek they had owled all of their relatives in Enniskillen, and for the rest of the holidays their home was cheerfully filled with the various family members Eilis had last seen only a month and a half earlier, at the funeral.

The one exception to the warmth Eilis felt surrounding her was on Thursday night, when she sat in front of the fire in the sitting room imagining what must be happening at James's party. She'd sent Francisco off with a note earlier in the afternoon, wishing James a happy birthday. It was a small gesture, but she hoped he'd appreciate it, considering how the two had not been on particularly good terms for the last month.

At dinner on Easter Sunday, the topic turned what would happen next for the Cartwright siblings.

"Eil'll be going back to Hogwarts tomorrow," Patrick was telling their Aunt Aisling.

"Well, we haven't decided anything yet," Eilis cut in.

"Sorry?" Patrick looked at her in confusion.

"I just thought—since you only just came home—maybe I should stay here. With you. For awhile, at least." EIlis tried to make the suggestion sound reasonable, but Patrick was frowning.

"Nonsense," her Grandad said from his place at the head of the table, interrupting. "Eilis, you are going back to school tomorrow morning. Patrick is more than capable of living here on his own, and I won't allow you to compromise your education."

"But—" Eilis tried to speak again, but Patrick talked over her.

"Grandad's right, Eil. You've got to go back. I won't have time to watch out for you, I'll be in and out of the Ministry nonstop for the next few weeks trying to fix things. You're going back to Hogwarts. All of your friends are there, you'll only be bored out of your mind sitting here while I'm at the Auror office. Don't you want things to finally be a bit normal?"

Eilis opened her mouth to argue, but her Nan gave her a stern look. "Fine," she said. "Fine. I'll go." How could she tell them that Hogwarts was the last place she could bear to be right now, that staying at home with Patrick—even if he _was_ incredibly busy—was preferable to having to face her friends? Could she even still call them that?

"Honestly, Eilis, I don't see why you would want to stick around here with this wanker," Conor said, shoving Patrick's shoulder.

"Conor! Language!" Aisling reprimanded her son.

"Sorry, Mum," said Conor, grinning.

"What I think Conor meant to say, Aunt Ash, was he's looking forward to clearing up after dinner so the rest of us can spend some quality family time together," Patrick said cheekily, fielding a slap from Conor aimed for his head.

The rest of the dinner passed pleasantly enough, even though Eilis was not happy with her family making life decisions for her. But she recognized that they were only looking out for her, and that it was her last night with Patrick and the rest of them, so she quickly swallowed her resentment.

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was a flurry of hugs and goodbyes, as Eilis and Patrick left for King's Cross, and the rest of the family lined up by the fireplace to Floo to their respective homes. The trip to the train station went quickly, and all too soon they crossed through the barrier and were standing on the crowded platform.

"Well," Patrick said.

"Mmmm," said Eilis.

"Back to school."

"Unfortunately."

"Aw, come on, Eil, aren't you glad to be back with your friends? Look—there's Lily over there—Oi! Lily Evans!" Eilis cringed but looked where Patrick was pointing, to where Lily was standing, her arm linked with James. Her head turned and she caught sight of Patrick and Eilis. Her eyes grew round and she whispered something to James, squeezing his hand before coming over.

"Patrick, hello!" She was looking at Patrick as if he were a ghost. Eilis felt a little guilty at that, supposing she probably should have owled Lily when she'd found out Patrick was alive. Lily had been so comforting all those months he was missing, never making Eilis speak too much about it but always making sure she knew that Lily was there.

"It's—I—oh, you don't know how good it is to see you!" She gave Patrick such a fierce hug that he stumbled back a step in order to keep from being bowled over.

"Thanks, Lils," Patrick said, grinning. "It's good to see you too." Lily then turned to Eilis and couldn't help but keep beaming at the knowledge that Patrick was alive and right there. She reached her arm out before checking herself, her smile faltering slightly.

"Hey, Eilis," she said, trying to keep the tone light. "How were your holidays?"

"They were—ah—illuminating. Yours?"

"Good, it was so nice to spend some time with my parents…" Lily stopped speaking and her eyes grew round as Eilis bit her lip and Patrick looked away, clenching his jaw. Lily blushed furiously. "Oh no—I'm sorry—I didn't meant to—"

"It's fine, Lily," Eilis said, trying to force a smile. "Really. No worries."

"I—alright," Lily said, her face still a brilliant scarlet color to match her hair as she grasped for a new topic. "Ehm—" She looked around and spotted the others and looked a bit relieved. "Look, I've got to go find Marlene and her family, I've got to return a book to her dad. I'll see you on the train, Eilis. And Patrick—" She smiled up at the elder Cartwright once more. "I'm so glad you're safe. Truly." Patrick nodded, wearing a strange expression, and Lily smiled once more at the pair of them and dashed back to find James.

"Need to find anymore of your friends, then?" Patrick asked Eilis.

"Oh—no," she said quickly. "I'll find them on the train."

Patrick turned to his little sister, looking at her thoughtfully, like he was sizing her up. "Look, Eil…is everything alright with you and your mates? Am I just imagining that things were damn odd with you and Lily just now? She spoke to you like you were barely friends."

"It's nothing," Eilis said. "Don't worry about it, we'll work it out." _Or not._

"Alright," Patrick said, unconvinced, and they heard the train whistle. "Look, Eil, I know things have been hard but just try and have a good time at school, okay? Don't worry about me, Moody's got me doing deskwork until summer, at least." A look of annoyance crossed his features, though Eilis couldn't help but feel intense relief at that small fact.

"I'm going to miss you," she said, throwing her arms around her older brother—her only immediate family left. "Be careful."

"You, too, Eil. I love you, little sis. Knock 'em dead."

"I'll try," Eilis mumbled, stepping away as the train whistle sounded again. The platform was thinning—she could see Mary and Marlene boarding the Hogwarts Express to her left, and Sturgis Podmore with some of his Hufflepuff friends further down the platform. And to her right—a boy with dark hair and grey eyes looking on curiously as she embraced her brother. Sirius turned away when she caught him staring, and Eilis was left with nothing to do but say a final goodbye to Patrick and hurry off to board the train, sitting in the corner of a compartment of fourth-year Ravenclaws.

* * *

Having become very adept at dodging the people she did not want to bump into and remain virtually unnoticed by her classmates, Eilis successfully avoided encountering any of her former crowd once the train reached Hogwarts. She skived off the feast in the Great Hall and instead made a trip alone to the kitchens, anxious to sit and eat alone in a corner, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the house elves. So she was surprised and disappointed to find her spot in the corner already occupied—by Sirius Black. He nodded his head towards the stool beside the one he was already sitting on, and Eilis, seeing no alternative, sat. Sirius handed her a tray of pasties and she took one, biting into it nervously to avoid having to speak.

"I knew you'd be here," Sirius said.

Eilis swallowed her bite of pasty. "Did you?"

"I know you better than you want me to, Eilis," he said, looking into her eyes.

"I suppose that's a fair assessment," she replied, and the ghost of a grin danced across Sirius's face.

"We need to talk," he said seriously.

"That phrase always seems to precede the worst conversations," Eilis commented.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, it's true. And you know it perfectly well."

Eilis didn't say anything, instead taking another bite of her pasty, so Sirius sighed and spoke again. "Was that you brother? On the platform?"

"Yes," Eilis said, nodding. "It was Patrick. He came home in the middle of last week. I'm just—I'm so happy he's alive," she said, letting out a deep breath and breaking into a smile—the first true smile Sirius had seen on her since February. "I thought—" she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. He's fine."

"I'm happy for you," Sirius said, gazing at her. "Really." There was a pause where neither of them spoke. "So—does this mean you'll come back to us?"

Eilis sighed wearily. "I don't know," she said. "I don't—I don't know what to do anymore, about anything. Everything is so messed up and I just…I'm just too tired to fix it." She looked up at Sirius. "I'm sorry, that wasn't an answer. But I honestly just don't have a very firm grasp on my life right now, Sirius."

"Not to be a prat, or anything, but…I mean, we've all noticed that fact, Eil. It's sort of been the case for awhile." He offered her a sympathetic look and Eilis just shrugged. "If you'd just let me—" Sirius spoke again but broke off frustradedly. He ran a hand through his hair. "You know, something in the eulogy you gave at your parents' funeral really stuck out to me, Eilis."

"Oh?" Eilis was surprised by the change of topic. "What?"

Sirius smiled slightly. "Something about how being content is one thing, but only a real fool passing up the chance to be wildly happy." He was gazing at her again in that way that completely unhinged her.

But his words struck her like a lightning bolt. How was it that she hadn't even realized the truth of them until they'd been turned around on her? For hadn't that been what was happening all along? She'd been such a fool all year, denying herself the option of seeing how things went with Sirius because she had been afraid to leave the relative safety of Caradoc. And that had certainly backfired on her.

"I—" She tried to speak and stopped, shaking her head, trying to sort out what she wanted to say. She looked at him sheepishly. "I owe you an enormous apology, Sirius. Because you're absolutely right." She let out a bitter laugh. "That's the saddest part of it all, isn't it? I know that you're right, that what you're saying makes perfect sense to me right now, but later I'm going to think about it more and decide not to listen to you, because I'm too thick and too scared and too fucked up to do anything right, these days."

"So just…don't," Sirius pleaded. "Don't rethink it. Please, Eilis. Everyone misses you so much. _I_ miss you. Can't we just…start over?"

Eilis bit her lip and tried to keep from crying, shaking her head slightly. "I'm only going to ruin everything. I'm only going to get you all hurt."

"But that's a risk we're willing to take, Eilis! Please, you can't do everything yourself." His wide, deep grey eyes were locked on hers, beseeching her.

Eilis set her mouth stubbornly. "No. Please, Sirius, stop asking and just forget about me, alright? You're only making it more difficult."

"Argh!" Sirius stood up angrily and kicked over the stool he had been sitting on, alarming the house elves around them, who scurried to put everything to sorts again. "You think it's that easy to just forget someone?" He glared at Eilis. "Sweet Merlin, why won't you just see reason? You're the most obstinate girl I've ever met! Just—argh! I can't do this anymore!" And with that he turned around and stormed out of the kitchens, leaving Eilis there to ruminate over what a brainless idiot she was and why she couldn't just make things easy for herself. It might have been alright if she had more reasons, so that she felt justified in her refusal to break out from the isolation she'd forced herself into. But she wasn't so sure anymore about anything, much less the wisdom behind her choices, and so she was left to sit, full of doubt and self-loathing.

* * *

A/N: Edited 2/3/11.


	27. Chapter 27: Reconnecting

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

* * *

She should have expected that coming back to Hogwarts after break, everything would change, yet again. But she hadn't allowed herself to believe that it might be for the better. On Tuesday James had caught up with her after Transfiguration, stepping up to walk beside her in the corridor.

"Hey, Eilis," he said, looking a bit awkward.

"Hello, James," Eilis said, smiling slightly at him. "Have a good birthday?"

"I did, thanks. Thanks for your letter—I gotta confess, Cartwright, I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

Eilis's smile fell and she slowed down a bit, taking a deep breath and looking up at James. "Fair enough. I know it's been hard for you to understand why I've—well, shut myself away, I guess is the only way to put it—but you've got to believe me, James, I thought I was doing the right thing."

A wrinkle appeared in James's brow. "You're right—it is hard for me to understand how that could be right, by any stretch of the imagination. But I believe you. And I'm sorry, too, that I was so hard on you. I didn't—I guess I just wasn't really thinking about it from your position."

"Thanks," Eilis said. "It means a lot, your saying that."

"Look, Eil…can't you please just come back to us? Things haven't been the same. I know things have been complete shit for you, but it's been really hard on all of us as well, you not letting us in. You're forcing us to watch as you just waste away, and there's nothing we can do. And Lily's been so upset about it."

Eilis closed her eyes briefly, aching at how much she missed her best friend. She was silent for a moment.

"I—I'll try." Patrick's words were floating in her head, his observations about how at odds their exchange with Lily on the platform had been. She had told him that she would try to work things out, after all. Not to mention her conversation with Sirius the night before.

"You will?" James sounded dubious.

"Yes," Eilis said, more firmly. "I will. I'll try." She bit her lip and tried to smile at James, instead producing some kind of strange lopsided grimace, before turning the next corner to make her way to Arithmancy. There. She'd told James she would try to make things normal again. But it might take awhile.

* * *

The first week back after the Easter holidays became a strange period for Eilis. Obliged to follow up on her promises to James and Patrick, she considerably changed her behavior towards everyone after her conversation with James on Tuesday. She didn't immediately begin to sit with her old friends at meals or in the common room; she'd put too much distance between herself and them for it to be bridged at all quickly. But she began to make small changes. She began to actually respond when greeted in passing—kindly, if a bit reservedly.

It was different with everyone. Remus accepted her sudden, friendly demeanor immediately: he acted as if what had happened had happened, and there was no point dwelling on it or getting angry. Though not as close as they had been, Eilis sensed genuine willingness on Remus's part to forgive her—in fact, he didn't even act as though there was anything to forgive. He was merely glad to see her beginning to return to herself.

Things with James were slightly awkward, but Eilis could tell that they were both trying to smooth over everything that had happened. She could tell that they both regretted the heated exchange they'd had that day after Herbology, and she regretted most that it had been necessary at all. She'd been so _stupid_—how hadn't she been able to see it? But it was in the past now, and there was no changing how irrationally she'd acted. There was only moving forward and attempting to make things right.

Marlene and Mary were quite cold towards Eilis's new attitude. They greeted her civilly, but were always guarded, and Eilis could sense a certain hostility and hurt in their eyes that she reckoned would take awhile to repair.

The hurt was deepest in Lily's eyes, however. The first time Eilis spoke with her after the afternoon on the platform—a simple "Good morning, Lily," and small smile—Lily nearly dropped the books she was carrying in surprise.

"Oh! Eilis! Er—hello," Lily said, readjusting her hold on her stack of library books. She couldn't prevent the astonished expression that glanced across her features. She took in the sight of Eilis before her—the girl still looked quite wan, but the circles under her eyes were not as dark as they had been in the weeks before the holidays. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," Eilis said. "And you? Do you need a hand with any of those? I can help you carry them to Charms if you need."

"Oh, ehm…sure, yes, that would be quite helpful," Lily said, tipping the top half of her stack into Eilis's arms. "I'm well, thanks for asking." They walked through the school in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. There were so many things that they both wanted to say to each other, but Eilis felt too unnerved to go beyond the basic greeting they'd already covered, and in any case, Lily herself must have felt too hurt and was not quite ready for an easy retreat to the way things had been. They made their way eventually to the Charms classroom, where Eilis set Lily's books down at her usual desk, smiled once more at the redhead, and moved to the solitary desk in the back corner she'd been occupying for the last two months.

And then there was Sirius. Eilis was especially nervous at the thought of him since Monday night, when things had gotten rather heated and he'd left quite angry at her—and rightfully so. She didn't work up the nerve to address him until the end of the week, in Potions, when she and Severus were working at the table next to his and James's.

"Er—Sirius?" She ventured, trying to keep the discomfort from her voice. Sirius looked over at her in surprise and raised his eyebrows.

"Could—could we borrow some of your chimaera scales, please?" Eilis couldn't stop herself from biting her lip the way she always did when nervous.

An unreadable expression flitted across Sirius's face, and for a moment she thought he was going to refuse, but then he scanned the top of his work table, selected a vial of glittering orange and red scales, and handed it to her smoothly, without a word.

Eilis added five scales to the draught she and Severus were brewing together, restoppered the vial, and handed it back to Sirius. "Thank you," she breathed, smiling tentatively.

Sirius's mouth twitched. "No problem," he said, and turned back to consult with James, who had been watching the interaction between the two of them with one eyebrow raised, the faintest trace of amusement on his face.

* * *

At Quidditch practice that week, James informed the team that they could look forward to some very strenuous practices for the next few weeks, because at the end of April they had their final match of the year, against Ravenclaw. Things on the team had been a bit strained of late—mostly due to the tension between Eilis, James, and Sirius—but at their first few practices after the Easter holidays, the strain became less and less, and finally they were getting close to flying together the way they had a few months prior.

Despite their loss to Slytherin in January, the Gryffindor team was still in the running for the Quidditch Cup if they could only win against Ravenclaw by a large enough margin. Slytherin had won against Hufflepuff, but not by very much, so depending upon who won the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw game and by how many points, it could really be any team—besides Hufflepuff—who won the Cup.

Eilis had been focusing all her energy in the past weeks on school in hopes of avoiding her friends and improving her chances on attaining the Department of Mysteries internship, but now she realized that she had been neglecting Quidditch and had sorely missed it. Determined to renew the fervor with which she usually played, Eilis outdid herself at practices, making James very happy. Not to mention that between Quidditch and her schoolwork, Eilis was so physically and intellectually drained that she had little time to dwell on the uncomfortable tension that still hung between her and the friends whose trust she was trying to win back. It was slow going, though.

Luckily she had Remus and James, who were both trying their hardest to invite her back into everyone's good graces. On Monday night of the second week back, Eilis returned from Quidditch practice with the rest of the team back to Gryffindow Tower. Once they reached the common room, she tried to split off from the group to go study alone, but James caught her by the arm and nodded towards the armchairs by the fire, where Lily, Marlene, Remus, and Peter all sat working.

"Oh—" said Eilis, looking over and feeling suddenly nervous. She bit her lip. She'd made a promise, hadn't she? She looked back at James. "Let me just grab my books," she said, breaking away and heading up to her dormitory to retrieve her spellbooks, parchment, and quills. They had fifteen inches on the Inanimatus Conjurus spell due in Transfiguration the next day and she still had a third to go. She came down the girls' stair just as James and Sirius were coming down the boys,' earning a grin from James and a slightly furrowed brow from Sirius, and Eilis tried not to feel too uncomfortable as they made their way over to the others.

Lily looked up at them and beamed as James slid into a seat beside her and gave her a sweet smile. She nodded at Sirius as well, and, seeing Eilis, gave her a tentative smile. Eilis sat down beside Remus, who scooted to make room for her. Marlene looked up at Eilis from his other side, slightly annoyed, and just as quickly returned her gaze to her essay. Remus gave Eilis an apologetic shrug as she took out her things and began to work.

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly, and Eilis couldn't help but feel warm inside once she returned to her dormitory. She'd been a part of the group again for the first time since…well, a long time, two months at least, and it seemed that the ache inside her was beginning to lessen, albeit slowly. She'd helped Peter with the structure of his Transfiguration argument, spoken a bit with Lily, and laughed along with the rest of them at the usual banter between the boys. For the first time, she allowed herself to believe that maybe things _could_ go back to the way they'd been, little by little.

The only one who hadn't really shown any kind of reaction to her presence there, she realized with a pang, had been Sirius. There'd been once, when she'd looked up from her parchment, trying to think how to end a particular sentence, when she thought she'd caught Sirius looking at her thoughtfully, but she'd blinked and his head had been down, concentrating on his own essay. But no reaction, she supposed, was better than the accusatory glares Marlene kept sending her.

Eilis retired up to the sixth-year girls' dormitory side by side with Lily, laughing at something the red head was saying about James, and Marlene came in just behind them. Eilis went to her corner and paused, resolving to try and speak to them before they all went to bed. She could hear that Reagan was already asleep, and Mary nowhere to be found, and she drew up her courage and spoke.

"Er—Lily? Marlene?" Lily looked up from where she was sitting on her bed, brushing her long red hair, and Marlene halted in drawing her bed curtains closed. Eilis swallowed nervously. "Look—I just want to tell you both how truly sorry I am for the way I've been acting the past few months." Lily opened her mouth slightly as if to say something but then closed it, waiting for Eilis to continue. Marlene raised an eyebrow skeptically but said nothing.

"Please believe me, it was never my intention to hurt any of you—I thought I was doing the right thing—and it took me much too long to realize how bloody thick I've been. I just—I thought I had a handle on things, and I was wrong." She bit her lip, forcing herself to say the next words. "I understand if you don't feel like you can forgive me. _I_ wouldn't forgive me. If—" she spoke mostly to Marlene, "—if you don't want anything to do with me, I understand."

Lily and Marlene both stood there in silence for a moment, absorbing what she'd said, and then Lily rose and crossed the room to where Eilis stood, taking her hands. "Eil, you don't know how badly I've missed you. How could you think that I wouldn't forgive you?" Tears rose in her eyes and Lily laughed at herself, brushing them away. "See, I've gone all gushy on you. Typical of me!" She threw her arms around Eilis and hugged her tightly, and Eilis found that she, too, was caught somewhere between laughter and tears. It all seemed so foolish suddenly. When Lily finally let her go, Eilis looked back at Marlene, unsure what she would find. Marlene looked seriously conflicted, but she met Eilis's eyes and sighed, shrugging and giving her a small nod before drawing the curtains closed around her four-poster bed. Eilis reasoned that it was as much of a pardon as she would get from Marlene for now, and was happy with it. She looked back at Lily.

"Fancy a bit of a heart-to-heart?" she asked shyly.

Lily grinned. "I was hoping you'd ask that. Oh, Eil, there's so much I've wanted to talk to you about." The two of them sat down together on Lily's bed and drew the curtains around them, casting a silencing charm so that they wouldn't keep the others up while they talked the night away, trying to cover all the ground that the past two months contained. Eilis was especially heartened to hear Lily speak of James—she couldn't keep from smiling when she talked about him. Lily told her how she was certain now that the next time James asked her out, the answer would be a definite yes.

"I don't believe this," Eilis whispered, giggling. "Need I remind you of all the things you've called James Potter over the years? Let's see, there was 'absolute scum of the earth,' and 'filthy pail of grindylow guts,' and my personal favorite, 'arrogant toerag—" she stopped as Lily threw a pillow at her.

"What can I say," Lily sighed happily, blushing. "I was wrong. And let me tell you, Eil…I have never been so glad to have been wrong in my entire life." She looked up slyly. "Want to know a secret?"

"Do I really need to answer that?" Eilis asked.

"Right. Well—" Lily paused and looked down, trying to keep from beaming. "We kissed. On his birthday." Eilis made all the proper best mate reactions and hounded Lily to go on, which she did gleefully. "I went up to him, you know, after we'd all had cake and everything, and asked him to step outside with me so I could give him his present. And then I just—kissed him! Oh, Eil, you should've seen his face, it was priceless!"

"How was it?"

"Oh, it was nice," Lily said, a dreamy look coming over her face as she remembered it, and she laughed. "It took him a moment to respond—I think I gave him a proper shock—but then—" she sighed again, her eyes closed, smiling, before she came back to earth and continued. "Anyway, then I told him 'Happy birthday," and not to get any funny ideas, and slipped back inside and he didn't come back in for another ten minutes, and he had this wicked smile and his ears were red for the rest of the night, it was adorable, I wish you'd been there."

Eilis didn't know how to tell Lily just how much she too wished that.

* * *

In the middle of that week, Eilis was on her way back to Gryffindor Tower when she felt an arm sling around her shoulder, and she looked up to see the familiar face of Regulus Black beside her.

"Reg!" she said happily, smiling at him.

"Remembered I exist, then, have you?" Regulus said, pretending to glower at her before breaking into a grin.

"Sorry, Regulus, I've been meaning to come find you, really, but it's just been so busy—"

"Mmm, I noticed," the Slytherin said. "Considerably more genial these days, aren't you? Back with the old crew, and all." She looked at him to try and find some kind of opinion in his face, but it was devoid of any strong emotion.

"Well, yes…getting there, I guess…I promised Patrick I'd try not to act as thought I'm a walking plague."

Regulus whipped his head toward her. "Patrick?" he asked sharply. "Your brother?"

"Yes, he came back over the holidays," said Eilis. "He's alright, for the most part…"

"Good," said Regulus. "I'm glad he's safe. It would be best, though, if that information didn't become public…there are certain people who you'd probably rather not have knowing that he's alive."

A look of realization dawned over Eilis's face. "Right. I haven't even thought of them. They…well, they haven't bothered me in awhile, Reg…is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Regulus frowned, shrugging. "Not sure," he replied. "They don't talk to me about you anymore…I'm still waiting for them to give me hell about my—er—'conflict of interest.'"

"Oh. Any…news about You-Know-Who?" Eilis asked, her voice low.

Regulus shook his head. "Things have been quiet for awhile. Did get to hear my mum positively drooling over him at Easter lunch, though, so that was fun." He adopted a shrill voice, "My dear Regulus, I hope you're taking steps to ensure your future with the Dark Lord…he's got the right idea…imagine, a world free of those muggle scum! And you could be at the very heart of it, Regulus!" He shuddered.

"She sounds…pleasant…" Eilis said dryly.

"The _most_ pleasant," Regulus replied. He grimaced again. "Anyway, be careful. How're things with the lovely Gryffies?"

"Well," Eilis began, "things are going alright."

"Ahh," said Regulus, sounding not at all interested. "And with my charming brother?"

Eilis faltered. "Things—could be better with Sirius. I haven't really spoken to him since the first night back, which wasn't pretty."

"No?" Regulus down the corridor and smirked, shoving Eilis forward. "Well, he's right there, why don't you go tie up those loose ends?" She tried to protest as they drew nearer, for Sirius was indeed just down the hall and would pass them any moment.

"Regulus!" She whispered fiercely. "What are you doing? Please don't—"

But Regulus paid her outcry no heed and shouted, "Oi! Sirius!" to which the elder Black brother looked up and his gaze fell on the two of them. Eilis wasn't sure what she read in his expression, but it didn't matter, because as they drew level with Sirius, Regulus clapped his brother on the back and shoved Eilis next to him. "Here you are then, big bro, why don't the two of you go find a cozy corner and say all of those unsaid things hanging awkwardly between you. No need to thank me," he said breezily, waving a hand dismissively at the two as he turned and walked off.

Eilis and Sirius watched him go and then turned to each other, both extremely uncomfortable.

"Hello," Eilis said timidly.

Sirius looked her up and down without emotion before saying "Hey," in a toneless voice. She could see that his hand was gripping the strap of the bag slung over his shoulder. She could tell he was making every effort to appear detached, but all of the tension in his body was moving into that one hand and she could see that his knuckles were almost white from how tightly he was gripping the strap.

Eilis bit her lip, wishing she were anywhere but here. Sirius was waiting for her to say something. "So, um—could we maybe talk for a bit?" She held her breath, half-expecting him to shake his head and walk right past her, but he simply shrugged and inclined his head, motioning for her to walk beside him. She couldn't stop wringing her fingers as they walked to the nearest private spot. They were on the second floor, so they headed for the shortcut behind the tapestry that led up towards Gryffindor Tower, and ducked inside.

Sirius rose and stood there, silent, leaning against the wall and waiting for her to speak first. She swallowed, trying to find the right words. She decided to go with the simplest. "I'm sorry, Sirius." It had worked with Lily, so perhaps it would work again. It didn't sound right, though. She said it again, with more feeling. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, as sincerely as she could. Her heart was racing at how close he was.

There was a brief silence. "Is that all you wanted to say?" Sirius asked.

Eilis frowned. "Well—yes," she replied.

Sirius nodded. He still seemed completely unaffected by any of it. "Alright then," he said, and made as if to head back towards the tapestry, but Eilis grabbed his arm, looking at him disconcertedly.

"Isn't there—isn't there anything you want to say to me?" What if there wasn't? What if he had decided that he was finally and truly done with her?

"Is there something I should be saying?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know," Eilis said, confused. "'You're a right selfish bitch' sounds about right to me."

Sirius shrugged again. She was getting quite tired of all the shrugging he was doing these days. "Well I don't think that, so it wouldn't make much sense for me to say, would it?"

"You don't?" She couldn't help blurting out. She blushed. "Sorry…I just—look, Sirius, I've been horrible to you and I deserve all the bad things you're probably thinking about me, so please just say them. I can handle it."

Sirius looked away, down the dark passageway, and let his bookbag fall to the floor before meeting her eyes. "I'm not thinking anything bad, Eilis," he said, sounding tired.

"You're not?" she asked, dubious.

"No."

"Then…what are you thinking?"

Sirius sighed and rubbed a hand above his eyes wearily before speaking. "Quite frankly, Eilis, I'm thinking that I don't know what you want from me, because I've tried and I've tried and I've tried and every time it seems like all I've accomplished is to push you further and further away. And I haven't got anything left. I'm exhausted, Eilis. Care to enlighten me on what you _do_ want? Because I sure as hell can't seem to figure it out."

"Oh," Eilis said.

"Right. So," he said, picking his bag back up, "when _you_ figure it out, let me know." He made as if to leave again.

"Sirius, wait—" she paused, uncertain, and he turned, looking down at her and waiting for her to speak. She thought furiously. What _did_ she want? She wasn't even sure. "I want—I want to start over. Could we do that?" Was it even possible, at this point?

"If that's what you want," he said, his voice not betraying any kind of emotion.

"It is," said Eilis. It was. Would it work?

"Alright, then. That's what we'll do." The corners of his mouth quirked up so briefly that she thought she might have imagined it, and then he pushed through the tapestry, leaving her there. It was a different smile than any he'd ever used on her. It was reserved, guarded. Detached. She stood there in the passageway for a few moments more, her heart thundering, and then slowly made her way back up to Gryffindor Tower. Hopefully Lily would be there. She was in dire need of some consolatory girl talk.

* * *

In the middle of the next week at dinner, Dumbledore rose and waited for the Great Hall to grow silent. "I have an announcement to make, one which will interest the sixth years in particular," he said to the Hall.

Eilis nearly choked on the bit of roll she was eating, earning her a concerned look from Remus. Could it be-?

"You alright?" Remus whispered.

"Shhhhh!" Lily hushed them furiously from next to Eilis, her eyes riveted on the headmaster.

Dumbledore continued, "I am very pleased to reveal that the recipients of our prestigious summer internships at the_ Daily Prophet_, St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and the Department of Mysteries have been decided. For those who are unaware, each year the students in sixth year may choose to apply to any of these programs, and I meet with the faculty and the witches and wizards who hold high offices at each establishment to determine which two applicants to each program are most befitting of the positions. For the _Daily Prophet_ internship, I am happy to say that Kishori Kaur and Lacey Ferguson have been chosen."

There was some applause, and Eilis and Lily exchanged looks. Kishori was a Slytherin girl in their year, very pretty and very cunning—she would make a good journalist. Lacey Ferguson was a Chaser on the Hufflepuff team and one of the most shallow girls in their year. Eilis couldn't imagine how she managed to win such a spot, but supposed she would fit right in with all the horrible gossip columnists like that awful Rita Skeeter.

Dumbledore spoke again as the applause died down. "For the St. Mungo's internship, it is my pleasure to announce that the spots go to Lily Evans—" Eilis heard James give a whoop from down the table "—and Severus Snape."

Eilis turned to Lily in shock. "I didn't know you applied to that one! Congratulations!"

Lily looked awestruck, her jaw dropped. "I didn't think I would get it..."

Beside her, James's proud expression had soured at the news that Snape would be spending the entire summer working alongside Lily.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "As for the spots at the Department of Magical law Enforcement, those have been awarded to Marlene McKinnon and Sturgis Podmore."

Eilis and her friends cheered, and Marlene grinned gleefully. Eilis smiled at her and then turned back to Dumbledore, her stomach in knots. She had worked so hard for this…

"And finally, I am pleased to tell you that for the Department of Mysteries internship, the two recipients are Remus Lupin and Eilis Cartwright."

The Gryffindor table erupted in cheers, and James could be heard yelling "Total domination!" at the top of his lungs. Eilis sat there, stunned. She could hardly believe it. The spot she'd wanted for years—it was hers. She was shaken out of her stupor by a bear hug from Lily and then looked across the table and met Remus's eye, the two of them both grinning like idiots. For the first time in a long while, she had something to look forward to.

* * *

**A/N: Back! Please review!**


	28. Chapter 28: The Quidditch Final

**A/N: I own Eilis, JKR owns the rest.**

* * *

It was the end of April, and the Gryffindor Quidditch team had been doing double training sessions all week at James Potter's behest, much to Eilis's chagrin seeing as finals were only two weeks away. Still, she wanted to win as much as anyone. Saturday morning would mark their final match of the year, against Ravenclaw, and would determine the winner of the Quidditch Cup.

"Alright," James said to the team after they'd finished training on Thursday night. They were standing in a circle in the middle of the pitch, each clutching the brooms they'd just dismounted from. "This is a big game for us, and it decides who'll take the Cup. Now, we've won against Hufflepuff but lost to Slytherin, which hurt our chances some but we've still got a shot. Slytherin's got another win against Hufflepuff, but they lost to Ravenclaw in their last match.

"So Slytherin and Ravenclaw have each got two wins?" Samson Archer, the 3rd year Chaser asked.

"Right, but Slytherin's got more points," James answered. The Slytherin team had slaughtered them in January, when Skip had been bewitched and made to attack Eilis. "If we win against Ravenclaw on Saturday, but not by a large enough margin, Slytherin'll still win the Cup."

"So how much do we need to win by?" Reagan asked.

"I've done the sums, and we need to score at least three hundred points in order to pull ahead of Slytherin."

Skip let out a low whistle. "300? So that's—assuming Eilis catches the snitch, we'd need to score at least—"

"At _least_ fifteen times," James put in as Skip tried to do the math in his head. Reagan groaned.

"It's not going to be easy, because Ravenclaw are very good, but we've got a strong team and I think we can do it. Durden, you need to do your bloody best not to let the quaffle in," he said, addressing the team's Keeper. He turned to the Beaters. "Skip, Sirius, we'll need a lot of distractions from you to draw out the match, so you've got to keep your bats busy. I need you to focus on Fawcett especially," he added, citing Ravenclaw's Seeker, Gerard Fawcett, a slight, speedy fifth year. "Fawcett's good, but he relies too much on his size to help him avoid Bludgers. He tends to have a blind spot directly below him, so if you get the chance to hit any Bludgers up at him, they'll be more likely to hit their mark." Sirius and Skip nodded.

He addressed Reagan and Samson next, his fellow Chasers. "Right, you two…I know the three of us make a fantastic team and I have no doubt that we'll be able to pull this off. Just remember what we do in training every night. Our biggest challence will be endurance more than skill, I expect, because this match needs to last long enough for us to score enough against Ravenclaw. Lucky for us Swinehart is probably their weakest team member. He has a tendency to hover between the middle hoop and the one on his right—our left—so we've got to play that to our advantage. This isn't the game for complicated plays and showy moves, we've got to be swift and efficient." Reagan and Samson were nodding their heads, looking confident.

James turned to Eilis last. "Eilis, I don't care how many times you spot the Snitch, you _mustn't _catch it until we've scored at least fifteen times. Keep an eye on Fawcett, distract him, trail him, lead him around, whatever. Just _don't catch the Snitch until we've scored enough_." Eilis nodded.

"I know it sounds difficult, and I have no doubt it will be difficult—but we're a stellar team and each one of you has the talent to pull this off," James said to them all.

"Aww, stop it Prongs, you're making me blush," Sirius said, grinning. James rolled his eyes.

"No worries, Cap'n, we'll do you proud," Reagan said.

* * *

He sat in a dark corner of his common room, unable to sleep, gazing across the cold stone floor to the remains of a fire smoldering in the grate. Regulus Black was unaccustomed to worrying. He didn't like the way it kept him awake at night. He didn't like the way it made his heart thump in unsteady beats. He didn't like it at all.

It had always been so simple, not caring. Don't care about things, because they can be destroyed. Don't care about what happens, because it can't be helped. Don't care about people, because they can change. They can leave. They can die.

But lately…oh, lately it had become so very difficult not to care, and he was failing miserably. He had been tested before. Years ago, when the rift first sprang up between Sirius and he. Who would have expected it, that two brothers, once so close, could be torn apart by something so simple as a Sorting? But Sirius had become a Gryffindor, and Regulus, at his own turn, a Slytherin, and how could things have ever stayed the same between them after that?

And then, last summer, when Sirius had left home in the middle of the night and never returned. It had been the evening of Narcissa's engagement party. There one minute, gone the next. Regulus had never told anyone, but he knew why Sirius had left on that particular night, what event might have finally pushed him over the edge and away from the family for good. Why he had packed his things and gone, swiftly and silently, leaving nothing behind but a note on Regulus's desk that read '_Why?'_ For hadn't that been the very night when Uncle Cygnus had come to Regulus with a proposition, taken him aside at the party and made him what, at the time, had seemed a glorious opportunity? That was the night that changed the entire course of this year to him, the night when his uncle told him to go see Rodolphus the next morning to learn of a chance for him to—what was the phrase—'open the Dark Lord's eyes to his potential?'

Regulus had strutted around the party for the rest of the night, his chest swelled in pride, but Sirius—Sirius had known somehow, had overheard somehow, and when he met his brother's eyes across the parlor they had been filled with a simmering rage and profound sadness the likes of which he had never suspected his elder brother, his carefree, detached elder brother could feel. And most of all—most of all, disappointment. And resignation. And the next morning, Sirius was gone, and Regulus learned from his cousin Rodolphus of the existence of a slight little Irish witch who was said to be the best at Potions that Hogwarts had seen in a long while, better even than Snape, some said.

That night had changed both him and Sirius, and Regulus had a sick, anxious feeling that it was still just the beginning. That the changing had barely even begun, and that before too long he would be an entirely different person. For that slight little Irish witch, though she certainly hadn't intended it, had already altered his priorities, his actions, his very way of thinking so slowly and subtly that he himself hadn't even realized it at first.

He thought about her, about Eilis Cartwright, about the way her pale, slim hands looked as she chopped up ingredients so precisely and stirred the contents of her cauldron so deliberately. About how she would always use the inside of her wrist to try to push her bright, beautiful hair behind her ear when her hands were covered in armadillo bile or Murtlap oil. About her eyes, her big, round eyes that were the darkest, deepest blue he'd ever seen, the inky blue of the midnight sky, and the way her brow would furrow slightly as she looked down her pale, freckled nose at her work and then how she would suddenly turn those eyes to him, looking up at him through long eyelashes, catching him staring so frequently. She'd give him a little smile whenever that happened, and if she'd realized why he couldn't help but stare, she'd never let on that she knew.

And now, for perhaps the third time in his life, he had that nauseating anxious feeling that he hated so fiercely. The first time, when he was much younger, it had overwhelmed him so much that he'd decided, logically, to distance him self from the source of the problem—which, at eleven, he had believed was his brother. The second time, last summer, he had done the same—tried to forget. And it had been easier then, because he'd done it once already, and because he had something new to focus on: a task.

But this time…this time he didn't think he could go that route. Because that would mean abandoning Eilis. And abandoning her would mean that could never wrap his arms around her again, could never be close enough to inhale her scent, the way she smelled of lavender, and chamomile, and other sweet, soothing things. Could never lets his eyes glide over her, over her hair like burnished gold and the little hollow where her neck met her shoulder and her collarbone jutted out just so, and all along the curves and lines of her body. Could never, alone in his mind, trace those lines and curves with his fingers, trailing them over her white skin, feeling every part of her.

It was agony enough knowing that he would never actually know her that way, agony enough knowing that she would never think of him the way he thought of her. He might have been able to handle it, might have even been able to handle knowing that she thought of someone else that way. But realizing that that 'someone else' was his own brother, even if she hadn't fully realized it herself yet, was more than just agony, and more than he could bear. It was almost enough to make him turn away from both of them forever. But he didn't have the strength of will to ignore her, and however fervently he might wish Sirius out of the picture, he could never truly turn his back on his brother. So what could he do but linger on the peripheries and push them at each other, smiling and nodding and pretending that it wasn't agony to see them together?

"What's wrong, Black, night terrors keeping you awake?" Regulus was jolted out of his reverie at the sound of a cold voice to his side, and he looked over his shoulder to see Rodolphus Lestrange standing in the ornate black doorway that led to the boys' dormitories, his hands casually in the pockets of his grey silk nightrobe.

Regulus shrugged and turned his gaze back to the dying embers. He didn't particularly feel like speaking to Rodolphus just now. Not that he ever really felt like speaking to either of the Lestranges.

Rodolphus, unfazed, sauntered slowly over to stand before Regulus, cutting off his line of vision.

"I asked you a question, Black."

"And I didn't answer it," Regulus answered, meeting Lestrange's eyes. He suddenly felt so tired. "Sorry," he added, rather insincerely.

Rodolphus's eyes narrowed. "Right. Well, there's something I need to speak with you about."

Regulus's heart sank. What did they want from him now? His first task—Eilis—had failed miserably, and they'd left him alone until now. He was lucky enough that neither the Lestranges nor his cousin Bellatrix had seemed to catch on to the fact that he and Eilis had actually become good friends.

"What is it?"

"Well seeing as how you botched the first thing we trusted you with so completely, Bella and I suggested to the Dark Lord that you be given another chance to prove yourself."

"Why?"

"Because you're clever and persuasive, Black, and those are skills that come in handy quite often on our side."

_On our side_. Regulus suppressed a shiver. The Dark Lord's side. What he'd once been willing to take as his own side. But where did his side even lie, these days? At least here, in Slytherin, with the rest of his family, there was more than one person that actually like him. On the other side, there was only Cartwright…and Sirius, he supposed, although he was never quite sure about his brother. But the rest of their friends looked at him with thinly veiled disgust, and what's more, they were all Gryffindors anyway…he didn't belong with them. He motioned for Rodolphus to continue.

* * *

Saturday morning arrived, the sky a mix of sun and clouds. Eilis was glad of the conditions until she looked down from her window in Gryffindor Tower at the grounds below, and far off to the right, the Forbidden Forest, and noticed how strong the winds were. The tops of the trees were whipping back and forth. Heavy winds didn't necessary mean a difficult game, but they made it a little harder to stay on course, especially for Seekers like Eilis, who tended to be lighter.

The Gryffindor team ate breakfast in the Great Hall early. James forced everyone to eat a big breakfast.

"Uggghhh, come on Potter, I've eaten enough!" Reagan groaned, clutching her stomach as James tried to shove a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

"Uh-uh," James said, sounding like a mother trying to feed a baby, as he shook his head at Reagan, who rolled her eyes and took the fork from James.

"Fine," she said, her mouth full, "but I can feed myself, thanks."

Skip was snoring on Jack Durden's shoulder, his elbow in his oatmeal.

"Alright, team, look alive!" Skip started awake at James's voice. Other Hogwarts students were starting to trickle down to the Great Hall for breakfast, and once everyone on the team had finished, James led them outside and down to the Quidditch pitch to change into their robes and prepare for the match. Everyone was determined to beat Ravenclaw, but Eilis reminded herself that the win James was going for would be very difficult indeed, and not to delude herself. That said, she was going to fly her best.

Eilis could hear the stands filling up as they counted down to the start of the game. It felt like the entire school had turned up for this one, which would determine which house took the Cup. Gryffindor had lost it to either Ravenclaw or Slytherin for the past four years—longer than Eilis had even been on the team. Her house hadn't won the Cup since her first year. Would this be the game to change that?

At last it was time for the teams to walk out onto the pitch to the applause of the school. They reached the middle and James shook hands with Ravenclaw's captain, Peter Bones, a tall boy with brown eyes and shiny dark hair. He was a sixth year as well, and Eilis had had a few classes with him over the years. He was nice enough, if a bit reserved in the way that so many Ravenclaws were. Ravenclaws…Eilis grew more determined as she thought how sweet it would be to beat Caradoc's house.

The players mounted their brooms, Madam Hooch's whistle blew, and they were off. Sturgis Podmore was once more providing the commentary.

"The match begins with Gryffindor Chaser Samson Archer in possession of the Quaffle, a good find of Potter's, only a third year but quite good at handling himself on a broomstick. And he passes to Johnson—back to Archer—a nice weave there to avoid a Bludger hit by Ravenclaw Beater Moriarty—he passes to Potter, who's heading for the Ravenclaw goal posts—Swinehart is ready for him, Potter flies to the left—he shoots—Gryffindor scores!"

It was a fortuitous beginning, Eilis, thought—scoring in the first two minutes. She hovered a bit above the rest of the players, keeping one eye on Fawcett and one eye out for the Snitch.

The next twenty minutes were full of action around the pitch. Gryffindor scored three times more before Ravenclaw managed to get the Quaffle past Jack Durden and score for the first time. Eilis found herself flying all over to avoid Bludgers that Moriarty and Wilson kept hitting at her. Across the pitch, Fawcett was beginning to look a bit frustrated at not having sighted the Snitch yet, especially once Gryffindor scored a few more times and the score became 70-20.

She decided to give herself something to do while she waited until she could catch the snitch, and maybe distract Fawcett as well. Eilis flew above the Gryffindor posts for a few minutes until she was sure that Fawcett was looking in her direction to check in on her, and then she took off in a dive straight down through the action and across the pitch.

"And Cartwright's off, wonder if she's spotted anything, and now Fawcett's close behind, trailing her—have they seen the Snitch? They're neck and neck, heading towards the Ravenclaw posts—Fawcett narrowly misses a Bludger hit by Mulroney, he's on Cartwright's heels, she's stretching out her arm—will she catch it—but no, Cartwright's pulled up suddenly, it seems she's lost sight of the Snitch again. And Ravenclaw are in possession, Strongbow passes to Trawlins, then to Bones—back to Strongbow—nice swerve there—back to Trawlins—she shoots—and Durden saves it spectacularly, that was a nice move…"

Eilis grinned over at Gerard Fawcett, who scowled at her and flew off in the other direction. She was getting antsy and wanted to seek out the Snitch in earnest, but Gryffindor were still seven goals away from James's total of fifteen, and things were getting messier. Ravenclaw scored and it was 80-40. Reagan had a bloody nose from where she'd tried to get past Swinehart to score and he'd checked her rather brutally. Eilis had been hit by a couple of Bludgers, luckily not too seriously, though her arm was sore where she'd been hit hardest. She looked around the stands and found the Gryffindor section, where she saw that Lily and Remus had made posters with everyone's faces.

"Trawlins is hit in the side of the head by a Bludger from Black, she's looking a bit dazed, wonder if she'll be able to finish the match. And Gryffindor are in possession—some bloody good flying today by James Potter who's done a great job with the Gryffindor team this year. He passes to Archer, who puts one through the right hoop easily, would've thought Swinehart could've saved that one, guess not. Ravenclaw have the Quaffle again…"

90-40. Eilis wished things would hurry up. They'd been playing for nearly an hour already, longer than a lot of Quidditch games lasted…she wished there was something else she could do while she waited until she could really try for the Snitch. Podmore's voice jerked her attention back to the game when she heard, "But there's Fawcett, off like a shot, headed across the pitch towards the Hufflepuff side of the stands…Does he see something?" She jerked her Comet One-Eighty in the direction Fawcett was flying—he had a good amount of distance on her, but her broom was better, all he drove was an old Cleansweep Three that didn't give a lot of speed. She looked wildly ahead to see where he was headed, and there! She saw the snitch, fluttering a few hundred meters ahead of her, just next to the stands—she tried to draw level with Fawcett, urging her broom on, but he was going to get there first…she was level with the tail of his broom…his ankles…his back—she wasn't going to pull ahead in time! Out of desperation, Eilis launched herself and her broom to the right, slamming into Fawcett and throwing them both off course.

Fawcett rolled over in the air and started cursing at her as soon as he'd righted himself. Podmore was speaking in the background, "…Cartwright flies right into Fawcett, looks like that was on purpose, and now they've both lost sight of the Snitch…funny, she's not usually one to pull those tricks…and Strongbow's got the Quaffle now, Ravenclaw are trying to gain back some of the points Gryffindor has gained over them, she avoids Mulroney's Bludger and drops the ball only to have it snatched up by Trawlins who was just below her, clever move, that, and Trawlins manages to get it past Durden, Ravenclaw scores! Guess that Bludger to the head didn't do too much harm. 110-60 Gryffindor, but it's still anyone's game until Cartwright or Fawcett catches that Snitch…"

Only four more goals…Eilis was getting anxious, she had never been this idle duing a game before. Three times already she'd spotted the Snitch and had needed to force herself to stop going after it and fly in the other direction, keeping a close watch on Fawcett to be sure he didn't see it too. She could also tell that her nose was getting a little pink from the sun that popped out from behind the clouds every few minutes. The strong winds from this morning had died down a little, but they were still strong enough to ruin a couple of shots by blowing the Quaffle a tad to far to the left or right when a few players had tried to score.

Ravenclaw scored a few more times and the game was balancing out a bit, they were only leading by thirty points now…Gryffindor still needed two more goals, it was 130 to 100. Eilis flew low, over by James.

"Alright Cartwright?" He called.

"Yeah," she called back. "Hurry up and score a few more times though, would you?"

"Trying," James called as he flew away to catch a pass from Reagan. Eilis flew back to the part of the pitch where Fawcett was hovering.

"Quit stalling, Cartwright," he yelled over to her. "We each could've gotten the snitch a half dozen times by now, why do keep putting it off?" She ignored him. Samson scored and the Gryffindor stands erupted, but it was shortly followed by a goal to Ravenclaw when Bones managed to make it past Jack Durden. Reagan was hit by a Bludger from Wilson in the arm she usually favored, and from the way it looked like she was holding it now to Eilis, some bone had cracked or sprained, and she was holding the Quaffle very awkwardly as she flew towards the Ravenclaw posts. It was up to James and Samson…all they needed was one more goal…WHAM!

While she had been watching, Eilis stayed still in one place too long, and the next thing she knew the back of her head hurt like crazy and she was seeing stars. She tried to blink back the grey fuzziness that was creeping in from the edges of her vision, dimly making out that Fawcett, above whom she'd been hovering, had taken off across the field towards the Gryffindor goal posts. She flew after him, her head throbbing so painfully that she could barely concentrate on Fawcett's curly red head, just in front of her, not to mention the fuzziness that was clouding more of her vision now…she blinked and tried to shake her head and moaned, that had made it hurt so much more—Fawcett was in front of her, still flying straight ahead, and she glimpsed something gold hovering by the ground near the Gryffindor posts.

She was drawing level with Fawcett, but she could barely keep her eyes open, and her ears had gone all strange, she knew Skip was yelling but she couldn't make out any of the words he was saying, and a faint ringing seemed to be coming from somewhere to her right. She and Fawcett were neck and neck, swerving down towards the ground by the posts, her head hurt so badly—she reached out her arm, making her fingers go as far as they possibly could—where was it, that flash of gold? Just there—she strained, Fawcett was just behind her, the ground was rushing up to meet them—she drew close enough to make out the Snitch, its silver wings fluttering, and she kept reaching—nearly there—and then the grey fuzziness swept over her vision, and she couldn't hear anything but the ringing, and she thought she felt something hit her hand but she couldn't see and then everything went black.

Eilis woke up several minutes later to a crowd of people surrounding her. She was on her back, on the ground, and something was in her hand…she blinked a few times and knew that someone was trying to talk to her, but the voice sounded so very far away. She closed her eyes again because the light hurt too much and waited until she could make out actual words.

"Eilis? Eilis! Come on, open your eyes…"

Eilis groaned as she blinked again and light flooded through her eyes, aggravating the pounding that was already present in her skull. She lifted up a hand to shield her eyes and something hard and round hit her forehead…the Snitch? She'd caught the Snitch? She looked at it in confusion until someone gently pried it out of her fingers. She looked around. James was kneeling right by her head, and Lily right next to him. Sirius was on her other side, the Snitch struggling against his grip, and she could make out the rest of the team huddled around them. Madam Hooch stood over her, a towering figure in her Refereeing robes, her hawk's glare trained on Eilis.

"Miss Cartwright, are you alright?"

Eilis tried to clear her throat but couldn't quite speak, so she just nodded. "Very well," Hooch said. "Your Captain will escort you to the Hospital Wing. Mr. Potter?" Eilis saw James nod and some of the crowd of figures around her cleared as Madam Hooch stepped away. Lily helped her sit up.

"_Aguamenti_," she heard someone murmur, and Sirius passed her a cup of water, which she drank gratefully as she remembered what had happened, and her heart sank. She'd caught the Snitch, and Gryffindor had won…but they hadn't scored that last goal. Does that mean they were tied with Slytherin for points? If so, who would win the Cup? She couldn't remember there ever being a tie for the Quidditch Cup before. She'd let her team down, she realized, sighing heavily. Her head still throbbed. James and Sirius helped her to her feet, and she didn't let go of Sirius's hand. She didn't even have to pretend that she needed his help to stay upright, as a wave of dizziness hit her as soon as she stood and she swayed, stumbling against him while he put an arm around her to steady her. She had barely looked up from the ground this whole time, afraid to look her team in the eyes…her team that she'd failed in their final game. Resolutely, she raised her head and looked around, surprised to find…were they _grinning?_ They must just be relieved that she wasn't dead, or something.

"I'm sorry," she said to all of them, before she turned to James, still leaning into Sirius to stay upright. "James, I'm sorry, I've lost us the Cup," she said quietly.

But James's grin only grew wider. "Lost us the Cup? Eil, don't you remember?"

"Remember what?" Eilis asked, feeling stupid.

"Reagan scored as you and Fawcett were diving for the Snitch!" Samson piped up. Eilis looked over at Reagan, who was holding a bag of ice to her elbow but grinning wildly.

"But—your arm?"

"Think a bit of broken bone can stop me, Eil?" Reagan asked, laughing, blood all down her mouth and chin from where Swinehart had given her a bloody nose. "Nah mate, we've won. Excellent catch by the way. We've got the Cup!"

Eilis looked around at the team…she had been losing consciousness as she'd sped towards the Snitch…she must not have heard what was happening elsewhere on the pitch. Her gaze fell on Sirius's dancing grey eyes. "Really?" she asked.

He smiled wide. "Really," he said.

"Oh." Eilis said, smiling. "Alright then."

"Yep. All sunshine and laughter," Reagan said. "Now if you don't mind I'd appreciate if we all made our way inside so Madam Pomfrey can mend my arm and keep Cartwright from toppling over again," she said, ushering them along with her good arm. She caught Eilis's eye. "You look like you could use a strong drink."

"Sounds good to me," Eilis said, and the team headed up to the castle happily.

* * *

An hour later, Reagan and Eilis headed to the Gryffindor common room from the Hospital Wing. Pomfrey had mended Reagan's arm in a matter of minutes, and given Eilis a Restorative Draught, and made them both sit where she could see them for a half hour until she let them go find the rest of their team, who had left them just after they'd arrived to shower and, according to James, get some supplies for the killer party that was sure to happen in Gryffindor Tower that evening. The best had been Sirius, who hadn't left her side the entire way up to the Hospital Wing, and who, when he left, had given her a wink and a promise that they'd have a fantastic evening. She grinned at remembering it, and couldn't help but believe what he'd said. It felt like things were finally reaching some kind of normality with him again, and that made her heart soar.

"I can't believe we've won the Cup!" Reagan was still saying, practically skipping as they climbed the stairs, jumping over the trick step in the middle of the fifth staircase.

"I know," Eilis said. "I'm just happy we beat Caradoc's house," she confided to Reagan, grinning.

"Dearborn? Yeah, he turned out to be a right prat, didn't he? Well, now he's got to live with the fact that his ex brought his house to shame in the Quidditch final, eh?"

Eilis just smiled. They reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Password?" She asked.

"Er—Ish Kabibble," Eilis said. The painting didn't move.

"Did the password change?" She asked Reagan.

Reagan shrugged. "Must have."

They looked around the corridor, trying to spot any other approaching Gryffindors, but there were none in sight.

"What do you want to do?" Reagan asked Eilis. Eilis had been shut out of the Gryffindor common room before. It was never very much fun. Especially when you had just won the Quidditch Cup and wanted to celebrate with your house.

"Dunno," Eilis said. "We could wait a bit…or we could go find something else?"

Just then Reagan's stomach gave a large growl, and she grinned. "I'm thinking the kitchens sound good right about now."

They walked back down the staircases they had just come up, and were just walking across the Entrance Hall to the stairs that led down to the kitchens when one of the castle doors was heaved open.

A tiny Hufflepuff girl ran in, she couldn't have been more than a first or second year, and she was trembling from head to toe.

"P-p-please," she stammered at Eilis and Reagan, who had stopped in their tracks. "They put S-Susie in the l-lake…we got her out…she's not b-breathing!" The little girl started crying.

"What? Who put her in the lake?" Eilis turned to Reagan. "Go get help," she said quickly. "McGonagall, Flitwick, whatever professor you find first. I'll go with her and see if there's anything I can do." Reagan nodded and hurried off in the direction of McGonagall's office.

Eilis turned back to the little girl. "It's okay," she said. "It'll be okay. Tell me what happened." She took the girl's hand and hurried with her outside onto the grounds and towards the Black Lake.

"We w-went down to the lake after the game," the Hufflepuff girl said, her face red and splotchy. "We weren't d-doing anything wr-wrong," she hiccupped as they raced toward the water. "Th-they told us that we weren't s-supposed to b-be outside. I didn't know!" she wailed. "And then Susie was in the l-lake, and they k-kept her underwater with a sp-spell—"

"What?" Eilis asked. "Who? Who did that?"

"I don't know who they were," the girl cried, clinging to Eilis's hand as the older girl ran down to the water. There was a small group of students in a circle at the edge of the lake. "Some Slytherins, I don't know…" Eilis felt her heart sink as she realized who the students were. How had she possibly fallen for this? She thought about halting and running straight back up to the castle—but they had seen her by now, and plus she couldn't just leave the poor girl they'd forced in the lake. She looked down at the little Hufflepuff next to her as their pace slowed, and was alarmed to find a curiously smug, evil little grin on the girl's features. Eilis drew her hand away quickly. They had reached the shore, and the students waiting there were indeed her least favorite people. Bellatrix Black and the two hulking, skulking Lestrange brothers. There was a little blonde girl in Ravenclaw robes lying on the ground next to them, soaking wet and unconscious, but they weren't paying any attention to her. Instead the were all smiling cruelly at Eilis. Bella laughed wickedly.

"Excellently done, Druella, please give Snape our thanks for his assistance," Bella said, smiling at the little girl in Hufflepuff robes by Eilis's side. Eilis swiveled around.

"Druella?" She asked in disbelief. "Druella _Mortimer?_" She'd always hated that tall, blonde, sneering Slytherin girl who cared entirely too much about blood purity. She must have taken some Polyjuice Potion. Polyjuice Potion that _Severus_ had brewed…Druella, in the body of the little girl, just smirked at her. She'd always been horrid, but Eilis had never noticed her hanging around with the likes of Bellatrix Black.

Eilis walked over and knelt by the unconscious girl on the ground, feeling her neck for a pulse, which was faint but there. She took out her wand and murmured a spell she'd learned in Charms when they'd done a unit on First Aid magic, designed to expel water from a person's lungs. The purple spell shot out of the end of her wand and into the girl's body, which was still for a moment before she began coughing violently, water spewing out of her mouth. Eilis smoothed back her hair and held her hand as the coughing subsided, and looked up grimly at the Slytherins, who were watching her with amused faces.

* * *

Reagan raced up the stairs towards McGonagall's office and pounded on the door. "Professor? Please, Professor, someone's in trouble!" She called as she knocked. There was no answer. She tried the handle, but it was locked, of course. Reagan cursed and ran back down the corridor, intending to find another professor. She rounded a corner and top speed and ran straight into someone headfirst, and the impact knocked her off her feet.

"Bloody hell!" she cried. There was something white coating her whole front. Reagan swiped her pinky at it and put the finger in her mouth, realizing she was covered in pastry cream.

"Erm—sorry, Reagan," came James's muffled voice from where he sat dazedly on the ground, covered in cream as well that seemed to have erupted from a large paper bag of pastries he'd been carrying, clearly on his way back from the kitchens. He looked at her sheepishly. To the side, Peter and Sirius were howling with laughter.

"Never mind, never mind," Reagan snapped, hurrying to her feet. "You've got to help me find McGonagall or someone, Eil and I were in Entrance Hall when a little first year ran in and told us something had happened to her friend down at the lake, they need help—"

Peter and Sirius stopped laughing at Reagan's look of worry. "Where's Eilis?" Sirius asked.

"She went outside with the girl while I went for help," Reagan said, "only McGonagall isn't in her office and I was just heading to the staff room to find someone."

"You let her go alone?" Sirius asked, glaring at Reagan.

"Umm…seeing as there were only two of us, yes. She's a big girl, Black. Anyway, come on, hurry up."

"Right," said James, standing up and pointing his wand at first Reagan then himself. The pastry cream disappeared. "Wormtail, the map please?" He held out his hand. Peter Pettigrew rummaged around in his pockets for a minute before drawing out thick, blank piece of parchment and handing it to James.

"…how is this going to help?" Reagan asked, growing frustrated. Didn't they understand the meaning of 'hurry?'

The all ignored her. James tapped his wand to the parchment and muttered something she couldn't make out, and all of a sudden lines began to trace out from where the point of his wand touched the parchment, lines that snaked across the page and criss-crossed, turning into what looked to Reagan suspiciously like what a map of Hogwarts might look like. "Impressive," she muttered reluctantly, raising her eyebrows.

James's eyes scanned the paper. "McGonagall is in the staff room on the fourth floor, so're most of the other professors…Eilis…" he searched the parchment.

"She went outside," Reagan said, trying to help.

"Right…the lake…there she is, right next to the lake…" his eyebrows drew together in consternation. "Er…Padfoot, she's with your cousin…"

"What?" came Sirius's voice, sharp, as he moved closer and looked over James's shoulder, who continued speaking.

"…and the Lestranges…and Dru Mortimer…and someone else I don't know." He lowered the arm holding the map and looked Sirius in the eye. "Pads, do you know what this might be about?"

Sirius nodded unhappily, looking severely worried. "We've got to go help her. This is a trap, I'm sure of it." He turned to the others. "Reagan, go with Wormtail and get McGonagall and anyone else you can find—even Dumbledore, tell McGonagall it's urgent and that Eilis Cartwright is in trouble with Bella Black down by the lake." Reagan nodded as James and Sirius turned and sprinted down the corridor in the direction of the staircases. She looked at Pettigrew, who looked just as confused as she felt.

"Come on then, Pete," she said, crossing the hall to a tapestry that led to the fourth floor.

* * *

"I've missed our chats, Cartwright," Bellatrix was saying in her sickly sweet voice. The Slytherins had surrounded Eilis, standing in a circle around the place where she knelt beside the recovering Ravenclaw girl. "Haven't you?"

"Can't say I have, Bella," Eilis said quietly. She tried to look calm but inside her thoughts were racing. She couldn't take them all on—Bella and Rodolphus were too good at dueling. She could try and make a break for it, but she didn't want to leave the Ravenclaw girl alone with them, and plus she doubted she'd make it far anyway. If she could get to the Quidditch pitch, she could unlock her broom…but that was pretty far. There was nothing to do at the moment but try to figure out what they wanted.

"That's a shame," Bella said. "Because we'll be having lots of fun—_chats _—in the the near future." She looked at Rabastan, who took a step towards Eilis.

She rose and gripped her wand, pointing it at him. "What do you want?" she asked, as fiercely as she could.

"Same thing we've wanted all year, blood traitor," Rodolphus drawled. "A little cooperation from you so we can get this job done. The Dark Lord hasn't been pleased with us because of _you_," he growled, and ropes flew out of his wand to bind around Eilis, squeezing her arms to her sides and knocking her wand out of her hand. She stumbled back but stayed standing.

"I'm never going to make your stupid fucking potion for you," Eilis spat at him, glaring up defiantly.

Rodolphus rolled his eyes. "That's what you think." He gripped Eilis's arm.

"Don't touch me!"

His grip only dug into her arm more. "I don't think you're in any position to be making demands, here, Cartwright. And I have a feeling 'never' is going to come a hell of a lot sooner than you think." Without another word he pushed her forward, making her walk in front of him. Eilis tried to dig her heels in and fell because he was still pushing her. She was going to make it as difficult as possible for them to do whatever they meant to do to her.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled, preparing to scream before Bella flicked her wand lazily and a gag shot into her mouth and wrapped itself around the back of her head, tying in a knot. Eilis choked on the fabric. Rabastan hoisted her back onto her feet so she made herself dead weight and he staggered for a moment trying to hold her up before Rodolphus said "Enough!" in a sharp voice.

"_Mobilicorpus_," he muttered, and Eilis felt herself levitated into the air. She'd seen the spell cast on people before, but never on someone conscious, and she felt very top-heavy and unstable, bobbing a little bit above the others heads, floating out of her own control. Rabastan picked up three broomsticks that she hadn't noticed before that had been leaning against a beech tree, and tossed one to both Rodolphus and Bellatrix. Eilis groaned against her gag as she realized that, even if she did have enough control of her body to get away from them, she'd probably be up in the air and doing so would likely mean falling to her death.

The three of them headed swiftly, broomsticks in hand, towards the Forbidden Forest, Eilis bobbing alongside them, directed by Rodolphus's wand. They had just reached the shadow of the trees when a shout sounded behind them. Eilis turned her head as far as she could to see two figures down by the lake shore where they had been moments before, pointing at them. A quick, bright hope flared in her chest.

Rodolphus quickly waved his wand and Eilis fell to the ground, no longer being levitated. Bella and Rabastan leapt onto their brooms. "The suckers are too late," Bella cackled as she and Rabastan took off up and into the treetops. Rodolphus dragged Eilis off the ground and onto his broom before he mounted it behind her. The feeling of him behind her, so close, made her sick, especially when he slid his arms around her and gripped her against him, kicking off from the ground. Eilis could hear cries of "_Stupefy!"_ and "_Impedimenta!"_ from behind them but nothing hit either of them as Rodolphus rocketed the broom up and over the tops of the trees into the Forbidden Forest, trailing Bellatrix and Rabastan. Eilis squirmed against Rodolphus, trying to make it difficult for him to fly, though she knew that was probably not a wise choice. He cursed at her and hit her on the side of the head with his wrist, but not before she'd slammed her head back into his chin and swiveled around to get one last look at the two retreating figures running towards the forest, whom she could now tell were James and Sirius…

"You little fucking whore," Rodolphus said after he hit her. "You've just ensured a particularly fun journey for yourself, Cartwright," he spoke in her ear, his voice making her skin crawl with disgust, as he reached around and groped the front of her. She squirmed against him again, pushing back as hard as she could, until she heard him mutter "_Stupefy" _and she slumped against him, conscious no longer.

* * *

**A/N: **I know a month is kind of long, but hey, it's better than 6 months, eh? I made this chapter extra long in any case, to make up for it. There's only going to be about one or two more chapters of this story, I expect...I'm sorry the last bits have taken so long but I've had terrible writer's block lately (aka the past year) when it comes to this story and things are only now falling into place. This story will carry them through the end of this year, and if I write a sequel, it will be about their seventh year and beyond. Please review, and let me know if you'd be interested in reading a sequel and finding out everything that happens to Eilis and the Marauders and Lily during the first Wizarding War! Much love.


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